


Don't You Hear Me Calling You

by BohemianGryffindor06



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Early Queen (Band), Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Heartache, M/M, Male Slash, Slow Burn, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 111,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BohemianGryffindor06/pseuds/BohemianGryffindor06
Summary: “We’ve just been talking about you.” Brian said cheerfully. “You’re early, John.”Queen are just starting out. But then Tim left the band. And they're yet to find a decent enough bassist willing to stick around. Until in walks John Deacon...This is a bit of a slow-burner, but I hope you'll give it a chance!
Relationships: John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Comments: 315
Kudos: 190
Collections: Queen and BoRhap Writer's Den Server Challenge





	1. And So It Begins...

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my second fanfiction! Give it a read and let me know what you think, as I'm still learning about the fandom and want to do it justice. I’d also appreciate any tips or advice too, particularly any constructive criticism anyone has to give! Anyway, I hope you enjoy and that everyone has a good Christmas! <3

The crowd’s thunderous applause blurred into the background once the band finished taking their bows and quickly headed off-stage to let the next band set-up.

Roger raised an arm and wiped the sweat from his forehead as he followed Brian and Tim into their makeshift dressing room. It was just big enough to fit everyone’s belongings.

“That seemed to go well,” Brian said as he quickly pulled off his trousers.

“I think so.” Roger agreed as he lifted his shirt over his head.

They changed out of their clothes, all of them wanting to head back into the pub.

Tim remained by the side, watching Roger and Brian discussing their performance as they finished dressing. He cleared his throat after he pulled his jumper over his head.

“Whilst we’re all together, I wanted to have a word.”

Roger and Brian both looked at Tim expectantly.

“That sounds ominous.” Brian said lightly, trying to rid the room of its sudden tension.

“What about?”

“Well, you know that I—”

A knock at the door interrupted whatever Tim was about to say. Brian gave him an uncertain smile as he went to open the door. “That’ll just be Freddie. He did mention he was going to stop by to tell us what he thought.”

Tim dropped his gaze as he reached for his backpack.

Roger went to sit in the armchair by the side of the room and watched Freddie appear in the doorway. He gave a quick look around the room.

“Mary said you’d be back here. Thought I’d pop my head round and see how you were all feeling.”

“Yeah, we’re alright, I think.” Brian said with a smile.

Roger grabbed a cigarette from his jacket pocket and lit it up. He looked at Freddie expectantly. “Well, what did you think?”

“Yeah. You was okay.”

Brian’s smile disappeared quickly. “Just okay?”

Freddie leaned against the doorframe, looking as if he was debating his next words. “You’re always good. And I liked the way you interacted with the crowd more tonight. That guitar solo on the last one was better too.”

“What about me?”

He turned his head to look at Roger.

“You already know you’re popular. Especially with the women. I thought there might have been a few fainters when you gave that wink during _Doin’ All Right_. You always exude a kind of raw energy on those drums. And the audience certainly seemed entertained by your performance.”

“Cheers, Fred.” Roger smiled, accepting the compliment.

Tim folded his arms across his chest, watching Freddie closely. “But?”

“But you should be branching out further. Do more gigs outside of London. It’ll give you a better chance of being spotted. I think it would be worth bringing Roger in on more vocals too, given his popularity.”

Brian nodded, eyebrows furrowed as he listened to Freddie’s advice carefully. “Okay. Anything else?”

“Yes,” Freddie said, giving Brian a smile at the way he tensed. “You need to start believing in yourselves a little more. You’re all so fucking talented. Keep doing what you’re doing, keep talking to the crowds in between the songs, flirt a little even, like how Roger does. Make them feel like they’re part of the performance. They’ll be eating out of your hand.”

Brian and Roger both nodded, and Tim sighed as he stuffed the clothes he’d worn on-stage into his backpack.

“It’s great that you take such an interest in us, Freddie. And we appreciate the advice. But with all due respect, we have been doing this for three years. I think we have some idea about what we’re doing.”

“I agree,” Freddie said carefully. “But Brian asked for my advice, and I’m giving it. It’s up to you if you want to accept it or not. You’re all much better than you were a year ago, and I like to think that’s partly thanks to me.”

“Well the crowds definitely seem to be getting bigger. All we need is for the right person to be watching.”

Roger nodded in agreement with Brian, as he moved to put out his cigarette. “We should make more time to gig further afield too. Even if it’s just at the weekends, it’ll do us good to get our names out there as Fred said.”

Tim cleared his throat as he slung his backpack over his shoulder, deciding to pick his moment.

“Yeah well about that. I’m thinking of branching out anyway.”

Brian’s eyes widened. “You’re going solo?”

“Not exactly,” Tim said quietly, moving from one foot to the other under their gazes. “I’ve managed to get an audition with that band I was telling you about. At a record company.”

Roger scoffed as he sat forwards in his chair. “Hang on. You’re leaving us for _Humpy Bong_?”

“Look, it’s nothing personal,” Tim said quickly.

“Sure it’s not!”

“They reckon we’ve got a good shot. He liked the style of music that we brought to the table.”

“This is bollocks!” Roger exclaimed.

Brian shook his head slowly, trying to take the news in. “I get that you want to give things a go with them. But Tim, we’re in a really good place. You can’t just up and leave—”

“Why not?” Tim asked with a shrug. “Don’t you think we owe it to ourselves to be honest? _Smile_ was never going to go anywhere big. Not in the long run. It was all just a bit of fun.”

Tim realised too late that he should have chosen his words more carefully.

“To you it might have been, but this band actually means something to us!” Roger said as he stood up and marched forwards unexpectedly. Brian quickly stood between them. “And now you’re just going to walk out, betray us by going with that shitty band of yours?”

“If you want to see it as a betrayal Roger, then so be it.” Tim sighed wearily as he picked up his guitar case and moved around Brian and Roger carefully. “But I’ve got to do what’s best for me. I’m sure you can understand that. And Humpy Bong is going places.”

“So we can’t say anything to change your mind?” Freddie asked, watching Tim hesitate by the door. He already felt as if he had his answer.

“No. I’m sorry, Freddie. No hard feelings though, yeah?” Tim said, offering an apologetic smile. Then he turned to look at Brian and Roger. “You might not believe me, but I do wish you both luck. Who knows, maybe this could be the best thing I did. Quitting the band.”

“For us it might be, you self-centred prick!” Roger shouted as he watched Tim leave. He kicked the wall and then yelped as he slumped against the armchair, holding his foot with his hand.

Freddie rolled his eyes as he stepped into the room. “That was stupid.”

“Fuck you!”

“You’re not my type, blondie,” Freddie said dryly, standing in front of the armchair and indicating with his hand for Roger to raise his leg. “Let me check you’ve not broken your stupid foot. The last thing this band needs is the lead singer quitting _and_ you unable to play the drums for the foreseeable future.”

“It’s fine,” Roger huffed, but found himself doing as Freddie requested. Freddie used his hands to wiggle his toes, watching Roger for any sign of pain. “Not that it fucking matters. We have no band without a lead singer.”

“Oh, don’t be so pessimistic.”

“I hate to say it, but he’s right,” Brian sighed resignedly from the doorway. “Tim wasn’t just the lead singer. He was our bassist too. Without him, what’s the point?”

Satisfied that Roger hadn’t broken it, Freddie set his foot back down and looked between them. “I have a solution for the first problem, at least.”

“Go on?”

“I’ll join your band. You know it makes sense.”

Roger took a moment to consider that. Freddie was practically already a part of Smile. The three got along, and Freddie had an incredible voice. But that still left one problem.

“It’s a good idea, Fred. But you can’t play bass. Unless you know someone who can, it still leaves us in a tricky position.” Brian said dejectedly.

“Would you have a little faith, Bri?” Freddie sighed as he plopped himself down on the edge of the armchair. “How about this? I take over as your lead singer and we go from there. We carry on rehearsing for your next performance. Whilst we do that, we’ll hand out flyers for a bassist to audition for the band. Hopefully we’ll find somebody decent enough before the next gig.”

Brian looked towards Roger, trying to gauge his reaction. Roger shrugged in response.

“Well it’s better than just giving up. Our next gig is in a month’s time. That should give us enough time to get a good amount of rehearsal in, and hopefully find a decent enough bassist.”

“Agreed,” Brian nodded, before he gave Freddie a smile. “Looks like you’ve got yourself a deal then Fred.”

Freddie beamed in response as he stood up. “Excellent. I think that’s a good enough excuse to go and get bladdered, don’t you?”

Brian frowned in concern. “We’d best not get too carried away given that—”

“Oh, ignore him,” Roger said quickly as he stood up and collected his bag. “One or two isn’t going to bloody hurt, Bri. I was going to suggest staying around anyway. Hopefully, the blonde at the front is still about. Did you notice she couldn’t keep her eyes off of me when we took our bows?”

Brian huffed as he followed them out of the room. “Funnily enough, I don’t spend my time taking note of every girl who eye-fucks you from the audience.”

“Luckily for me, I do.”

“Good to see you have your priorities in order. It’s not like we need to be focusing on the band.”

Roger gave a shrug as they moved back through the crowded pub. “I can multitask.”

“Here’s your chance to prove that. As it was your idea to stay around, you can get the drinks in whilst seeing if you can manage to get your dick wet at the same time.” Freddie teased as they headed to the bar. He nodded at something behind Brian and Roger, catching both of their attentions.

Roger’s face lit-up as he noticed the blonde. He turned back to Freddie and Brian, shouting over the band starting up another song. “Watch and learn boys.”

Freddie pulled a face as he moved closer to speak to Brian. “I suddenly regret encouraging this considering I’ve just moved in with the twat.”

Brian laughed as he leaned back to reply. “Well you live and learn, Fred.”

John slipped through the crowded bar unnoticed.

His friend had recommended he come to watch the band, given that he was looking for something to do in his spare time.

But he hadn’t thought much of _Smile_. They seemed a little pretentious, the way the drummer flirted with the crowd, and how the guitarist overexaggerated the solo in the last song.

It hadn’t really been his cup of tea, as they say.

Maybe it was a sign that he ought to be focusing on his degree instead.

o-o-o


	2. You Can Be Anything You Want To Be, Just Turn Yourself Into Anything You Could Ever Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: This chapter has more bad language, and makes sexual reference. I'm just warning you all before you read on! On that note, enjoy and thank you all for the lovely reviews so far! I'll make the time to reply to them all tonight if possible. :)

“Is this seriously all I’ve got to fucking look forward to?”

Roger was slumped over the counter, a hand against his chin, and a frown on his face as he watched Freddie hanging up the clothes that had just arrived.

Freddie inspected a paisley scarf as he replied. “Oh, stop being so melodramatic dear. Yes, it’s a little shit that Doug quit, but perhaps he did us a favour. It was clear he wasn’t exactly intending on staying for the long haul. But don’t worry your pretty little head, Rog. I fully believe we’ll find another bassist in no time.”

“I’m glad one of us does. I’m starting to think we’re cursed!”

Doug was their fifth bassist to have quit in just a few months.

“Okay, now you really are being a drama queen,” Freddie huffed. “Besides, there are worst jobs to have than _Kensington Market Stallholder_.”

Roger wrinkled his nose. “What, like _Kensington Market Fishmonger_?”

Freddie finished hanging up the last pieces of clothing and stepped closer to look at Roger. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, blondie. We’ll just keep doing what we’ve been doing. Carry on gigging, handing out flyers, and holding auditions. There’s bound to be a decent bassist hidden somewhere in this city.”

“If that was true, why has it taken so long to find him?”

“Well maybe we have to root out all the shit ones first,” Freddie suggested with a shrug. “We have to keep faith and keep searching for that diamond in the rough, so to speak.”

Roger raised his head, thinking over Freddie’s words. Then he rolled his eyes. “You sound like Brian.”

“There we go. We can’t _both_ be wrong, darling.”

“Want a bet?” Roger said, raising an eyebrow sceptically.

o-o-o

Miraculously, Freddie was proved right not long after that.

Brian and Roger were due to attend the Spring Disco at university. But Freddie already had plans with Mary.

“Are you sure I can’t twist your arm into coming along?” Roger sighed as he laid himself out on his front on Freddie’s bed whilst watching his friend root through his wardrobe.

“ _Yes_. I already told you, I’m with Mary. And get your fucking feet off of my bed, before I hit you with my hairbrush!”

As if to make his point, he edged closer to where it was on his dressing table. Roger sighed, tugging the back of his shoes off with his toes and throwing them off the edge, before Freddie could make good on his promise.

“You know you can just bring her along? The tickets have already been sold, but I know the girl on the door. I’m sure she’d turn a blind eye if I promise her a repeat of our night last Christmas eve.”

“She was the girl with the on-off boyfriend and a boxful of sex toys, right?”

“Right,” Roger smiled wistfully.

“Well as selfless as I’m sure that offer is, me and Mary were hoping to have some quality time. _Alone_. We’ve not seen much of each other lately.”

Roger nodded quickly. “Say no more. You’ll have the flat to yourselves all evening.”

Freddie threw a grateful smile in Roger’s direction before he continued to look for something to wear. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I’ll be more than happy to return the favour.”

“Cheers Fred.”

Roger paused, pursing his lips as he watched Freddie wonder over to his mirror in the corner to hold a shirt against himself.

“On that note, I don’t suppose you have any spare condoms?”

Freddie shot him a look in the mirror. “I gave you a pack last week. What happened to them?”

Roger shrugged. “Used them.”

“You’re an absolute pig, you know that?”

Roger huffed in response. “So was that a no, or—”

He ducked just as Freddie threw his hairbrush. He felt he probably had his answer as he sprinted from the room before Freddie could take aim again.

The disco was in the main hall. Roger’s face lit-up at the number of women. They headed to get a drink, and Roger took the time to scout the room. He spotted a brunette not so far away. She offered a smile, and he gave her a wink back. She turned away to giggle with her two friends.

Roger grabbed his drink. “Right, I’m off.”

“What?”

Roger moved a little closer to shout above the music. “I said I’m off, Brian!”

Roger snorted at Brian’s panicked look. “You know my trick by now. I go and mingle. You should try it. Maybe even have a dance. Let that curly hair of yours down a little, so to speak.”

Brian winched. “But I don’t really…dance.”

“Then go and chat-up some birds.” Roger sighed, before turning back to the brunette, whose eyes were glued to his again as she bit her lip. “That’s my intention for the evening.”

Brian took a long drink of his beer as Roger left his side. Perhaps if he was inebriated, he’d be less concerned about what his dancing looked like.

But he didn’t get the chance to find that out.

He was only on his second beer when a guy from his class headed over. He was doing a PhD on the theory of black holes. Brian offered a smile as he said hello.

“Hey. George, isn’t it? How’s your thesis going?”

“Good thank you, Brian. I was just wondering whether you were still looking for a bassist for that band of yours?”

Intrigued, Brian put down his beer and turned to him properly. “Yeah, we’re still looking as it goes. Why, have you got someone in mind?”

“I think so,” George said uncertainly. He ordered himself a vodka. He turned back to Brian with a shrug. “But he’s sort of shy. And he might be a little rusty, given that he’s not played in a couple of years. But he studies Electrical Engineering, so I thought his knowledge might prove handy.”

“Okay. We can work with shy. And rusty.” Brian said encouragingly. “Do you think he’d be up for auditioning? If he was to meet us during rehearsal, we could see if he connects with the band. And see if he’s any good, obviously.”

“He’s actually here tonight, if you wanted me to make an introduction?”

“That would be good. Does he go to the same university then?” Brian asked intrigued, automatically glancing around the room, despite not knowing what he even looked like.

“He’s out back, having a smoke.” George said as he paid for his drink. “And no, I think he said he goes to Chelsea College. We were only introduced a few weeks back by a mutual friend.”

Brian nodded. “I’ll come and say hello. Just let me grab Roger.”

“Okay.”

George headed outside, as Brian scouted the room. It didn’t take long to find Roger.

He was in the corner of the room, a mass of tangled arms and legs as he snogged the brunette. Brian winched, reluctantly headed over and cleared his throat loudly. When that didn’t work, he raised his voice over the music.

“Can I have a word, Rog?”

Roger sighed, reluctantly pulling away. “What is it, Brian?”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet. If you’ve got a moment that is.”

He gave Brian a look. “Can’t this _wait_?”

“No actually, it can’t. Given that’s it’s about the band.”

Roger offered the girl an apologetic smile as he removed his arm from around her. He gave her one last peck. “Back in a minute, baby.”

That seemed to satisfy her.

Roger frowned as he followed Brian through the crowds. “This better be important, Brian. I was just about to suggest we go back to hers.”

“Don’t let me stop you. This will only take two minutes.” Brian shouted back as he lead them towards the exit on the other side of the room. “And yes, it’s important.”

Roger scoffed doubtfully, despite Brian being turned away. He lead them into the car park through the back doors.

George was stood to the side of the building, next to someone slightly taller.

At first glance, Roger thought it was a woman. They were slender and skinny, with long, dark hair. It was only as they turned around that Roger realised it was another bloke. He was very young-looking. He had striking features, and dark green eyes which were presently scrutinizing Roger and Brian.

Roger waited for somebody to speak, finding it difficult not to feel frustrated when he had willing company back inside.

“This is John Deacon. John, this is Roger Taylor and Brian May. They’re in that band I was telling you about.”

John nodded, offering an uncertain smile. “Nice to meet you both.”

“Likewise John. George was telling us that you play bass.”

Now Roger understood why Brian wanted him included.

John was pretty. For a bloke. He had the whole androgynous thing down to a tee. Jimi Hendrix’s death the year before meant it had made the art of looking both feminine and masculine cool again. Roger, who had gentle features and had always been quite small, rode the back of that. It definitely proved popular amongst the ladies.

Roger noticed that there was a hint of a Northern accent, and there was something adorable about the way John fidgeted. He had long, slender fingers. The kind perfect for playing the bass. There was something a little…elegant about him too. With his black velvet trousers which fit like a second skin, and the platform boots that seemed to elongate his legs.

“Yeah, yeah, I do.” John said quietly. “But I’ve not played in a while. I brought my guitar down so I try to practice when I can.”

“Okay. Well our band is actually looking for a new bassist. Isn’t that right, Rog?”

He nodded, patting down his jacket for his cigarettes. “Yeah. We are. So are you any good?”

John shrugged, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear as he gave his friend a shy look. “Oh erm…yeah. I think so.”

“Great. So how about this? We’d like to invite you to audition in a couple of days’ time if that works for you?” Brian asked.

John nodded, sharing a small smile. “Yeah. Okay. That’ll be good.”

o-o-o

Despite his words, John had clammy palms as he made his way to meet the band. He kept wiping his hands against the front of his jeans. His heart felt like it was about to burst through his ribcage. It didn’t help that the room was on the third floor. He was out of breath by the time he got to the right door. He took a deep breath and stepped inside.

They were halfway through a song. There seemed to be a lot of guitar and drums, and not much lyrics so far.

John set down his guitar and amp, and watched by the side.

He noticed Roger first again.

He seemed completely absorbed by the music, by the rhythm of the song. He hit the drumsticks against the tom-toms with a kind of ferociousness. It took John a couple of seconds to tear his eyes away, distracted with how passionately he played. Brian held his guitar with the kind of tenderness that John used with his own guitar.

John didn’t recognize the third man.

He was tall, with wavy dark hair and tanned skin. He had dark, soulful eyes. He also had an interesting sense of fashion, judging by the satin trousers and floral jacket. But he also had quite the vocal range. Something John was envious of.

His eyes moved back to Roger. With his dark blonde hair, pretty eyes, and fitted clothes, he could have been mistaken for a model. They all could have actually. John suddenly felt out of place.

Once Freddie finished singing, the band suddenly stopped and turned to look at John. John withered internally under their gazes.

“Your ears must have been burning. We’ve just been talking about you.” Brian said cheerfully. “You’re early, John.”

“Oh. Yes. Sorry if I’m intruding on your rehearsal time.”

“No, no, not at all actually,” Brian insisted with a smile. “Better to be early than late as I always say.”

“I’m not sure I share that sentiment, dear.”

The man with dark eyes stepped forwards, giving John a long once-over as he held out a hand. John barely resisted folding his arms over his chest or breaking eye contact as he shook his hand whilst hoping it wasn’t too sweaty.

“Hello. I’m Freddie. I’m the lead singer.”

“Nice to meet you, Freddie.” John smiled, before noticing Brian and Roger were still watching him closely. “Good to see you both again.”

Brian blinked at John’s pleasantries. “Yeah…you too, John.”

Roger gave a nod of acknowledgement, a cigarette in his mouth. John found himself slightly unnerved by his stare.

“So err…we’ll just give you a minute to set-up.” Brian cleared his throat. Freddie moved away to chat with Roger and Brian.

John wiped his hands on his jeans again. He still felt like he was being watched, despite Freddie and Brian having their backs to him. He pulled his guitar out of its case with shaking hands, placed the strap around his neck and made sure it was still tuned. Then he moved to set-up his amp. He seemed oblivious at the way Roger smiled discreetly as he watched him.

“That’s a good sign.” Roger murmured, careful for John not to overhear.

Brian gave a quick look over his shoulder, and nodded in agreement. “Good to see that he at least knows how to tune a guitar. Unlike some we’ve had.”

They continued chatting as John prepared. Then he looked at them, his face slightly pink. Roger cleared his throat so that Brian and Freddie knew to turn round.

“Have you got a song in mind, John?” Brian asked casually.

“Yes, I think so.”

“Excellent. Well. When you’re ready, John.”

He swallowed thickly, hesitating briefly before he started to play. He launched straight into one of Smile’s songs. John didn’t attempt the lyrics, strictly playing the bassline so that the band could access his skill. When he finished, he raised his head slowly to look at them.

“That was great, John,” Brian said encouragingly. “It’s good to know that you’re obliviously familiar with our songs. That will prove handy.”

“Can you sing?” Roger spoke-up as he flicked his cigarette in the direction of the ashtray.

“Err…no, not very well.”

“Oh that’s alright,” Freddie said quickly, seeing the panic on John’s face. “Luckily for you, us three can. We’re more interested in finding someone who can play the bass well, which you seem to do.”

Brian pointed towards the amp at John’s feet. “Is that a homemade amp by any chance?”

“It is, yeah. I call it the Deacy amp.”

“Deacy?” Freddie asked.

“Yeah. It’s a nickname.”

Brian nodded. “And the amp was made by you?”

John murmured in response, looking between the three of them.

“Wow. That’s actually…impressive.” Brian said in awe.

“So how much do you know about the band?” Roger asked as he moved to put out his cigarette in the ashtray.

“Not a lot. George mentioned that you’ve not had much luck with bassists. And that the band has a new name. I was at one of your gigs too, before Freddie joined.”

“So a while back?” Brian asked.

“Yeah. I think it was about six months ago, give or take.”

“And? What did you think?”

“Oh…yeah, you were alright.” John said, quickly looking away. He tried to ignore the overwhelming silence or the way his face heated up as he rushed to explain. “I just wasn’t sure if erm…if it was my sort of thing. Not at the time.”

“Oh? So you didn’t think we were much good in other words.” Roger asked offensively.

“What was it that failed to make an impact?” Freddie asked curiously.

“It was just that some of the guitar solos seemed a little exaggerated, and the repartee between you and the audience seemed a little…showy.”

“Trouble is we’re what you would call a _showy_ band,” Freddie said with a shrug. “We like entertaining the audience, even between songs. They’re there to see a show, and that’s what we give them.”

“I’m just being honest about what I felt at the time,” John said quietly. “But you were still brilliant. Apart from the bassist, perhaps. I wasn’t keen on him.”

“I suppose it’s lucky he quit then.” Roger griped from behind the drums.

“I suppose it is.” John offered with a small smile, unaffected by Roger’s tone.

“Okay,” Brian said after he cleared his throat. “Well what about you? Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself? Have you been in other bands?”

John shifted from one foot to the other, hoping he didn’t look too anxious. He stared ahead, fixing his gaze at a spot on the wall, besides their heads. At least that way, he didn’t have to stare directly at them whilst he was talked. He inhaled deeply, and wiped his hands on his jeans again.

“Er…yes, I have. One anyway. It was whilst I was living at home. We played a few gigs, but then we sort of…drifted apart. Then I moved to London, and started studying Electrical Engineering, and decided to try and make time for music again. And that’s everything, I think.”

“How old are you dear?” Freddie asked, giving him another once-over. “Just that you look rather young.”

“Oh…I’m eighteen...nearly nineteen.”

“Okay,” Brian said, clearing his throat as he looked between John and Roger. “Did you and Roger want to have a quick jam? See how you gel? Obviously as the rhythm section, it’s important that the two of you are in sync.”

John nodded, and Roger turned to him expectantly. “Are you familiar with the Who? More specifically _My Generation_. Start with a classic.”

“Yeah, I know it.”

“Ready then?”

“Yep, go ahead. I’ll follow you.”

Roger raised an eyebrow. He took that as a challenge.

He went straight in with a fast beat, but John kept up. Roger sped-up every so often, but John maintained the pace. Roger finished playing, and shared a nod with Brian.

Freddie turned back to John. “Would you give us a minute?”

“Of course,” he said uncertainly. “Should I wait outside?”

“If you could.”

They watched him unplug his guitar and put it back in the case. He moved that and his amp to the side, the band remaining quiet as they watched him leave.

Brian frowned as he turned back to Freddie. “Are we not in agreement?”

“Absolutely. I just thought I’d make him sweat a bit after his comments about the band.”

Brian rolled his eyes, and Roger laughed loudly in response.

“I like your style, Fred.”

“Tar very much, blondie.”

“Right. Well should we put the bloke out of his misery then?” Brian suggested, seeing the way John was fiddling with his hands through the glass panel.

“Yes. I guess we’ve made our point.” Freddie said reluctantly.

Brian went to get John, and Freddie gave them a smile on their way back in. Freddie waited for John to meet them in the middle of the room.

“So we’ve had a chat. We think you’re a wonderful bass player, and feel you’d be a good fit. And so we’d like to offer you a place in the band.”

“Obviously, it would still have to be on a trial-basis,” Roger said quickly, ignoring the way Freddie and Brian looked at him. “It’s nothing personal. We just think it’s important to test out how well we play in front of a crowd, and see if we connect as a group.”

“Okay. I understand that.”

“We try to rehearse most days, when we can. Would that be agreeable with you?” Brian asked.

“Yes that sounds fine.”

“Great,” Freddie said encouragingly. “Then I guess we’ll be seeing you around, John. Unless you’re free to come and have a drink?”

“Oh err…” John hesitated, touched by the invitation. Even still, he wasn’t good around new people. He didn’t want to say something stupid. Not just yet. He really wanted to make a good impression. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ve got a late lecture to get to. Next time though.”

“Yeah, next time.” Brian said with a smile.

John said his goodbyes with a smile as he grabbed his things and left. Almost as soon as he’d gone, Brian and Freddie turned to Roger.

“What was the deal about giving him a trial?”

“We couldn’t afford to sound too keen. And it wasn’t like I was lying, was I?”

“I guess not. He was rather good though.” Brian admitted as he packed away his guitar.

“Yes, but we don’t want him to know that.” Roger said as he lit-up another cigarette. “Especially after he was so honest about his impression on us.”

“I suppose we did technically ask him what he thought.” Brian shrugged.

“Yes well, now we have to make a point of showing him just how much we’ve all improved.” Freddie said with a smile.

“Exactly,” Roger said, and Brian murmured an agreement.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm still struggling to improve my writing. I studied creative writing at university but where I've not written in so long before I started to write my last fanfiction, I'm struggling a little. I really like this fanfiction, so if anyone knows anyone on here who would be up for giving me some tips or just giving any of the chapters a read before I upload them on here, I would very much be grateful. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the second chapter. Let me know what you all thought! I shall try and update this fanfiction every week, or thereabouts at the same sort of time, so you know when to look for it. And I hope you all have a lovely New Year and I hope that wherever you are, you are with people you love. I hope you all saw Roger and Brian's Instagram post's wishing everyone a happy new year too. It was the cutest thing! :) <3


	3. You And Me Got Staying Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John starts to feel anxious about his first gig with Queen. Freddie doesn't exactly help him feel more confident about that. Luckily, Roger's on hand to give him a few pearls of wisdom...

“Rog darling, _please_ help me out!”

Roger caught Freddie’s reflection in the mirror as Freddie sauntered into the men’s toilets.

“What’s the problem, Fred?”

“John’s refusing to wear the outfit I spent hours picking out.”

“So? What do you want me to do about it?”

“Tell him he has to wear it!” Freddie said disgruntledly. “He wants to wear a t-shirt and jeans and I won’t have it. We’ll look like twats if he’s wearing something not only different to us, but so scruffy and mundane!”

Roger sighed, going back to putting his mascara on. “Right. And remind me again how making us wear make-up and skin-tight jumpsuits will help us look less like twats?”

Freddie narrowed his eyes and folded his arms across his chest in a huff. “Joke all you want. But I know you love it when the women are checking out your arse in that same skin-tight, and frankly fabulous jumpsuit, you obnoxious prick—”

“Oh calm down Fred, I’m only winding you up.” Roger rolled his eyes. He put his mascara down and watched Freddie frown in the mirror. “John will come around by tomorrow. If we’re wearing them, he has to. Otherwise he really will look like a twat.”

“I’ve already tried to tell him that and he won’t listen! Says he doesn’t understand why we have to have a run-through in full make-up and costume when we’re not performing until tomorrow night anyway. So I explained how I wanted to make sure we all looked authentic and stage-ready, and he’s still not—”

“Just leave him be. He’s probably nervous. I get the sense he hasn’t done many gigs, and you trying to force…” Roger trailed off, waving his hand at the sequined jumpsuit he and Freddie both had on. “ _that_ on him probably doesn’t help. I’ll talk to him in a bit.”

Freddie’s expression instantly changed into one of relief. “Perfect. I’ll buy you a celebratory beer if you succeed. Thanks Roggie!”

“Oy! I told you not to call me that!”

“And I chose to ignore you.”

“Twat.”

Freddie blew him a kiss, his laughter bouncing off the walls as he left Roger to finish doing his make-up.

Roger headed back out to find Brian and John strumming to one of their songs, and Freddie doing his vocal warm-ups in the corner. John swore quietly as he lost his grip on the pick, messing up a chord. Roger and Brian shared a look at the way John’s hands shook.

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I could do with a cigarette and a breath of fresh air.” Freddie announced as he joined them in the middle of the room.

“I’ll join you,” Brian said as he set down his guitar. “I can feel a migraine coming on, and it usually does me good to get outside for a bit.”

Roger huffed as he watched them leave. He stood and pulled out his cigarettes from the pocket of his jacket. He noticed John staring as he chewed on a nail and offered him one.

“Thanks,” John said quietly, catching the lighter that Roger threw his way.

“No problem. How you feeling about tomorrow?”

John shrugged as he lit his cigarette. “Alright. You?”

“Alright. We’ll be feeling more confident once we’ve had a proper run-through.”

John didn’t look so sure as he handed Roger’s lighter back. The lid flipped up and it had a lion engraved on the front.

“Interesting lighter.”

Roger slipped it into the back pocket of his jeans. “It was my fathers.”

“Nice. So he passed it down to you?”

“Something like that,” Roger said, an unreadable look crossing his features as he breathed in his cigarette. Then he sighed. “I imagine the audience naked. Whenever I’m feeling a little…nervous.”

John winched as he looked away. “Is it really that obvious?”

“Only slightly. Freddie may have also mentioned something.”

“Oh.”

“I know it’s a pain in the arse. Getting all dolled up. But it keeps Freddie happy. Plus, you can’t deny that there’s something liberating about dressing up a little more…” Roger trailed off as he exhaled, searching for the right word. “glitzy.”

“Or gaudy, depending on your outlook.”

“I won’t tell Fred you said that,” Roger teased, before he noticed the look on John’s face. “At least we’ll all look the same. Plus, birds love it when we wear the tighter stuff. So that’s a bonus.”

If anything, John looked more nervous.

“As for the make-up, it does look good. Freddie suggested we wear it ages ago, said the stage lights make you seem a bit washed out otherwise.”

“I don’t mind the make-up,” John said quietly as he inhaled his cigarette. His eyes were low, staring at the floor. “It’s just…it’s all a bit much. ”

“Well we’re all in the same boat. Just focus on going out there and having a good time. Don’t overthink it. I remember setting up a band for the school dance once. It took weeks to convince my Mum to let me play. I ended up making myself so nervous that I couldn’t stop being sick. So they had to use Michael Farrow instead.”

John smiled a little at Roger’s story. “Bet you was gutted.”

“I was devastated,” Roger said. “But my point is that you’re good. You wouldn’t have gotten into the band if you wasn’t. You just need to try and not let the nerves get the better of you.”

“Technically, I’m still on trial.”

Roger smiled a little. “True. But I’ll let you in on a little secret. You’ve passed so far.”

John bit his lip, a look of fear crossing his features for a moment. “I know you’re right. I’m just not very good with crowds. Or getting attention. It’s why it’s taken me a while to get back into music.”

“Okay…well, how about this?” Roger said thoughtfully. “If you feel like it’s all getting too much, look to me and try and remember everything I’ve just said. You’re not alone out there.”

“Thanks Roger,” John said with a small smile.

Roger grinned back. “Having said that, I haven’t got the authority to get you out of wearing that jumpsuit. Even if we’ll all be cursing Freddie once those bloody sequins start to itch.”

John grinned in response. “Probably in the most uncomfortable places, too.”

“Probably. So if I have to get through this performance with an itchy arse, then so have you.”

John gave a quiet laugh as Roger went to put his cigarette out in the ashtray. Then he fell silent with a sigh.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been cranky. It’s just that I’ve got other stuff going on. I’m currently trying to find somewhere else to live.”

“Why?”

“Because me and my flatmate are being evicted.”

“That’s shit. What happened?”

“Well he decided to have an all-night party. The music was so loud that the police were eventually called. I’d gone home for the weekend, so I didn’t know about it until I got back. Trouble is that it’s not the first time we’ve had complaints. Now the landlord has given us a week to get out.”

“That seems a little harsh,” Roger frowned as he went to put his cigarette out in the ashtray. “Can’t you convince your landlord to let you stay on? Given that the party wasn’t your idea?”

“I’d love to. Except that I haven’t got the money to pay for the rent on my own.”

“Bad luck mate,” Roger sighed. Then he sat up as a thought came to him. “Well, hey. You could always move in with me and Fred.”

John gave Roger a wary look as he sat next to him on the drum-riser. “But we barely know each other.”

“What’s there to know? Better to risk that then end up renting a room from a load of strangers. That’s usually ends up being more hassle than it’s worth.”

John nodded, still watching Roger warily. “I guess.”

“There’s just one problem. It’s a two-bed flat. So it would mean you kipping on the sofa bed. Obviously, you’d pay less rent, given that you wouldn’t have a proper room.”

John hesitated. He didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but he liked having his own space. “I appreciate the thought, Roger. I’m just not sure.”

“I know it’s not ideal, but we’re both fairly easy to live with. Freddie’s a bit of a neat freak. He likes having a bath at odd hours. And he can’t cook to save his life. Actually neither of us can. It took us weeks to figure out how to boil an egg.”

John raised a brow sceptically. “Is this supposed to be selling the idea of living with you both?”

“No, but I’m hoping to convince you that there are worst traits to have than neat-freak, insomniac, and a hazard in the kitchen.”

John smiled at Roger’s wording. “I suppose there are. Anything about you that I need to be warned about?”

“Not really,” Roger said thoughtfully. “Although, my messiness can annoy Freddie sometimes. And I have the occasional bird over. But we have a signal for that. We hang a sock or tie by the handle. That way you know to either make yourself scarce or plug in a pair of headphones.”

John cleared his throat, suddenly finding his shoes interesting. Roger noticed his face was a little pink. “I think I can live with that.”

“But we make up for it by being good mates. And I make a great cup of tea. Which is handy when Freddie’s slept through his alarm, and has twenty minutes to get out of bed and run a brush through his hair before we’re due to open the stall.”

“Does that happen a lot?” John laughed, despite himself.

“More than you’d think,” Roger said with a snort. “But Freddie’s great too. If you’re ever in need of fashion advice, Fred’s your man.”

John grinned in response. “Good to know.”

Roger murmured in agreement. “On that note, Freddie promised to buy me a beer if I managed to convince you to wear this bloody jumpsuit. So please, be a mate. I want to see his face when he realises he has to actually see through his promise.”

“Alright then.”

Roger grinned, nudging his arm softly. “Thanks John.”

Then John sighed. “Would you help me do my make-up? I tried having a go and I’m not very good at it. Brian’s already mentioned that Freddie is a bit of a perfectionist about this sort of thing, and given we’ve already had words…”

“Yeah, ‘course. Come on, we’ll go and do it now. Make the tossers wait for us seems as though they buggered off first.”

Make-up suited John.

The blusher accentuated his strong cheekbones, the eyeliner gave his green eyes a doe-eyed effect, and the hint of pink lipstick made his lips look fuller. Roger waited whilst John changed in the cubicle. He winched when he stepped out, mistaking Roger’s wide eyes.

“I look stupid, don’t I?”

Roger gave him a long look over, and shook his head slowly. The jumpsuit clung to his slender frame. And the platforms accentuated his long legs. With the clothes and make-up, John could have easily been mistaken for a good-looking, albeit tall woman.

“No. Actually, you look quite—”

“Oh darling, you look _wonderful_!”

Freddie seemed oblivious at the way John was blushing as he gave John a hug before moving back to give him an approving eye. “I daresay that you’ll be turning a few heads for your big debut.”

Roger saw John winch, seconds before Freddie pulled him away to go through stage-lighting with him.

o-o-o

The gig was their best yet. Roger’s advice really helped ease John’s nerves, and the band played better than they ever had before. The audience were eating out of the palm of their hand. And the tension buzzing on-stage was electric. Having John fit so well into the group on and off-stage seemed to be making all the difference. They were certainly getting noticed more. They headed into the makeshift dressing room, next to the toilets, all buzzing with adrenaline.

“We were fucking amazing out there!”

Brian grinned as he pushed his sweaty hair back. “We were pretty good, weren’t we?”

“ _Good_? The crowd couldn’t get enough of us, Bri!”

“Roger’s right. And there was definitely more people tonight!” Freddie grinned as he sat at the dressing table.

“That’s hardly surprising. We played better than we ever have.” Roger said as he sat beside Freddie. He noticed John set aside his guitar and begin to take his make-up off with the wipe Freddie had just handed out to everyone. “I think we should celebrate. If this isn’t a reason to get rat-arsed, I don’t know what is.”

“Any excuse,” Brian said with a roll of his eyes.

“You know how much I love to metaphorically let my hair down, but I’m not sure we should get carried away just yet.”

“Oh come on, Fred. Don’t be a fucking spoilsport.” Roger groaned. “The four of us haven’t even had a drink together yet. We should at least welcome John into the band properly. Especially as he’s living with us now.”

“What?” Freddie said, putting down the drink in his hand, and turning to Roger. “You could have bloody ran that past me first—”

“If it’s a problem, I can always find somewhere else to stay.” John said quickly, as he looked between them both wide-eyed.

“Don’t be silly. It’s fine.”

Freddie gave him a look in response. “Oh it _is_ , is it?”

Roger sighed at Freddie’s tone. “He has nowhere else to go. His flatmate got them kicked out. I was being a good bandmate by suggesting he crash at ours. You know it makes sense.”

“It’s a nice offer, Rog,” Brian spoke up as he finished wiping his make-up off. “But where’s he going to sleep? On the floor?”

“We’ve got the sofa bed. He can pay towards the rent. Obviously not as much, because he won’t have a proper bedroom.”

Freddie looked towards John quizzically. “And you’re not bothered by not having your own room?”

“Not really. I’ve stayed in worst places.” John shrugged as he threw his make-up wipe in the bin. “And Roger’s already filled me in on what it’s like to live with you both.”

“Has he now?” Freddie asked, giving Roger a look. Roger scrubbed his cheeks with his wipe harder, avoiding Freddie’s gaze.

“It was nothing bad. Just mentioned that you’re neat, you like to have a bath at odd hours, and that the both of us aren’t very good cooks.”

Freddie huffed as he went back to taking off his make-up. “I suppose there are worst things he could have said. Did he mention his on-going attempt to shag his way through the entirety of female students?”

Brian groaned in response, noticing the look on Roger’s face. “Seriously, Fred?”

Freddie held up his hands in defeat. “Am I wrong?”

“You make it sound like I’m at it on a twenty-four, seven, basis.”

“Well let’s be honest. You near enough are—”

“Oh fuck you!”

John almost jumped at the way Roger erupted from his chair with a growl, eyebrows knitted in anger as he pointed a finger in Freddie’s direction.

“You just wait until you’re running late and you want me to run about helping you get ready. You can literally go and fuck yourself from now on!”

“Rog darling, you know it was just a joke—”

John flinched as the door slammed shut behind Roger. Freddie gave a deep sigh and went back to wiping at his mascara.

“Nicely handled, Fred.”

“I was only teasing him,” Freddie said as he gave Brian a withering look. “I don’t understand why he gets so wound-up. It’s hardly a secret, and John will see for himself about what he’s like when he moves in.”

“Yes, but he can be temperamental when you joke about stuff like that. You knew it would get a reaction.” Brian said as he stood-up to put his wipe in the bin. He stared back at Freddie expectantly, a hand on his hip. “So. Go and apologize.”

Freddie stared at Brian, eyebrows furrowed and his lips puckering into a pout. “Why do _I_ have to be the one to go and apologize?”

“Because you started it. This time.”

“But that’s not—” Freddie stopped at the look on Brian’s face, groaning resignedly as he stood to put his wipe in the bin too. He frowned at Brian as he made his way to the door. “If blondie kills me, I’m holding you personally responsible.”

“Don’t worry Fred, I’ll write you a nice eulogy to make up for it.” Brian teased. He waited until Freddie had left before he turned to John, still leaning against the wall, his face flushed. “Still think moving in with those two is a good idea?”

John offered a smile. Roger seemed to have a temper. And according to Freddie, a bit of a reputation. But Freddie was sassy. He knew which buttons to press. John couldn’t deny that he’d found the whole thing amusing and a little fascinating. They were both very alike in some ways.

“I’ll take my chances.”

Brian snorted in response. “Rather you than me.”

Freddie burst through the doorway a while later, one arm wrapped around Roger’s neck. All appeared to be forgiven between them if the smile on Roger’s face was anything to go by.

“Good news boys, me and Rog have kissed and made-up.”

“Thank Christ for that.” Brian said with a roll of his eyes as he put his shoes back on.

John started to feel queasy as they made their way outside. Perhaps it had been a mistake to agree to going out celebrating with them so easily.

“Come on slow coach.” Freddie teased, slowing his stride to join John’s side. He saw Roger and Brian look round, and he gave them a smile. “We’ll catch you up.”

“Any excuse not to buy a round, Fred!”

Freddie ignored Roger, lifting his cigarette to inhale. “I hope you’re not still worrying about the gig now that it’s all done and dusted. You were fantastic out there John, honestly.”

“Thanks, Freddie. It’s not that. It’s just…I’m a bit…nervous. I don’t really do _parties_ very often. I’m not very good around new people, or those I’ve not known for very long.”

“That’s okay. I still get nervous around people I don’t know very well either.” Freddie said with a smile. He wrapped an arm around John and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Just stick with me. I’ll introduce you to a few friends of mine. That way you shouldn’t feel so awkward.”

John’s eyes widened in response. Introductions made him feel more queasy than anything. “Oh, I’m not sure. I can be a little shy—”

“I’ve noticed, dear.” Freddie said dryly.

John blushed in response.

“You’ll be fine. I’ll look out for you.” Freddie insisted, moving away to put his cigarette out with his foot, before linking his arm through John’s and guiding him forwards reassuringly. “If it helps you feel better, I’ll sit with you. Even if it means it’ll just be the two of us.”

John blinked in surprise. “You’d…do that for me?”

Freddie nodded quickly. “Of course I would darling! Besides, Mary said she’s going to try and pop down, so we should have her to keep us company later.”

“Thanks Freddie.”

“It’s no bother,” Freddie said with a shrug. “You’ll love Mary. She can make anyone feel at ease. She’s studying fashion, you know? But she’s very clever. I sometimes think she’s as clever as Brian.”

John smiled at the warmth in Freddie’s expression. “She sounds nice.”

Freddie grinned in response. “She also loves a good dance, so I might have to keep her happy and give her a twirl if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” John said quickly. He cleared his throat nervously. “I like a dance too. Perhaps if I have a couple of drinks, it’ll give me the courage to get on the dancefloor.”

“Oh perfect! The three of us can have a jive together.”

John gave a relieved smile in response. He wasn’t used to feeling so welcome before.

What John didn’t account for was how crowded the place would be. His shoes kept sticking to the floor. It was unbearably hot, so much so that his face was flushed and his hair was stuck to the back of his neck. The music was thrumming in his ears, and he was craving a cigarette and cool air.

A slower song started to play and Freddie wrapped his arms around Mary’s waist as he swayed her gently to the music. John decided that was his cue.

He tapped Freddie’s shoulder and made a smoking gesture with his hand.

“Excellent idea, John! I’ll come and join you.”

“I’ll be fine,” John shouted back quickly over the music as Freddie went to release Mary. “I know where you both are. I’ll only be a sec.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have company?” Mary asked.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I’m a big boy.” John said with a grin.

Freddie noticed the way John was swaying a little. He gave his arm a gentle pat. “Just go careful John, yeah?”

He nodded and turned away to manoeuvre his way through the crowds, whilst attempting not to shove into people too much.

The cool breeze softened the redness of his cheeks as he lit a cigarette. He welcomed the first inhale as he leaned his head against the wall as he tried to ignore the way the car park spun around him.

“John?”

He turned his head carefully, and noticed Roger sat on a bench not far away. A pretty girl with long brown hair and big eyes was perched on his lap. John noticed that Roger’s hand was on her leg, just below the lining of her skirt.

“You alright, mate?”

He drew his eyes away from the girl’s legs to find Roger staring at him with furrowed eyebrows. He forced a smile.

“All good.”

Roger’s forehead creased further as he moved to whisper something into the girl’s ear. She sighed and nodded, bending her head to give him a kiss. Then she got up and walked past John, heading back into the disco behind him.

“Freddie been plying you with vodka?”

John smiled, closing his eyes briefly as he inhaled his cigarette again. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed, it would feel less like he was on a carousel.

“How did you guess?”

“Because you have the same look I had when I first went out partying with him. Like you’re about to keel over.”

“I have been drunk before, you know?”

John opened his eyes, turning his head quickly to give Roger an accusing glance. A little too quickly maybe.

“Woah okay, easy.”

John stumbled. He automatically put out his hand, and grazed it in the process. Roger made it to his side, pressing a hand to his lower back as he waited for John to regain his balance. John held up his hand with a frown, seeing the way it had started to bleed.

“Are you always this clumsy after you’ve had a few?”

“Worst usually. It’s these platforms, I’m sure.”

Roger scoffed. “Sure. _They’re_ the reason.”

“It doesn’t hurt. My hand, I mean.”

“Great. But maybe we should get it washed. The last thing we need is our bassist infecting his bloody hand.”

“How thoughtful of you,” John muttered sarcastically.

“it is actually. I expect you to think the same way. We’re the rhythm section. If either of us ends up fucking up our hands, we’re screwed.”

“I guess you’re right.”

He let Roger pull him back inside. John stumbled and shuffled his way through the horde of people as he struggled to keep up.

John let Roger run his hand under the tap. It was almost numb from the cold water by the time it stopped bleeding. He watched Roger pat his hand dry with a towel. A shiver ran up John’s spine as he traced the graze with his thumb carefully. Roger looked at him from underneath his long eyelashes. John noticed that Roger’s lips were slightly tinted with what looked like red lipstick.

“It’s stopped bleeding. Have you got a plaster at home? It’ll help it heal quicker.”

“I should have,” John said gruffly, before he cleared his throat.

“Cool,” Roger said, quickly dropping his hand and stepping back. His cheeks were a little pink. “About what Freddie said earlier—”

“It’s none of my business.”

Roger’s eyes widened. “I know. I just didn’t want you thinking I was some sort of twat. Sleeping with a different girl every night. Maybe I do shag about a bit, but nothing like how Freddie phased it.”

“I wouldn’t judge you if you did. It’s not my place.”

“Even still. I just felt I should say something given it was me that offered to let you stay.”

“You don’t need to do that. I got the impression Freddie was only mentioning it to wind you up anyway.”

“Probably. We fight like brothers sometimes. Not that I’d change a thing.”

“That’s nice,” John smiled. Roger blinked up at him in response.

“Right. Well. I’m probably keeping you. I’ll let you go and enjoy your night.”

John shrugged quickly. “You’re not actually. Freddie and Mary have been lovely, but I feel like I’m…third-wheeling them a bit.”

“Perfect! You should let me introduce you to Maggie’s friend, Sarah.” Roger said with a grin.

John’s stomach flipped at the idea of Roger introducing him to a girl. “Oh, I’m not sure. I’m not very good at talking to girls. Unless I’ve had a few more drinks in me first.”

“That’s alright. The music is far too loud for polite chit-chat anyway. Just dance like you were with Freddie. Let those hips do all the talking.”

John flushed a little as Roger gave him an over-exaggerated wink to make his point.

“They were there at the gig, you know? According to Maggie, Sarah thought you were cute.”

John gave Roger a disbelieving look. “In those sequined jumpsuits? Does she need glasses?”

Roger laughed, and John found himself smiling at the sound as Roger gently bumped his arm against John’s side. “I told you birds like the tighter stuff. Say you’ll sit with us. You’d be doing me a favour.”

“How so?”

Roger ran a hand through his hair, his face turning slightly pink again. “Well. Maggie said she wouldn’t come back to mine unless she knows Sarah has somebody to walk her home safe.”

“Ahh, so in reality I’m actually doing _you_ the favour.”

“Don’t think of it like that. Think of it as a chance to boost your confidence with the ladies.” Roger said with a waggle of his eyebrows. “And I’ll make it worth your while. Honestly. Anything you want, mate.”

John bit his lip. Roger stared back with big, bright eyes. He found himself nodding, and Roger grinned, realising he’d gotten his way.

“Cheers John.”

John watched Roger turn away to fiddle with his hair. Before quickly forcing his stare away to his platforms. Then he shrugged.

“You could call me Deacy if you like. That’s what my friends call me.”

“Alright then,” Roger said casually, as John looked back at him again. “I owe you one, Deacy.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely reviews! I read them with the biggest smile on my face, I swear!! Please keep commenting, and if you feel you want to critique any of my work, don't hesitate. I'm all for negative and positive feedback, as long as it's something I can work with! :) Hope you enjoyed that chapter. I like the idea of Deacy just starting to settle into the band, and finding his feet amongst them. I also like the idea of Freddie and Roger trying to help him, both in their own ways. Hope you all had a good new year! Have a good week, and I shall try and update around the same time next week. Tips for my writing or what you want included in the next chapter are always welcome! Tar-tar for now! :)


	4. I'm Under Your Thumb, Under Your Spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger throws a housewarming party for John. Later, Roger convinces John to pull a prank on Freddie. And things take an unexpected turn, when the two of them play a game of Truth or Dare...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your reviews!! They have honestly made me so happy reading them. Especially if I ever have a bad day. It makes me smile to see that people are enjoying this fanfiction as much as I'm enjoying writing it. I shall make it my mission to respond to you all by the end of tonight, I promise. In the meantime, enjoy this week's update! :)

John sighed as he poured himself a glass of Freddie and Roger’s punch. He winched as he took a sip. It tasted more of vodka than anything else. Then he realised he was probably the only sober one. He downed the rest of it and poured himself another glass.

He’d snuck into the kitchen. The living room—his bedroom—was rammed with people he didn’t know, all dancing to the likes of _The Rolling Stones_ and _Derek and the Dominoes_. John liked most music, but he was more into the Beatles, and soul and funk. Something with a beat that you could dance to.

It was too loud for John’s liking.

People were shouting over each other. John had never been good at making himself heard in groups. He was even worst around groups of drunk people.

Roger had organized it. A housewarming party for John. And now he was nowhere to be found.

John slipped past the living room unnoticed, and used the chance to have a cigarette. To bask in the quietness of the outdoors for a bit. Or not.

“Oy! Deacs! I’ve been looking for you.”

John spotted Roger pressed up against the side wall of their flat. He had his hands on a pretty brunette, and she had her arms around his neck.

“Can’t have been looking too hard.”

“Oh ha-ha. We just came out for a cigarette if you must know.”

“Great minds think alike.”

“So I see,” Roger smiled as he watched John light up his cigarette. Then he noticed the drink in John’s hand. “Glad to see you’ve been helping yourself to mine and Fred’s prized punch.”

John smiled before he moved away to give Roger privacy. Roger responded by leaning forwards to give the brunette a long kiss. Then he pulled back to kiss a trail towards her ear. John watched the girl nod. She gave Roger one last kiss, and headed back inside. Roger met John’s gaze with a smile.

“Enjoying your party?”

John hummed in response, too polite to be honest. Roger seemed to buy it as he came to stand next to him, and wrapped an arm around John’s shoulders to guide him back towards the front door. John had realised not long after moving in, that Roger and Freddie touched and hugged a lot. Surprisingly, John found he didn’t mind it.

“I’ve got somebody I want to introduce you to, once you’ve finished your cigarette.”

“Somebody as in a _girl_?”

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic, Deacy. Yes, a girl. A very pretty one too.”

“One of your friends?”

Roger nodded slowly. “A friend of a friend.”

John nodded, taking one last inhale of his cigarette before stamping it out with his foot. The alcohol had given him enough of a buzz.

“Come on then.”

Roger was right. The girl was very pretty. She had long, blonde hair and big, blue eyes. She was sat with another girl in the corner of the living room. They both smiled as Roger and John approached.

“Lucy, this is my bandmate John, who I was telling you about. John, this is Lucy. She’s a music student. This is her friend, Jane.”

Roger looked at John expectantly, and John offered a hesitant smile. “Nice to meet you both.”

Lucy’s smile grew bigger. “Nice to meet you too. Roger was telling me you’re in your second year. Studying Electrical Engineering, is that right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Sounds fascinating. I’d love to hear more about it.”

“Oh err—”

John looked round to see that Roger was already on the other side of the room. He’d gone back to talking to the brunette from outside. By the time that John turned back, Lucy’s friend had stood and was quietly heading away. He took a sip of his drink and quickly stole her seat.

“I’m not sure you’d share that opinion if you were to get me talking about it. I like it though. But I can get a little too engrossed in fiddling about and fixing things.” He admitted as he wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers. “Do you play an instrument?”

He felt silly, asking that. Given that she was a music student.

“I play piano. I’m surprised you couldn’t tell by my hands.”

Her hands caught his attention for a moment. “You’ve got quite dainty hands. You should see mine.”

“I have. They’re pretty big, aren’t they?”

She seemed to realise what she said as she met his eyes, and the two descended into laughter. He smiled at the way her cheeks reddened.

“I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I just meant that I can see that you have big, strong hands. Perfect for playing the bass, I’m sure.”

He shrugged as he took a sip of his drink. It gave him a jolt of confidence. “That’s true. And you know what they say about those with big hands.”

She grinned in response. “Yes, something about having big feet, isn’t it?”

“Something like that.”

They spent most of the night chatting. After a few more drinks, Lucy was virtually in John’s lap. She had an arm around the back of his neck, and he had a hand on her leg as she talked about her degree. Every so often he’d nod and smile. He liked that he didn’t seem to have to say much.

She suddenly went quiet, giving him a shy smile instead. “Sorry. I’m talking too much, aren’t I?”

“Not at all. Your degree sounds really interesting. I’ve always loved music. I can imagine it’s a fascinating subject to study.”

“Please tell me if I’m boring you. You’re a very good listener. I feel like I could talk to you for hours.”

“That’s good. I wouldn’t mind that.”

She bit her lip as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. John noticed that her hair colour was the same dark blonde as Roger’s. Her eyes were the same periwinkle blue too.

“Are you seeing anyone John?”

He blinked. She’d spoken so quietly that he’d strained to hear her. “No, I’m not. Are you?”

“No. That’s good then.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is.”

She nodded, her gaze lingering on his features. John let his eyes flicker towards her lips. Then she suddenly leaned forwards to whisper in his ear.

“Can I kiss you?”

He answered that by closing the space between them.

She had soft lips. The kind John dreamt about. Not that John hadn’t kissed a girl before. Amongst other things. He deepened their kiss, and she shivered as his hand delved itself into her hair. She pulled back slowly, her eyes wide and blown.

“Have you…got somewhere we can go?”

He ached to say yes to that.

Instead, his eyes scanned the room. Roger was leaning towards the brunette from earlier. His hand was pressed against the wall behind her, his eyes crinkling with laughter at something she said.

“Give me a minute.”

John skirted around the crowd of people gingerly. Somebody knocked into him, spilling what smelt like beer down his t-shirt. He sighed and dusted himself off as he made it to Roger’s side. He tapped him on the shoulder, seeing the brunette looked to him curiously. Roger turned and smiled when he saw John.

“Deacy! Oh—what happened to your top?”

“Someone spilt beer on me. I think. It doesn’t matter. How’s it going?”

“Good thanks mate. How’s your evening going?”

“Great. Thing is—”

“Come on, we’ll walk and talk. I’ll grab you another top.”

“That’s alright, it’ll soon dry—”

“Nonsense, Deacs. You can tell me about how it’s going with Lucy whilst you change.”

Most of John’s clothes were stored away in Roger’s wardrobe. He didn’t have much. Not compared with Freddie, who had two wardrobes worth.

Roger shook his head slowly from where he sat on his bed, as he watched John root through his wardrobe. “We seriously need to take you shopping. You’ve got hardly any clothes.”

“I have enough.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re wearing that, Deacy! You’ll have less chance of getting laid with that thing on.”

John frowned as he held up the polo top. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s fogey! The only person I’ve seen wear a polo top in the last two years is Brian’s Dad!”

“Alright, fine. What would you have me wear then?”

John kept a wary eye on Roger as he moved over to his side and began searching, his tongue between his lips.

“Aha. Perfect.”

John gave the black embroidered t-shirt a look over. “I don’t get how that’s better? Isn’t that yours anyway?”

“So? Freddie’s worn it numerous times when he’s been out on the pull.”

“Oh, well that’s me convinced.”

“Just try it on.”

“Fine.”

John waited for Roger to turn. When he remained watching, John reluctantly pulled his t-shirt over his head. He dumped it on the bed, and took the top that Roger held out, avoiding his eyes as he quickly put it on.

“There. Much better.”

“If you say so.”

It was short-sleeved, with a low neckline, and was the same satin material as his dark trousers.

“Looking good, Deacy. You’ll have her eating out of the palm of your hand with that on.” Roger said with a grin as he gave John a long look over.

“Yeah, about that. She was asking if we had anywhere to go. To… _you know_.”

“You can use my room. I was thinking of going back to Samantha’s anyway.”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

“Have you got any protection?”

John felt himself turning red under the weight of Roger’s gaze and words. “Err…no, I don’t think so. I erm…didn’t really think of—”

“That’s alright. I usually just steal a load off Fred.”

Roger grabbed a couple of packets from his bedside table and handed them to John with a smile. “Free of charge.”

John nodded, quickly putting them into the back pocket of his jeans. “Thanks. I owe you.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Roger waved his words away with a smile. He wrapped his arm around John’s neck with a wink. “Let me know if you need any tips.”

John turned away to blush in response. “Right. Will do.”

They headed back through the house together. Roger moved to whisper in John’s ear, and John strained to hear him as they made it to the brunette’s side. “Now go get her, tiger!”

John chuckled as Roger pulled away to give the girl a dazzling smile.

Everything seemed to happen very quickly from there.

John plied them both with a few more drinks for Dutch courage. She leaned in to kiss him, long and slow. She shivered as his tongue traced the curve of her lips, tasting wine and her lipstick. Then she was in his lap, a hand in his hair, the other sliding its way past his chest. His thumb rubbed circles into the inside of her thigh. Then she was taking hold of his hand and pulling him up from the sofa.

Roger winked at him from across the room as John lead her away, and John smiled shyly in response.

She didn’t seem to mind the mess as she quickly kissed him again. He pulled her against him as they stumbled backwards. They laughed softly as they fell against the bed and Her laughter gave way to a shudder when he kissed a trail down to her neck and lower as his hand wondered underneath her skirt.

Lucy’s skin was bathed in moonlight as she rode him. Her hair fell in waves, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. John’s fingernails dug into her hips as he guided her movements. He gave a long moan when she sped up, the familiar coil of pleasure rising up inside of him like a phoenix.

Afterwards, his head wasn’t spinning as much. He suddenly felt small and sober as he watched her dress. She leaned forwards to press one last kiss to his lips. “Call me sometime.”

“But I don’t have—”

He turned his head, noticing the slip of paper that she’d left on the bedside table.

She paused in the doorway and gave him a smile. “No excuse now.”

By the time he re-dressed and headed out of Roger’s room, everyone had gone. There was only Freddie, who was bundling empty bottles and plastic cups into a rubbish bag.

“Need a hand?”

Freddie looked up with a smile. “Ooh, if it isn’t the man of the hour!”

John avoided Freddie’s gaze as he begun to help tidy-up. “What does that mean?”

“I think you know very well, Deacy. She was very pretty.”

John hummed in agreement, and Freddie’s smile widened. “I used to think you were a shy thing.”

“I did have the help of Dutch courage.”

“Oh really? Tell me more.”

John tried not to be too generous with the details as they finished clearing up, but Freddie was unrelenting. They sat on the sofa, and Freddie smiled.

“So, are you seeing her again?”

“I don’t know, maybe. She did leave me her number.”

“That’s a good sign. She must like you, Deacy.”

“I liked her. She was nice.”

“Then what harm are you doing by giving her a call? Maybe see her sometime. See where it could lead.”

“I guess.”

Freddie snorted. “Don’t sound too keen dear.”

“I am, I swear. I’m just…”

He hesitated. John wasn’t sure he knew how to finish that.

“I think maybe I’m just tired. Probably.”

“Yes, as lovely as it’s been, it’s been a long night. I’ll let you get to bed.” Freddie said, quickly getting up and giving John a hug.

“You don’t have to do that, Fred. I don’t mind talking a little longer.”

“I know. But you’re not the only one who needs their beauty-sleep. I can’t survive on anything less than a solid eight hours. Otherwise my poor complexion suffers.”

John smiled in response. “Fair enough. Night Fred.”

“Night Deacy.”

o-o-o

“I’m bored.”

John looked up from the table in the corner of the living room, watching Roger fling himself onto the sofa, his shoes resting on the arm.

“Freddie will kill you if you leave marks on that sofa.”

“It’s fine. I’ll butter him up with a bunch of daffodils if he notices. He’s always liked those.”

John turned his attention back to what he was supposed to be doing. An essay on the history of Electrical Engineering and its influence on society. Just another two thousand words to go.

“I’m still bored.”

“Go outside. Go to the pub or something.”

Roger considered that for a moment as he turned his head to look out of the window. Then he pouted. “It’s raining.”

“Then read a book.”

“I don’t like reading.”

John sighed, reluctantly lifting his head. Roger was watching him. A little too closely.

“Haven’t you got coursework to do or something?” John asked as he quickly lowered his gaze in the hope that Roger wouldn’t notice that he was blushing.

“Yeah, but I can do it later.”

 _That’s the attitude_ , John thought as he put his head back down. Just as he was getting into his work, Roger spoke again.

“Can we do something, Deaky? _Please_?”

By the time John looked up again, Roger’s face was a little pink. He sat up, removing his feet from the sofa and shrugged. “Or not. If you’re too busy.”

“What did you want to do?”

Roger grinned, practically bouncing in his chair. “Freddie should be home from Mary’s in a bit. I thought we could set-up a prank.”

John squirmed in his seat. He’d not yet lived with them that long. “I’m not sure, Rog—”

“Oh relax, nothing too wild. You can always tell him it was my idea. It might give him the excuse he needs to finally kill me.”

“Well that’s reassuring.”

“Exactly. That way, I’ll be out of both of your hair. Help me do this and I promise to leave you alone for the rest of the evening.”

John considered that with pursed lips. “Okay, deal.”

They sat at the kitchen table to brainstorm some ideas whilst Roger went to grab them both a beer from the fridge.

John frowned as Roger passed him one. “Aren’t they Freddie’s?”

“Yeah. But he owes me a couple anyway.”

“Okay…what about balancing a cup of ice cold water above his bedroom door? I did that to my roommate once.”

“I’ve tried that loads of times. Freddie’s wised up enough to look up before he enters a room now.”

“That’s a shame.”

“We could set my alarm to go off really early and hide it somewhere it’d take him ages to find. I’ve done that a couple of times and it never fails. And mixing round his wardrobe so he has to search through it in the morning. That one really winds him up.”

“That’s a good idea. Let’s do that.”

Roger focused on disorganising Freddie’s wardrobe, and John hid the alarm underneath some scarves in a box under Freddie’s bed. He also found a bottle of vodka, and Roger snatched it away.

“Aha, I bet the tosser never thought we’d find this. He hides his stash in the most random of places.”

“Are you sure taking it is a good idea?”

“Why not? You only live once. Besides, Freddie always forgives me eventually.” Roger said with a shrug. “Well done you for finding it.”

John reluctantly followed Roger back into the kitchen as he poured them both a glass.

“Right. Bottom’s up, Deacy. Cheers.”

John sighed, but held his glass up to tap against Roger’s. “Cheers.”

That lead to an ill-advised game of _Truth or Dare_.

John dared Roger to do the first thing that came into his head. A lap of the courtyard topless, singing _I’m A Believer_ at the top of his lungs. He watched from the patio, doubling over with laughter as Roger skipped in and around the car park, singing loudly and swinging his top over his head with one hand.

Then he stopped, bouncing up to John as he put his top back on. “You didn’t think I’d have the balls to do it, did you Deacy?”

“I guess you proved me wrong.” John said with a fond smile.

“I’m happy to do so again. Just watch… _I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her_ —”

“Shh!” John said quickly. He pulled him back by his arm, and John found himself smiling at the way Roger’s eyes crinkled with laughter. “I’m not being held responsible if the neighbours wake up wanting to kill us.”

“Even if it was you who dared me to do it in the first place.”

John shrugged as he lead them back inside the safety of their flat. “They’ll only have your word for that. As far as anyone else knows, I’m a shy, innocent thing who would never dream of playing truth or dare.”

Roger pretended to gasp dramatically. “I knew you weren’t as innocent as you make out. Hell, I bet you’re a right troublemaker when the mood takes you!”

“I guess that’s for you to find out.” John teased, turning back to wink suggestively as they sat back down on the sofa.

Roger laughed loudly as he raised his glass to make a toast. “Cheers to that, Deacs!”

“Cheers,” John agreed, tipping the glass back to take a long sip.

“Right. Your turn.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, it bloody is!”

“Fine. I’ll have a dare.” John said reluctantly.

“Good man!” Roger said as he patted John on the shoulder. “Ooh, I know! I dare you to dance for me!”

“You had your chance to see me dance on that night out with Freddie. I’m not a performing monkey.”

“Yes you are. Now dance monkey, dance!” Roger grinned. “Besides, if you refuse to do it, you have to do a forfeit, and you know I’ll make that much worst.”

John sighed in response. “Fine. But you have to dance too.”

Roger instantly pulled a face. “No chance. I hate dancing.”

“Too bad. If you’re making me do it then you have to.”

Roger groaned as John grabbed his hand and pulled him up with him. “We can’t dance to this.”

 _The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face_ had started to play.

“Give me a second.”

Roger watched John lift the needle and put the record back in its sleeve, before he grabbed for one to the side of the player. It was _I Saw Her Standing There_.

“Really?”

“You love the Beatles. Besides, you can’t argue that this one’s too slow.” John shrugged as he turned back. He gave him an encouraging smile, moving over to his side smoothly. “Don’t worry, Rog. I’ll lead.”

“Shut up, Deacy.”

Roger reluctantly let John take his hand. To try to put him at ease, John begun to bounce to the music and Roger relaxed in response. John made Roger twirl, and Roger played into it as he spun away. John pulled him back by his hand, both of their laughter quietening as Roger’s body slammed into John’s. John made a surprise noise as he stumbled back against the wall, and Roger’s eyes widened.

“Shit. Sorry. Are you alright?”

John’s mouth had turned dry. The room was spinning, but he barely noticed. Instead, he found himself lost in the blue irises of Roger’s eyes. How his long eyelashes framed them. And how it felt to have the heat of Roger’s body against his.

He moved before he could think.

He felt Roger freeze as John kissed him. It was for no more than a second, but it was long enough for John to realise what he’d done.

Roger’s face seemed to twist with disgust as John pulled back. He swallowed thickly, forcing out a stilted apology.

“I…I’m…I’m sorry.”

He ran from the room as fast as his legs could carry him, regret guiding him forwards.

“John…John, wait!”

John ignored Roger’s calls, too horrified to stay and deal with the repercussions. He could only focus on his need to get out of the flat. To get away. He had to find a way of scorching the image of Roger’s face from his brain…he’d probably have to find somewhere else to live too.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG POOR DEACY!! :( I felt so bad writing this. What do you think will happen now? How do you think Roger will react, or how would you like him to react? Do you think he should go after him and give him the biggest kiss lol? I'd love that hahaha. Let me know your thoughts! Enjoy the rest of the week! :) :) <3


	5. There Was A Full Moon Showing And We Started To Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger finally manages to have a word with John. He becomes somewhat of a wayward influence on the youngest member of the band. And Freddie starts to get worried that that might not be a good thing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the summary was so awful haha! I just wrote it quick because I wanted to update the story as I know I've left it over a week. All I can do is apologize! I managed to get tickets for We Will Rock You last Friday at work and I went yesterday. OH MY GOD! I went in completely blank, not knowing anything about it, only that it had Queen music in it, and I was not disappointed!! Absolutely incredible. Anyone who's seen it will know how amazing the whole show is. The cast had amazing voices, and the bit at the end, without giving too much away....just wow. All I'll say is, you can tell how important Freddie is to the band, and that they know how important he is to the fans still, which is really amazing. They ended the show playing God Save The Queen too, like they do at every Queen concert. I was feeling all kinds of emotions, let me tell you. Ooh, and they did the AYOOOOO bit at Live Aid!!! And the audience did it back!! That was incredibly emotional. And also they had a bit where everyone was doing the STOMP STOMP CLAP bit for we will rock you. Never felt so proud to be part of a fandom before! Just amazing. Anyway, after all that, I really hope this next chapter is worth the wait lol. I'll try and reply to your comments before the end of tonight again, like before. But thank you so much for your lovely reviews, they honestly make my day. I can promise you that I read each and every one of them with the biggest smile on my face so thank you for that! Anyway, enough rambling lol. Enjoy!!

Roger hesitated in the doorway.

It was the first time he’d seen John in five days, despite living in the same flat. Now John was cornered in the kitchen, fear in his eyes. He reminded Roger of a caged animal.

“Hey. You’re…up early.”

John cleared his throat, quickly turning to pour the water from the kettle into his cup.

“Got a lecture.”

“Oh. Same here.”

John nodded, keeping his gaze on his cup as he stirred his coffee. “Did you want a drink?”

“I wouldn’t mind a coffee. I didn’t sleep very well.”

John stayed quiet as he reached for Roger’s cup. It wasn’t difficult to miss. It had _I Love Wanking_ written on it. It was Freddie’s idea as a joke in reference to Roger’s late night escapades. That was, when he didn’t have female company over.

Roger watched John pour a spoonful of coffee into Roger’s cup quietly.

“Whilst you’re here…have you got time for a chat?”

He noticed John’s hands shake as Roger stepped closer. He spilt a splash of milk on the worktop as he tried to pour it into their cups.

“Actually, I might have to rush off—”

“It’ll only take a minute. I wanted to catch you before Freddie wakes up.”

“Would it not be easier to say it in front of him? So we’re all clear?”

Roger felt his eyebrows furrow. John’s hair had conveniently fell to hide his face as he stirred Roger’s coffee.

“I’d rather not involve him in this, if it’s all the same mate. There’s no need to make this awkward.”

John nodded, still avoiding Roger’s eyes as he passed him his coffee. “When did you want me to move out?”

Roger almost dropped his cup.

“What? Why would you think I want you to move out?”

“I figured it would be easier. Given that I won’t be in the band anymore.”

“Hang on, _what_? Why not? I hope that’s not your way of saying that you quit. We’re just starting to get somewhere. We’ve got more gigs lined up than we ever have.”

“No. But I assumed you wouldn’t want me around anymore. Given…” he sighed, closing his eyes briefly. “what I did.”

“Oh come on,” Roger said in exasperation as he put down his cup and moved closer to try and see John’s expression. “Look John, what happened really wasn’t a big deal.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“No, of course not!”

Roger sighed as John finally turned to him. His eyes were glassy as he bit his lip, as if to stop his tears from falling. John sniffed quietly as Roger pressed a comforting hand to his shoulder.

“God. You’ve really been beating yourself up over this, haven’t you?”

John’s cheeks suddenly turned pink as he nodded. “A bit.”

“You were drunk. I was drunk. That’s all. We were just messing around, having a laugh, and got carried away in the moment. It was a mistake. Right?”

When John hesitated, Roger raised his eyebrows expectantly. John nodded quickly. He liked being in the band. He liked being around Brian, Freddie and…Roger. That was what mattered. He didn’t want to ruin things.

“Okay then. Good.” Roger said, feeling like a weight had been lifted. He squeezed John’s shoulder before he pulled away. Then he clicked his tongue as he picked his cup back up. “I really wish you’d have bloody talked to me before you convinced yourself I wanted you out though, Deacy. You’re the best bassist we’ve had. Not to mention you’re the only one in this household who can cook. We’d both starve if you weren’t here to feed us.”

Freddie and Roger had been impressed with his somewhat basic culinary skills. It at least meant that they didn’t have to live on takeaways and charred food.

John’s shoulders sagged in response. “I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I?”

“You have a bit, mate. But look—”

John blinked as Roger moved closer, his arm brushing John’s as he turned towards him. “Needless to say, this remains between us. The other two don’t need to know.”

“Agreed.”

“Perfect. Right, should we get off? Better leave Freddie to his lie-in. Mick’s offered to open the stall for us.”

John nodded, finding it easier to breath once Roger moved away to put his cup in the sink. He finished his coffee as Roger went to brush his teeth, smiling to himself for the first time in days.

o-o-o

From then on, Roger and John became virtually inseparable.

John had started to help out with the stall, eager to earn his keep. Even though Roger and Freddie had insisted it wasn’t necessary.

Roger proved to be quite the influence.

Brian watched the two of them sit in the corner of their rehearsal space, laughing and whispering about something.

Freddie narrowed his eyes, and placed a hand on his hip as he turned to them. “What are you two up to?”

“Nothing,” Roger insisted with a far too innocent smile.

Freddie hummed disbelievingly as he told them that he hoped they weren’t planning a prank. Not on him, at least.

John’s smile was quickly replaced with a frown. “No, of course not, Fred. I’d never do something like that to you.”

“Oh Deacy, you are a darling! I knew I could rely on you.” Freddie grinned at John. Then he turned to give Roger a look. “Glad to see you’ve not managed to rub off on him just yet.”

Roger raised a brow in response. That sounded like a challenge.

Then Freddie moved away to go over a song with Brian, completely missing the smirk John had given Roger.

“Think he believed that?”

Roger shook his head slowly at his friend. “ _Deacy_ , _Deacy_ , _Deacy_. And they think I’m the bad influence.”

From there, they begun getting up to all sorts of different tricks. It started off silly, usually ending with Roger and John doubling over with laughter.

They jumped out at Freddie as he went outside to have a cigarette. And they made Brian scream by putting a fake spider in his guitar case during rehearsals.

Then things moved up a gear.

They filled Freddie’s pot of moisturizer with toothpaste. They wrote _Kick Me_ on a sticky note and tapped it discreetly to Brian’s back. They replaced the sugar in their cannister with salt so that Freddie put that in his tea. And filled Brian’s hairdryer with baby powder whilst at his brainstorming song lyrics.

John was so bored during rehearsal that he started throwing peanuts at the back of Brian’s head. He was so focused on one of his guitar solos that he didn’t seem to notice. Roger laughed and joined in, and it became a game. Whoever managed to secure the most peanuts in Brian’s hair won. John did a subtle fist-pump when it became obvious he had the most points. Freddie clicked his tongue and raced to catch up with Brian as he left. When he came back, he gave them the look a mother might give her naughty children.

“Shame on you two. You’re just lucky I managed to get them out of his hair without Brian being any the wiser. Luckily, I convinced him there was a really big fly caught in it.”

“Well to be fair, I bet that must happen to him all the time—oh come on Fred, it was just a joke.” Roger said quickly as Freddie glared at him. “Maybe if we hadn’t spent all afternoon focusing on his part in one bloody song, me and Deacy wouldn’t have gotten so bored.”

Freddie shrugged as he helped Roger and John begin to pack away the drums. “Brian’s a perfectionist. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s no different to you hogging the bathroom for hours on end.”

“That’s _totally_ different. Besides, you can’t talk. You spend ages straightening that hair of yours.”

After that, Brian and Freddie took to calling them _The Terrible Twosome_.

Roger took John under his wing, particularly on nights out. He decided that the perfect way to build on John’s confidence would be to help him with the ladies. He gave him pointers as they headed for the student bar, which according to Roger was the haven of available women.

“The key thing is not to appear too keen. But still show enough of an interest so that they know you’re into them.” Roger explained as he lit his cigarette.

“Is that how you convince them all to let you stick your tongue down the back of their throat?”

“Obviously. Works every time.” Roger said, ignoring John’s sarcasm. “They’re practically gagging for it by that point.”

John shook his head fondly. Despite his teasing, he was quite envious of Roger’s easy confidence.

“You do realise I’m still seeing Lucy?”

“You’ve been on like two dates, haven’t you?”

“Well yeah, but—”

“That’s still in its infancy. You can barely call that _seeing her_ , Deacy.” Roger said with a roll of his eyes. “This is the perfect time to spread your wings. See what’s out there. Play the field a bit first.”

John frowned uneasily. “I’ve…never been much of a player before.”

“That’s even more reason to do it now.”

John’s stomach flipped uncomfortably as Roger grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the entrance of the bar with an impatient _come on_.

John didn’t usually go out looking to pick-up women.

He’d only been in one relationship, with a girl named Daisy. He’d met her during his first year at university, and they were together for six months. The others had been casual, and most of the time he’d gotten to know them first. A friend from school that he’d met up with, a girl in his class he’d got talking to, or a cousin of one of his previous bandmates…until Lucy.

He watched Roger give flirty smiles to the girls at the bar. He seemed to attract women like a magnet.

Roger kept close by, giving John tips as he scouted the room.

By the time that the brunette wondered over, Roger already had a girl in his lap. He still noticed the way she smiled at John, and Roger subtlety elbowed him. John took the hint and moved over to her side. He suddenly felt grateful for all of the shots of vodka Roger had plied them both with.

Luckily, she was easy to talk to.

He brought her a drink and she got talking about her degree in fine art. Something John had never had much of an interest in. But she shared his passion for music. He seized his chance when a _Marvin Gaye_ track begun.

“I don’t suppose you fancy a dance?”

She smiled, before downing the rest of her drink. “I would actually.”

They moved across to the dancefloor. His hand rested against her lower back as he pulled her close. He licked his lips as she reached forwards to whisper in his ear.

“You’re a really good dancer. You’ve got the hips for it.”

“Oh. Thanks. So have you.”

In next to no time, she’d leaned forwards and kissed him. The song blurred into the background as her arms wound around his neck, and her tongue thrust against his. He could taste the gin, but found that he didn’t mind as her small body lined itself against his.

He excused himself to say goodbye to Roger and let him know his intentions of going back to hers.

Roger wrapped an arm around his shoulder and moved close enough to whisper in John’s ear. John shivered at the way his breath tickled against his skin.

“Well done Deacy. You still got those condoms I gave you?”

“Yes,” he said quietly, his hand automatically moving to make sure they were still in his back pocket.

“Cool. Enjoy it. Have your fill. I want all the gory details tomorrow. Oh, and if you want to avoid the awkward morning-after chat, just sneak out whilst she’s still asleep. That’s what I do.”

John gave a shaky laugh. “I’ll bear that in mind.”

“Good man,” Roger said, giving his shoulder a squeeze before pulling away. He gave John’s face a long look over. And then he winked. “Now go have fun, Deacs.”

That was how it started.

The casual trysts, the endless nights out.

It became another game. Just like when they teamed up to think up pranks, it became a competition to see who could pull the most.

John let himself be egged on by Roger.

He wanted to show that he could be a good friend and a reliable wingman too.

And it didn’t go unnoticed.

Freddie managed to collar Roger whilst John was at a lecture one morning.

He was lounging on his bed, reading the latest copy of _Mayfair_ Magazine. Freddie raised a brow as he went to sit next to him.

“I do hope I’m not interrupting quality time with your hand.”

“Fuck off, Freddie. You know where the door is if you don’t like me looking at shit like this in my own room.”

“On the contrary, I’m not opposed to seeing women’s tits. Ooh, she’s got a lovely pair!”

Roger groaned, quickly closing the magazine and throwing it aside. He couldn’t take it seriously with Freddie hanging around. He’d only brought it to ogle the pictures of Brigitte Bardot. He had a bit of a thing for her. He’d always liked Patti Boyd and Veruschka too. The first and the latter happened to be in that month’s edition.

“What do you want?”

“Isn’t that charming? I come in here to hang out with my best friend, listen to Hendrix and have a flick through a porno magazine and get accused of wanting something.”

“Sure. Because we’ve spent many mornings having a chat whilst ogling women since moving in together.”

“Exactly darling. Shove over.”

Roger narrowed his eyes and fixed Freddie with a look. Freddie sighed in response.

“Oh alright. I wanted to talk to you about Deacy whilst he’s out.”

Roger sat up straighter, instantly tense. “What about him?”

“Well more precisely, I wanted to talk to you about yours and his recent escapades.”

Roger rolled his eyes, sensing a lecture looming.

“Now come on, don’t get on the defensive just yet,” Freddie said carefully as he turned to face him. “I just wanted to reiterate the point that John is only nineteen, and is still easily swayed by his friends.”

“Why don’t you just say it? You think I’m a bad influence. He has got a mind of his own, you know? He doesn’t just follow me around like a lost sheep, copying what I do.”

Freddie watched Roger swing his legs over the side of his bed, and stand before Freddie. His eyebrows were furrowed, his cheeks flushed with pink, and his arms folded over his chest. Signs that Freddie knew he needed to tread carefully with his next words.

“There’s no reason to get so irate, dear. I’m trying to look out for you both. I’m glad that you’re getting along so well, and it’s good that you’re getting him to go out and have fun. But you’ve seen how he gets before a gig. He works himself up into a frenzy. I adore John, but this life isn’t for him. He’s more the type who would be happier settling down. Which means that he might not be able to go out as much.”

Roger spluttered in response.

“Yeah well, our re—friendship has nothing to do with you, Freddie. I’m not forcing him to do anything. And what are you even talking about, settling down? He can’t do that when the band gets bigger. We’ll be too busy touring and being in the studio. Seriously Fred, you sound like his fucking mother.”

“I’m just concerned that’s all,” Freddie sighed. “He’s still finding his feet in the band, and I get the sense he’s doing all these things to try to impress you.”

Roger avoided his eyes. His cheeks heated up for a different reason as he reached for a cigarette. “What? But that’s…crazy. Why don’t you believe that he’s just out to have a good time like me?”

“Because he’s usually so shy. Around me and Brian, at least. And then it’s like you two get together and he has the same look that Kash used to have when she taught herself the piano to impress her big brother.”

Roger gave a shrug as he lit up his cigarette. “So? What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. I just don’t want him to regret doing anything. Maybe if you were to take him under your wing a little more, make sure he’s having fun for the right reasons.”

Roger heaved a great sigh, feeling like he’d definitely been thoroughly lectured. “Fine. Is that all mother?”

Freddie narrowed his eyes in response. “Yes. Smartarse.”

“Wanker.”

“That’s usually you, I think you’ll find.”

“Proud of it too.” Roger said, finally giving Freddie a smile.

Freddie smiled back, relieved that Roger didn’t seem offended by his interfering. He still found himself seeking reassurance though.

“You know I only said all that because I care, right?”

Roger nodded as Freddie went to give him a hug. “I know. We’re all good, Fred.”

Freddie patted his shoulder before stepping away to look at him. “Good. Now go and make me a cup of tea, Roggie. I’ll make it worth your while.”

Roger groaned as Freddie waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “One, I’ve asked you not to call me that, you tosser. And two, not even if you were the last man on Earth.”

Freddie snorted as he followed Roger out of his room. “Hmm, you should be so lucky dear.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'll say is....the next chapter is about to get verrrrrrry interesting. In just three words: Party. Sex. And drugs.  
> So casual rock and roll lol. I might update next Monday or Tuesday so you don't have to wait too long for that update haha.


	6. Everybody Gonna Have A Good Time Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band embark on their first national tour as Queen. Whilst there, Roger encourages John to seize the day a little more. From there, things take an unsuspecting turn....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: There is a few mentions of drugs in this chapter, so if you don't feel comfortable that, don't read. There is also mention of sex, and goes into a little detail about how that happens. Apart from that, enjoy! And sorry the summary was so bad. I'm tired lol!

Queen’s popularity begun to spread like wildfire.

Andrew Clegg attended one of the band’s gigs. He’d been scouting the area to find a supporting act for a relatively unknown band on a nationwide tour after the band he’d had dropped out.

It was the middle of summer. Brian and Roger had graduated. John had just finished his second year.

It would be for two weeks, visiting nine cities and would end in London.

The band packed only the essentials.

For Freddie that involved a bag full of make-up and an array of dazzling costumes for on and off stage. Roger had scoffed at all the skin-tight, glitzy things he’d packed, and Freddie had shrugged in response.

“I’ve got to make an impression darling. You three should be taking notes. Nobody’s going to notice us wearing last week’s drags.”

In fairness, Roger had packed a fair amount of clothes too. And a stash of condoms. He told John as such as they loaded the van.

“My motto is, it’s better to be prepared. I’d rather have too many, than not enough. I’m all for women’s liberation. I don’t think it should be down to just them to take precautions, you know?”

John looked away, busying himself with setting his guitar case in the back and hiding his blush behind a curtain of hair.

Freddie overheard him, and gave a huff of laughter. “Yes, because you’ve always concerned yourself with the trials of the everyday woman, Rog.”

“Take the piss all you want, Freddie. I’ll have you know that my maternal grandmother was a suffragette. Apparently. Mum used to say she was about as stubborn as a goat. Went three days on hunger strike before they eventually managed to force-feed her.”

Freddie turned back to frown at him. “You’ve never told me that.”

“I only know because I found my Grandma’s diary when I was a kid. It wasn’t something they talked about. Anyway, remind me again how me and Deacy got lumbered with being stuck in the back?” He griped as he sat against the ledge of the van. It was just big enough for him to sit on. John sat on the floor, opposite.

“We flipped a coin, remember?” Freddie sighed.

“Oh yeah. I still reckon you rigged that.”

“Only because you lost. We all agreed that was the fairest way to decide. Because it’s impossible to be rigged.”

“Well…” Brian started, a questioning tone to his voice.

“Oh, don’t you start. You’ll only give him more incentive.”

“I’m only repeating what I said when I picked you all up. That technically, tossing a coin isn’t about probability at all. It’s about—”

“Yes, yes. Physics, the coin, and something else about tossing.” Freddie interrupted with a sigh.

Roger gave a snort of laughter in response.

“Don’t be so immature, Taylor!”

“Can’t help it. I’ve know you too long, Fred,” Roger said, as he smirked across at John.

Brian carried on explaining regardless. “It’s about _how_ the coin gets tossed. If a coin is heads-up when it’s flipped, then it’s likely to remain heads-up when it lands. It’s basic physics.”

“Shame you couldn’t let us in on that little secret _before_ we agreed on a bloody coin toss.” Roger said as he glared into the back of Brian’s chair.

“Yes then we could have let Roger toss the bloody coin instead. Save all the arguments. We all know he’s good at doing that.” Freddie said dryly. “Oh no. Sorry, my mistake. That’s only tossing _himself_ off.”

“Fuck you, Freddie!”

“Could you two try and avoid having a domestic before we even manage to get out of London?” Brian said with a sigh. He looked back in his internal mirror to see Roger frowning and John staring out of the back of the van. “Sorry you two, but technically, Fred is right. It’s unlikely there’d have been a fairer way of calling it.”

Freddie smiled at Brian’s words. “Thank you, dear. Exactly what I just said.”

“Hopefully it won’t be too bumpy in the back, at least.”

Roger’s frown deepened at Brian’s words. “Doubtful. You and Fred can swap with us on the way back. It’s only fucking fair!”

Freddie sighed in response. “Would you please look on the bright side? We’re on our first official tour as _Queen_! Aren’t you even the littlest bit excited?”

“Oh yeah, I’m doing cartwheels on the inside! Can’t you tell by my face?”

John ducked his head to hide his smile as Freddie turned back hopefully, only to be rewarded with Roger glaring at him.

Every bump in the road was more accentuated in the back.

John kept his gaze on the small window, away from the sight of Roger glowering at Freddie and Brian’s backs as the latter two talked amongst themselves obliviously.

Andrew and the members of the other band were already waiting at their Edinburgh hotel.

Roger wrinkled his nose at the décor and the faint smell of stale beer and sewage. Brian stretched his arms as they walked through the front door.

“Ahh here they are now. Glad to see you again, boys.” Andrew said with a smile.

Andrew looked to be in his forties, and was slightly overweight. He was nearly always smiling, and he had long, fluffy hair.

“Let me introduce you to the band you’ll be supporting. They’re called _The Virtual_ , and they play a bit of everything. The Beatles, The Who, Jimi Hendrix. You name it, they sing it.”

“So they’re a cover band?” Roger frowned.

“No. We do our own music too. We do a bit of everything actually.” One of them said with a shrug.

The three members didn’t dress as strikingly as Queen. They were all wearing t-shirts and jeans. But they all had styled hair, and were naturally good-looking. Particularly the lead singer. John thought there was something a little _Hendrix_ about him.

“That’s great. Perhaps we could make some time to write together. We’re always up for getting new ideas.” Brian smiled.

“Sounds good. We’re planning on heading to the pub before the gig if you feel like joining us? See what some of the local spots are like.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there.” Roger quickly spoke-up for the band.

Andrew finished checking them in before he turned back to them. “Here are your room keys, boys.”

He passed Brian two sets of keys.

“I’ll let you decide who shares. Unfortunately, there was a slight mix-up. So you’ve both got double beds.”

Roger set down his bag with a thump, getting Andrew’s attention.

“I’m sorry, what? We have to sleep together? In the same bed?”

Andrew sighed, looking far from surprised at Roger’s question. “I know it’s not convenient, but I’m afraid you’ll have to make-do. It’s only for one night.”

Roger watched him and the other band leave. He folded his arms across his chest, looking far from impressed.

“Is he actually taking the piss? Just look at this place. The building looks as if it could collapse at any bloody moment. And don’t get me started on the smell—”

Brian gave a shrug as he yawned. “It’s not that bad. Maybe our rooms will be nicer.”

“Doubtful,” Roger snorted. “And on the subject of rooms…what the _fuck_? He actually expects us to share a fucking bed?”

Freddie rolled his eyes, sensing Roger was on the verge of a blow-up. “I’m sure all three of us feel just as delighter about sharing a bed with you dear. Especially as you’re the loudest snorer. But it seems we’ll all have to suffer for the sake of our art.”

Roger quickly grabbed his bag and chased after Freddie with a frown.

“Take that back, Fred! We both know that Brian’s a much louder snorer than I am, after he kipped on our sofa that time!”

Brian sighed resignedly as him and John followed them. “I hope you don’t take this personally, Deacy. But I’ll pay you all the money in the world, if it means you let me share with Fred.”

John smiled in response.

As it turned out, Roger didn’t mind the thought of sharing with John either.

“At least by us sharing, I’m not stuck with Brian’s snoring or Freddie’s fidgeting. I know I’m prone to snore, but mine are like purrs of a kitten in comparison to Brian.” Roger said casually as he moved to put his stuff by the foot of the bed. John set his case down on the bed, and Roger turned to watch him. “You don’t have any tendencies I should be made aware of, do you? One of my old flatmates sleep-talked on occasion. I had a full blown conversation with him about eggy bread once. Still to this day, he doesn’t remember it.”

John hesitated, using the time to open his suitcase and avoid eye contact.

Roger talked in his sleep sometimes. On the rare occasion, he screamed.

John had heard him once or twice. But it wasn’t something they spoke about. Unless needed.

Freddie had made John promise. According to him, doing so only provoked an anger buried somewhere deep inside of Roger.

So John reluctantly feigned ignorance.

“Urm…no…no, I don’t think so.” John replied carefully as he begun to unpack his clothes. “I’m a bit of a heavy sleeper. Mum used to say that she reckoned I could probably sleep through an earthquake…what about you?”

“Same really. I snooze the alarm at least half a dozen times. But that’s about it.” Roger said as he took a long look around the room. He wrinkled his nose. “Blimey. I wasn’t expecting five-star luxury, but they could have spruced the place up a bit.”

His fingers swept across the desk in the corner, coating them in a thin layer of dust.

“Or you know, had a polish round.”

“It’s not that bad. I’ve definitely stayed in worst places.”

“I suppose beggars can’t be choosers.” Roger grumbled as he sat on the bed. He watched John hang up his clothes with furrowed eyebrows. “Why are you bothering to do that? We’re only here for one night. You’ll have to pack it all back up again in the morning.”

“I know, but it’ll annoy me if anything is creased. Especially as some were brought with the intention of wearing on-stage.”

Roger raised a brow as he reached for his cigarettes. “I hope you’ve run those past Freddie first. You know what he’s like.”

“Of course. It’s all been Freddie-approved.”

They met back up at a pub around the corner. The band were smoking a joint outside of the venue, and passed it around. Them they headed inside to get a drink, and left them to finish it.

John watched Roger draw it up to his lips and inhale wordlessly. Watched his lips pucker as he exhaled.

Roger smiled as he offered the joint to Brian, who quickly shook his head. Roger passed it onto Freddie instead.

“Reminds me of all our wild, first-year parties this does. Standing outside a boozer, sharing round a joint. Good times.”

“If you say so.” Brian said, wrinkling his nose at the smell. “I’m going to head on in and grab a drink.”

“Good idea, I’ll join you.” Roger said quickly.

Freddie inhaled a couple of times, and offered it out to John. “Deacy?”

John paused for all of a second, before accepting it. He took a long inhale and proceeded to cough. Freddie quickly took it back and had one last drag, before he stomped it out.

He gave John a sympathetic smile as he rested a hand against his back. “First one?”

“Kind-of. I tried one last year. But then it sort of…made me throw-up.”

“You should have said. You didn’t have to try it if you didn’t want to.”

“I know. I just thought I might feel differently about it. Given that I smoke a little more now.” John said with a shrug. “You and Roger made it look so easy.”

“That’s only because we used to have the occasional joint. I reacted like that the first time I tried one. Except I didn’t throw-up which I was pleased about. I wouldn’t have been too happy getting sick all over my new platforms.”

John smiled in response, as Freddie’s expression grew serious. “But I meant what I said. Don’t ever let yourself feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to, John. That’s important. Especially in this business.”

He nodded as Freddie lead them towards the door of the pub. Freddie’s arm wrapped around his shoulders as John swayed a little. “Now come on. Let’s get a glass of water down your neck first. We could do without you passing out on us before we even make it to centre stage.”

o-o-o

Roger seized the advantages of being away on tour. He spent every night with new company, knowing he’d unlikely see them again.

He sweet-talked girls into taking them back to theirs. And when that didn’t work, he’d disappear somewhere not too far away. Then he’d come back a while later with tousled hair, his mouth stained with lipstick, and his fly still undone, which made it obvious as to where he’d been.

But then Brian was only slightly subtler.

The two weeks went past in a blur, or so it seemed to John.

By the time they made it to Southampton, he found himself a little homesick. He would be glad to get back to London.

His eyes flickered upwards, catching the female bartender’s eyes. She smiled in response.

The adrenaline from their performance had worn-off, and he was feeling tired. It didn’t help that he was sat on his own.

Freddie had gotten chatting to members of the other band and hadn’t been seen since. At least not by John. Brian had already convinced a girl to go back with him to the hotel.

John was in no mood for company tonight.

He downed the rest of his drink, grabbed his coat and headed out.

Roger was easy to spot.

He was stood against the wall, a brunette pushed against him. His hands were wondering past her waist, his tongue as far down her throat as he could probably manage.

John looked away quickly. And winched as he kicked aside a stone, accidentally revealing his presence.

“Ahh his ears must have been ringing. This is the bloke I was telling you about.”

John’s eyebrows furrowed in curiosity but he kept walking.

“Hey Deacy! Hold up! John!”

John reluctantly slowed at the sound of Roger’s heavy footsteps. He was breathless by the time he made it to his side. He reached out, pulling John back by the sleeve of his jacket.

“Bloody hell mate. Are you on a mission or something?”

“I’m just not feeling it.”

“So you’re going back already? But it’s barely eleven, and we’re heading back tomorrow.”

“I know. I just felt like getting an early night.”

“Oh,” Roger said with a frown. “Alright. I’ll head back with you.”

“No need. Go and have fun. Don’t let me spoil the party.”

“You’re not,” Roger insisted. He squeezed John’s arm in reassurance. “Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I let you wonder off alone?”

John drew a long, weary breath as he ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t need you to do that for me, Roger. I’m a grown adult. And I’m more than capable of walking back by myself.”

John dropped his gaze guiltily as Roger’s expression changed. He removed his hand from John’s arm like he’d been burnt.

“Right. Well. I’ll let you go then—”

“Wait, sorry.” John said quickly. He reached out as Roger turned away, but let his hand drop back to his side as Roger paused. “Ignore me. I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long couple of weeks.” Roger said carefully. He turned back to look at John, his expression even. “That’s exactly why I thought you’d be up for letting off a bit of steam. Alice wouldn’t mind you joining us if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not sure. Three’s a crowd and all that.”

“ _Please_ John. I’ll make it worth your while.”

John’s gaze flickered across Roger’s face on their own accord. Past his wide, baby blues, his button nose, and down to his slightly parted lips. He watched Roger’s tongue trace them, before they lifted into a hopeful smile.

“I’ll even buy you a drink.”

John blinked, quickly looking away again. He took a deep breath, suddenly realising he’d been holding it.

When he didn’t initially respond, Roger pulled him back towards where Alice stood smoking, with a gentle _come on, Deacy_.

So John reluctantly found himself sliding into their booth as they headed back inside. Roger had already kept his promise by buying John another vodka. He’d gone back to leaning into Alice, and whispering something in her ear that made her smile. Then his lips descended, moving across the skin of her neck and throat as she bit the corner of her lips.

John couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away.

But then Alice caught him staring, and he forced himself to turn away. By doing so, he almost missed the way Roger shifted over to his side and leaned in to whisper in John’s ear.

“Alice thinks we’re making you uncomfortable.”

John didn’t miss the way Roger’s speech was starting to slur. Or the way his fingers were fiddling with the ends of his hair. It made his head feel slightly foggy and his body feel tingly. His reply came out slightly distorted.

“Uhm…no…I’m fine. But I’ll leave soon. Early morning.”

“Don’t go yet, Deacy.” Roger whined against his ear. The sound sent a shiver down his spine. “Alice wants you to stay too.”

John frowned as Roger pulled his hand away. “I think she’s more interested in you.”

“Not true.”

Roger rested his elbow against his shoulder and turned back to Alice. She was watching them closely as Roger shouted against the music. “John’s thinking of going in a bit!”

“But he’s only just sat down!” She said with a pout.

“I know! I told him you wanted him to stay too.”

“Oh,” she said as she shuffled over to join Roger’s side. “And that didn’t persuade him to stay? Did you tell him that I thought he was gorgeous?”

“Nah. I was just getting to that bit.”

She leaned across Roger to whisper in John’s ear with a smile. “Actually, I said that I thought you were both gorgeous. I’ve had my eyes on the two of you all evening.”

John listened quietly, not sure where she was going with that.

“Roger’s been very attentive. And I’ve loved the attention. But you seem the opposite. Which intrigues me. There’s something… _sinful_ about the thought of having the both of you to keep me entertained.”

He blinked in surprise. “Really?”

Her voice was slightly breathless when she replied. “Uh-hum. Can I kiss you, John?”

“Oh, I—”

He moved back, ignoring her heavy gaze as he turned towards Roger.

He was looking between them with wide eyes, his cheeks a little pink. He didn’t seem offended by her request. On the contrary, he looked almost curious.

John stayed still as Alice closed the distance. Her lips pressed to his, soft and unyielding at the same time. He automatically melted as her hand gripped his shoulder. He had to admit that she was at least a good kisser. John could taste her lipstick and the wine she’d been drinking.

Then she pulled away too soon and gave a smile at his expression. She let her lips brush against the shell of his ear once more.

“I hope you boys aren’t the jealous type. It’s much more fun when there’s three willing participants.”

She detangled with a wink, and gave Roger a quick kiss before announcing she was popping to the bathroom.

Roger bit his lip and watched her walk away with a fond expression on his face. “What a woman.”

“You do realise what she’s suggesting?”

Roger mistook the shock in John’s tone, as he continued to watch her retreating back. “I know, I couldn’t believe it either at first. I bet even Freddie’s never been offered a threesome before.”

“That sounds great when you say it like that. But it would also mean seeing each other naked. As in _completely_ naked.”

John felt his face grow hotter as he said that.

Roger wondered around the flat half-naked all the time. In the smallest of briefs as he grabbed a bowl of cereal, or a towel around his waist as he stepped out of the shower.

John had looked. Had even briefly let himself imagine the rest of him.

But they were just fleeting thoughts.

Going through with this, with him, would likely mean taking things to a whole new level.

“So? Besides, I’ve seen Freddie naked.” Roger said with a shrug. Then he rolled his eyes at the look on John’s face. “Let’s just say that tequila had a lot to answer for, and leave the rest to your imagination.”

“Might be best,” John agreed as Roger gave a shudder.

“Anyway, my point is it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Unless you make it into one. Just have a few more drinks and relax. You must be at least slightly tempted? She’s gorgeous!” Roger insisted. “You have to grab these opportunities whilst they present themselves, Deacy.”

“Okay, yes, she’s pretty, I guess. But I’m just not sure this is a good idea.”

John bit his lip as he looked towards the bar. There were groups of people stood together. Friends, acquaintances, and everything in between, all ordering rounds of drinks.

He liked to watch people.

He liked to imagine the stories they had to tell. Especially if he was in a stressful situation.

“ _Please_! Be a mate! She might change her mind if you chicken out and I really fancy her, John.”

John sighed, still avoiding Roger’s desperate gaze.

Fancy her or not, John didn’t see how it mattered. Roger never bothered giving women a second look once he’d successfully gotten them into his bed.

But maybe this one would be different.

Which meant John at least felt some moral duty to go through with it.

“I…I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“No, neither have I.”

John turned back, hoping he didn’t look too surprised.

“But you know me, Deacs. Willing to give most things in life a try at least once.”

John bit his lip again, trying to rid his mind of the images that those words conjured up. Roger made use of John’s hesitation by passing him his vodka.

“Down that. Dutch courage works wonders for the nerves. Then I’ll buy you another one.”

John snorted. “You really are eager.”

“Yes, I am! So hurry up and finish your bloody drink so that I can ply you with more alcohol!”

John’s uneasiness must still have been obvious, as Alice’s smile dropped as she slid back into their booth. She leaned forwards to shout across the music.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’ve been too forward, haven’t I? My mother always said I was never the modest of girls.”

“Modesty’s overrated in my eyes,” Roger rushed to assure as he wrapped an arm back around her shoulders. “It was just a surprise. A good one. It doesn’t mean that we aren’t interested.”

He turned back, giving John a expecting look. “Does it?”

John shook his head once, before he turned away and sipped his drink.

“If it helps, I have something to take the edge off. If you want it.”

“Consider me intrigued,” Roger said as he watched Alice retrieve something from inside the front of her dress. A small, see-through package. Inside was what looked like white powder.

Roger instantly sat up.

“Is that what I think it is?”

Alice nodded. “My flatmate gave me it. She got it off a friend of hers. A little treat if tonight went well.”

“I hope you intend on sharing that little treat?”

“Of course. I’m not a tease, you know.”

John watched wordlessly as Roger cupped her face and leaned forwards to kiss her. He felt clammy all over, and the room suddenly seemed to be getting smaller.

“I…need a…cigarette.”

He choked on his words, ignoring Alice look up at him. He hardly heard Roger call his name over the ringing in his ears. He stumbled for the exit just as the room begun to spin.

John closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool bricks, as he tried to take deep breaths. He wiped his hands against his trousers and let the silence wash over him.

That was how Roger found his minutes later.

“What the fuck, mate? I know it might have been a shock at first, but you’re supposed to be—”

Roger paused, giving John a worried once-over as he moved towards his side. He rested his hand against his lower back with a frown.

“John, are you alright? Are you going to be sick?”

John kept his eyes closed, but shook his head slowly. “I don’t think so…just came over a bit dizzy.”

“Well maybe you should come and sit down—”

“I’m fine now, I think.” John said as he let his eyes slowly reopen.

The ground didn’t seem as close as it did before, and he didn’t feel as clammy. But he still felt a tight knot of anxiety pull from somewhere deep within him.

“I don’t think I can do this, Rog.”

“What are you so worried about, Deacy? If it’s about being naked in front of me, I couldn’t give a shit. You’ve not got nothing I haven’t, and besides…you’re…pretty. I’m sure the rest of you is the same.”

John felt so overwhelmed that Roger’s words didn’t register.

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

John suddenly felt like he was suffocating again. Roger’s hand stroking his back felt anything but comforting, and he had to take a moment to focus all his energy on breathing deeply again.

“I just…I…this isn’t me! I don’t do stuff like this. And no matter how hard I try, I’ll never fit in!”

He pulled away from Roger, keeping a careful distance as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m not as comfortable as Freddie in my own skin, and I’m not as outgoing as Brian. I don’t have your easy confidence with women, or share your unconcern about trying new things. It’s just…it’s all too much. I’d never been outside of the Midlands before university and now I’m in Southampton with you, being offered things I’ve never even thought about.”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Roger said as soothingly as possible as he moved closer, careful not to touch John. He could see the tension in John’s face as he turned back. “Jesus. You’ve really worked yourself up about this, haven’t you?”

John responded by leaning against the wall and ducking his head. The last thing he wanted to see was Roger’s sympathy.

“If you feel that strongly, then you don’t have to go through with it. I’ll take you back to the hotel and I won’t mention any of this ever again.” Roger assured him softly. “I just thought it would be a good bonding experience. That sounds mad when I say it like that, but you know me. I like to live in the moment, and I wanted to try and help you do a little more of that. Not to mention it’d be a wicked story to tell the grandchildren.”

John looked up, and Roger offered an uncertain smile.

“I guess I just wanted you to feel included. It was her idea, and I probably let myself get swept away. Especially because I know you overthink things, and get so anxious about stuff like that.”

John swallowed thickly.

Roger had been thinking about him, in his own way. He’d never had a friend willing to try to get him to open up, to live a little more impulsively. Both things he’d always struggled with.

This was his chance. To at least pretend to be brave. To ignore that just thinking like that made his heart speed up again.

“You’re right. I do overthink everything.” John agreed gruffly.

Roger raised an eyebrow in response. “Right. Well with that agreed, I guess I’ll go and bid my goodbyes to Alice.”

John reached out a hand to stop him. Roger stared at him expectantly.

“Maybe that’s why I need to start taking a leaf out of your book. Start trying to say yes to more.”

Despite the heavy feeling still in his stomach, it was worth it to see Roger smile.

“Really? Because I meant what I said. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, John. I really wouldn’t mind if you’d prefer to just go back to the hotel—”

“What kind of friend would I be if I ended up destroying Roger Taylor’s chance of a threesome?”

“Oh Deacy, you really are amazing. Honestly! I could _kiss_! In fact no, I’m going to.”

John blinked in surprise as Roger leaned forwards. He pressed his hands to either side of his face and gave him a quick peck on the lips. And then he pulled away with a smile, leaving John to watch him a little dazedly.

“I’ll give you another couple of minutes to collect your thoughts whilst I go and tell Alice the good news.”

Instead of doing just that, he paused a moment longer, giving John a long, considered look.

“You’re wrong, by the way. About what you said. So maybe you’re not as confident as Freddie, or as outgoing as Brian, or as open-minded as me. It doesn’t matter. You fit in regardless. You’re the final missing piece of the jigsaw in this band. We wouldn’t work without you.”

Roger’s face turned slightly pink as John watched him in surprise.

“Not to mention you’re an amazing friend.”

“Thanks. So are you, Rog.”

Roger looked back up, and the two shared a last look, before Roger cleared his throat and pulled away.

“Right then. See you inside.”

Maybe it was hearing Roger say all those wonderful things that spurred him on. Maybe he wanted to surprise Roger, just once. To prove he could try to be fearless sometimes.

By the time he made it back inside, Roger and Alice were getting their coats on.

“We’re taking the party back to ours,” Roger said with a mischievous smile. He let Alice lead the way back through the nightclub. Roger paused for half a second to check in with John, before they followed. “This still okay?”

John gave a stiff nod.

There was a warm breeze picking up which seemed to make the alcohol flow through John’s body faster. It seemed to help him feel a little less anxious at least, as the three of them wondered back to the hotel. By the time they made it, they were laughing about something or other, the drink making them somewhat giddy.

John sat on the bed, suddenly shy again as he watched them move about the room.

Alice shared round a glass of vodka that Roger had stuffed away in his luggage.

Roger meanwhile emptied the packet onto the table. He grabbed the hotel’s business card and took out a banknote from his wallet to roll up as he shared out three separate lines.

“Right. It’s ready.” Then he noticed the look John was giving him, and he shrugged in response. “I used to have a friend who was up for trying anything. More than me if you can believe it. He tried cocaine a couple of times. On the rare occasion he could afford it.”

“I’m just glad to see you know what you’re doing babe.” Alice said with a smile. She stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave him a quick kiss.

“Always do gorgeous,” Roger said with a naughty smile as he pulled away. “Ladies first then?”

“Yeah, alright.”

John watched Alice step forwards and take the rolled up note from Roger. She bent her head and snorted the first line. Then she passed the note back to Roger as she wiped at her nose.

Roger did it without hesitating. He made it look so easy. Like everything he did in life.

“Your turn, Deacs.”

Roger turned and saw the look on John’s face.

“I’ll do yours for you—”

John shook his head. He was suddenly paranoid that Roger would think he was a coward if he didn’t do it.

“I’ll have a go.”

“That’s the spirit, mate.”

John gave a small, uncertain smile as he stood. Roger patted him on his back, which seemed to cause his nerves to amplify all over again.

He took the rolled-up note with shaking fingers and bent forwards.

He got a whiff of gasoline seconds before he snorted it. it was like breathing fluid into his nose, but the sensation lasted all of a second. Then he stepped back and coughed, feeling it hit the back of his throat as he stumbled.

Roger gave a small laugh in response, reaching forwards to make sure John didn’t fall completely.

“Woah, okay. Well done, Deacs. Let’s just get you sat on the bed for a minute, yeah?”

“Anyone would think you’d done this before.”

“You know me. I’ve always taken to new things like a duck to water.”

John let himself be sat back down as he licked his lips. His mouth felt dry, so he took a sip of the glass of vodka as Alice passed him it, welcoming the taste.

He watched Alice turn to Roger, who was lingering by the side of the room, and watching John with furrowed eyebrows. There was fire in her eyes as she gave him a long look-over.

“Let me be the first to find out if that’s true.”

The room seemed to spin as John watched Alice move forwards to kiss Roger. His head felt heavy, but his body felt surprisingly light.

There was something intense about being allowed to watch.

There was something mesmerizing about the way Roger moved his body, his searching hands, and the way he kissed like nobody else existed.

It was easy to see why women were so drawn to him.

Alice pulled away with a groan. Roger watched her step away, his gaze intense.

“I want you to get undressed. I want that top and those trousers of yours to be on the floor by the time I’ve looked round again.” Alice said in a captivatingly thick voice.

Roger gave her a wink, his hand already moving to the buttons of his shirt. “Yes Ma’am.”

John watched Roger begin to undress. Or tried to. Until Alice gently turned his head so that he was looking at her instead.

“As for you…”

She closed the distance between them, gingerly pushing back a strand of his hair before kissing him long and deeply.

Roger licked his lips in response, and quickly set to work on his belt buckle.

It all seemed to come a little easier after that.

They settled on the bed, a merge of wondering hands and bruising kisses.

The three of them were in only their underwear by that point.

Alice was on her side and in the middle. John’s body was pressed against her back, his hand at her waist, and his lips sucking on a point between her neck and her shoulder as Roger’s hand slipped in between her thighs.

She gasped in response. Alice’s hand wandered behind her, down to the front of John’s boxers and palming him through the material. John let out a guttural groan as he bit her skin softly.

It didn’t take long for the pleasure to build, not with the two of them pressed against her. Roger’s touch was like magic as she captured his lips in another bruising kiss.

“Fuck,” she moaned, her head falling back against John’s chest. She whined as his hand pulled her hair very lightly, and Roger’s fingers sped up inside of her.

Roger’s eyes seemed to darken as he drank the two of them in.

“You nearly there, baby?”

“Uh-hum. I’m so close, Rog.”

“I’ve got you, babe. Just let go.”

“Hmm. _Oh god_ …will you kiss? John? Fucking hell, I think that alone would get me off.”

Roger halted, looking across at John uncertainly.

Alice pulled away to slide onto her back, her eyes flickering between them curiously.

“ _Please_. I’ll finish myself off whilst you kiss. Then I want to go down on John, whilst you fuck me from behind, Rog,” she closed her eyes and moaned as she let her hand wonder down to her front. “ _Fuck_ , now that would be incredible.”

“Alright then,” Roger quickly agreed gruffly. He gave John a look as he leaned over her. “Okay?”

John swallowed heavily, trying to remind himself that none of this mattered.

It was a one-off.

A bonding experience between friends. Roger had practically said so himself.

It would also be his only chance to actually kiss Roger.

He said he needed to start saying yes to more things. Here was his chance.

Roger accepted his small nod and closed the distance between them.

It started off soft, hesitant, and in complete contrast to how he’d seen the usually confident Roger kiss. It felt nice. The kind of warmth that spread through John reminded him of when he sunbathed in the park on a summer’s day. It made his head swim, and it felt like there were hundreds of butterflies attempting to take flight inside of him.

Then Roger’s kiss turned hungrier, his lips moving rougher over John’s as one hand delved into his hair. The other slotted against John’s waist like it was just supposed to be there.

John made a noise that he barely recognized, a kind of whine as Roger gently pulled on the strands of his hair and his fingernails dug into his hips. It was the kind of sting that you craved more of, and John made the same noise as Roger bit his bottom lip playfully.

“Fucking hell that’s hot,” Alice breathed from beneath them, but the two barely heard her over their ragged breathing and the sound of their heavy kissing.

It was only as Roger slowly pulled away that John felt as if he’d just woken from a reverie.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away as Roger stood to remove his underwear. Roger stared back, his usually blue eyes dark with longing.

John felt his mouth go dry at the sight of him. He wasn’t surprised to see that Roger was _pretty_. in every sense of the word.

Roger climbed onto the bed and pulled John back in for another kiss. It didn’t last as long, but it still had John leaning in for more. Alice moaned as she watched them both.

“Your turn, Deacs.” Roger said, his voice husky.

There was something incredible about having Roger’s deep, beautiful eyes staring at John with the same look he’d seen him give women. He thought he’d be embarrassed as he took off his underwear in front of him. Instead, it only made John feel powerful. It made him suddenly wish that there wasn’t a third party bearing witness to this.

And then Alice was tugging him back on the bed, ending their moment as she kissed John again.

Most of the evening was a little blurred for John after that.

He remembered the way Alice’s mouth had felt against him, and he remembered Roger’s face as he thrust inside of Alice. He remembered the way he’d held Roger’s gaze as Alice stroked John through his orgasm, and the beautiful expressions that had flickered across Roger’s face as he came not long after.

But the rest of it was lost from his memory.

They headed home the day after.

The four of them seemed to have equally sore heads.

Freddie donned a pair of sunglasses, and slept in the back for most of the way home. Brian spent the journey making chit-chat with John from behind his seat. And Roger drove in silence, avoiding eye contact with the three of them.

John tried to concentrate on what Brian was saying. But he felt a pang of anxiety and a sliver of misery at knowing last night would likely be swept under the carpet.

Something changed.

And this time, unlike all the projects he’d given himself over the years like creating an amp from bits and bobs from the skip, and getting a better TV signal on his Mum’s old set, John suddenly had no idea how to fix it.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Yeah. That happened. Lol. Hahahaha! Let me know your thoughts! I promise I shall try not to keep you waiting too long for the next update. It might be about next weekend, just so that I have a little more time to write some more chapters. But let me know where you think this could/should all lead next? Do you think John should confront Roger about what happened between them? Do you think Roger should grow some balls and be honest with himself about how he feels? Haha! Let me know.


	7. If You're Searching Out For Something, Don't Try So Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A weird vibe remains between Roger and John. Roger blows hot and cold. John yearns to understand why Roger's like how he is. And things soon become a little clearer when John stumbles upon Roger in the middle of the night...

_Not long after John moved in, he’d woke in the middle of the night to loud whimpering. He climbed out of bed, rubbed his eyes, and headed for the door._

_Freddie already had his head popped round the doorway, his hair in rollers, as he yawned. He gave a tired smile when he saw John wonder through the hallway._

_“It’s alright. It’s just Roger.”_

_John frowned at the sounds coming from down the hall, his gaze on Roger’s closed door._

_“He gets them every now and again.”_

_He itched to move forwards, his eyes widening, as a shrill cry rung out. Freddie gave him a knowing look._

_“Shouldn’t we—”_

_“No, it’s best to leave him. He’s elbowed me in the face when I’ve tried to wake him before. It’ll pass.” Freddie said as he gave John a long look-over. “Honestly, he’ll be fine, John. Go back to bed. I’ll bring him a cup of tea once it’s over.”_

_John nodded once. He looked back at Roger’s door, before he reluctantly headed into his room._

_He couldn’t sleep. He was still awake when it stopped, followed by Freddie’s soft tones._

_John stared unseeingly at the ceiling. He couldn’t get the sound out of his head. It had been like that of a wounded animal. He couldn’t imagine what horrors Roger could have been dreaming about. All he knew was that whatever it was, it had to have been bad._

It had happened a few times since. Sometimes Roger talked, babbled even. Other times every noise sounded like it had been dragged from his mouth without his permission.

It became the elephant in the room.

The month after the tour was a bad one.

Freddie spent almost every night comforting Roger. John virtually pulled his hair out to stop himself from going into his room.

And then, Freddie stayed at Mary’s for the night.

John gasped as he was jolted from his sleep. It sounded louder. And more shrill than he’d heard Roger scream before.

He jumped from his bed without a second thought, virtually running through the door.

But then he paused as Freddie’s advice drifted through his mind.

Not to mention that things were still a little…delicate between him and Roger.

Did John really want to risk jeopardising Roger’s privacy just because John couldn’t bear to hear his anguish?

But then he screamed again, and John moved without another thought.

He found Roger sprawled against the bed, his face twisted with agony. John swallowed thickly as his gaze drifted past his sweaty body, over his briefs, and down to where the duvet was pooled around his feet.

His mouth was parted, the most horrific noise coming from it.

John moved carefully to sit at the end of his bed and give Roger’s leg a gentle shake.

“Rog? Rog, it’s me. John. Can you hear me?”

He murmured something quietly, so John called his name again, and Roger sobbed as he turned his face into his pillow.

“ _M-M-Mum_!”

John sighed in response. He’d heard Roger call for his Mum a couple of times before.

“It’s alright, Rog. It’s just a dream.”

Roger gave a cry, his fingernails clawing at the sheets beneath him.

“Noooo. P _-P-please don’t hurt her_!”

John moved to sit by Roger’s side, and brushed his sweaty hair back from his face carefully.

“Rog? I’m here. It’s okay, you’re _okay_.”

Roger started to stir as John continued to hush him. Then his arm flung out with a groan. And whacked John in the face in the process.

John hissed as he fell off the bed, ending up in a heap on Roger’s floor. He touched his cheek, and felt wetness.

Roger was still panting as he bolted up in bed. He squinted in the darkness and caught sight of John’s outline.

“John?” He asked blearily.

He switched the bedside lamp on and stared down at him with furrowed brows, his hair still damp and flat.

John attempted a reassuring smile.

“Sorry. I was an idiot. Decided to ignore Freddie’s advice.”

Roger rubbed the sleep from his eyes to look at him properly.

“I didn’t hit you, did I?”

“Err…don’t worry about it.”

Roger watched John stand, saw his face turn pinker as his hand remained at his cheek.

“How bad is it?”

“I’ve had worst. Maybe it’ll add a bit of character.” John said with a shrug. “It’s my own fault. I heard you scream and came running. Sorry.”

Roger gave a sigh as he stood from the bed.

“Stop apologizing. It’s me who should be doing that. At least let me see it.”

He gently pried John’s hand away and John watched him warily. Roger frowned as he traced the cut a little gingerly. John shivered, and Roger’s gaze lifted to meet his. He quickly stepped back, his face unreadable.

“Well you’ll survive. But we should probably use some of Freddie’s antibiotic cream, make sure it doesn’t scab—”

“Oh, I’m fine honestly. There’s no need for any trouble—”

“No trouble,” Roger said with a shrug. “Besides, we’ve got a gig in two days. Make-up alone isn’t going to cover that, and Freddie will have both of our heads on a stick if I let you walk out on stage with that thing on your face.”

John’s hands gripped the edges of the sink, his gaze trained upon the wall behind Roger’s head as he applied the cream.

He was stood too closely, his breath warm against his face. John bit his lip as he tried not to think about how long Roger’s eyelashes were, or the way his lips puckered in concentration. He stayed completely still, barely breathing until Roger finally moved away to put the cream back into the cabinet. He swapped it for a bottle of vodka.

John raised a brow as Roger looked back at him.

“For medicinal purposes.”

John snorted in response. “Why is there a bottle of vodka in the bathroom cabinet?”

“I just said. For medicinal purposes. That and it’s another of Freddie’s hiding places. He thinks I haven’t realised.”

“Do you steal most things off of Freddie? Because I’m sensing a pattern.”

Roger’s forehead creased at John’s accusation.

“Only because the tosser steals from me. He’s always borrowing my clothes and not putting them back.”

“And you never borrow his?”

Roger shrugged, giving him a look over his shoulder from the doorway. “On occasion. Are you coming or what?”

John let himself move without thinking.

Freddie and Roger both liked to snuggle. More-so after a couple of drinks.

John guessed that made sense given that Roger enjoying having company after a night out, and that Freddie was usually in Mary’s lap by his third beer.

But it wasn’t just with women. There had been many Sunday mornings where Freddie and Roger had cosied up to John whilst watching the television.

In all fairness, it was the only room with a television set.

But still.

Freddie and Roger had always been much more touchy than John was used to.

It surprisingly didn’t bother him.

There was something reassuring about the way Roger’s head was nestled into his side, his feet dangling off the arm of the sofa bed as he took a sip of the vodka and passed it back.

“I can’t stand the rain, you know?”

John frowned. They hadn’t even been talking about the weather. At least, he didn’t think they had.

“Okay?”

“I don’t mind if it’s just a drizzle. But it’s when it’s really raining, and it’s enough to soak through your clothes, so that every part of you feels ice cold.”

“Fair enough.”

Roger lifted his head to look at John upside down. “You do realise I’m talking about the weather because it’s raining outside?”

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, of course I do.”

John hadn’t even noticed it. But now that it had been said about, he could hear the patter of rain against the window, followed be the howl of wind.

John’s hand shook as Roger’s fingers brushed against his as he passed the bottle back. Roger either didn’t notice or chose not to comment.

“I’ve always preferred the summer,” Roger said lightly as he took a sip. “Nothing like the feeling of the sun against your skin. I hate having to wear so many bloody layers in winter.”

John murmured, suddenly feeling tired. His eyes drift to a close, Roger’s soft voice washing over him in waves.

“I’ve never liked wearing a lot of clothes. I much prefer running about topless. Have done since I was a kid. Still don’t like wearing pyjamas now. Unless I have to. That’s why I normally just wear underwear. In case Freddie bursts through the door like he does. I don’t usually bother at all when I go home.”

John tried to think about anything else. The rain thrashing heavier against the window, the smell of Roger’s coconut shampoo, the sleepy feeling the vodka had given him.

Anything but the thought of Roger naked in bed. John imagined it anyway.

He felt Roger’s head shift against his arm.

“Oy. Are you even listening? Do excuse me if I’m boring you, Deacy.”

John let his lips pull upwards into a smile. He kept his eyes closed.

“You’re excused. I thought you’d prefer this anyway. Me being quiet. Given our lack of conversation lately.”

It was supposed to be a joke, an attempt to keep the mood light. John didn’t want Roger to feel he had to explain his nightmare. Instead it came out as bitter.

When he no longer felt Roger against him, John reluctantly opened his eyes. And was welcomed by the frigid lines of Roger’s back.

“That was my attempt at a poorly executed joke. It doesn’t matter, Rog. It wasn’t supposed to be a dig—”

“It’s late. And I’ve got the stall to open in the morning, so.”

John flinched as Roger banged the bottle back down. He flounced from the room before John could attempt to fix the situation.

He gave a sigh at the sound of Roger’s door slamming closed. He knew from experience not to go after him. Roger closing himself off in his room had always been his way of communicating his wish to be left alone.

So John reached for the bottle to take one last swig instead.

o-o-o

Those next few weeks were unbearable.

Roger went back to ignoring John.

So John took to spending a lot more time with Freddie. When he wasn’t with Mary, or round at hers.

Roger started to go out on his own, or with friends from university or from the market. He brought more girls back. And he was about as subtle about it as a sledgehammer.

John woke early most days. He was used to getting up for lectures. Freddie had begun to keep him company when he wasn’t at the stall.

It was a quiet Sunday.

Freddie joined him at the kitchen table, a sleepy look in his eyes. He was still dressed in his satin pyjamas. He gave a small smile, before he yawned. Some of his hair was still sticking-up from where his hair had dried from his late-night shower.

John got up, his slippers padding softly against the tiled flooring.

“Do you want a cup of tea? I was about to make one anyway.”

“Oh, you are a darling, Deacy.” Freddie mewled as he watched him move about the kitchen fondly. “Have I mentioned lately that I love you? And appreciate all the ways you look after your very grateful flatmates?”

John grinned.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Fred.”

“Good to know when I fancy your cauliflower cheese or shepherd’s pie again.” Freddie said with a wink, as he watched John fill up the kettle and flick it on.

Roger and Freddie had hardly believed their luck the first time John had cooked. Before then, they’d lived on takeaways and burnt toast.

“So, I couldn’t sleep because I had the bad fortune of being in the adjoining room from what sounded like two hungry cows going at it all night. What’s your excuse?”

John blanched in response. He didn’t want to admit that it was because of the same reason.

Luckily, he was saved from answering.

There was the sound of the door, and the soft thump of feet against the carpet.

“Morning.”

John looked up…and wished he hadn’t.

A slender figure appeared in the doorway dressed in one of Roger’s shirts. She was so petite that it fit her like a dress.

She had big, dark eyes and long, brown hair, which looked barely tousled from sleep or anything else. She had olive skin, and not a blemish in sight. She was pretty. Very pretty. That wasn’t surprising. Roger always captured the attention of other pretty people.

“Morning dear. Kettle’s just boiled.”

“Lovely. I could murder a cup of tea.”

John stared at the kettle without seeing.

Roger had been pretty prolific over the last month.

And John didn’t care, he _didn’t_.

It was the realisation that bothered him.

As far as John knew, it was the first time a woman had slept the night. It was also the first time Roger hadn’t bothered to sneak her out before the sun rose.

Freddie called his name, and John blinked as he turned to look at him.

“You alright, Deacy? Think you might be more in need of a coffee.”

John gave a forced smile as he grabbed another cup and sorted their teas. “Sorry. Miles away.”

“So I noticed. I hope it was somewhere nice,” Freddie said dryly before he turned to watch the girl take a seat next to him. “We’re not used to having such attractive company for breakfast. What’s your name dear?”

Freddie’s flattery had her smiling in response.

“It’s Eva.”

John moved over to the table and set their cups down.

He wanted to flee. But it would have been rude. Nor did he think think Freddie would have let him escape so easily. So he settled for slumping into the last empty chair and watched as the girl pushed her hair back from her face before she raised her cup.

“Nice to meet you, Eva. I’m Freddie, and this is our roommate, Deacy.”

“Nice to meet you both.”

She took the time to look at them, giving them both a genuine smile. John could see why Roger liked her.

“Even if it is a little awkward.”

“Not at all darling,” Freddie insisted sweetly. “We’re all good friends here. Isn’t that right, Deacy?”

John hummed as he lifted his own cup.

“I’d better head off in a bit. I always have a big family dinner round at my Mum’s on a Sunday.”

“How lovely. You live locally then?”

“Yeah, just by Regent’s Park.”

“That’s a lovely bit of London. Always looks magnificent around Spring.”

John let their conversation drift into the background.

Freddie and Eva talked about Kensington Market, fashion, and the latest music. All common interests apparently. John meanwhile wished he’d stayed in bed a bit longer. At least until Eva had left.

Roger joined them not long after. He gave a smile as he wondered through in Freddie’s dressing gown. Freddie frowned as he watched him flick the kettle on.

“I hope you’re wearing underwear underneath that, Taylor.”

“Nah. You know me, Fred. Like to let it all hang out.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have me any other way.”

He kept his eyes on his cup as he poured the hot water into it.

“I see you’ve met Eva.”

“We have. She’s made lovely company this morning.”

“You’re too kind, Fred.”

“That’s one word for him.” Roger snorted. “He’s right though. I enjoyed your company last night too. But that was for very different reasons.”

Eva giggled into her cup as Roger winked across at her. Freddie groaned in response. John hid his face behind his cup.

“I’d tell you both to get a room, but since you’ve already done that…”

“We have. Might have to do it again though.”

“You should be so lucky.” Eva threw back at Roger playfully.

“I always am, love.”

John bit his lip. He’d heard Roger call most women _sweetheart_ or _baby_. Never _love_.

Eva responded by blowing him a kiss, as Freddie rolled his eyes.

“You two are sickening.”

John stood rather suddenly. Freddie’s gaze followed the line of his back as he mumbled an excuse about getting dressed.

It only got worst from there.

John had come home from class to find Freddie following Roger to his room, a fed-up look on his face.

“All I’m asking is for one evening where I don’t have to listen to you shagging. Is that too much to ask?”

“ _No_. But that isn’t the fucking problem! My issue is that you keep making it sound like I shag about every night of the fucking week.”

“It was a turn of phrase. Not a passing judgement. But if the cap fits…”

John was aiming to slip-by unnoticed. But Freddie caught sight of him from the corner of his eyes, and turned expectantly.

“Deacy, help me out. Mary’s coming round. I’ve got a romantic evening planned, and all I’ve asked is for the _both_ of you to keep out of the kitchen. I’ve also asked Roger to go elsewhere if he gets lucky on his night out. Now would you say that’s fair?”

John squirmed under his expectant gaze.

“I don’t really want to get involved, Freddie.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Freddie huffed. “I’m just asking for an opinion. You have those, don’t you?”

John was almost taken aback by Freddie’s tone. He was rarely so blunt, especially with John. But then he noticed the bags under Freddie’s eyes, and realised that they’d both been struggling to get a decent night’s sleep.

“Okay, fine. That seems fair.”

Roger rolled his eyes as he flopped onto his bed.

“Of course he’d side with you! He thinks the sun fucking shines out of your arse!”

John quickly went to open his mouth, but Roger didn’t give him a chance to respond.

“More importantly, you’re still missing the point. The only thing I took offence to is you painting me out to be a cheap whore!”

“I did no such thing dear,” Freddie said softly, a small smile playing at his lips. “For starters, I never said you were cheap.”

“Fuck you, Freddie!”

John decided to take his leave as Roger threw a pillow at Freddie, seconds before he got up to slam the door in Freddie’s face.

“Oh come on, Rog! I thought I was supposed to be the drama queen in this household? That was obviously an attempt to lighten the mood—”

John closed the living room door, muffling out Freddie’s voice. Then he put the stereo on and tried to focus on his dissertation. Once he’d made a list of the things he wanted to include, and wrote a draft of his first paragraph, he decided to reward himself with tea.

He turned the stereo off and stepped into the hallway. He was relieved to find it had gone quiet.

Roger was in his room, fiddling with his hair in the mirror.

John let his eyes trail over Roger’s body. He was dressed in a black shirt, velvet trousers, and wedged boots.

“Where’s Freddie?”

“Out. Stormed over to Mary’s in a strop. Why? Hoping to take his side in another argument?”

John sighed at Roger’s tone. “Don’t be like that. I said I didn’t want to get involved.”

“Problem solved. You won’t have to. For tonight, at least. Freddie’s fucked off, and I’m about to head out.”

“Okay. Well, have a good evening.”

“I intend to.”

John should have let it go.

Roger’s expression and the way he gripped his beer as he raised it to his lips should have been warning enough.

But John’s anxieties got the better of him.

“You’re not… _angry_ with me, are you?”

“Believe it or not John, but I’ve got more important things on my mind than being angry with you.”

John barely managed to hold back a winch as Roger reach for his leather jacket.

“Like what? I’m happy to lend an ear.”

“Again, I’ll pass. Some of us have better things to do than sit around, talking about our feelings.”

“You don’t have to be so bloody rude!”

Roger turned to stare at him in surprise. John rarely lost his temper. Or raised his voice.

But John didn’t know what he’d done wrong. He’d let the frustration eat away at him. Until he could no longer bear the tension.

“Look,” John tried, softer this time. “I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you. I’d hate to think I even had. I’m just trying to be a good friend. If you didn’t want to talk to me then fine. But all you had to do was say.”

Roger hesitated. He didn’t seem to have an automatic comeback. Emotion swirled within his blue eyes. Then his eyebrows furrowed and anger lined his features, as he put down the bottle with a bang.

“R-right. Well. Fine. I’ll bear that in mind in future. Don’t bother waiting up.”

Roger pushed past him in the hallway.

John’s loathing of heated words had him choosing not to follow.

He flinched at the front door slamming shut. Then he groaned as he looked up at the ceiling in frustration, before he headed for the kitchen.

John spent what felt like all night tossing and turning. He went over everything until his mind seemed to spin, and his head ached.

He despised arguing with people. Especially with those closest.

Roger and Freddie had both come to mean a great deal to him. He felt nauseated at the thought of either of them being angry with him.

John froze at the sound of the front door a while later. He could hear the jingle of keys, a soft thud, and then Roger’s soft laughter. His heavy footsteps seemed to carry along the hallway, before eventually the flat was plunged into silence and darkness once more.

John gave a sigh, suddenly tired.

He made the decision to try again with Roger tomorrow. Maybe once the hangover had worn off. It would work itself out. John was sure of it.

Within seconds of him closing his eyes, the sound of soft moans filled the flat.

John ignored it.

Gradually, it became louder.

He set his pillow over his head. It didn’t help.

John gave a huff of anger and stared at the ceiling. He waited for it to cease, so that he could finally go to sleep.

But it went on. And on.

Until eventually, John’s desperation for sleep overcame his fear of confrontation.

He threw the duvet back and climbed out of bed. He pulled open his door and stomped through the flat.

And found himself frozen by Roger’s doorway.

The door was open enough to allow John a peak. It wasn’t wide enough for him to be caught doing so.

Roger was alone.

The room was dark, but Roger’s curtains were open so that his body was bathed in the glow of the moon outside.

John found himself mesmerized.

The light streaming through the window allowed John to see the tightness in Roger’s features, the way his blonde hair was strewn about him like a messy halo. His head was thrown back, his pale throat exposed, and his body arched upwards.

John watched the heavy rise and fall of his chest, past his stomach, and down to where his hand was.

Roger had been touching himself for a while.

John could tell by the way Roger’s pace had quickened. He was close. And John couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away.

He’d always thought there was something ethereal about Roger.

He was the kind of beauty that made both women and men do a double take. John knew this, because he’d done the same thing himself.

But it was only now as he watched Roger stroke himself, his toes curling into the mattress as he gave himself over to his arousal, that John could truly appreciate how beautiful Roger was.

A long moan seemed to tear itself free from Roger’s throat.

John itched to move.

He was almost overwhelmed by the need to take his place by Roger’s side. To swat his hand away, and bask in the glow of Roger’s pleasures.

It would be so easy.

To press his lips to his and kiss him with all the intensity that John felt when he looked at Roger. To touch every part of his body, until Roger begged for John’s hand around his cock.

John had never felt a need like it.

And yet.

It wasn’t right. He wasn’t _wanted_.

John could have all the fantasies he liked. Roger would still only desire women.

It didn’t make it any easier.

John squeezed his eyes closed and forced himself to turn away.

Roger was busy, too focused. That gave John the perfect opportunity. To go back to his room and imagine. To close his eyes and pretend his hand belonged to someone else, to replay the image of Roger’s glistening body, splayed about the bed.

But then he heard something that stopped him moving away any further.

“Oh! Fuck…fucking… _yes_ … _Deacy_!”

John froze.

He must have been dreaming. It was the only thing that made sense.

Because Roger wasn’t _gay_. He was the furthest thing from it. That was what John had always believed.

Roger gave a loud cry of pleasure, and John heard his nickname again, this time in a husky gasp that had John’s mouth hanging open in disbelief.

He was so frightened of the prospect of waking up in his own bed, sweaty and achingly hard, that John stumbled back to his room in a kind of trance.

When he did eventually wake in the morning, with the sunlight streaming through the curtains. John realised it really hadn’t been a dream. He found himself even more shocked than he was last night.

He wasn’t sure where to look when Roger eventually shuffled into the kitchen. John noticed that Roger was wearing Freddie’s dressing gown again.

He had apologetic eyes, and his hair was ruffled. He swayed on his feet as he watched John stand to wash up the evidence of his dinner from the night before.

John cleared his throat, aware Roger’s eyes were still against the rigidness of his back.

“I owe you an apology. I was an utter arse last night.”

John scrubbed at the plate in his hands. “Forget it.”

“But I can’t. There’s no excuse for how I’ve been lately. I’ve been an awful friend, a stroppy git, and a nightmare to live with. I know all that.” Roger said with a sigh. “But I’m hoping you’ll let me make you a cup of tea as way of apology. That’ll just be the beginning, obviously. I know I need to make it up to you, big time. And Freddie too.”

John’s brain wondered at Roger’s suggestion of making it up to him. Imagined Roger’s body again. Imagined what it’d feel like to be underneath it. To have Roger’s lips burn against his body. To have Roger’s hand stroking his cock…

John scrubbed the plate harder, desperately trying to think of something else. His pyjama bottoms suddenly felt too tight.

“No need,” John said gruffly.

“Oh.”

John took a shaky breath and forced himself to look back. Roger’s gaze was forlorn, his eyes wide and searching. It made John feel jumpy. Like Roger could somehow read his most inner thoughts.

He cleared his throat again.

“Even still. Why don’t you pop the kettle on? I’ll make us both some bacon baps. I know you love a bit of grease on a hangover.”

“Ooh Deacy, you really do know how to treat a man.”

John quickly turned back to finish the washing-up. He gave a forced, shaky laugh which Roger seemed to buy as he moved over to the kettle. John was only too glad that Roger couldn’t see him blush.

It was more difficult to avoid his gaze as John sat with him at the kitchen table.

Roger moaned as he took his first bite, and John watched him, his mouth slightly open and still holding his sandwich. It suddenly reminded him of the noises Roger had made last night…

Roger grinned bashfully as he swallowed it.

“You really do make the best bacon sarnies, Deacy. Honestly. God knows what we’d do if you ever moved out. I’d give anything to have you cook for me forever.”

John shrugged in response, and let himself speak freely.

“That could always be arranged.”

It was worth it to see the look in Roger’s eyes.

John cleared his throat as he reluctantly looked away to sip on his tea.

“How come you didn’t pull last night anyway? I thought the Taylor charm was failproof?”

Roger frowned in response. “How do you know I didn’t pull? I thought you said you were asleep when I got home.”

“Err…yeah, I was. I just assumed, given that you’ve not been bragging about it.”

“So? I don’t always spend my time bragging about it, you know?”

“Sorry. That was another of my poorly executed jokes.”

Roger quickly shook his head as he dropped his gaze guiltily. “No. I am. I’m being a stroppy git again, aren’t I?”

“Maybe. Only a little.”

“Sorry.”

“Forget it. Keep making me cups of tea and I’ll consider forgiving you.”

“Alright, deal.” Roger said with a smile.

o-o-o

Things quickly returned to normal.

John saw no point in mentioning anything and risk upsetting the balance.

The band were gradually getting more attention and now had gigs lined up every week for the foreseeable. That meant they needed to rehearse a lot more. John was struggling to balance completing his dissertation at the same time.

“Another successful gig, boys.” Roger said as they headed into the dressing room to get changed.

They were at a hall in South London. It was bigger than any they’d performed at. It had been full of people, all there especially to see Queen.

“Yeah, we weren’t bad, were we?” Brian said with a smile, as he wiped the sweat from the back of his neck.

“Always the tone of surprise, May.” Freddie teased as he sat down to take his make-up off.

“Just being modest. But the crowds definitely seem to be doubling each week.”

“Modesty is overrated, Bri. Didn’t you know that? Word of mouth however, is a wonderful thing.” Roger said cheerfully as he moved to sit next to Freddie, and wiped away the sweat from his face and neck. He turned to look at John, sat in the corner. “Wouldn’t you agree, Deacy?”

He looked up, oblivious to the fact that he’d been talking to him. “Hmm?”

Freddie laughed at the expression on John’s face. “Did you go anywhere nice, Deacy dear? You were miles away.”

“I was a bit. Sorry. What did I miss?”

“Just saying how well tonight went. And how many people were there to see us.”

John nodded as he begun to undo the buttons on his shirt. “Yeah, it was good. Perhaps word of mouth helped to sell a few of those tickets.”

Roger looked at John through the mirror, as he wiped at the make-up on his face. “That’s basically what I just said.”

John met his eyes in the mirror and offered a shy smile. “Great minds.”

Roger smiled, letting his gaze linger as John slipped his shirt off. He quickly turned away again when John looked his way, his cheeks reddening.

The two of them headed outside for a cigarette, leaving Brian and Freddie to finish getting ready.

“They’re showing of _Planet of the Apes_ tomorrow night if you fancy it?”

“Yeah, alright then.”

“I thought of you first when I heard it,” Roger admitted as they moved to lean against the wall.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“The apes freak Freddie out, and Brian spends most of the movie talking about all the inaccuracies the director made. Which can get bloody annoying after a while.”

John shrugged as Roger passed him his lighter. “All I heard was _I asked you first because I wanted you to come with, and I so enjoy your company_.”

Roger snickered, avoiding his gaze as he took an inhale of his cigarette. “I wouldn’t go that far, mate.”

“Could I at least get an acknowledgement for my choice of sweets?”

Freddie munched on popcorn. Loudly. Brian always insisted that he didn’t want anything, and ended up eating most of the sweets Roger brought with him. John brought a pack of starbursts. Which weren’t loud enough to disturb the movie, and he willingly shared.

“Fine.”

“So I should think too.”

“Alright. Don’t get cocky on me now, Deacy. Or I’ll revoke your invitation.”

Roger smiled when he said it, letting him know he was only teasing.

John watched Roger’s smile widen, enjoying knowing he was the cause.

He promised he wouldn’t do this. Let himself get carried away.

But then John would catch Roger staring. Sometimes. It made him feel like a heavy object was weighing down somewhere inside of him.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the woman fall into his back. She gave a loud _oops_ as she almost sent him over too. He turned and helped her up, whilst somehow managing to balance his cigarette in his other hand.

“I’m so sorry!”

“No harm done. Are you alright?”

He watched her dust herself off through her curtain of dark blonde hair, before she pushed it back from her face. She gave a tentative smile as she met his gaze.

“All good, I think. Luckily. Just bruised my pride a bit. At least I managed not to scuff these. They’re proving to be a pain in the backside. But they’re pretty, and I couldn’t resist buying them.”

John followed her gaze back down to her pair of pink platform ankle boots. “So I see.”

“That’s why I tripped. I don’t make a habit of falling over handsome men. I usually only reserve that for special occasions.”

She looked back at him with a shy smile.

She was very pretty. She had big, green eyes, and there were freckles littered about her pale face. She had a Northern lilt to her voice too, a little stronger than John’s own.

John knew he was staring. But he couldn’t seem to help it.

His hands were still pressed to her arms. Something he only realised as she raised an eyebrow in question. He quickly stepped away, feeling his face grow warm as he offered an uncertain smile.

“Good to see you decided to make an exception.”

“I’m glad that I did too. I’ve always been fond of those with a good eye for fashion.”

Freddie had talked John into wearing one of his shirts. It was black, and satin. It fit like a glove, but according to Freddie that was the point.

“You should see our friend, Freddie. If fashion is your thing.” Roger said, his tone careful, as the girl’s gaze turned moved to him. “He’s got an array of clothing in all the materials he deems fabulous enough to get his hands on.”

“He definitely sounds interesting.” She agreed, her eyes wondering back to John’s face.

“Interesting is one word. I’m Roger, by the way. Roger Taylor.”

Roger held out his hand, and the girl shook it as John inhaled his cigarette.

“You were both with the band earlier, weren’t you? It was a great gig.”

“Yeah that was us. Thanks very much.”

“I’m Veronica by the way,” she smiled before she turned back to look at John. “What’s your name handsome?”

“This one goes by John. Or Deacy. He’s very good with his hands. Isn’t that right, Deacs?”

Roger moved closer to rest his elbow on John’s shoulder. He gave Veronica a smile and a wink as she gave John a long-look over.

“Is that so?”

“Oh yeah. Surprised you didn’t get that vibe when he was playing the bass earlier.”

“Ahh, so you were the tall, brooding figure on bass this evening. My friend mentioned you were rather shy.”

“He is. But he makes up for it by being a very good listener.”

“So I see.”

John cleared his throat nervously. He suddenly realised they were both staring, waiting for him to say something.

“Are you a student?”

“Yes. I’m currently in the midst of training to be a teacher. Preferably at a primary school. I’ve always liked that age.” She said as she went to get her cigarettes out of her bag. “Are you both students too?”

“I was. I graduated in Biology earlier this year. But this one’s in his third year. Tell her what you study, John.”

“Oh, I err…I study Electrical Engineering.”

“So you’re a bit of a brainbox, are you?”

“I’m not sure about that. But I enjoy it. I’ve always liked fixing up things.”

“He’s so modest,” Roger said teasingly, as he finally stepped back to flick his cigarette away. “That amp he was using tonight was made by John’s fair hands.”

“Wow, so you’re a bit of a handy man then?”

“I try. I can usually sort the basics.”

Veronica seemed impressed. “Even still, that’s pretty—”

“ _Veronica_!”

She turned back, spotting two girls across the road. She gave them a wave and turned back to Roger and John with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry. Just give me a sec to catch up with my friends.”

“Of course.”

Almost as soon as she was out of earshot, Roger pressed his hand to John’s shoulder and squeezed it, a grin on his face.

“You’re well in there, mate.”

He eyed Roger warily.

A few weeks had passed since Roger had stumbled back from a night out. John had caught him masturbating, John’s nickname tumbling from his lips. It had barely left John’s mind since.

And yet now it seemed he was eager to set him up with somebody else.

John couldn’t get his head around it.

“Do you think?”

“Definitely. She could barely keep her eyes off of you, Deacs.”

Roger genuinely looked pleased. Maybe he was. Maybe that night had been nothing more than a drunken mishap. Though, they always said the truth came out when people had had a drink…

John forced a smile. “That’s…good, I guess.”

“Take a couple of these. I reckon you’ll be needing them.”

John didn’t realise at first that Roger was trying to stuff a couple of condoms into his hand, but John quickly shook his head.

“I’m not sure I want it to go that way. Not tonight, at least.”

Roger stared at him as if he’d grown another head.

“But she might, Deacy. You’re not really going to turn her down, are you?”

“Yeah, maybe,” John said defensively. Then he sighed. “Or I don’t know…maybe I’ll just arrange to see her again. She seems nice. I liked Lucy, but things didn’t work out. I don’t want to rush into anything this time.”

“Oh. Okay. If that’s what you want.” Roger said as he quickly stuffed them into his back pocket again. His tone was clipped, his expression guarded. John watched him carefully as he stepped away. “I’d better go and make sure Brian’s still giving me and Fred a lift back.”

“Okay. Well…thanks. For y’know…being a mate. Saying all that…stuff to Veronica.”

Roger’s gaze seemed to soften as he looked back at John, and he offered a small shrug in response.

“I only said the truth, Deacs. Besides, you’d do the same for me.”

John didn’t hesitate. “Of course I would.”

“Exactly.” Roger said, offering a small, uncertain smile as he pressed a hand to John’s arm. “Good luck. Not that you need it. She’d have to be mad to turn you down.”

Roger met his gaze. And it was like John couldn’t look away.

Like he was transfixed.

Roger had such beautiful, soulful eyes, the kind that always managed to reel John in. Until it felt like he could barely breath. Except, maybe Roger really did feel the same. His gaze was heavy, his teeth pulling at the corner of his lips as he scanned John’s face for some sort of confirmation.

“Sorry about that.”

And then just like that, the spell was broken.

John didn’t realise just how closely they’d ended up until Roger pulled away like he’d been burnt. His eyes were wide and the surprise was evident on his face. When he spoke, his voice was rough, his tone careful.

“Right. I’ll leave you to it then.”

If it wasn’t for Veronica already being at his side, John might have considered chasing after him.

“You two seem close.”

“Err…do we?”

John whipped his head back to look at Veronica.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “It’s obvious that your friend cares by the way he talks about you.”

“Oh. Yeah. He’s a good friend.”

“That’s good. We all need friends like that. How long have you known each other?”

“About half a year now.”

“So not that long then,” she said with a smile as she inhaled her cigarette with a sigh. “Listen. I’d better go. I’m catching a ride with my friends, save on taxi money.”

“Maybe I’ll see you again then.”

He’d said it automatically. Then felt awful at the way she smiled as she stamped out her cigarette.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Even still, she had a nice smile. There was something reassuring about it.

Veronica hesitated before she stepped onto her tiptoes and leaned forwards. John froze as her lips landed on his cheek. Then she pulled back to look at him.

She was a little pink in the face and her eyes were wide.

“See you around then.”

He gave a small nod in response.

John watched her walk back over to her friends with a small frown.

Veronica seemed lovely. Talking to her had made him feel good.

But it didn’t make him feel the kind of giddiness that John felt when he was around Roger. Like there was nobody but them in existence. Everything seemed to fade away into the background. And in those moments, nothing else seemed to matter.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooh, we're SO close. Next chapter EVERYTHING kicks off. I promise you it's so worth the wait. All this frustration with Roger and John pays off....a bit anyway hahaha.  
> I'll get the next chapter uploaded in the next few days, as I know I've kept you all waiting for ages. I can only apologize and explain why. Over the last week, I've started getting major toothache. :( I've always been seriously unlucky with my teeth anyway, and I've got an almost perpetual fear of the dentist. Which is probably a little ironic given that Roger almost went into Dentistry and if he'd have been my Dentist then well...fear or no fear, I'd have been there every week lol. Anyway, I managed to get an emergency appointment for tomorrow so think of me whilst I'm sat in that Dentist's chair finding out what's wrong. :( :( :(  
> This is the main reason why I uploaded the chapter tonight, I'm going to be honest. Because I'm selfishly hoping I'll get some reviews to read after tomorrow to make myself feel better from the Dentist lol. No shame!  
> Anyway, I really hoped you enjoyed that chapter. Please let me know what you thought of it. It really does put a smile on my face, reading all your lovely reviews. It's nice to see so many people care about the story and Roger and John, and Queen in general, as much as I do. :)


	8. We Can Do The Tango Just For Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger comes home with a black eye. Somehow, it all seems worth it, when John offers to clean his wounds...
> 
> WARNING: Chapter includes very obvious sexual contact and swearing. So proceed at your own caution...

John covered another yawn behind his hand as he waited for the kettle to boil. He’d managed to drag himself out of bed for his eight am lecture. He’d left the sofa bed, intending to put it down when he got back.

He’d already heard Freddie leave for the market. So he was surprised to hear the front door. He poured the hot water into his cup of coffee and noticed the sound of heavy footsteps.

Roger’s door had been closed, so John had assumed he’d already been sleeping his night off. But there he was, sneaking into his room and flicking the light on.

John wondered through the hallway with a smile, as he watched Roger pull his jacket off slowly.

“The wonderer returns. I assume you had a good night.”

Roger kept his back to him as he discarded his jacket on his drawers. “It was okay. Nothing to write home about.”

“Ahh. So you didn’t pull then?”

“Not this shit again. Seriously? Why does everyone think that’s all I care about?”

John noticed the tenseness in his back. He tried not to let his tone bother him. Roger gave a sigh at his silence.

“Sorry, it’s been a…testing night. Ignore me.”

“What happened?” John asked as he sipped on his coffee.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle. Anyway, haven’t you got a lecture to be getting to?”

“Yes. But there’s no rush. I got up in plenty of time.”

“Well I’m tired. Think I’m just going to go straight to bed.”

“Okay,” John’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Great.”

John hesitated. Then he moved away to finish his coffee, and put his cup in the sink. He brushed his teeth and put his jacket on whilst he watched Roger wonder around his room, his back still to him.

“Bye then.”

“Bye,” Roger said quietly.

John headed for the front door, opened it…and closed it again.

He paused for a minute or so, and then tip-toed back to pop his head round Roger’s doorway, careful not to be seen.

Roger peeled back his shirt, and turned around to throw it on top of his jacket.

John gasped as he stepped through the doorway of Roger’s room.

“What the bloody hell happened to your face?”

Roger’s face drained with colour, his eyes wide as he stared at John. “I-I thought you’d left!”

“I was about to. Until I noticed that you looked as if you’ve just come from doing ten rounds with Muhammed Ali.”

Roger moved across the room to stare out of the window as he gave a shrug.

“I’m fine. Wrong time, wrong place. That’s all.”

“Did you call the police?”

“No!” Roger said, voice panicked. “Just leave it John, alright!”

John frowned as he watched Roger sit on his bed. A wave of worry and nausea swept through him, and he tried again.

“Fine. But at least let me look at your face properly.”

“Look, I said I’m fine. Don’t make a fuss—”

“Fuck, Roger! Will you let me be the judge of that please?”

Roger huffed. “Alright. But it’s not as bad as it looks.”

John said nothing as he sat next to him. Instead, he tilted Roger’s chin so that he could examine his injuries. He already had a black eye, a few grazes on his cheeks and chin, and a cut on his lip.

“Whoever did this, did a number on you. That’s for sure.”

“You should see the other guy.”

John glowered at Roger from underneath his eyelashes. “Yes. You’ll need that sense of humour for when Freddie sees you.”

Roger winched.

“ _Shit_. I didn’t even think. Do you reckon I can hide it with a bit of make-up?”

“Doubtful, given the size of that black eye.” John said sternly. “I’ll try and bring the swelling down, at least. And we should make sure your cuts don’t get infected.”

“There’s no need for any of that, John—”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you had a mirror.”

Roger’s expression changed as John stood and reached for his hand instead. John could feel the way it shook as he pulled him up from his bed. “Come on. I insist.”

He stayed silent as John pulled him towards the direction of the kitchen. Neither did he put up a fight as he was lowered into a chair.

John grabbed his first aid box from under the sink. It was mostly filled with bandages and plasters, as he often cut himself whilst he cooked.

He grabbed a bag of something from the freezer, and wrapped it in a tea-towel. “Here. Hold that up to your eye.”

He handed it to Roger, as he sat himself in front of him with a bowl of water and a bag of cotton wool. He used one to dab at the cut on Roger’s lip, and Roger whined softly.

“Sorry. I’m trying to be gentle.”

“Don’t sweat it. It’s my own fault for getting involved.”

“Involved in what exactly? You’ve still not explained how it happened.”

“For good reason. You’ll think I’m an idiot. An idiotic martyr.”

“I already thought you were the former, so we’re halfway there.”

Roger’s eyes narrowed in response. “Very funny, John. But it’s a long story. And you’ve still got a lecture to be getting to.”

“Forget about that. This is more important.”

Roger sat straighter as he watched John dab another piece of cotton wool.

“Good to know you care, Deacy.” Roger grinned. Then he winched. “Perhaps I’d better avoid smiling for a while.”

John’s eyebrows furrowed, as he leaned closer to dab at the cuts on his cheeks. “Come on then. What happened?”

“Oh, it was just some twat at this pub. Not even worth mentioning really.”

John met Roger’s gaze carefully. “That wasn’t a very long story. I’m guessing there’s more to it.”

“A bit,” Roger gave a small, guilty smile. “Basically, he was hassling these two women. Wouldn’t leave them alone. Was really bothering them, you know?”

“So you stepped in?”

“Naturally. I could never a resist a damsel in distress.”

John pulled away and rolled his eyes.

“You were right. You really are an idiotic martyr. Let me guess, the night ended with you earning both of their phone numbers.”

“No. Actually. For your information, they were gay.”

John’s expression tightened as he watched Roger closely. “Gay? How did you work that one out?”

“Well, I got a good indicator by the way they were snogging when I went out to have a cigarette.”

“Oh.”

“The thing is, they were only diddy. This bloke came out and took a liking to one of them. He wouldn’t back off, even after she told him they were a couple. He kept telling them that it didn’t really count, and that he was prepared to have a threesome if that was something they were both into.”

John huffed. “You’re right. He does sound like a twat.”

“Well exactly. Anyway, the girls handled themselves at first. Told him to piss off and were about to head back inside. Then he tried to touch her, and she put up a fight. He didn’t like that. Started getting a bit too handsy. So I got myself involved.”

John nodded, concern in his eyes as he went back to dabbing at the cuts on Roger’s cheeks. “And he returned the favour by beating you up?”

“Yeah, but I gave as good as I could get.” Roger said somewhat defensively. “The girls tried to help. But he was pretty big. And taller than Brian if you can believe it. So they went back inside to get someone. A couple of lads got him off.”

“That’s something, I suppose.”

“Don’t look so worried. I’m fine. And I don’t regret what I did. I’d have done the same for Freddie if he ever needed me to.”

John stared back blankly.

“Freddie?”

“Yeah,” Roger said with a shrug. “Fred’s been with men. Before Mary. Only a couple. But it’s not something we talk about, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention anything.”

“Oh err…of course…I wouldn’t—”

“It’s not for my benefit,” Roger rushed to say.

He set aside the bag of peas to watch John cut off a piece of adhesive plaster. His eye didn’t look quite as swollen.

“Far from it. It’s Freddie who gets on the defensive about all that.”

John nodded, avoiding Roger’s gaze.

“A bit like…you, I suppose. With your nightmares.”

“Yeah well. He probably doesn’t want to bore people with a sob story. Not like it’s necessary.”

John got the impression they weren’t talking about Freddie.

“Nobody would see it like that though. Talking about it might even help.”

“Doubt it. Fred’s like me. Doesn’t talk about his feelings. Not when it comes to the really personal stuff,” Roger cleared his throat as John moved to press a plaster on the cut on his chin. “Besides, I don’t see the point going over things. Best to move on and forget about it.”

John bit his tongue to avoid mentioning that it didn’t seem like Roger had quite managed that.

Roger’s hands tapped against his legs, colour filling his cheeks as his gaze moved to the side of John’s head.

“So err…whilst we’re being honest. Have you ever been with a man?”

John’s hands dropped to his lap, his eyes widening as Roger met his gaze.

“What? N-no. Why? What would make you think that?”

“It’s just the way you…” Roger trailed off to lick his lips. “I was curious. After that night. Ages ago. When we danced. And you… _you know_. I just thought I’d ask.”

“Right.”

John nodded, looking away to focus on putting a plaster to the cut on Roger’s cheek.

His palms were starting to grow clammy under Roger’s scrutinizing gaze. It made him feel like he could somehow see and hear every private thought John had ever had.

They were sat too closely. With Roger’s knees pushed against John’s.

“It doesn’t matter to me. I wouldn’t see it as a big deal if you had.”

John said nothing as he put the plasters back inside the first aid box.

“I don’t get why people who are so against men being with men, and women being with women, you know?” Roger continued, his voice soft. Then he snorted. “Think my Dad seemed to think it made you less of a man somehow.”

John raised his gaze back to Roger but he was staring at his hands. He fiddled with his fingernails as he talked.

“That’s bullshit if you ask me.”

His gaze was fierce as he looked back at John, who was frozen, his hands still on the first aid box.

“Do you think any less of Freddie now that you know he’s been with men?”

“N-no, of course not. I would never—”

“I didn’t think you would. Because you know it doesn’t matter. It’s nobody else’s business. And it…it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Not really.”

Roger’s voice grew deeper, his gaze searching John’s face for something. John wasn’t sure what.

John was transfixed again. It was like he couldn’t look away, even if he wanted to.

“It’s all just…attraction at the end of the day. Chemistry. Most natural thing in the world.”

He shivered as Roger moved to touch his arms, pulling them back towards John’s lap. His breath was shallow as he finished speaking. John swallowed thickly as Roger’s gaze wondered down to his lips.

His mind went blank at the way Roger was looking at him. Big blue eyes and rosy cheeks. His voice was husky as John finally found his voice. It came out all distorted.

“Chemistry. What was you…saying about chemistry again?”

Roger gave a weak shake of his head, his hands sliding up the length of John’s arms and raising goose bumps with his touch.

“No idea.”

He barely noticed Roger lean closer. Until eventually, all he had to do was tilt his head and their lips touched.

It was like fire.

John’s whole body felt like it had been live wired with electricity, exactly the kind he studied about.

Just like in Southampton, Roger kissed him softly. His lips moved with a kind of uncertainty.

This time, it was just them. And Roger tasted so much better sober.

No other kiss made John feel all the things he did. Being with Roger made it seem like he was somehow no longer on solid ground.

John gave an embarrassingly loud moan as Roger sat himself against his lap.

Roger’s body radiated heat, his hands burned against the back of John’s neck.

And then he suddenly pulled back, and John clung to his waist, frightened that that was it. That Roger would move away, horrified about what he’d done.

Instead he leaned back enough to see John’s expression. His eyes were much darker than usual, his lips tantalisingly full from their heavy kissing. John had a sudden urge to move forwards and bite his bottom lip playfully.

Roger’s gaze held his questioningly.

“Is this…is this alright?”

John just managed to clear his head enough to say something.

“Uh-huh.”

Roger surged forwards to press their lips together again. And any thought John had ever had disappeared like a cloud of smoke.

Their breaths mingled together, their hands clutched at each other’s skin, and their kisses grew sloppy and impatient. The heat of Roger’s tongue against his sent a thrill of pleasure through John’s body.

Then Roger moved. He arched against John’s lap.

John mewled as he raised himself to meet his movements. Roger hummed in response.

He suddenly pulled back and climbed out of his lap before John’s brain could work out how to stop him. Roger grabbed his hands to help pull him up instead.

“Come on.”

John just about figured out how to speak. “Where are we going?”

“Your bedroom.”

He said it like it was obvious. John followed blindly, kicking the door shut behind them.

Roger turned back, locking John’s body between his and the door.

“It was closer than mine.”

John accepted that silently as he pulled him back in for another kiss.

Roger almost tore John’s shirt undoing the buttons. John couldn’t find the energy to care as he slipped it off and threw it somewhere. Not when Roger went back to kissing him with the kind of urgency that John himself felt.

John’s lips chased his as Roger moved away again.

“I’m not planning on going anywhere. Just getting comfortable.”

Roger gave him a knowing smile as he undid the button of his jeans, and then lowered the zipper.

Roger’s gaze was intense enough to heat John’s skin. It was like he could tell exactly what he was thinking as he slowly slid his jeans down his legs.

John virtually melted.

Roger was the epiphany of beauty. Even with his black eye, and scrapes on his face, it had given him a devil may care look. With his messy golden hair that shined like a halo. His blue eyes darkened with longing. His ruby lips that called to John like a siren. The trail of blond hair against his fair skin. John had the urge to follow it with his lips, all the way down to where it disappeared beneath his underwear, and lower…

“Like something you see?”

John licked his lips as he noticed just how _well_ Roger’s tiny briefs fit.

Roger raised a brow when John didn’t respond.

“Feel free to get undressed too. Instead of ogling me. Not that I mind. At all. But I don’t plan on letting you stay that dressed for long.”

John finally looked back up to see Roger’s smile. It was almost nervous, and it had John managing to find his voice.

“Alright.”

His hand shook slightly as he undid the button and the fly of his jeans. Roger stepped out of his own jeans as he watched him undress. His gaze grew hungrier as they lingered on the front of John’s underwear.

John was noticeably blushing by the time Roger looked back up at him.

“No need for embarrassment, Deacy. I’ve been imagining your body since that night I saw you naked.”

John shivered at the way Roger’s gaze ran up and down his body, as if making his point. His voice was gruffly as he replied.

“So have I. Imagined your body, I mean.”

“Have you now, John?”

Roger’s gaze was playful.

John responded by doing the thing he wanted to do most. The very thing he’d itched to do for weeks. Months even. He stepped forwards at the same time as Roger.

He somehow managed to stumble backwards in the direction of the sofa bed without breaking their kiss. Then he happily welcomed Roger back into his lap, his arms wounding around his waist to pull him close.

Roger’s hands dived back into his hair as he trailed a path of kisses towards his ear. John shivered as his breath tickled his skin.

“Have you got any lube?”

John took a moment to comprehend the question, distracted by the way Roger was playing with the ends of his hair.

“Uhnn…no, I don’t think so.”

“That’s alright, I have. Back in a sec.”

Roger pressed one last kiss to John’s lips, before climbing back out of his lap. John gave a huff of protest. Roger smiled in response as he headed out of the living room.

It gave John a minute. For the haze of desire to lift slightly.

It gave him time to think.

A deep weight suddenly settled in his stomach as he sat up.

Roger was his friend. Practically his closest friend.

They’d jumped into this. John had no regrets. But what if Roger would? Taking things any further risked over-complicating their friendship.

As much as John wanted Roger, he couldn’t bear it if he ended up losing him completely.

But as soon as he’d let those fears fester, they were swept away just as quickly as Roger bounded back into his lap. Roger’s lips collided back against his with the kind of urgency that stole John’s breath away.

Roger’s wide eyes were questioning as he pulled away to look at him. His voice was thick with emotion. “Still alright?”

John nodded, pretending to winch as Roger put aside the small bottle. “God, you’re heavy.”

“Oi! Git! I didn’t hear you saying that a minute ago.” Roger griped sourly. He gave John’s shoulder a gentle whack when John laughed breathlessly in response. “Right, for that…”

John’s laughter quickly dissolved into another loud moan as Roger arched firmly against his lap.

He felt dizzy at the knowledge that Roger was just as hard. His hands slipped down to the curve of Roger’s arse, fondling him through his underwear as Roger continued to grind against him. Roger steadied himself by placing one hand against the sofa, behind John’s head.

“Not so…cocky now…are you, Deacs?” Roger gasped out, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he sped up.

John’s fingernails dug against his skin in response. He leaned forwards, searching for Roger’s lips. He kissed him roughly, a touch of desperation to the way his lips moved. Roger gripped his shoulder as he kissed him back with the same heavy emotion.

Nothing else existed. It felt like nothing ever could. There was just them.

John felt barely coherent. He was guided by desire alone.

Every kiss, every touch, every sound, and every thrust of Roger’s hips sent jolts of pleasure straight to his cock.

John wanted him. More than anything he’d ever wanted before.

It was like an ache somewhere deep inside of him, and only Roger had the power to fill it.

Roger was very vocal. John loved it. He only wished there was a way to replay this moment in his head.

He shivered again as Roger pressed a kiss to the skin just besides his ear, his voice thick with longing.

“Fuck Deacy. I can’t wait to have my hand around your cock. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, you know? Wanting to see you like this.”

John groaned as Roger’s voice grew huskier. John was already on edge, and the sensation of having him grinding against his lap whilst he talked so filthily made John feel practically overcome.

“You look fucking incredible already. Gorgeous. So positively debauched, and we’ve barely even started.” Roger said, his movements becoming more desperate.

He lowered his hand from John’s shoulder. His fingers trailed a torturously slow path down John’s body to rest teasingly at the waistband of John’s boxers.

“God, I bet you’re a screamer when you get going. I bet you love the thought of all our neighbours hearing what you’re up to.”

John moaned loudly in response, bucking his hips faster.

He was so desperate for Roger’s touch by that point. He felt virtually like a starved man.

He was sure that one swipe of Roger’s hand against his cock would be all it would take.

Finally, Roger let his hand move over the front of his boxers. John cursed under his breath as Roger palmed him through his underwear.

He was close already. So painfully close. It wouldn’t take much more, he knew that.

Roger kissed him again, deep and urgently. Then he bit his lip softly. John whimpered in response, his hands clawing at Roger’s back.

“God, I want you so bad. I plan on making you forget your own name by the time I’m done with you.”

Roger’s words, breathy against his lips, and the way he rubbed himself roughly against his underwear was enough for John to see stars.

John suddenly felt a build of warm pleasure, more intense than anything he’d experience before.

It was like hot embers burning him from the inside out.

John gave a loud cry, his teeth pressed to the skin of Roger’s shoulder. He squeezed his eyes closed and arched against Roger once more.

Roger’s hips stilled as he felt something damp underneath him.

“Wait…did you just…”

John’s head spun. He felt all heavy-boned, and bleary-eyed as he blinked against Roger’s neck. Once all of that started to fade and he wasn’t as breathless, he begun to feel sticky and uncomfortable instead.

Maybe if he kept his eyes closed long enough, he could pretend it hadn’t happened. That he hadn’t just come inside his underwear like a teenage boy after his first wank.

But no. It was really happening. And Roger was still waiting for him to speak.

“Uhm…I guess it’s been a while.”

By that, he meant that he’d made do with his hand for the last couple of months. All of which had been driven by Roger. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that having the very person so warm and willing in his lap, would get him off so quickly.

It was still embarrassing. And disappointing.

Because John hadn’t lasted anywhere near as long as he’d have liked.

And now it was suddenly awkward. Which was exactly what John hadn’t wanted it to be.

“ _Oh_ …well…clearly I have quite the effect on you, Deacy.”

That was obviously Roger’s attempt to lighten the mood. It made John cringe further against his shoulder.

Roger cleared his throat nervously.

“Don’t worry about it, John. It’s happened to all of us at some point.”

“Not to me, it hasn’t.”

“Well it’s just one of those things sometimes. It’s no big deal.”

“Isn’t it?”

“’Course not. We’ll probably laugh about this further down the line.”

John bit his lip, avoiding his eyes as Roger climbed out of his lap to sit next to him. He suddenly felt as cold as the silence between them. He wondered how it had gone from them tearing at each other’s clothes, to awkwardly avoiding eye contact.

“I should probably just go and—”

“You never said. If you’ve been with a man or not.”

John should have let Roger go. It would have been easier, at least. But he hated leaving things on such a low.

Roger frowned in response.

“Oh…no, I haven’t. I’ve considered it a few times. But then a girl would catch my eye, and it’d usually be enough to forget about it.”

Men and women had their heads turned by Roger. That was hardly surprising. Considering Roger frequently turned John’s head.

Roger’s choice not to act on it spoke volumes.

“So you’ve never been tempted enough to act on it?”

“I guess not. Neither have you, presumably.”

John had only been with a few women. He’d had even less courage to act on any attraction he may or may not have felt for another man. Until Roger.

“No. How is it different now?”

John caught Roger shrug in the corner of his eyes.

“For me? I dunno’ really. It’s just is, isn’t it? You’re not some stranger on a night out. We live together. We’re in a band together. It wasn’t something I could avoid. In the end.”

John peeked at Roger through his eyelashes at his huff of laughter.

“Did I ever tell you? I thought you were a bird at first.”

“Really?”

Roger gave a sheepish shrug in response.

“Can you blame me? From the back, at least. You should take it as a compliment. I thought you had a cracking arse. Made me wonder what your tits might have been like.”

John huffed in response. “Bet you were gutted when I turned around.”

“Nah, I still thought you were gorgeous. But then I had to play it cool, didn’t I? Especially when Brian said about you playing bass. Made it obvious he wanted you to audition for the band.”

Then Roger smiled.

“Doesn’t mean that I stopped checking out that arse of yours from time to time.”

“Oh yeah? Got a thing about looking at my arse, have you? Perv.”

“What do you expect, in those ridiculously tight trousers? I tried to tell myself it was just healthy intrigue on the new bass player. Given the importance of us getting along. Then you gave your opinion on the band. That didn’t sit too well with me.”

“I got that impression. But to be fair, Brian did ask for my opinion—”

“I know, I know. But you were the new guy. You were the one there to audition, and you were telling us that we didn’t make much of an impression on you.”

“Technically, all I said was that I wasn’t sure you were my cup of tea. Not that you weren’t any good.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. You said you didn’t think much of the bassist too, if memory serves.”

“I still stand by that comment. But the one you’ve got now seems much more committed.”

“That’s lucky then.”

“Yes, it is.”

Roger and John shared a smile. John was just glad it didn’t feel as awkward.

“I could have swung for Freddie when he started putting you in those bloody skimpy outfits, you know? Or kissed him, one or the other. it was bad enough that I thought you were pretty. And you were shy. That alone is an intoxicating mix. Then you started wearing all that stuff, and it became obvious that you had this banging body too. The moment you stepped onto that stage, you turned heads. Just like Freddie predicted you would. But I tried to tell myself it was all just jealousy.”

John bit his lip, fighting a smile at Roger’s words. “You think I’m pretty?”

Roger raised an eyebrow as he met John’s gaze from underneath his long, blonde eyelashes. “That can’t be much of a surprise now, Deacy. But yeah. I do. I think you’re bloody gorgeous actually.”

John smiled again in response.

“I noticed you too, you know? I was quite unnerved when I turned up for that audition. I thought all three of you were beautiful enough to be models.”

“Is that your way of saying you were eyeing up Freddie and Brian too?”

“Not like that. It was you I could never seem to keep my eyes off.” John admitted shyly. “And then that night with Alice, when you undressed in front of me…well, I liked what I saw.”

“Oh yeah? Wanted to show me a good time, did you Deacy?” Roger asked whilst wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

John shook his head, hiding his face behind a hand as he felt himself grow redder.

“Why did I think it was good idea to be honest? You don’t need any more of an excuse to inflate your ego.”

“I’m only teasing, Deacy.” Roger said sweetly, shuffling closer and gently prying John’s hand away from his face. Roger was smiling again by the time John looked back up. “That’s better. Now come on. You were saying something about how you came to realise that _your loins ached for me_.”

“Oh shut up, Rog!”

John groaned, and tried to pull away. Roger ducked his head to hide his laughter against John’s shoulder, his hand tightening against John’s.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be serious, I promise.”

John gave a sigh as Roger pressed a kiss to his skin. He relaxed instantly, a pleasant shudder escaping him as Roger let go of his hand and begun to trace John’s arm with his fingertips. He turned to rest his head against Roger’s shoulder, and smiled in response.

“So that’s how you knew you wanted to be more than friends. Because of that night together?”

“It’s how I knew I at least wanted…to do more than kiss you, yeah.” John admitted quietly. It was hard to concentrate with Roger’s nestled into his side and his fingers dancing against his skin. He swallowed heavily and forced himself to speak again. “You remember that night we had words? After I walked in on you and Freddie arguing?”

Roger’s smile dropped. “Yes. And I acted like a total arse.”

“It wasn’t that bad. But I told a white lie. I heard you get back that night.”

Roger lifted his head to stare at John. His fingers ceased moving against his arm. “Really?”

“Hmm. I was just about to fall asleep, but then I heard moaning. I just assumed you brought a woman back. I was still a little annoyed, and I was tired. So I got up with the intention of telling you to shut up or at least keep the noise down, I don’t know…but then I got to your room, and heard you moaning…other stuff.”

Realisation dawned on Roger’s features, and his eyes widened. “Christ John, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because we made up the morning after. I didn’t see the point of going over it all again, y’know? Not when I knew it would risk fucking things up between us again. You’d spent weeks barely talking to me, and I didn’t want that to happen again.”

Roger frowned guiltily at John.

“Yeah, alright. I probably didn’t handle the situation very well, I grant you.”

John quickly shook his head. “I’m not having a go. I just want you to understand why I didn’t say anything. But then after that gig the other night, it made me think back to everything you said in Southampton. About living in the moment, and being more impulsive.”

Roger nodded slowly to show that he was listening.

“I realised I didn’t just want to sweep it under the carpet and pretend that this… _thing_ between us doesn’t exist. I started to get the sense that maybe you didn’t either.”

Roger nodded again, his gaze dropping from his eyes as John licked his lips. When Roger spoke, his voice was suddenly raspy.

“No. I don’t think I do.”

John wasn’t sure who moved first.

His hands seemed to tangle in Roger’s hair of their own accord, and Roger’s lips pressed to his quickly.

Roger climbed back into his lap, and John’s hands wound around his waist. His fingers lightly brushed underneath the waistband of his underwear, before he used both hands to pull them off of his hips.

Roger leaned back with a groan, enough for him to wiggle out of them and drop them to the floor.

John’s gaze hovered over his body generously, darkening as he took all of him in. He took a shaky breath at the sight of Roger naked, and so obviously hard.

He wanted to make Roger feel good. Actually, much better than _good_. He wanted to drive Roger crazy enough that all the women he slept with would be of no interest anymore.

 _John wanted to be good enough for Roger_.

That very thought terrified the hell out of him.

John was suddenly overcome with the need to reach out and stroke the length of him. But Roger moved before he could.

“What was it you were saying about wanting to do more than kiss me?”

Roger laid down, using the arm as a headrest, and dug his toes into John’s lap as he stretched himself out. Then he gave John a look that made his heart soar, whilst giving him a _come hither_ gesture.

John didn’t hesitate.

Roger’s body called him to him like a moth to a flame, warm and inviting.

His thighs settled themselves on either side of John’s hips, his arms wrapped around his neck as John recaptured his mouth. John’s rough hands traced Roger’s skin like it was the finest porcelain. All the way down to rest between his thighs.

Roger gasped loudly as John touched him. He moved his hand down the length of him slowly, testing the waters.

Something dug into his leg.

John grabbed at the bottle, squeezed a generous amount on his hand, and then quickly moved back to stroke him again. He shuddered at the way Roger moaned as his hands delved into the back of John’s hair, his teeth pulling against his bottom lip.

John tried to remember all the stuff he liked on himself. That wasn’t easy when Roger pulled him back in for a needy kiss, his tongue hot against his.

His rhythm slipped, just for a moment. And then he flicked his wrist at the base.

Roger really did make the prettiest noises. John heard his own name against his lips, before he reluctantly leaned back enough to watch him.

He suddenly felt overwhelmed by it all. By Roger.

He could smell Roger’s aftershave, his coconut shampoo, and the natural, heady scent of his body.

The way Roger’s sighed, moaned, and the way he ushered his name like some revenant prayer.

Roger’s clammy hands grasping his neck, his fingernails digging into his skin. How it felt to finally have him pulsing in his hand, warm and hard at the same time.

The taste of Roger’s skin as John ducked his head, and let his tongue trail a path of slow kisses along his neck and towards his throat.

It made him feel almost dizzy, seeing Roger’s cock rocking into John’s hand. His hips arched forwards quicker and with more purpose.

John sped up, his thumb swiping over the head and coaxing a low whine out of him.

He loved watching Roger. He loved seeing every sort of expression flicker across his face. He loved the way his eyebrows furrowed and he shouted John’s name as the pleasure built.

He loved seeing him like this, so vulnerable.

It was as fascinating as watching him behind the drums, giving all of himself in the same way he did with his orgasm.

John stroked him through it as Roger pressed his forehead against John’s as he slowly came down from his high, his breath shallow.

After a few minutes, John subtlety grabbed for a tissue.

“ _Fuck_.”

John gave a shaky laugh as he reluctantly moved back to lay beside Roger. He was still catching his breath as John looked at him.

“ _Fucking hell_ , John. That’s answered a few questions.”

John raised a brow, watching the beads of sweat cling to Roger’s forehead curiously. “Such as?”

“Whether you wank for one,” Roger said unabashedly, turning his head to look at John.

There was so many emotions swirling in his blue eyes. Enough to make John’s heart sing.

“With hands like that, I thought it’d be a waste if you didn’t. But Fred used to reckon you were too saintly to participate in that sort of thing.”

John snorted. “Just because I don’t shout it from the rooftops like you two, doesn’t mean that I don’t do it.”

“Glad to hear it,” Roger teased, his smile widening as turned to lay on his side, and settled his hand against John’s waist. Then his hand tightened as he groaned and closed his eyes briefly. “ _Christ_ , the amount of times I’ve imagined walking in on you wanking…”

John watched him fondly, hoping he hadn’t turned too red at Roger thinking about him like that. His reply still managed to come out as slightly breathy.

“Oh yeah? Been thinking about me a lot, have you?”

“Once or twice,” Roger smiled. “The trouble with Fred is that he still sees your shy, polite exterior. He thinks you practically wear a halo on top of that dark head of hair of yours.”

“Well, I am very angelic.”

Roger gave him an unconvinced look.

“Bullshit. I know that’s what you’d like everyone to believe, Deacy.”

John decided he liked the way Roger was looking at him, all fond smile and pretty, wide eyes.

“But I know better. I can see the real you.”

Roger moved forwards to press a kiss into the crook of John’s neck. John sighed softly, a small smile on his face as he played with Roger’s hair.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Roger said, leaning back to watch John with a soft look in his eyes. “And I like what I see.”

John didn’t have a response to that.

Instead, he sought out his lips. Roger’s thumb drew circles over John’s hipbone as he kissed him back firmly. It grew heavy quickly, with their tongues brushing, their breaths mingling.

Roger mewled as John pulled back enough to whisper against the warmth of his lips.

“So what is it you see, Rog?”

Roger leaned forwards to kiss him again. It was a long, slow kiss that had John yearn for more as Roger drew away.

He settled his head back enough to watch John closely.

“You’re not as shy as you first seem. I think you only use that as a barrier to keep people away.”

Roger’s hand tightened against John’s waist as he froze under his touch.

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Nor do I think you do it on purpose. Keeping people at arm’s length is usually just a defensive mechanism.”

He pressed a kiss to John’s shoulder, letting his lips pause against his skin as he shrugged.

“I understand. I really do. It’s what people do when they’ve been hurt. Sometimes it’s safer not to risk opening yourself up again. That way, it stops you from being vulnerable—”

John abruptly sat up.

Roger’s words struck a chord. John didn’t know how to feel about that.

It seemed Roger had been watching John closely too.

A pang of panic tugged at somewhere deep inside of him, too strong to ignore.

Roger eyed the rigidness of his back warily.

“I get what it’s like to be like that, you know? None of that was a dig.”

“I know,” John said in a quiet, strained voice. He cleared his throat and reached to grab his trousers from the floor. “I just thought maybe I should show willing to go to some of my classes today. I’ve got a seminar about my dissertation in an hour.”

“Oh. Right. So you’re…heading out, are you?”

“I think I will.”

Roger seemed to feel as metaphorically naked as he actually was. His legs rose enough to wrap his arms around them as he watched John stand and grab for his shirt.

John’s shoulders slumped as he put it back on. He turned back to offer a small, strained smile.

“Err…thanks. For this morning.”

Roger stared up at him blankly, unsure what to say. John fled in response.

It wasn’t until Roger heard the bathroom door open and close that he thought of something he could have said which might have lightened the mood. He pushed his hair back from his face with a sigh.

John found him like that five minutes later. With just a pillow for modesty.

“Rog?”

He looked up, his eyes widening at John’s voice.

John was stood in the doorway, a sheepish look in his eyes. He had his jacket on. He reminded Roger a little of an adorably skittish kitten.

“I’m going now. So I’ll just…see you later?”

“Yeah…after your classes, I should think.”

John gave a small nod, giving Roger one last, lingering look.

Roger heard the front door close. Then he buried his face into the pillow and groaned. He shouldn’t have opened his mouth. Shouldn’t have let himself ruin a perfectly good moment.

Just when he’d thought they were getting somewhere…

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well......that complicates things lol!! Sorry it took so long to update. What can I say? I'm a perfectionist lol. Tried to get this chapter as good as I could, and hopefully it's worth it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it lol. I just love writing Dealor fanfiction, and love writing about Deacy and Roger's relationship. Let me know your thoughts. And let me know what you think should happen now that THAT'S happened lol.
> 
> On another note, went to the dentist. It was okay lol. I got a bit of a telling off because I hadn't been in two years, but after my nice dentist left, I got too scared to go back. Luckily, the one I saw was very nice, so I'll have to make sure I keep going back to her. I've got to have a root canal. :( So they gave me some antibiotics to clear the infection up and then I've got to go back three separate times to have my root canal done lol. WAAAAAAH! June can't come soon enough! :( Seeing Queen live will be my reward lol. Hence why I need lots of lovely reviews from you all to cheer myself up haha. Soooo please let me know what you thought, and I really hope you liked the chapter.
> 
> I shall try and update by the end of next week again. Have a nice week! It's my Mum's birthday tomorrow and I'm making Rocky Road on Monday so that will be fun! :)


	9. If I Could Only Reach You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still reeling from their morning together, Roger and John try to move on and forget about it. But the two of them quickly realise that that will be easier said than done...

John stuffed his costume into a bag and exited the bathroom. It was horribly crowded.

Luckily, John found Freddie easily enough.

He watched him lean across the bar to speak to the bartender above the vibrations of the next band. Freddie paid and passed John a tall glass of what looked like coke.

“Oh. Thanks Fred.”

Freddie turned to offer a smile, and missed the way the bartender gave him a once-over before he moved to serve someone else.

John watched the man as he raised his glass. And then he winched.

Freddie laughed loudly as he stepped closer. “Think the bartender was being a tad generous with the vodka. I’ll have to remember his face!”

John chuckled and turned to see the bartender was staring again. He leaned towards Freddie and changed the subject subtlety.

“Where’s Roger? And Brian?”

He quickly added the latter as an afterthought.

“Brian’s off somewhere with Chrissie. Probably talking in a dark corner. Or snogging.” Freddie said with a roll of his eyes.

Brian had met Chrissie at a disco a month or so ago. They'd barely been apart since.

“And Roger is god knows where. Off seizing his next conquest, knowing him.”

John’s smile disappeared for a second. And then it was back. Just slightly more rigid.

Freddie mistook his expression. He leaned closer and put his hand on John's shoulder. “Never mind them, Deacy. We’ll make our own fun. It’s just us two. Mary’s visiting her family for the weekend.”

John liked being with Freddie. He loosened John up in a different way to Roger. The alcohol also helped. Freddie made sure neither of them had an empty glass.

Eventually it gave John enough confidence to hit the dancefloor. They were joined by a couple of girls, and Freddie excused himself to get more drinks. He came back with shots and insisted they down them. John winched again as the alcohol hit the back of his throat.

He set his glass down on a nearby table, and then leaned towards Freddie with a smile. “Collared the same bartender again then?”

Freddie gave one of his loud, cheeky laughs. “Yes. He practically came running when he saw me. Funny that.”

John noticed the knowing look in Freddie’s eyes.

“I’m going to head outside for a bit. Clear my head.”

“Do you want company?”

“No. I’m good. Honestly. I won’t be long.”

“Alright then. See you in a minute,” Freddie said somewhat reluctantly.

Crowded places threatened to overwhelm John. Freddie had come to realise that he liked having a bit of space when that happened.

It was mid-November. The icy breeze whipped across John's flushed cheeks.

And then his stomach lurched as he saw Roger.

He was stood not far away. His eyes seemed to sparkle under the dull yellow glow of the streetlight.

He looked good. But he wasn’t alone.

His hand was leant against the brick wall, besides her head. There was a curve of a smile on his face as he looked her up and down.

John stared at the woman Roger was with.

She had long brown hair, deep green eyes and delicate features. She wore a thick layer of make-up, and was dressed in a skimpy dress and knee length boots.

She was pretty. And obviously interested.

John thought if she fluttered her eyelashes any more vigorously, she risked looking like she had a twitch.

He suddenly felt sick.

He went to turn back just as Roger looked up. His smile disappeared and he quickly moved back a step, his hand dropping from the wall.

“John…I err…I was wondering where you’d got to.”

John gave a reluctant, small smile. Then he moved away as Roger leaned forwards again. He huffed as he realised he’d left his cigarettes in his jacket. In the corner of his eyes, he saw Roger kiss the woman on the cheek.

The loud _click_ , _clack_ , of her boots seemed to bounce off of the walls. The hum of the band grew louder, before it faded into the background again as the door was shut.

“God, you must be bloody freezing.”

John looked up to see Roger move towards his side. He had his pack of cigarettes in his hand.

“Not really. Can I have one?”

“Go ahead.”

John took one and lifted it to his lips. Roger watched as he passed over his lighter.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Roger said as he lit his own cigarette. Then he started shrugging out of his jacket. “Here. You can have this. I don’t feel the cold as much as you do.”

“It’s fine. Think the alcohol worked a treat. And I’ve just come off the dancefloor.”

Roger paused uncertainly. “Sure?”

“I’m fine, Roger.” John sighed.

Roger nodded and put his jacket back on.

“That was Hannah, by the way. She watched us play earlier.”

John struggled to keep his face emotionless. So he looked away as he took a drag. “Right.”

“Her uncle owns De Lane Lea Studios. Reckons she can convince him to let us record a few demos.”

“Oh,” John said, pursing his lips to fight away a smile. “That’s brilliant.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is,” Roger said, his gaze still locked on John’s face. Then he turned to flick the ash from his cigarette. “Reckon she might fancy me too. Fred saw us chatting not long before you came outside. Suggested I put my charm to good use.”

John stared at his platforms as Roger turned back. His voice was flat as he replied.

“That was nice of him.”

“That’s Fred. Then again, I guess it’d be good. If it meant that she’d get our feet in the door.”

If John was drunker, he’d have told him what he really thought. Instead, he stayed silent as Roger nudged his arm softly.

“You were great in there, Deacy. Especially that solo in _Liar_. We’re sounding better by the day. It won’t be long before we’re off touring the world.”

John gave Roger a disbelieving look.

“It’s true. That’s how much faith I have in us. In all of us.”

John offered a small smile in response.

He loved how ambitious Roger was. And how they all shared such high hopes for the band.

But John was a little more grounded.

The three of them were destined for stardom. That much had always been clear. John had been more than happy to go along for the ride.

Now they were finally getting somewhere.

So who was John to mess that up over something that might not end-up amounting to anything?

o-o-o

“What’s this called again?”

Roger was teaching John about the new items. Freddie had stayed at Mary’s the night before, so John offered to keep Roger company at the stall. It was still early and the Saturday rush hadn’t yet begun. John wanted to use the time to learn more about the types of clothing they sold.

“A Homburg hat.”

“And how is it different to the Bowler hat again?”

Roger smiled as he finished hanging up the pieces of clothing.

“A bowler hat is stiffer. But they’re made from the same material, and both have curled brims. I only know because I’ve seen the two together. And because Fred knows the differences.”

He turned back to see John continue to frown at the offending item in his hands.

“A lot of people get them confused, so don’t panic if you do too.”

John nodded, putting the hat back on the safety of the stand. “And deliveries normally come in every Monday, right?”

“Right. But there was a mix-up with our supplier. He’d already warned us that it’d be coming in today. And it’s better for deliveries to arrive earlier than planned, rather than later.”

John hummed in response.

“You don’t need to worry yourself about any of that though, Deacs. We’re just grateful that you’re willing to help us out from time to time.”

Roger automatically moved to pat John against his shoulder.

Things had gone back to normal. Civil even. It was like that morning had never happened.

John disliked that fact. Yet, he was too much of a coward to do anything about it.

It would fuck with the band. It put his and Roger’s friendship in jeopardy. He needed to focus more on his dissertation. He’d made excuse after excuse.

John had been the one to jump up and leave. He’d fled the flat and left Roger naked—in every sense of the word.

 _For good reason_ , his mind screamed. Yet, his heart fought against that. He was an idiot.

It was harder to ignore his latter organ when he was stood this closely to Roger. It would be too easy to close the distance.

Roger made him feel things nobody else had. That was what made him dangerous. He had the power to shatter John’s heart into a million pieces.

All of those fears kept John holding back.

But Roger looked as though he was in no hurry to pull away either.

“John? Is that you?”

Roger stepped away first. He whipped his head round to stare at Veronica. She was stood by the entrance of their cubbyhole.

“I didn’t know you worked here.”

John forced his gaze towards her. “Err…well. I don’t. Usually. I’m just covering for a friend.”

“Oh, I see. That’s nice of you.”

John hummed as he watched Roger grab his jacket from its peg. His eyes were wide as he went to pull it on, his face pale.

Veronica turned to offer a smile at Roger. “Hello again Roger, how are you?”

“Good tar,” he replied gruffly. “If you’ll excuse me. I wanted to grab a coffee from around the corner before we start getting busy. Do you want anything, John?”

“Erm…no, thank you.”

“Maybe see you in a bit then,” Veronica said politely.

“Maybe,” Roger offered a tense smile before he turned to John, his expression neutral. “Will you be alright on your own for five minutes?”

“Should be, yeah.”

Roger walked away before John had even finished speaking. John watched him disappear, before he turned back to Veronica to give a reluctant smile.

“I promise not to fall over you this time.”

“Great. Thanks.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly, and hoped he wasn’t blushing.

“It’s nice to see you again. You’re looking… _well_.”

Veronica pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and rolled her eyes towards the ceiling.

“ _God get a grip, Veronica_. Sorry. I sound as if I’m talking to a long-distance relation.” She said with a huff. “What I actually wanted to say was that I thought you looked handsome, but I didn’t want to come across as pushy or embarrassing. But now that I’ve said it, I’ve probably ended up making myself look like both. Which is just… _great_.”

Veronica bit her lip when John stayed quiet. “Right well I err…I’m just going to leave before I manage to put any more of my foot in my mouth—”

“No, don’t.”

John spoke before he could even think of engaging his brain.

His stomach dropped at her hopeful gaze. He felt like a terrible human-being.

“I’m…not very good at this either, y’know?” John admitted shyly. “But erm…you look nice too.”

“This old thing?” She smiled as she stepped forwards, giving her skirt a little twirl. “I promise I’m not stalking you. Which I realise is probably exactly what a stalker might say, but seriously, I’m not.”

He gave a small snort of laughter in response. “Good to know.”

“I’ve got class in an hour. Thought I’d have a wonder beforehand. I’m in need of a new outfit.”

John stood straighter. “Oh? Got anything special planned?”

“Well a few things. Date night with the girls, a few university parties. The usual. But there’s something else, though nothing’s been officially arranged yet.”

John stared at her uncertainly.

“Oh? Is it like a surprise party then or something?”

“It’s a date actually. Only trouble is that the guy I’m interested in hasn’t asked me out yet.”

She stepped forwards so that only the counter stood between them. John blinked at her from behind it. Her face was slightly pink, her gaze questioning.

“I’m starting to think there’s probably a reason for that.”

John fidgeted as big green eyes continued to watch him. His gaze dropped in response.

“Veronica I…look, the thing is…obviously, I’m flattered, but—”

“Here we go.”

John’s eyes widened as he looked back up at her. “I’m sorry?”

“I’ll save you the bother of saying anymore,” she sighed. She pulled the handle of her handbag back against her shoulder. “I’m used to getting the brush off by now. Goodbye John.”

“No, wait. I don’t want you to just leave like that. Because the thing is, you seem lovely. Really you do. And obviously you’re… _beautiful_.”

She pursed her lips, her gaze against the counter as he spoke. It made it somewhat easier for John to continue.

“Which is why I don’t want to mess you about. And if I was to ask you out, I’d risk doing just that. I’ve only got another six months left at university. The band are starting to take off. I’ve got barely anytime to focus on my dissertation. I really need to get the best grade that I can. I want to make my Mum proud, y’know? But I can’t do that if I add you into the mix. As horrible as that might sound. So please don’t think I’m just…fobbing you off or whatever. Even though I guess technically I am.”

She looked back up, her eyes sad. “It sounds like you’ve got a lot on.”

“A bit, yeah…sorry.”

She shook her head in response.

“Don’t be. You’re just being honest. I’d rather that,” she said quietly. Then she shrugged, offering a tight smile. “Thank you for that at least.”

His insides flipped uncomfortably as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear again. “I guess I’ll…see you around, John.”

“Of course, err—”

He sighed as he watched her turn and practically run from their stall.

“Bye then.”

He should have been happy. Veronica had taken it better than expected. Instead, he rested his elbows against the counter and hid his face beneath his hands. Then he groaned into them.

“I see it went well.”

John’s hands lowered enough to see Roger was back. He had a plastic cup in his hands, his expression even, as he carefully shuffled out of his jacket and hung it back up.

“Not really.”

Roger almost dropped his cup.

“What? She never turned you down? She seemed really interested when you—”

“Actually, I turned her down. Technically.”

Roger stared as if John had sprouted two heads as he set his cup down. His mouth was slightly open. The temptation to give him something to be really surprised about was great. John just managed to ignore that thought.

“But I thought you liked her.”

“I did. Sort of. Well, she seemed nice, at the very least.”

“There we go then—”

He paused mid-sentence and suddenly smiled.

“Ahh, I get it. You’re a genius, Deacy! Going for the classic _treat them mean, keep them keen_ trick.”

“What?”

It was John’s turn to stare at him like he’d grown two heads.

“No. I just…told her the truth. Sort of.” John said, adding the latter hastily as Roger’s eyes widened slightly. “Mainly that I needed to concentrate on my studies. And that the band was doing well. So they needed to be my priorities right now.”

Roger’s face was unreadable as he nodded. It frustrated John not to be able to tell what he was thinking.

“Oh right. Better to be honest. I guess.”

“Yeah…that’s what I thought, y’know? She seemed a nice girl, and I didn’t think it was fair to lead her on. Not when I couldn’t really see it going anywhere.”

“I see.”

Roger dropped his gaze to lift his cup back up.

“Well. It’s not the end of the world. Plenty more fish in the sea.”

“I guess.”

“Mark my words, chicks dig musicians. Especially the shier, mysterious types like yourself. Plus there’s always loads of birds at our gigs. The more we do, the more interest you’re bound to have.”

John hummed in response. It ended up sounding as enthusiastic as he looked.

“Stick with me Deacy, and I’ll set you up with someone real nice. Someone eager to show you a good time.”

Roger stepped closer and winked as John met his gaze. John’s mouth went dry.

“Thanks?”

Roger shrugged. He stepped closer and wrapped his arm around John’s shoulders.

“Don’t mention it,” he assured, his gaze wondering across John’s face. “Of course the bad news is that you’ll be stuck with me for a while. Until I find you somebody decent, obviously.”

“Right. Yeah. Obviously,” John said quietly. Roger smiled in response.

John didn’t want the fish in the sea. He knew that deep down. What he wanted was to please Roger. And that was a frightening thought.

o-o-o

“Why are we singing at this stupid university dance again?”

Freddie sighed as he turned his attention away from doing his mascara to stare at Roger.

“Good publicity. As I’ve already said. Especially with your female friend here. She has the power to grant us access to a perfectly good recording facility.”

“I thought technically she didn’t promise anything?”

“That’s why I’m choosing to think positive, Bri,” Freddie said cheerfully as he went back to flicking at his eyelashes. “For all we know, a good shag could be exactly the kind of thing to convince her this band is worth her uncle’s attention. That’s where Roger’s expertise comes in.”

Brian rolled his eyes as Freddie looked up at Roger expectantly.

“Piss off.”

Freddie clicked his tongue as he set down the mascara again to watch Roger put his shoes on. “Take the compliment, darling.”

“Funny that. I didn’t hear one. All I heard was you making me sound like some cheap tart. _Again_. I don’t spend all my time shagging about, you know? I work just as hard as all of you. Actually probably harder. Which given Freddie spends most of his time focusing on bloody make-up and what costumes we should all wear, isn’t exactly hard.”

Roger was speaking in temper. Freddie rose to the bait.

“Hey, take that back blondie—”

“He’s winding you up, Fred. Besides, Brian Epstein practically discovered the Beatles at the Cavern. So who knows? Maybe we’ll end up as lucky.”

“Oh come off it, Brian,” Brian scoffed. “You know as well as I do that Epstein knew about the Beatles _before_ he even saw them play. You’re just being a kiss-arse.”

Brian threw his arms up in the air. “I give up. I’m going to head out and find Chrissie. Leave you two to fight to the death. Coming Deacy?”

“Err…”

He hesitated, noticing that Roger had gotten up and reached for his jacket.

“Better do my make-up first.”

“I’ll come with you.”

He waited until Brian and Roger had gone before he asked Freddie to help with his eyeliner. Freddie finished his mascara and took the pencil as he sat in front of him.

“You’ll have to learn to do this eventually, Deacy. Not that I mind, but you should still practice at home. That way, I’ll be able to help you improve.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be any good at doing this.” John sighed.

“Not with that attitude. A bit of practice and you’ll be well away. Especially with me teaching you.”

John smiled uncertainly. Then he closed his eyes so that Freddie could flick the corner of his eyes.

“So. Looking forward to tonight?”

The theme for the evening was _love_. Anyone without a date could pay extra and be set-up. Then by the last dance, they’d have a partner. Freddie had convinced John to do it.

“Yes and no. I’ve got even less confidence with women than around crowds.”

“You’ll be fine. You and Lucy hit it off.”

“I guess, but we mostly spent time together after a few drinks. And the rest was spent…kissing. Lots.”

“Nothing wrong with that. Try not to worry too much, Deacy. It’s just a bit of fun after all.”

The band only had enough time to perform a few of their songs.

Roger’s date was with a friend in the front row. They spent most of the night giggling into their straws, and making eyes at Roger. John loitered in his usual position, to the side of the drums.

The crowds cheers was thunderous as they exited the stage.

They headed back into their small dressing room to get changed. All high on adrenaline.

“I feel like I could spit fire. We were bloody amazing tonight!” Roger announced as he sat to the side of the room.

“The crowd loved us darling. It’s just a shame the miserable gits wouldn’t let us play a few more for them.” Freddie agreed as he sat at the mirror and begun to wipe at his face with a wipe. “Speaking of which. I’m surprised you didn’t put your name forward to be set up too, Rog.”

“I was too actually. I know you’ve already technically got a date, but I thought you might have been curious to see who you’d got paired up with.”

Freddie snorted as Brian sat next to him.

“Maybe he was worried he’d be set up with an ex. He’s got a fair few.”

“No. I just wasn’t feeling it.” Roger said quietly as he bent to take his shoes off.

“Fair enough. Do you remember that time he invited all three of his girlfriends to our gig?”

Brian smiled at Roger in the mirror.

“He kept running back and forth between them so that they wouldn’t realise. Don’t think he’s pulled that stunt since though, so he must have learned his lesson.”

“Yeah alright, have a good laugh at my expense. As usual.”

“Oh come on, we’re only teasing, Rog.”

Roger didn’t respond as he stepped out of his trousers. John said nothing as he grabbed a wipe for his face. He sat in the corner, already sensing an argument looming.

“Anyway, going back to Hannah. You looking forward to spending time with her?”

Roger shrugged in response. “I guess.”

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic,” Brian said as he scrubbed at his face.

“I am, I am. I’m just…”

Instead of continuing, Roger sighed and grabbed for his pair of jeans.

“Just what? You were well up for it the other night. If you’re having a change of heart, could you maybe do so _after_ she puts in a good word for the band? That was another joke by the way, misery guts.”

“No pressure then.”

Freddie’s smile dropped as he stared back at him from the mirror. “You know I didn’t really mean it, Rog. You shouldn’t go on this date if you don’t want to.”

Roger’s gaze was neutral as he did up the button on his jeans. “She seems nice. Why would you think I wouldn’t be interested in going on a date with her?”

Brian stared at him with furrowed eyebrows. “By your general lack of excitement, perhaps?”

“I’m just tired. That’s all. I’m sure it’ll be…fine. Great even.”

“That was almost convincing dear.” Freddie said. “Well she definitely fancies you. She was practically making eyes at you from the audience.”

John looked up and watched Roger slip his top over his head and reach for his shirt.

“Uh-huh. Good to know.”

“You should ask her if she enjoyed the show. See if we made an impression.” Brian added in.

“Yep. Love to.”

Freddie snorted in response. “Although we all know you definitely did.”

“ _Fucking hell, we get it_!”

Freddie looked up as Roger suddenly kicked over a chair.

“Jesus, could we stop bloody talking about this now? All I’ve heard since we met her is _Hannah this and Hannah that_.”

“Well excuse us for being excited for you.”

“There’s being excited and then there’s just… _this_! Fuck! Just because she’s a woman, doesn’t mean I’m desperate to bloody shag her!”

Brian looked up at Roger, confusion in his eyes.

“Wait…so you really don’t want to date her?”

“Oh, why do you even care, Brian? You’ve never taken this much fucking interest before! Or has my love-life suddenly turned into a fucking source of amusement for you two?”

John watched Roger flee the room, his jacket in hand.

Freddie turned to Brian, his eyes wide.

“I know I was teasing him earlier. But even you were making jokes. Humour me for a moment. Tell me he didn’t seem interested when we were talking about her the other day?”

“No. No, he did.”

“So why is he suddenly so against us taking an interest? It was him who wanted to ring her to arrange the date in the first place.”

“I don’t know, Fred,” Brian sighed. “But obviously something’s not right with him. Maybe I should go and have a word. See if he wants to talk about it over a drink.”

Freddie watched Brian stand. “You?”

“Yes me,” Brian huffed. He folded his arms across his chest and stared back at Freddie. “Like you’d be a better choice. Given that he seems just as upset with you.”

“Fair point, I guess.”

Freddie turned to look at John, still sat in the corner of the room. He was in the midst of replacing his top. Once it was over his head, he met their expectant expressions with furrowed eyebrows.

“Me?”

“Of course _you_ darling. Anyone with eyes can see that Roger adores you.”

John quickly looked away, focusing on doing up the zipper on his platform boots as Freddie watched him.

“Plus you have a knack with words. Most of the time.”

John snorted. “That’s not true. I’m terrible at being comforting. I’d hate to end up saying the wrong thing and making things worst.”

“Nonsense Deacs! Roger will listen to you. If anyone has the power to cheer him up, it’s you.”

Brian nodded in agreement. “Freddie’s right. You do seem a bit of a calming influence on Rog.”

John sighed, knowing he was fighting a losing battle as he finished taking his make-up off.

“Fine. I’ll go and see if he’s alright.”

“Thank you darling,” Freddie smiled triumphantly.

John made his way out of their dressing room slowly. He managed to scan the room above most of people’s heads, and spotted Roger at the bar. John made his way over to him with a heavy sigh.

Roger rolled his eyes when he saw him.

“Of course they sent you. Brian’s a coward, and Freddie knows he’ll just end up saying the wrong fucking thing again.”

John sat next to him before he replied. He leaned closer to speak above the music.

“Actually they both seemed to think I’d have more of a chance at cheering you up.”

“Maybe that’s because you don’t involve yourself in everyone’s fucking business. And you’re a good friend too, obviously.”

“Thanks?” John replied uncertainly. “Brian and Freddie are good friends too, y’know? You’re just angry with them right now.”

“I know, I know. And I’ll get over it. I’m just…glad they sent you instead.”

Roger pulled back to take a sip of his beer.

John leaned forwards instead. “Wanna’ talk about it?”

“No, I don’t actually. What I want is to sit here and get wasted. I want to be so drunk that I can barely think or see straight. Is that too much to ask?”

John paused. “Err…no?”

“Exactly. Anyway, I’ll be fine. You should get going to the front. See who you’re mystery dance partner is.”

Roger snorted like it was funny as he sipped on his drink. John watched him closely before he leaned in again.

“There’s no rush. Besides, it’s all a load of hokum, isn’t it? Only really agreed because you three all had a date, and I thought it might be a laugh. But I’d rather keep you company.”

Roger pulled back enough to look at him. his baby blue eyes searched John’s expression. Then he smiled. It made John’s breath catch in the back of his throat at the way his eyes crinkled.

“Alright then. Me and you could have come to this thing together. As friends, I mean,” he quickly added. “It could have been our way of putting up two fingers to the establishment. I mean, who the fuck bases a dance around the theme of love in the middle of bloody November anyway? Just a shame I didn’t think of it sooner. I’ve always enjoyed a bit of healthy rebellion.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Because I’m somewhat of a loveable rogue?”

John tried to keep his expression neutral, but one look at Roger had him smiling back in response.

“That one’s still up for debate.”

As if sensing John didn’t really mean that, Roger threw his head back and laughed.

John openly stared, mouth hanging open slightly. His eyes were drawn to the base of his throat. His lips desperately wanted to follow.

Then Roger looked back at him, a fond expression on his face.

Roger moved to rest his arm against the back of John’s chair. Then very discreetly, let his hand rest against John’s lower back. John shivered in response.

“I was thinking that if your date falls through, or ends up being someone ugly or even worst, thoroughly boring, me and you could go for a drink. Maybe hit Soho, and dance the night away. You know…if you fancy it, that is.”

“ _You’re_ going to dance?”

Roger gave a small shrug. “Okay, correction. I’ll provide the drinks, you provide the dancing.”

“Yeah. That’s more like it.”

It was distracting. Having his hand on John’s back, even if it was just through his shirt. Roger’s expression was tight. He looked as if he was deep in thought about something.

“Glad to see you don’t look as fed-up. Hannah not around?”

“She’s just gone for a cigarette.” Roger replied after clearing his throat. He pulled his arm back quickly, and moved to look over the top of John’s head at Brian and Chrissie.

“Oh okay. Do you two need a top-up?”

“Yeah go on then.”

John gave a stiff shake of his head.

“Better not. I should probably make my way to the front of the hall, I guess.”

“Good luck, Deacy,” Brian said politely.

John watched Brian lean over the bar to order their drinks. Roger’s gaze was trained in front of him as he lifted his bottle to down the rest of it. John reluctantly turned away.

There was already a line of people. It took almost half an hour to reach the front. The woman leaned closer to talk.

“You’ve been paired with Miss Tetzlaff. She’s already got her name badge. She’ll be with the others over there somewhere.”

He nodded and took his badge.

There was a row of people sat to the side of the hall. He let his eyes linger on each badge. Until eventually—

“This is a tad awkward.”

John looked up at the familiar voice. She was stood in front of him. Her eyes were wide as she looked up from his name badge.

John had almost forgotten how pretty Veronica was.

Her dirty blonde hair was curled, sat at her shoulders. She had wide, trusting green eyes. She was wearing a black, fitted mini-dress and ankle boots, which accentuated her long, slim legs.

John offered a shy smile. “Ahh, so you’re Miss Tetzlaff.”

“Guilty as charged. You must be Mr Deacon. I suppose the clue was in your nickname.”

“Maybe. But then how were you to know that?”

“Did you want to cigarette? I could murder one right about now.”

“Yeah, alright.”

Veronica lead them outside. There was only a small group of people, smoking and chatting. She stood to the side of the hall as she reached for her cigarettes. She lit John’s up before she did hers, and then popped the packet and lighter back into her coat pocket.

“At least I’ve not been paired with a psychopath.” She said as she drew her cigarette up to her lips. Then she eyed John warily. “At least, I hope I haven’t.”

“Absolutely not!” He said, pretending to look offended. “I mean, you know. I stalk people occasionally. But I tend to keep that sort of thing strictly to a weekday basis.”

“Oh that’s alright then. So if we were to meet at the weekends, it shouldn’t interfere with your stalking schedule.”

“It’s very kind of you to accommodate that.”

John smiled at her bubbly laughter. “If anyone was to overhear, I’d worry they’d think we were actually serious. Or crazy.”

“I don’t see a problem with that. At least it’ll guarantee us some privacy.”

“True.”

John watched her as she flicked the ash of her cigarette away. She had a pretty smile.

“Speaking of crazy. Us being paired up tonight was a surprise.”

“Very coincidental.”

“Could be. Or fate.”

John’s eyebrows furrowed sceptically as she stared up at him. “You believe in that, do you?”

“Maybe. Don’t you?”

“Not especially. I just assumed you didn’t either. Given that you’re training to be a teacher.”

She offered a one shouldered shrug as she inhaled her cigarette. “A sign of a good teacher is having an even better sense of imagination.”

He smiled in response. “I like that.”

“I forgot you studied Electrical Engineering. Are you more of a believer of the rationale? Science over spirituality and all that?”

“Yeah, I am a little. I put my faith in what I see. In the things that make sense.”

Veronica nodded. “Yeah. I can totally see that.”

She stared up at him from underneath her dark eyelashes.

“But don’t you think we all need something to believe in? To make life that little more bearable.”

John swallowed thickly as he flicked the ash from his cigarette. He dropped his gaze to his platforms as his mind conjured up an image of his Dad. John had never quite managed to believe that he was out there somewhere, waiting for them in the afterlife.

“Yeah, maybe. Sometimes, at least.”

She gave him a long look as she took another drag. John cleared his throat.

“So erm…I didn’t realise you were Polish. More-over I didn’t think you sounded like you were. That’s probably a little bigoted of me, I realise.”

Veronica quickly shook her head.

“I don’t think so. I was born in Sheffield. Hence the varied accent. My parents are both Polish descent.”

“Ahh, I see. A proper Northerner then. I’m from Leicester, originally.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. Northerners are much more fun. At least, I think so.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Absolutely. For your information, you should be sorry you turned your nose up to go on a date with me. I’m a good time kind of girl.”

John stared at her, a bubble of contradictive feelings swirling inside of him at her words.

Veronica suddenly snickered, her eyes lighting up with laughter. “That was my awful attempt at flirting. But I promise that what I lack in that area, I more than make up for in baking.”

“I can work with that.”

He said it before he’d realised. His stomach dropped as she looked at him shyly, her eyes big and hopeful.

John’s gaze slipped behind her, watching Freddie head outside. He grinned when he saw them both.

“Ahh, I see you’ve finally met your match.”

John nodded and watched Freddie light up his cigarette as he moved towards them.

“I have. This is Veronica. Veronica, this is my friend I told you about. Freddie.”

Veronica was on the verge of speaking as Freddie looked at her. “As in _Veronica_ Veronica?”

John sighed in response. “Uh-hum.”

“Isn’t this fortunate! Of all the people to be paired up with.”

Veronica smiled politely as she turned to look at Freddie. “I was just saying it must have been fate.”

“Definitely dear! Must have been meant to be.” Freddie agreed with a smile. “Of course I already knew about you from our darling Deacy.”

“All good things, I hope?” Veronica asked chirpily. “Love your shirt by the way. Roger was right. You have got fabulous choice in clothing.”

Freddie preened instantly.

“Well I don’t like to brag. But I understand the importance of making an impression.”

Freddie was wearing a leather jacket, a satin top, with leather trousers and platform boots. He did a little twirl to make his point.

“So I see. Very nice. I’d love to borrow your jacket some time.”

“Go ahead, darling. I’m sure it’ll look just splendid on you.” Freddie said as he flicked the ash from his cigarette away. “Anyway, I hope our Deacy’s finally plucked up the courage to ask you on a date?”

“Not just yet. But the night’s still young. So I’m hoping I can change his mind.”

Veronica looked at John pointedly. He looked away and lifted his cigarette.

“That it is. I’ve found a gentle nudge of encouragement works wonders too.”

“That’s handy to know,” Veronica said as she stamped her cigarette out. “I’ll be back shortly. Just off to search for the bathrooms.”

“They’re at the back. Ladies is the first door on the left.”

She gave Freddie a smile before she headed away. “Thanks Freddie.”

Almost as soon as she was gone, Freddie had turned to look at John properly.

“She seems perfectly lovely, Deacy. What would be the harm in going on a date and seeing if you get along?”

Freddie had overheard Roger and John talking about her. He’d encouraged John to give things a chance. But that was before anything happened with Roger.

“I don’t know. I barely know her. I’m worried I’ll make an idiot of myself.”

“I’m sure that wouldn’t happen. And the only way to get to know her is by going on a date. She seems keen on you.”

“Yes, and that’s another problem. Because I’m not even sure if I feel the same way. So I don’t want to mess her about. Besides, I should be focusing on my dissertation. And the band. We’re going to be in the studio soon, and—”

“Excuses, excuses. I’m sure if you wanted to, you’d make the time to see her.”

John sighed in response.

“Look, this is all too much! I don’t have any spare time as it is. All of that is used up for rehearsing, gigging, and practising the bass. And I promise I’m not complaining about that. I love being a part of the band. It’s just that I feel like if I was to take anything else on, I’ll just end up…oh, I don’t know. Exploding, I guess.”

Freddie gave him a sympathetic smile as he reached out to press his hand to John’s shoulder.

“Darling look, why are you getting yourself so stressed about this? For starters, you can afford to go a little easier practising the bass. That’s what rehearsals are for. You’re the best bassist we’ve had. You can definitely afford to let your hair down a little, so to speak. Me and Roger could always try to help you study. Even if it’s just running about, making you cups of tea, or ordering takeout every now and again so that you don’t have to worry about cooking for all of us.”

John bit his lip as he put out his cigarette.

“I just…I liked Lucy. I let myself get too invested. Things had been going well. As far as I knew anyway. And then she…ended things out of the blue. Or at least that was how it felt.”

Freddie nodded, his expression understanding. “And you’re worried about getting hurt again.”

“Well. Yeah. Maybe a little bit.”

It wasn’t a lie. It was the same reason that caused John to pull away from Roger.

“But it’s one thing to have that fear and another to let it stop you from doing things that might make you happy. Veronica might be good for you. She seems bubbly and kind. And just think, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone around, hmm? Someone to go on dates with, to hold hands with, to keep you company. She could be that person, Deacy.”

Veronica headed back outside, and Freddie gave his shoulder one last squeeze before he pulled away.

“Just remember what I said. You deserve to let yourself be happy, you know?”

“I think you owe me a dance, John. Given that you’re my partner, after all.”

Freddie gave John’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before he pulled away to put out his cigarette.

“You heard the lady, Deacy. I’m off to find Mary. She could never resist a bit of _The Supremes_.”

John found a spot near to the edge of the dancefloor, not far from the bar. Close enough to see Roger nursing a drink. He had his arm around a brunette, talking closely. John presumed it was Hannah.

Then she suddenly leaned in.

John’s stomach dropped as Roger kissed her back, his hand pulling her in by her waist.

“So did you want to go on that date then? John?”

“What?”

He forced his eyes back to Veronica. She had one eyebrow raised expectantly.

“Oh err—”

His eyes moved to rest over the top of her head. He watched Roger put his jacket on. Watched Hannah smile as she took him by the hand. And lead him straight towards the exit.

“Yeah. Alright. I’d love to.”

By the time he’d looked back at Veronica, she was smiling. “It’s a date then.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH don't hate me lol!! Sorry that took so long to update. I really wanted to get it right. So there you have it. John's going to go on a date with Veronica. Because he's an idiot. and Roger's going to go home with Hannah. Again, because he's an idiot. Lol, I promise the boys are going to realise that none of this is going to work in the next few chapters. If only I was there to bang their heads together lol. Hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway. I made sure it was a bit longer to make up for not updating for so long. I promise I'll get back into the flow of things lol. Hope you all have a good week!


	10. Keep All Good Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger finds out John has a date with Veronica. John goes on that date...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! First off, I can only apologize for taking so long to update. AHHHH! It's so not like me lol. I was going to upload this on Friday but then I went out with friends, and well, yeah. I didn't want to do anything all weekend then lol. But here is the next chapter! I know it's really short and I can inly apologize for that, but it's a bit of a filler chapter tbh. I am going to get the next one uploaded by Thursday. It's a VERY interesting chapter and one that's really needed tbh, In the meantime, I hope this is enough to keep you going until then. I shall reply to all reviews by the end of tonight. Enjoy! :)

John frowned at himself in the lengthways mirror. Freddie watched him closely.

“Well? What do you think?”

“Hmm. Yeah, I look alright, I guess. But don’t you think it’s a little dressy?”

“That’s exactly the point, darling,” Freddie said with a sigh. “There’s nothing more unattractive than somebody who looks as if they’ve made no effort at all.”

“I guess. But I didn’t want to look too keen either.”

John wiped his clammy hands against the front of his velvet trousers, still watching himself uncertainly.

“Stop worrying, Deacy. You look lovely. Veronica will think the same, I’m sure.”

John said nothing as Freddie fiddled with his hair so that it fell right. Then his gaze strayed behind him at the sound of the door.

Roger appeared in the hallway seconds later, eyebrows furrowed.

John’s cheeks turned a little pink as he stared.

He was wearing tight-leather trousers, and an embroidered jacket. His hair was still a little windswept, his cheeks flushed from the cold. His blue eyes looked between them curiously.

“ _Twit-twoo_ Deacy. Going somewhere nice?”

John swallowed thickly as he watched Roger lean against the doorframe.

“Err. Well. I’m sort of going on a date.”

“How can you sort of go on a date?” Roger asked, his smile rigid as he stepped into Freddie’s room. “You either are or aren’t.”

“He is,” Freddie confirmed confidently.

Roger nodded. He sat himself on Freddie’s bed and watched him make a fuss of John.

“Right. With the girl from the disco, I take it? Who was that again? You never said, I don’t think—”

John’s eyes widened in panic. “Oh erm. Well the thing is—”

“Don’t be shy, Deacy. It was Veronica.”

Roger sat up straighter. His smile faded.

“Oh her… _again_.”

“Yes her again,” Freddie said with a click of his tongue. “Don’t you think it’s wonderful? What are the chances of them being paired up? It was obviously meant to be. Fate!”

“Or it’s the universe’s idea of a joke.”

Freddie turned to narrow his eyes at Roger. “Don’t be so pessimistic. I think it’s sweet that circumstances have brought them together again.”

Roger groaned in response.

“You make it sound like that they’ve been propelled together against all odds. They were set up at a stupid dance. It’s coincidental that it happened to be Veronica.”

“Blimey, somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Freddie said with a sigh. “Don’t you at least think Deacy looks good?”

Roger’s eyes trailed over John’s body. He squirmed in response.

“Yeah he looks… _fine_.”

Freddie looked at him like it was the worst thing he could have said.

“ _Fine_? Was the Mona Lisa described as _fine_? Was Aretha’s voice described as _fine_? Was the Eiffel tower—”

“I get it, I get it. Christ! Well…Deacy always looks nice.”

“ _Nice_ ,” Freddie repeated, sounding it out. Then he nodded as his gaze flickered over John. “Nice, I can work with.”

John spluttered in response.

“No way. I’m sorry, Fred. I appreciate that you helped me choose something to wear. But I don’t need anything else. No jewellery. Make-up, or whatever. The only thing I need is for you to help me decide what shoes to wear. Please.”

“Spoilsport.”

“You should wear those platforms you like so much,” Roger suggested in a small voice. “They suit you.”

John turned to Roger. But he was staring at his feet.

“Err…okay. Thanks.”

“Excellent idea, Rog. Nice to see you finally making a contribution, darling.”

Roger rolled his eyes as he moved to stand. “Glad to be of assistance.”

“Yes. You can tell by that long face of yours.”

Roger headed for his room. And answered by slamming his door shut.

John flinched in response. Freddie gave a weary sigh.

He didn’t come out of his room to see him leave. John’s gaze flickered towards his door. The sounds of Led Zeppelin’s latest album was currently blaring out of his speakers.

“Do you think he’s alright?”

“He’ll be fine, darling. He’ll get over…whatever this is soon enough, I’m sure.”

John frowned, his eyes still glued to his doorway. Freddie squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“I promise if he’s still in there in a bit, I’ll have a word. Make sure he’s okay. Don’t worry, Deacy.”

John gave a reluctant nod, and let Freddie usher him out of the front door. He hugged John before he left.

“Have a lovely time dear. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“I don’t think that leaves much.”

Freddie flipped him off, and John gave a quiet chuckle as he headed away.

He stepped by the market, just like Freddie suggested. Then he met Veronica outside the cinema as planned.

She was wearing a leather jacket, knee-length pleated dress which matched her green eyes, and a pair of kitten heels. Her hair fell in waves across her shoulders, and she wore only a little bit of make-up. She looked nice.

“Hi. You look…pretty.”

Despite John’s uncertainty, Veronica beamed. “Thank you. So do you.”

She raised an eyebrow as John continued to stare. Then her gaze slipped towards his hands. “Those for me?”

“Oh err…sorry. Yeah, they are.”

“Oh John, they’re gorgeous!” She said as he presented the bouquet to her. She bent her head to smell them. “They smell lovely too. You didn’t have to get me these though.”

“I know, but I thought it’d be nice. Everyone likes flowers, don’t they?”

“I definitely do. I love roses too.”

“Freddie suggested white roses. Apparently they represent new beginnings.”

“I didn’t know that. Appropriate given the circumstances.”

“Yeah that’s what he thought,” John smiled. Then his gaze moved towards the doors of the cinema. “Should we err—”

“Absolutely.”

John quickly stepped forwards to open the door for her. She smiled shyly at him in response.

They settled on seeing _A Clockwork Orange_ as they’d both read the book.

“That was interesting.” John said as he lead them back out of the cinema a couple of hours later.

Veronica nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it was. I liked it overall. I just wasn’t sure about the way they changed the ending.”

“Me neither. But yeah, it was good. It’s a complicated book, so I think they did it justice overall.”

“Agreed,” Veronica smiled. She came to a stop just besides the cinema. “I had a nice time.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Good. Erm…” Veronica trailed off, her tone uncertain. “Well, it’s still early. Did you maybe…want to go for a drink?”

“Urm…”

John hesitated. Veronica watched him expectantly.

She was good company. She made him feel comfortable. That in itself was unusual.

He liked that she talked more than he did. There weren’t really any awkward silences between them that John felt he had to fill.

He liked that she had a creative flair. In the way she talked, and in the way she painted and drew. She could appreciate art in a way that John had never been able to. Perhaps he could even learn a few things from her.

It was easy between them.

Nothing like the complicated desires he had for Roger.

Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe not. There was only one way to find out.

“Yeah, I’d erm…I’d love to.”

The pub was only a short walk away from the cinema. It was very country chic. Intimate and small, and not very busy.

Veronica grabbed a booth to the back and John went to get them their drinks. She thanked him as he set her gin and tonic down. He shuffled out of his jacket and sat in front of her.

She smiled approvingly at his pint. “I had a feeling you were a beer man.”

“Am I that obvious?” He snorted. “I like vodka too. But I thought it might still be a little too early.”

“Never too early,” she said as she raised her glass. “But on that note…cheers.”

John hummed, raising his glass to clink against hers. “Cheers.”

They fell into conversation easily enough. They spent ages dissecting the film. Talking about the differences from the book. Until both of them were well onto their second drink.

Veronica finished her gin and tonic, and then grabbed for her purse. “I’ll get the next lot.”

“No, it’s alright. I will—”

“You brought the tickets. And the first two rounds.”

“Yeah well. It’s only right.”

Veronica rolled her eyes in response. “Please don’t tell me you believe in all of that misguided chivalry stuff.”

John felt himself beginning to turn pink under her watchful gaze. He offered a small shrug as he finished his drink. “Maybe, a little bit. I just…I like being polite, I guess. I’d hold open the door for a man or woman. And I’m usually the first one to offer to buy a round on a night out.”

Veronica smiled in response, and moved to press her hand against his shoulder. “And that’s very sweet. It is. But I don’t expect you to buy everything on this date. We’re both students, after all. So. Same again?”

“Alright then. Please.”

John drummed his hands against his legs as he watched Veronica at the bar. She headed back to put down their drinks, and excused herself to go and find the bathroom. She gave a smile as she wondered back over to their table.

“I like it in here. It’s very cosy.”

“Yeah, it’s nice. Reminds me of those pubs you find miles away from anywhere. A hidden gem.”

“It does a bit,” she agreed as she raised her glass to take a sip. “I’ve had a really nice time tonight. You’re lovely company, John.”

“Oh err…” he stammered, surprised by her compliment. “Thanks. You are too. And same here.”

He cleared his throat, dropping his gaze to his drink at the look she was giving him.

“So how’s things with the band? Still going well?”

“Yeah, we’re hoping to be in the studio by next week. So that’s good.”

“And how’s your dissertation going? Getting anywhere further with that?”

He wrinkled his nose in response. “Yes, and no. I feel like I’m blabbering on about stuff that isn’t relevant, just to make up the word count. What did you write your dissertation on?”

“A study of speech and language issues of autistic children between the ages of four and ten.”

“Ahh. That’s not going to be much help then.”

“Probably not,” she smiled. “But you seem like a clever lad. I’m sure you’ll work out what you want to say by the time it’s due to hand it in.”

“You’ve got more confidence than I have then.”

“It’ll all be fine, I’m sure,” she insisted chirpily. “You seem to have good friends, at least. Can you not ask for some tips from them?”

“Yeah. I could, I guess. Except we all studied different degrees, so it’s difficult.”

“Ahh, I see. That’s too bad.”

They stayed a while, and chatted about everything. Family. Food. Drink. Favourite holidays as a child. Places they wanted to visit.

John reluctantly suggested that they make a move. Veronica gave a small nod as they headed back outside.

It was just starting to rain. They lingered by the front entrance, under the safety of the pub’s scaffolding.

“I still can’t quite believe you’re in a rock band.”

John smiled in response. “No. I know I must not seem the type.”

“You don’t, no. No offence.”

“Oh don’t be silly, none taken.”

John was unassuming, in every approach to life. He was laid-back, quiet, and a bit of a loner. Virtually, the polar opposite to Roger.

“I bet that’s what must make you so irreplaceable though. Are you the rational one when it comes to band disagreement and things?”

“Well, I try and avoid getting involved in any quarrels. When I can.”

She smiled in response, as though he’d proven her point.

“I’d like to see you again.”

He blinked in surprise.

Roger was still seeing Hannah. He’d made no attempt to speak with John about what had happened between them.

This was only John and Veronica’s first date. It was nothing serious. What was the harm in going on another one and seeing how things played out?

“Yeah, that’d be…nice actually.”

She smiled in response. “Cool. I’ll see you around then.”

“Ok…ay?” John said uncertainly. “Do I have your number?”

“No. But I have yours. From the disco the other night.”

She stepped forwards and kissed him on his cheek. Her face was slightly pink as she pulled away.

“Night then.”

“Oh err…night. Did you not want me to walk you—”

She gave him a look from underneath her eyelashes. “I’m a big girl, John. I can handle myself.”

For some reason, it made him smile as he watched her turn and walk away.

o-o-o


	11. You Take My Body, I Give You Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John comes back from his date with Veronica to find Freddie and Roger arguing. He confronts Roger when he comes back later and things take a surprising turn between them...

John found himself with a spring in his step as he walked back to the flat, despite the rain.

He virtually ran up the steps to their front door. He pushed his damp hair back from his face as he managed to jam his key into the lock. He opened the door, and stumbled in to hear raised voices.

His smile dropped as he shut the door quietly behind him.

“You’ve been up and down more times than a bloody yo-yo these past few weeks. I’m just trying to understand what’s been up with you, Rog. And I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.”

“ _You’re_ what’s up with me! For Christ’s sake, Fred! You can’t go around matchmaking everyone and expect it to be okay. Why were you even so eager for John to go on this sodding date in the first place?”

“John is a grown man who’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions. He wanted to go. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t encourage him?”

“Maybe one that minds his own bloody business? If he was that desperate to go out with her, he wouldn’t have turned her down in the first place. It was you who made such a fucking fuss about the whole thing!”

“Only because I could tell he liked her! I think the real question is why _you’re_ so against this, hmm? Don’t you want John to be happy?”

“You’re just being fucking ridiculous! Of course I do! But it’s like your desperate for him to bloody meet someone. But then maybe that’s secretly what you want! For him to meet someone, get fucking married and settle down, and leave the band, just like you predicted he would all those weeks ago!”

John frowned as he wondered when exactly they’d talked about him.

“Now who’s being ridiculous? It’s one date! I hardly think he’ll be marching her up the aisle by next week!”

“I’m sure if you had your way he would be!”

“Oh get a grip, Roger! I did the same thing for you, didn’t I? Encouraged you to see Hannah again. Not that I got any thanks for that!”

“Yes, because this is _my_ life. Same as this is _his_ life. You shouldn’t be interfering!”

“I can’t fucking win with you, can I? I was trying to be a good friend, but clearly I shouldn’t have bothered.”

“Yeah well you said it!”

“Say what you want. But don’t think I’m stupid, Roger. I saw your face when you were told it was Veronica he’d been set-up with. You barely know the girl, so what have you got against her?”

“Nothing, I just…I—”

“What? You don’t want to share John with anyone else, is it? That’s selfish, even for you!”

John flinched at the sound of a bang. It sounded like somebody had kicked something over.

“No, it isn’t! Fuck you Fred, I’m done listening to this bullshit!”

“Good. Because I’m done hearing you complaining about it dear!”

John heard footsteps then a door slam. Seconds later, Roger rounded the corner.

His face was blotchy, a look of deep anger burrowed into his features. John’s eyes widened at the same time Roger’s expression was replaced with shock. He paused, his blue eyes big and full of emotion as his gaze trailed over John.

“John…I—”

Whatever he was about to say, Roger seemed to decide against it.

He closed his mouth and shook his head, his gaze lowering to the floor as he pushed past him. He was out of the door before John could recover enough to stop him.

John shut himself off in his room.

Their disagreement might have been about him, but John didn’t want to be involved. Neither did he want Freddie asking questions about his date.

He only left his confines to grab a glass of water before he turned in. He noticed Roger’s bedroom light on the way back to bed.

Roger barely looked at him as he threw his jacket on top of his drawers. John loitered in the doorway as Roger sat on his bed to remove his shoes.

“You’re back then.”

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed, his expression quickly changing.

“Oh, don’t you fucking start. I’ve heard it all from Freddie. Although, you probably know that already given that you were eavesdropping earlier.”

“Fine. I’ll just leave you to it then.”

John was about to turn away. But then he exhaled sharply, and narrowed his eyes as he looked back at Roger. “Oh, I had a nice time by the way. Thank you so much for asking.”

“Good for you,” Roger huffed as John turned away. “Why don’t you tell Freddie that in the morning? I’m sure he’ll be just thrilled for you.”

John didn’t respond. He didn’t want to argue anymore. Not with Roger.

He heard Roger groan, and then a quiet thump. John ignored him call his name as he shut himself off in his room again.

Seconds later, the door reopened and Roger appeared, guilt in his eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry, alright? I shouldn’t be taking this out on you. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I know I haven’t.”

Roger blinked in response as John climbed back into bed.

“Err…right. Exactly.”

John watched him shift from one foot to another, his face slightly pink.

“That all you got to say then?”

“I guess. I just wanted to apologize for not being more supportive, that’s all.”

John gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Fine. Night then.”

Roger gave an angry huff as John fluffed up his pillows. “Yep. Night.”

John watched him turn to leave. And realised suddenly that wasn’t what he wanted. Not when things were still tense.

“Look, you can talk to me, you know? About anything.”

“Uh-hum. I’ll bear that in mind.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know you are.” Roger turned back, his expression tight. “But I’m fine. Nothing that I can’t handle.”

“Sure. If you say so.”

Roger pulled a face in response. “Fuck! Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“That!” Roger said, gesturing wildly to John, still sat up in bed. “Say something so fucking sarcastically that it’s so obvious that you don’t really think that at all. If you’ve got something to say John, just fucking say it!”

“Except what good will that do? Or is that what you want? All three of us bickering and as miserable as you seem to be at the moment?”

Roger’s shoulders slumped in response. “I’m not miserable.”

“Well you’ve got a funny way of showing it. And taking it out on Freddie isn’t helping matters either. Whatever this is about, you obviously need to talk about it.”

“Sure. Like it’s that simple.”

John gave a weary sigh. “All I know is I’m sick of everyone arguing.”

“Sorry,” Roger said in a quiet voice.

“I’m not having a go, Rog. Except it would be nice on occasion not to come home to you two shouting at each other, and actually be able to concentrate on my dissertation.”

Roger winched in response. “I’ll try and behave, I promise.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” John insisted softly. “Not really. I just wish you’d bloody talk to me. Or Brian. Or someone!”

Roger gave a weak nod. “Alright. I’ll…try. Do you want a nightcap?”

John watched Roger’s expression grow hopeful, and realised he was in no position to say no. Given all he’d just said.

Even if alcohol and Roger might have been a bad combination right now.

“I suppose one can’t hurt. In the kitchen?”

“Too open,” Roger said quickly as he watched John climb out of bed. “Let’s head for my room. We’ll be able to talk properly. Without waking Freddie.”

That was all the encouragement John needed.

He said nothing as Roger shut the door. He kept his eyes on the planes of his back as he watched Roger put on a record.

Roger offered an uncertain smile as he turned and grabbed the bottle of vodka from his bedside drawer. Then he sat beside John on the bed.

They passed both the bottle and a cigarette back and forth.

The burn of vodka felt good against the back of John’s throat. The nicotine gave him something else to focus on. Rather than the two of them being holed up in Roger’s room, the door shut, with Freddie asleep just next door.

“So come on then. How much did you hear earlier?”

Roger swapped the cigarette for the vodka.

John liked the thought of them sharing. Of having his lips around something that Roger had, just seconds earlier. But that was letting his thoughts veer down dangerous avenues.

He didn’t reply until Roger had safely lifted the bottle to his lips.

“Enough.”

Roger nodded, his expression hardening.

John sighed as he flicked the ash into the ashtray in the middle of the bed.

“You know I hate arguing. I was still trying to decide whether to try and tip-toe to my room, or run back for the door when you walked round the corner. Nor do I want to get involved.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Don’t I? Because it feels as if you’re both waiting for me to form an opinion, sometimes. I’m new. I’ll always be the new guy in the band—”

“Not to me, you’re not.” Roger said quickly.

“I just feel like it’s not my place. Regardless if it’s about band stuff or not. But I’ll agree with Freddie about one thing. It was me who decided to go on that date.”

“I know it was. And if you want to see her again, then…well, whatever. But it should be your prerogative. Not Freddie’s. Not even mine.”

“I think that Freddie’s just trying to be a good friend.”

Roger gave John back the bottle in exchange for the cigarette. John watched him inhale.

“You’re such a git.”

John’s eyes widened in response. “What have I done now?”

“Being reasonable as always. How am I supposed to argue with that?”

John was so relieved that he gave a breathy laugh in response. “I do apologize for trying to keep the peace. Next time, I’ll kick up a fuss about something ridiculous like Freddie hogging the shower just for your benefit.”

“Good. Make sure you do. About time somebody was on my side.”

“Of course. Because you’re so hard done by, Rog.”

“Glad we agree, Deacy.”

Roger’s smile made John’s heart flutter. He was just glad when Roger changed the subject.

“Your riff was brilliant on KYA at that gig the other day, by the way. I forgot to say because I was…”

“Kicking your toys out of your pram?” John suggested jokingly.

Roger responded by poking his tongue out at him, and making John laugh again.

“I mean it though. We’re sounding better every day.”

“Yeah, yeah, we are.”

“Imagine how much better we’ll sound in the studio. I reckon give it six months…everyone will be wanting a piece of us.”

“You really think so?”

Roger stared at him as he passed the bottle back. “Don’t you?”

“Maybe. I guess I’ve been kind of…winging it so far.”

Roger smiled again in response. “Sounds about right. You’re usually so laidback you might as well be vertical.”

“That almost sounded like a compliment.”

“No, but it is!” Roger insisted. “Don’t you see? That’s what makes us work so well together. You focus on the music. On the things that matter. How high the frequency of the amps are, practicing the riff until it’s perfect, until your fingers practically bleed. And me and you make a good team. Even halfway through a gig, it’s like we know what each others thinking. That’s a sign of an amazing rhythm section, you know? Us three have our little spats or we get carried away by these big ideas, and then there’s you, who brings us back down to earth, in a good way.”

John could only smile in response, touched by Roger’s words.

“You must let yourself dream about it though. At least sometimes. Making it big. I know I do. I can’t help it. It’s all I think about.” Then Roger paused, a smile playing at his lips. “Well actually. _Almost_ all I think about.”

The intensity of Roger’s gaze almost had the bottle slipping from John’s grasp as he passed it back. His thoughts whirled without permission.

Images of Roger’s body arching, the sounds of his needy moans, and the feel of his cock in John’s hand…

John cleared his throat and inhaled the cigarette like his life depended on it.

“A whole arena of adoring fans. All chanting our name. imagine them singing our songs back to us, paying just to see _us_. It would be fucking incredible. The stuff dreams are made of.”

John gave a wry smile in response. “Okay yeah. That would be amazing.”

“Exactly. Can you imagine the parties? The extravagance! Fred would be in his element.”

John gave a small huff of laughter at the way Roger stared off dreamily.

“Never mind Fred. You would be too. That kind of lifestyle would suit you both down to a tee.”

“I am very rock and roll,” Roger grinned as he took another swig. Then he sighed. “Seriously though. We’re good. We’re bloody fantastic actually. There’s not one artist like us. We’re different. In a good way. It makes us intriguing, I think. Not to mention that we’re all fucking gorgeous. That certainly helps.”

John tried to ignore the way Roger was staring at him as he drew the cigarette back up to his lips. All adoring and earnest. He swallowed thickly in response.

“Not to blow your own trumpet or anything.”

“Of course not,” Roger teased lightly. “I’m telling you, Deacs. We’ll all be legends one day. It’s practically written in the stars. Freddie virtually said so himself.”

John turned back to watch Roger take another sip. He felt something hollow somewhere deep inside of him as he took in the wonder in Roger’s eyes, the hope in his smile.

He was born to be a rock star. With his enviable looks, his passion for music, his zest for life, and the fact that he was the life and soul of parties.

Freddie had the vocal range, the enviable stage presence, and a keen eye when it came to fashion and trends.

Brian had his trademark hair, the unique way he played the guitar. John had never heard anything like it. He was sure to be remembered.

But then they all would.

It just left John. Quiet, dependable John.

He was content with the knowledge that he played things safe. He didn’t desire change quite as much as the three of them did. Of course the chance to release a couple of albums was thrilling. But then he’d have been quite happy to sneak back into obscurity again.

“Written in the stars, huh?” John said quietly. “I suppose that’s probably more Brian’s forte.”

“ _Touché_ ,” Roger said as he took another swig, a far off look crossing his features again as he stared at the ceiling. “So…do you reckon you might see her again?”

“Who?”

“Veronica, of course.”

“ _Oh_.”

John went quiet. They’d not mentioned her in a while.

“I’ve not given it much thought.”

“Of course you haven’t,” Roger said with a roll of his eyes. “How did you leave things then? Did you kiss?”

“Erm—”

Roger turned on his side to give him his full attention. John tried to focus on the Beatles playing softly in the background rather than the way Roger was watching him.

_Is there anybody going to listen to my story?_

“No, no we didn’t. She said she wanted to see me again, so I sort of…agreed.”

“But you didn’t actually arrange a second date.”

“Erm…”

_She’s the kind of girl you want so much, it makes you sorry_.

“No, I don’t suppose we did.”

_Still you don’t regret a single day_.

Roger nodded as he watched John lean across to put out the cigarette in the ashtray. He forced the bottle of vodka back into John’s hand, before moving the ashtray away.

John exhaled slowly, the music blurring into the background again.

“You were a long time considering it was just the cinema.”

John licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry as he took a sip.

“We went for a couple of drinks too.”

“At that little bar around the corner? The one with the fancy cocktails.”

“That’s the one.”

John drew the bottle up to his lips again. Roger’s mouth parted as he watched him.

“Nice. I guess that means you’ll have to step it up if you do go on that second date. Maybe take her to an art gallery. You mentioned she was into art. Or Madame Tussauds.”

“Hmm, she might like the gallery idea, I guess.”

“A walk along the embankment? Or you could always take her shopping. Nip down to _Lovecraft_ on Tottenham Road. Buy something for both of you to enjoy on your third date.”

John looked away quickly as Roger waggled his eyebrows suggestively. He’d heard of the sex shop. Been inside a few times too.

“That your trick, is it?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Roger said dismissively as he took the bottle back from John. “It’s where I get my porn too.”

“Good to know.”

“Let me know if you need a stash. Vivian Neeves was in last week’s.”

“I’ll pass.”

“Suit yourself,” Roger said chirpily. “Well I think I’ve given you all reasonable ideas for where to go on your second date.”

John hummed, his mind distracted. By images of Roger taking trips to sex shops. With girls.

“If nothing else, I think you at least owe it to her to show off some of those trademark dance moves again, Deacy.”

“Very funny,” John said with a heavy sigh. “Let’s not get carried away, shall we?”

Roger frowned in response. “How is that getting carried away? You just said you agreed—”

“To a second date. Yes, I know. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.” John grumbled. Then he looked down at his lap guiltily. “Plus. I guess I had a good time. I just…I don’t know.”

“Well don’t sweat it, Deacs. It’s cool if you decide you’re not into it. I’ve already offered to set you up with someone. Or we could go to that new pub on the corner of Hyde Park, check out the birds.”

For some reason that annoyed John more. He sat up, and Roger was faced with the rigidness of his back.

“Has it even occurred to you that I might not want any of that?”

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed as he nestled the bottle of vodka between them carefully. “Okay fine. We’ll go out then. Just me and you. Paint the town red. Or we’ll stay in and eat loads of takeaway. Whatever it is you want to do, John.”

 _Whatever it is he wanted to do_.

John knew what he wanted. Something he shouldn’t.

He’d had enough vodka to make his thoughts blur together and his body feel heavy. Enough to give him confidence to do what he really wanted to without overthinking the outcomes too much.

He felt a little light-headed as he sat back against the pillow and looked at Roger.

His gaze flickered across John’s face, forehead creased. His lips were drawn into a firm line. John had the urge to kiss away his concerns.

So he did.

It wasn’t very neat. He’d virtually missed, getting half lip, and half cheek. Then Roger tipped his head back, and John’s lips landed on his more fully. He kissed him like he’d never kiss anyone before.

It was rough, desperate, their tongues trailing against one another’s, their bodies crashing together.

Roger tasted like vodka with a hint of spearmint. It was an intoxicating mix that had John’s hands tightening against his waist.

And then Roger gave a loud gasp, and pulled away from John like he’d been electrocuted.

John’s eyes widened, worried he’d made a mistake. Until he saw and felt the puddle between them.

Roger reacted quicker, grabbing the bottle and tossing it onto the bedside table.

“Fucking hell! My bed’s going to stink of vodka for weeks now!”

John was so relieved that Roger hadn’t pulled away because he hadn’t been enjoying it or didn’t want it that he could supress a giggle. It didn’t help with the way Roger was staring at his duvet cover.

Roger’s head darted upwards, his gaze blazing.

“How is that funny?”

John could only giggle louder in response.

“I’m s-sorry, I’m sorry, it’s j-just…it’s just…your face!”

“Oh right. Glad to know my face is suddenly so funny apparently.”

“No, it’s just…you look like a wounded puppy.”

“Oh cheers! You know you’re really not helping matters. Come on move, so I can at least take the bloody thing off to wash.”

John lifted his bum in the air enough for Roger to pull away the covers with an annoyed tug of his wrist. John made a conscious effort to stop laughing.

“Wait. Please. I’m sorry,” John said quickly, desperate not to ruin their moment together. “I wasn’t laughing at you, Rog—”

“Oh like hell you wasn’t, John—”

John quickly shook his head in response. He reached out automatically, pressing his hand to Roger’s shoulder as Roger folded up the duvet.

“Hey. I wasn’t laughing at you, I promise. I thought you’d pulled away because you weren’t enjoying it, so I guess I was just relieved. It was your face too. How annoyed you looked. It made me want to kiss you again if I’m being honest.”

Roger turned back to stare at him from underneath his eyelashes, his gaze less angry, but still just as intense. The covers lay forgotten about in a bundle at the foot of the bed.

Then John winched.

“I think I got vodka on my jeans. I feel sticky.”

Roger cleared his throat and motioned for John to stand. “You should take them off. I’ll put them in the wash too.”

John snickered as he stood, a little shakily at first. Then he turned back to Roger, a smile on his face as he started to undo his belt buckle.

“If that’s your way of wanting to see me naked, you could have just said, Rog. I’ll happily strip for you.”

Roger raised a brow as he watched John stumble out of his tight trousers.

“Is that so, Deacy? That vodka given you some Dutch courage, has it?”

“Maybe,” John said as he left his trousers on the floor. “Doesn’t make it any less true. In fact, whilst we’re at it…”

John’s gaze remained on Roger as he slowly undid the buttons on his shirt. Roger watched, his mouth slightly parted as John slipped it from his arms to lie on top of his jeans. Then his hands begun to tug at his boxers.

Roger blinked and quickly shuffled across the bed.

“Alright _Gypsy Rose_ , steady on, yeah?”

John’s fingers froze at his waistband, a frown on his face. “Gypsy Rose?”

“She’s a stripper. A very famous one. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of her, Deacs.”

John rolled his eyes in response. “You obviously have.”

“I didn’t think there was a man on this planet who hadn’t. Clearly, I was wrong.”

“Been to a few of her shows, have you?” John asked as he narrowed his eyes.

“No. Actually. Think she mostly performed in New York. She died of cancer last year, I think.”

“You seem to know a lot about this Gypsy Rose.”

“She did burlesque. It was classy though, you know? Freddie and I always said we’d visit the Moulin Rouge one day.”

“Yes, I imagine that’ll be another tick to add to your bucket list.”

“Most definitely,” Roger agreed as his gaze slowly trailed over John’s body.

Despite that, John sighed self-consciously.

“Right. Now I just feel stupid standing here, so—”

“No. Wait,” Roger said quickly. He grabbed John’s wrist, stopping him from bending to pick his shirt up. “You shouldn’t feel stupid. I only stopped you because you being naked, us both tipsy, and with a warm, empty bed might have been too much temptation. For me, at least. Didn’t mean that I wasn’t enjoying the show.”

John nodded, his gaze careful. “Keep talking.”

“That was it. Mostly. I don’t know what else to say. Or what you might want me to say. Other than to ask if it would help if I lost a few more layers?”

“I’ll say never no to that.”

Roger smiled in response. “Good to know.”

He licked his lips as he went to pull his t-shirt over his head. The two of them didn’t break eye contact as Roger’s hands unbuttoned the button on his jeans.

John suddenly stepped forwards and replaced Roger’s hands with his own, and slid the zipper down.

Roger rushed to shuffle them down his legs. He lifted his bum so that he could take them completely off and threw his clothes away to land on John’s. Then he looked back at him expectantly.

“Better?”

John didn’t respond immediately.

Instead, his gaze wondered over Roger’s body. He swallowed thickly at the swell in the front of his underwear. He’d never wanted anybody so badly.

“Almost,” John said, his voice raspy with need. “I can think of a couple more improvements.”

John’s gaze lingered on his mouth as he stepped forwards. Roger seemed to realise what he wanted as he pulled John in for another kiss.

John responded by lowering his hands to trail a path down his body until he pressed against him through his underwear. Roger whined at the back of his throat in response.

He shuffled back against the bed, and John’s body followed blindly.

His hands tugged impatiently at the waistband of Roger’s briefs. They parted to catch their breaths as Roger slipped them over his legs.

“Blimey Deacy, you don’t mess about once you get going, do you?”

“I know what I want.”

Roger gave a small smile as he tossed his underwear aside. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“ _You_. Just you.”

Roger looked slightly taken aback by his honesty. But he didn’t have time to recover.

John shuffled forwards so that his knees were on either side of Roger’s legs. His lips found his again, kissing him slowly and deeply. Roger sighed in response, letting his arms sag around John’s neck.

John’s own hand slipped between Roger’s thighs to stroke him lightly. Roger moaned against his mouth, the vibrations making John feel all tingly.

He reluctantly pulled back to watch Roger’s head fall back against the pillow, his eyes lightly clothed, and his teeth digging into his bottom lip.

What John really needed was lube. John didn’t think saliva would be enough lubrication to make it really good.

And John wanted to make Roger feel good.

He had the urge to surprise him, in a good way. To make him feel dizzy with pleasure.

Trouble was, he’d had no experience in giving one. He’d only received a few himself.

John brushed those thoughts aside as his lips descended. He pressed light kisses and soft bites into his skin. Roger sighed pleasantly in response, his fingertips soft against his hair.

“Hmm, Deacy.”

John’s hand stroked the length of Roger until it reached the bottom. Then his mouth suddenly dropped onto him.

“ _Holy_ …fucking hell, John!”

It was worth it to hear Roger groan like that. It made John curious about what else might have him making more noises like that.

Roger felt a lot thicker than he did in his hand, and he struggled to take much of him in his mouth.

Luckily, Roger didn’t seem to mind.

His hands folded deeper into John’s hair, tugging softly and drawing a soft moan out of John’s mouth. It vibrated against Roger’s cock, and he bucked into his mouth automatically.

John wasn’t prepared, and he struggled not to gag.

Instead he pulled away for a moment and stroked the length of him. Then he moved his hand back to wrap around the base and lowered his head to swat his tongue against him lightly instead. He opened his mouth wider to drag his lips against him. He was soft and warm. John shivered pleasantly in response.

The noises Roger was making had John feeling bolder. More confident with what he was doing.

John used his tongue to lap at the head. He sucked the tip, and Roger bucked up again.

Only this time, John was prepared.

He breathed in deeply through his nose and let Roger inch forwards, pressing more of him into his mouth slowly.

John’s hand begun to move, covering the parts of Roger’s cock that John can’t quite get his mouth around. Roger’s breath was shallow as his hands tightened against John’s scalp almost painfully.

John wasn’t sure if he was doing okay, but Roger’s moans reassured him. He was achingly hard by that point, but John found himself more invested in Roger’s pleasure.

Roger gasped loudly, sending a jolt straight through John’s body as he sucked harder.

“God…your _mouth_ …fucking…so good…I’m gonna…hmm…gonna come—”

Roger cut himself off with another groan, and John finally let his other hand discreetly slip between his legs.

His pace was rushed, his technique wasn’t it’s best, but it didn’t matter. Seeing Roger like this already had John on edge. He wouldn’t last long after Roger. His entire body felt electrified with pleasure, his toes curled pleasantly against the mattress.

John used his tongue to press against Roger more firmly.

Roger gripped his hair again, and the sting made John groan. He used his teeth to lightly scrape over him, and Roger gave one last moan as he suddenly came in his mouth.

It seemed to catch them both off-guard.

John coughed as he suddenly pulled back, before swallowing it. It left a bitter aftertaste.

He looked up at Roger.

God, he was beautiful.

John noticed the way his chest heaved as he caught his breath. His skin was flushed, beads of sweat clung to his forehead and strands of hair. His eyes were still dilated, longing still burning within them as he watched John touch himself.

Roger sat up, his mouth falling open as John pressed against himself more firmly, his pace quickening.

“C’mere Deacs.”

John didn’t even pretend to be able to resist Roger’s offer. He pressed himself closer, further in between Roger’s thighs, and Roger licked his lips in response.

He looked at John from underneath his eyelashes. His gaze alone had John whimpering as Roger swat his hand away.

John closed his eyes briefly and gave a strangled moan at the first contact of Roger’s hand. It felt better than he could have ever imagined.

His hand was hot and firm against him in the most delicious way.

He used a hand to steady himself against the headboard, and gave a groan as Roger’s thumb circled the tip of his cock.

Then he suddenly picked up the pace, stroking him faster, his movements fluid and eager.

John lowered his head enough that Roger could press a kiss to his forehead and brush his hair back as he watched John slowly come apart.

“You close?”

“Hmm.”

It was all John could manage with Roger looking at him like that, touching him like he was. He gasped as Roger suddenly flicked his wrist at the base, and pressed against his cock more firmly.

“Let go, Deacs. Come for me, love.”

John moaned at Roger’s choice of endearment, his words rough against his ear. He ushered Roger’s name in a devoted whisper just as he came in Roger’s hand. Roger froze in response, before he slowly pulled his hand back.

John caught his breath, and then reluctantly climbed off of Roger to lay besides him.

He felt an indescribable wave of satisfaction as he watched the room spin around him. He was hot and more sated than he’d ever felt. The bed was comfortable against his back. He would be content to stay exactly where he was for the night.

“Feeling good?”

John turned his head to see Roger discarding a tissue on the bedside table, before he turned to him, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Better than. You?”

“Way better than. _Jesus_. Where did you learn to suck cock like that, Deacy?”

“Did they not teach you that at your school?”

“I must have missed that class. Shame.”

“That’s alright. Keep giving me handies like that, and I’ll happily blow you again.”

Roger’s eyes darkened again at John’s words. “Is that a promise?”

“If you want it to be.”

John had spoken on auto-pilot. It was worth it to see the look on Roger’s face.

Instead of responding, Roger shifted himself closer. He paused for half a second, before he leaned in.

Roger’s lips moved softly and slowly over John’s. There was a touch of hesitancy in the way he kissed him. He sighed pleasantly as John’s tongue traced over his lips lightly.

Then he pulled back. Enough for John to still feel the warmth of his breath against his skin.

“Does that answer your question?”

“Yes and no.”

Roger pulled back further, eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you making me spell it out for you, John? Like it isn’t so obvious.”

“Not to me it isn’t. Probably not to Hannah either.”

Roger stared back blankly. John sighed in response.

“I saw you leave together the other night.”

He watched Roger sit-up, his expression tight as he looked away. “That was…it was _nothing_. Besides, I’m not the one going on dates with Veronica.”

“No.”

John dropped his gaze as he fiddled with his hands. He saw Roger turn his head in the corner of his eyes.

“What do you want from me, John? You’re the one who turned funny the first time. Not me. And now you’re sat here with that judgemental fucking look in your eyes just because you saw me leave the disco with Hannah.”

John didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He didn’t want to ruin the moment again. Not after everything that had just happened.

“I know.”

“For fuck’s sake, we never even slept together!”

John lifted his gaze enough to catch Roger’s expression. “What?”

“You heard me!” Roger barked as he pushed his hair back from his face. “It was her idea to get out of there in the first place. I was drunk. She’d been flirting all evening, and she was pretty. Easy to talk to. So I agreed. Her flat was only around the corner. Then we were kissing, she was tearing at my clothes, and it was all going really well—”

“ _Please_ stop talking. I don’t want to hear anymore.”

John sat up and turned away quickly. It felt like he’d been punched in his stomach. And like he might be sick.

“Just listen to me for a minute, would you.”

Roger shuffled forwards so that he was sat beside him. John kept his gaze on his legs dangling off of the bed.

“I couldn’t go through with it. In the end. Because I couldn’t fucking get you out of my head. She was giving me a handy, and I ended up…”

“Ended up what?” John asked, his voice quiet. “Realising that maybe you wanted her after all? Great. I’m delighted for you. Can I go now?”

“No, I ended up fucking shouting out your name instead! There, are you happy now?”

John blinked, and caught Roger staring at him expectantly from the corner of his eyes.

“Well fucking say something then, Deacy.”

John cleared his throat quietly.

“You seem to have made that into a bit of a habit. Saying my name whilst getting a handy. Or whilst giving yourself a handy.”

“Oh, you’re so fucking funny, John! Maybe you should become a comedian instead.”

“Funnily enough, my Mum’s often saying the same thing.”

Roger instantly pulled a face. “How did it go from us talking about hand-jobs to things your Mum says?”

“Because you said—”

“Yes alright, I remember. It was meant as a rhetorical question.” Roger said with a sigh. “So. Anyway. You’re all caught up. You can go and make as many bloody jokes about me as you like now.”

John frowned. He finally turned his head to watch Roger move away to lay on his bed. His forehead was creased with anger.

“Do you really think that’s something I’d do?”

“I don’t know, do I? Believe it or not, but this is all new to me.”

“Same here.”

Roger’s expression softened. His gaze remained on the ceiling.

“Except the difference is that you’re not a total fuck-up when it comes to relationships.”

“I think my dating history might counteract that opinion.”

“Right. Because you’ve not been with many women. So? At least you’ve managed to keep an actual relationship going for longer than a few months.”

“Technically, it was only for six, but—”

“But nothing, Deacy. Without trying to sound too big-heading, I seem to have a knack for getting girls into my bed. It’s the bit that comes after that I struggle with.” Then he paused, and bit his lip as his face grew pinker. “That doesn’t mean that’s all I’m after with you. Because you’re different.”

“So you keep saying.”

John wasn’t sure how.

“But I’m shit at all this. That’s why I’ve been single for so long. Yes, I like the feeling of catching somebody’s eye and connecting on all levels. Who doesn’t, right?”

“I guess.”

“I enjoy the chase, the flirt, the anticipation I know they feel as they wait for me to make the first move.”

John watched Roger’s face warily, wondering where he was going with this.

“I enjoy the sex too. Obviously—”

“Again, I really don’t want to hear a list of all your escapades—”

“But that’s just it! it’s just a list. A long list of notches on my bedpost.”

John wondered idly how long Roger’s list was exactly.

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Not necessarily. But it’s just…meaningless, isn’t it? Because then it’s over, and that’s it. I move on. I get bored.”

John swallowed heavily in response, and nodded in understanding.

“Right. Of course. Say no more.”

“What?”

“You don’t need to explain. We’ve had fun, but that’s all it is—”

“Have you not been listening to a bloody word I’ve been saying? I’m not talking about you, you idiot. I’m talking about all those girls I’ve slept with.”

John raised a brow at his words. “Okay. First of all— _rude_. And second, yes, I’ve been listening. And you’re still not making sense—”

Roger groaned loudly, and shuffled closer. “Oh for fuck’s sake. Just stop talking, would you?”

“Err hang on—”

Roger ignored him. He pressed his hands against the sides of John’s face and leaned in.

It was the most confident he’d ever kissed him. Roger’s lips moved against his with a sort of firmness, a determination.

John sighed and kissed him back, his arms loose around his neck.

Kissing Roger made every nerve feel like they tingled with pleasure. His heart was pounding so fast it felt as if it could break out from his chest at any second.

And that was all just from them kissing.

It all accentuated to a dizzying amount when he had Roger’s hands on him.

Finally, Roger pulled back. He gazed at John, his eyes questioning. His hands remained against his face, his thumb soft against the bristles of John’s jaw.

“I’m not very good with words. Or at expressing myself. That’s why I play the drums.”

“Explains a lot.”

“Shut it, Deacy,” Roger teased. A smile played at his lips as he gazed at him. “But I’m trying here. I really am. Even if you frighten the hell out of me.”

John gave him a disbelieving look. “ _I_ frighten the hell out of _you_?”

Roger clicked his tongue in response. “Not you, yourself. What you represent. Somebody who means a lot to me.”

John smiled in response. Roger was letting himself be vulnerable. He was trusting him. That was a big deal.

“You’re really important to me too.”

“Right. And we’re friends. Best friends. Except I want to be much more. I’ll probably fuck-up. In fact, I know I will. And I can guarantee I’ll say the wrong things. But I promise to try not to hurt you I know I’ve hurt girls before. I’m not proud of that. But this is different. This means more.” Roger said carefully and slowly.

Then he took a deep, shaky breath and continued.

“I want you, John. I do. Even though admitting that makes me want to fucking run from this room. I wanna give things a go between us. A proper go. Do all the shit couples do, you know? Cuddle, kiss, wake up next to you.”

Then Roger shrugged, a look of doubt crossing his features. “If you’ll…you know, have me that is—”

“Now who’s being an idiot? That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Have done since virtually the beginning.”

Roger smiled. A glowing, genuine smile that made John stare in awe.

“Will you stay with me tonight?”

“I don’t know. You and Fred leave early for the market—”

“Not all night. Just for a bit. Freddie will be out cold until his alarm. We can…you know.” Roger said with a shrug. “Snuggle. If…if you want.”

John could still hear Freddie’s snores through the thin walls. Roger’s gaze made rejecting anything almost impossible.

“Let me just go and swap your duvet for the spare quilt. Then we can snuggle properly.”

“Just don’t be too long, Deacy. It’s rude to keep a man waiting, you know?”

John watched Roger lay back against the bed, his gaze mischievous. It made leaving his side that bit harder.

He placed his vodka-smelling duvet in the washing machine. And grabbed the spare from the cupboard.

Roger reached for him the moment John had placed the duvet down. His heart raced as Roger nestled into his side, his head against his chest.

“Do that thing you do when I come into your room to snuggle on a Sunday morning.”

John frowned in response, trying to comprehend Roger’s quiet words. “What thing?”

Roger sighed in response. “When you play with my hair. You like…twirl it around your finger or somethin’.”

“Oh,” John said, chuckling softly so as not to disturb Roger’s head on his chest. “Alright. Needy baby.”

“I’ll remember that next time you want a hand job.”

John laughed quietly again at Roger’s teasing, and let his fingers wind round Roger’s strands of hair softly. He pressed his chin to the top of his head, his gaze against Roger’s net curtains.

That was when John knew. He was screwed.

If he ever had to give this up, the pain would be almost unbearable.

He nestled his face further against Roger’s head, breathing in his coconut shampoo.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter compensated with Monday's short one, and the fact that I've not been on it lately. There are reasons. Several reasons. One of which is that I had the start of my root canal treatment on Monday so I've been feeling sorry for myself. And second is that, for anyone who doesn't know...  
> I'm bisexual. Basically.  
> So I've always known, but I've been burying it inside for years. Anyway, I've been talking to this girl for over two years and after coming out to my colleague, Denise, she gave me the kick in the bum I needed and told me to arrange a date with her. So I did and tomorrow I'm going on my first date with her, and I'm so bloody nervous lol!! Especially as I really like her. Excited too though.
> 
> I also came out to my Mum yesterday. It was a massive deal for me, and I literally wanted to throw up, I was so nervous. Trouble is I'm not very good at explaining myself so I told her everything I felt on text. And she rang me and basically was bloody amazing. It was such a relief, I can't even tell you.  
> Because for years I've literally been burying it all inside, to the point that I didn't even really want to be here anymore. Which I know is mad as we all know Freddie is gay and we still love him, right? But it's my insecurities. I've had years of certain people telling me 'you're weird, you're a freak' and after a while I started to believe them.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for probably boring you all to tears lol. I just wanted to share it with you all, as it was an incredibly brave thing for me to do and I'm so not brave in any way lol.
> 
> Thanks again. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)


	12. When I'm Not With You, I think Of You Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Roger deal with the repercussions of the night before. John gets a phone call, which upsets Roger. Then later on, Roger comes home drunk and it leads to the two of them having a heart to heart...

John was woken by something heavy bounding into his back.

“Morning gorgeous.”

He groaned in response, and turned to see Roger laid on his side against him. He was resting his hand against his head as he watched John, a smile on his face.

John blinked back at him blearily-eyed.

It wasn’t fair. Even when he’d just woken up, Roger looked like a virtual angel. Or so John thought. With his naturally tousled hair, his bright, beautiful eyes, and his mischievous, dimpled smile.

John usually had a mass of dark hair with heavy eyelids poking out from underneath it.

“Ugh, is it? What time even is it?”

“About ten. Late enough that I felt no guilt in running in here to wake you up.”

“That’s very kind. Why aren’t you still at the market?”

“It wasn’t that busy. So Fred said I could take the rest of the morning off. And kind’s my middle name. At least it would have been, if it wasn’t _Meddows_. I’m sure of it.”

“Hmm, if you say so.” John grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes.

Roger gave a small laugh as he continued to watch him.

“What’s up? You’re usually more awake than this. Or was you too busy dreaming about me, and that amazing handy I gave you last night.”

John snorted in response. “Amazing, huh?”

“Hey. Your words, not mine.”

“Technically, all I said was that I’d be happy to blow you again in exchange for another handy. I didn’t actually offer up a verdict of your skill, or possibly lack of.”

Roger’s eyes widened as he sat up straighter. “You cheeky fucking—”

John’s laughter cut his words off as he wrapped an arm around his waist to stop him pulling away. “God, you’re so easy to wind up. Of course it was amazing. Best hand job I’ve had.”

Roger grinned instantly. “I knew it.”

John narrowed his eyes in response. “You just played me, didn’t you?”

“Like a fiddle, Deacy. Still, at least I finally managed to get a confession out of you. _Best hand-job I’ve had_. I’m going to write that on my CV, I think. Musician. Dreamer. _Giver of John Deacon’s best hand-job_ —”

”Don’t you dare!”

Roger could only chuckle in response. A cheeky, melodic sound that had John smiling despite himself.

“Remind me again why I’m so desperate to be with you?”

“Have you got short-term memory loss, Deacy? You’ve just admitted that my hand job is the best you’ve had. Isn’t that reason enough? Not to mention I’m utterly adorable, I make the world’s best cup of tea, and I’m the king of snuggles.”

“You can add all those to your CV too.”

“I might just do that,” Roger grinned. Then his smile faded a little as he traced patterns across John’s hip with his fingertips. “Listen, all joking aside. This isn’t too much, is it? Me bounding in here and being with you like this. I just thought…we do all this sort of stuff anyway and—”

“Don’t be silly. I love that you’re so affectionate.”

“Really? I used to think you hated it.”

“Not hate, just…I wasn’t used to it, I guess. You and Freddie are very… _touchy_. I’m not. Or at least I never used to be. But I like it. Makes me feel like all three of us are connected. Like I…fit in with you both, in a sense.”

Roger’s expression softened in response.

“You do fit in, John. I keep telling you.”

“I know you do. It’s just all new to me, that’s all. Feeling like I’m wanted. In a good way.”

Roger sighed. His hand lifted to tuck John’s hair behind his ear softly. His voice was slightly raspy. “You’re definitely wanted, John. By the band. But especially by me.”

John had no words. There weren’t enough words to tell Roger what him saying that all meant to him. So instead, he bent to press a soft kiss to Roger’s forehead before reluctantly pulling away to flick the television on.

A repeat of last week’s _Doctor Who_ was on. It was more background noise than anything.

Roger was laid across John, his head in his lap, as John played with his hair.

Them snuggling was no big deal. So they felt no rush to pull away as Freddie came home a couple of hours later. Roger still had his eyes glued to the television as he asked how the rest of the morning went.

“Alright. Talked a young woman into buying that fancy coat that came in last week.”

“Nice one. You said that wouldn’t take long to get brought up.”

“It seems I was right. Could I have a word with you both?”

His tone didn’t alarm Roger. At first.

“Go ahead, Fred.”

“No, I mean properly. Without the television on.”

Roger turned his head, his eyebrows furrowed. John’s hand stilled in Roger’s hair as he looked up.

Freddie was stood opposite the sofa, his expression even. His gaze was careful as he looked between them.

“What’s wrong?”

Instead of answering, Freddie moved forwards to flick the television off.

“We need to talk.”

Roger nodded, his expression hardening as he reluctantly climbed off of John to sit next to him.

“Right. Yeah, we do. I need to apologize. I was going to do it this morning but then we had that half hour rush at the market and I forgot about it.”

Freddie eyed him warily. “Why, what have you done now?”

Roger rolled his eyes in response. “So trusting, Fred. I haven’t done anything. It’s for how I’ve been lately. I’ve already said sorry to Deacy.”

Freddie murmured as he looked between them. “I see that.”

John glanced away to the window, hoping that his face wasn’t as hot as he felt.

“The point is that I’m sorry. You’ve been trying to be a good mate. John’s helped me to see that.”

“We’ll be calling John _The Roger Whisperer_ soon enough,” Freddie teased. Then he smiled. “Thank you for apologizing. You know I hate arguing with you too. I’m sorry if it’s felt like I’ve been on at you lately. That was never my intention. I think I just got a little carried away.”

Freddie turned his head to look at John shyly. “With both of you actually.”

John gave Freddie a reassuring smile. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Roger quickly shook his head. “No, there’s not.”

“I’m glad we’ve made up. Honestly, I am. But there was another reason I wanted to talk to you both.”

“Go ahead, Fred.” Roger encouraged softly.

“I’m moving out.”

Roger’s mouth dropped open, his eyes widening.

“ _What_? But why? You said it yourself we’ve made up, so you don’t need to do that—”

“That’s not why I’m moving out silly,” Freddie said as he clicked his tongue in response. “Like I’d ever do that just because me and you might have had a few meaningless rows.”

John stared back at Freddie with furrowed eyebrows. “So why are you moving out?”

“Well don’t you think it’s about time?”

“No!” Roger shot back instantly. “Of course we don’t. We’re a team. Isn’t that what we call ourselves? The three musketeers.”

“We still can be that, Rog—”

“How? When you’re moving out and leaving us?”

“Oh come on now darling, don’t be so melodramatic!” Freddie tried softly. “I love living with you both. I do. But John’s been on that bloody sofa bed for almost a year now.”

“So? John doesn’t mind.”

John quickly shook his head. “No, of course I don’t. You needn’t move out because of that, Fred.”

Freddie sighed as he moved to sit next to Roger.

“I know I don’t. But it’s not just that,” he said, pausing to purse his lips as he stared at Roger for a moment. “Mary’s found a flat. Not far from here. It’s smaller than the one she’s in now, and only has one bedroom. But it means we wouldn’t have to flat-share. We could split the rent, and have more privacy too.”

“I do get all that,” Roger said reluctantly. “But it just all seems a little…sudden. Are you sure you’re not just moving out because we’ve not been getting along?”

“No! I told you, you idiot. I’ve loved living with you both. I’ll be sad not to have that anymore. But it feels like the right time. It’s getting crowded at Mary’s, and we don’t like to feel like we’re hogging the place here—”

“But you’re not. We like having Mary around.”

“I know, but we need our own space, Rog. Which we can’t really get if we stay living here. We’ve been dating a while, and this feels like the natural next step.” Freddie said with a smile. “Look, nothing is set in stone yet. Mary still needs to give notice, and we need to put by another month’s worth of wages.”

“I am happy for you. If it’s what you both want.” Roger said with a small, forced smile. “It’s just…the thought of you not being around anymore. Living with us, you know?”

“I know. C’mere silly.”

He put his arm around his shoulder, and pulled Roger into a hug. He sighed against Freddie’s shoulder in response.

“Nothing will change that much. I just won’t be sleeping here anymore. I’ll still be back to visit you both all the time. Just you try and stop me.”

Roger’s arms tightened around Freddie’s waist. “Good. You better be. Or I’ll come to your flat and bug you for hours on end.”

“I would expect nothing less, Rog,” Freddie said with a smile. “If I agree to come round all the time though, I expect a meal cooked for me. By Deacy’s fair hands. Just like old times.”

John smiled in response. “It’s a date, Fred.”

“There you go. See, Rog. You’ll be sick of the sight of me after a week.”

Roger shook his head, his chin against the crook of his shoulder. “No chance. I’ll always love having you around.”

“Blimey, you really are going to miss me, darling!” Freddie said jokingly, making all three of them laugh.

The phone started to ring then and Freddie pulled away to give Roger a reassuring smile. Then he reluctantly stood. “I’d better go and answer that. Before you start crying against my shoulder and end up ruining my favourite t-shirt with your tears.”

“If anyone’ll start crying, it’ll be you. When you realise how you’re not going to cope with not living with me anymore. All those mornings when I wake you up with a cup of tea. Or when I open the stall for you if I know you’ve had a late one. Or even all those times I help you do your hair before your night out. You’ll soon realise how irreplaceable I am, Fred.”

“More like delusional, darling!”

“Why you little—”

Freddie disappeared into the hallway, his laughter bouncing off of the walls.

“He’s such a shit. And a terrible liar. We all know I’m an amazing flatmate.”

John snorted as Roger laid back down, his head resting in John’s lap again. “Not to mention dead modest.”

“That goes without saying.”

“Even if you can’t cook a boiled egg without almost burning the kitchen down.”

“Oy, don’t you start! That was one time!” Roger complained sourly. He looked up at John with a pout.

John was tempted to kiss it away. Then thought better of it with Freddie only in the hallway. So he grinned in response.

Roger’s gaze turned more annoyed.

“Not to mention I give amazing hand jobs. Apparently. But then I thought I’d best not share that information with Freddie, unless I wanted any unnecessary questions.”

John shook his head fondly he went back to playing with Roger’s hair. “You’re never going to let me forget that I said that, are you?”

“Nope,” Roger said with a grin. “I’m good at giving massages too, you know? I had an ex who used to give me blow jobs in exchange for a massage.”

John snorted in response. “Sounds so romantic.”

“She wasn’t one for dating. She was more into…the physical sides of a relationship.”

“Your perfect match by all accounts.”

Roger huffed ungratefully. “Anyway, the point is that you’ve yet to have the pleasure of having my hands on you…”

Then he trailed off, a smirk slowly spreading across his face as he stared up at John. “Actually. That’s not quite true, is it?”

He shook his head at Roger’s antics. “Behave, would you? Freddie might hear you—”

As if on cue, Freddie popped his head around the doorway.

“Freddie might hear what?”

“Oh err…just us saying about how shit your life’s going to be without your two wonderful flatmates brightening up your day.”

Freddie swayed on his feet and held up a hand to his head melodramatically. “Oh the torture! My heart is breaking at the mere thought of it!”

Then he laughed loudly as he leaned against the doorframe. “Stop being a little shit and move! Veronica’s on the phone.”

John’s hand froze against Roger’s hair. Roger’s eyes narrowed in response.

“What the fuck does she want?”

“Presumably to talk to John?”

“Doesn’t she know it’s a bit desperate to ring the very next morning after a first date?”

Freddie frowned in response.

“That’s a little mean! Maybe she just has no time for the pointless charades that comes with dating. Who’s ridiculous idea was it to invent the rule about _waiting at least twenty-four hours before you call them back_ anyway? If you like someone, go for it. That’s what I say.”

“Yeah well if you ask me, she’s showing all the classic signs of a psycho.”

Freddie narrowed his eyes at Roger in response. “I didn’t realise you’ve secretly been studying Psychology on the side, dear.”

“It’s true! No normal woman rings someone she’s interested in virtually straight after a date.” Roger said, before he looked back at John, his expression firm. “You wanna’ watch that, John. Next she’ll be sending you flowers, and making a shrine out of your pictures on her bedroom wall.”

“Oh now you’re just being daft! Maybe she just really likes him. Nothing wrong with that.”

That seemed to anger Roger more. He jumped up from John’s lap, and stood, his back rigid as he looked back at Freddie.

“God, you sound as pathetic as she does! They’ve been on one fucking date. She turned up at the market the other week like some fucking weirdo! Who even does that?”

Freddie’s eyes widened as Roger’s voice rose, along with his temper. “ _Shh_ , she might hear you!”

“Good! I hope she does! She might not be so bloody keen next time!”

Freddie shook his head as he watched Roger stalk towards his bedroom. Then flinched at the sound of him slamming his door.

“Well he took that well.” Freddie said as he turned back to John. “You don’t think he’s been out with her in the past, do you?”

“Urm…I don’t think so. It didn’t seem like they knew each other when me and Rog met her.”

“Hmm,” Freddie said thoughtfully. “It’s probably you then.”

John stared back blankly, hoping not to give anything away.

“You’ve gotten closer to him. Maybe he’s scared that if this relationship was to develop, he’d lose you in the process. Explains why he’s being so bitter.”

John swallowed thickly in response. “Yeah, maybe. Anyway, I’d better go and answer the phone.”

Freddie nodded as he watched John stand, an unreadable expression on his face. “Hmm. I’ll speak to Roger in a bit, make sure he’s okay.”

He was on the phone with Veronica for about twenty minutes. Talking about everyday things. University, music, the stall. Then Veronica shifted it back to the original reason she called.

“I think I’ve let myself get slightly distracted. For good reason actually. I was terribly nervous about ringing so quickly after our date.”

John instantly felt bad. Given that he’d said nothing to defend her earlier.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t normally, you know? I promise I’m not usually this keen. But you’re finishing university soon, and I like you, so I just thought…let’s cut to the chase, and arrange that second date.”

“Erm…okay. I actually wanted to meet up with you anyway. For a chat.”

It wasn’t a lie.

John couldn’t do that anymore. He couldn’t continue dating Veronica. Not after last night. But John didn’t have the callousness to break it off with her on the phone either.

“Sounds slightly…ominous,” she said with an uncertain laugh. “Are you free the weekend in that case?”

“This Saturday okay?”

“This Saturday’s perfect! There’s a pub not far from where you live. Susie’s. Have you heard of it?”

“Yeah, I have. I’ll meet you there.”

“Looking forward to it.”

John could practically feel her smiling down the phone. He felt wretched. He cleared his throat, suddenly desperate to get off of the phone.

“Right, I’ll…see you then. Bye.”

“Bye John.”

John was preparing dinner by the time Roger came back out of his room. He looked about as cheerful as earlier, as he shuffled into the kitchen.

Freddie raised a brow from where he sat, painting his nails at the kitchen table.

“You’re like a canine with that nose of yours. Slightest whiff of food and you’re there, ready to pounce.”

As if on cue, Roger’s stomach grumbled. He gave Fred a sheepish smile. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Freddie shook his head fondly and went back to painting his nails.

Roger joined John at the stove where he was stirring the ingredients in a pan. “How long will dinner be, Deacs?”

“About twenty minutes. It’s only shepherd’s pie. Freddie’s choice.”

“It’s the perfect food for such a miserable day. John’s adding that kick of chilli again like he did last time. That was delicious.”

“That was pretty yummy,” Roger agreed, still watching John. He conveniently seemed to be ignoring him. “Sorry about earlier. For being horrible about Veronica. She didn’t deserve that.”

“No, she didn’t.” Freddie piped up without looking away from his nails.

John just shook his head, eager for no more arguments. “Forget it.”

“You’re too soft, John. How will he ever learn if you let him get away with it?”

Roger turned to look at Fred. “Shut up, Fred! You make it sound like I’m some bloody child.”

Freddie looked up and offered a shrug in response. “Well you certainly act like one sometimes. Not to mention you’re freakishly small.”

“I’m only three inches smaller than you, you obnoxious prick!”

“And about six inches smaller than Brian.”

“Yeah well. Practically everybody’s smaller than Brian. Apart from maybe you know…basketball players or something.”

“Or models. Most of them are pretty tall.”

“Explains why you didn’t get any call-backs after your that photoshoot earlier in the year, Rog.” John cut-in with a smile, grateful for the change of tension in the room.

Freddie laughed in response.

Roger turned back to look at John, his eyes narrowing in response. “Quick as always with that comeback, Deacy. Anyway, you two fuckers know that was only helping out with my friend’s portfolio. I’m sure if it had been anything more serious, I’d have had loads of interest.”

“Of course, Rog. You’d have been on the cover of the following month’s Vogue, I’m sure.”

“Exactly,” Roger said with a grin, ignoring Freddie’s obvious sarcasm. “Anyway, make all the jokes you want. You’ll be the one missing out on Deacy’s cooking when you move out. Then I’ll have the last laugh.”

“I’ve been giving that some serious thought actually,” Freddie said as he finished up painting his last nail. “I thought maybe I could tempt Deacy into cooking for me and Mary, even just once every week. I’ll pay him, obviously.”

John grinned in response as he continued to stir the ingredients. “You couldn’t afford me, Fred.”

“I’d find a way darling. I’d sack Roger to give myself more hours at the stall.”

“What?” Roger asked, whipping round to stare at Freddie in shock. “Take that back you git! The customers love me! There’d be rioting in the streets if you got rid of me!”

“The customers might miss your flirting, perhaps. But I’m sure I could rectify that soon enough.” Freddie said teasingly, then he grinned as he looked back at John. “Maybe I could hire John. He’s good with customers. The regular ladies are always giddier when he’s around. Better still, they spend more.”

“Yeah well. You know what they say about the older women. Shag anything with a healthy, young pulse.” Roger sniped huffily.

Freddie watched him turn back to John, his expression unreadable. John said nothing as he focused on cooking.

They sat round the kitchen table to eat.

Roger took his first bite and gave a quiet moan in response.

“God, this tastes fantastic, Deacs.”

John looked up automatically. It was like he was transfixed. Roger’s moan had last night flashing through his mind like a series of short, home videos.

Roger seemed to notice John’s gaze as he swallowed and then gave him an unusually shy smile.

Then Freddie cleared his throat quietly and the haze cleared enough for John to reluctantly look away again.

“He’s right. This is amazing, Deacy.”

John offered a small smile as he went back to piling food on his fork. “It’s nothing really. Nothing I’m not used to doing already anyway.”

“Didn’t you used to cook at home too?” Freddie asked with a smile.

John hesitated, before he nodded.

“Err…yeah, sometimes. Obviously as I got older, there was only me, my sister and my Mum. My sister was still at primary school and my Mum took on two jobs. So I offered to help out by learning to cook.”

Roger watched John lift the fork to his lips in surprise. Freddie gave an uncertain smile in response.

“Well just know that we appreciate it darling. Don’t we, Rog?”

“Hmm? Oh…yeah…yeah, of course we do. We’d have starved without John here to feed us.”

“Or given ourselves food poisoning.” Freddie grinned.

“That too,” Roger agreed. “In fact, I was thinking this morning. We’ve not had a takeaway for ages. Why don’t we have one Saturday night? It could be our way of thanking Deacy for everything he does, given that neither of us can actually cook. Plus it’ll give him a night off.”

“It’s a nice thought, Rog. But Deacy’s going out. How about Friday instead?”

Roger blinked, his forehead creasing in confusion. “Out where?”

“Seeing Veronica on that second date.”

Roger’s expression changed instantly as he set his fork back down against his place and leaned back against his chair.

“Not this again,” Roger complained as he looked at John expectantly. “So that’s it, is it? You’re really going through with this charade of a second date?”

John opened his mouth to respond, but Freddie got there first. “How is it a charade if John likes her?”

“Because I don’t think he really does? And you pushing this isn’t helping matters!”

“I’m just trying to be a—”

“Look, I’ve agreed to meet up, yes. But that doesn’t mean I’ll continue dating her.” John quickly spoke up before things could once again escalate. “And I’d rather end things with her face to face. It’s a little cowardly doing it over the phone.”

Roger nodded, his expression guarded. “I guess. Although you’ve risked leading her on if she’s been made to think that it’s a date.”

“Of course she still thinks it’s a date. Because it is. Practically.”

“Oh come on,” Roger groaned. He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling as he turned back to Freddie. “John’s obviously not interested. He’s practically just said as much!”

“Yeah well that’s hardly surprising, when you’ve spent most of the time slating the girl. What have you got against her?”

Roger practically blanched in response. “Nothing, I—”

John ran a hand through his hair in frustration, suddenly desperate to be somewhere else. Away from the tension and bickering.

Freddie sighed, sitting forwards in his chair. “Are you sure? Because if you have genuine concerns, I think you should say them now. Before John gets more involved with her.”

“Look, this has nothing to do with her. It’s just…”

“Just what?” Freddie asked curiously, when Roger hesitated.

“I just feel like…”

Roger broke off to look at John with wide eyes. John looked equally as uncomfortable.

Roger let the legs of his chair squeak against the floor as he suddenly stood. “Forget it! I don’t need this. I’m not the one who should be under interrogation. I’m not the one whose fucking dating her!”

“Rog, come back so we can talk about this properly, please. I just want to understand why you seem so upset. What about the rest of your food—”

“Eat it for all I care!”

Freddie winched at the sound of Roger’s bedroom door slamming shut. John bit his lip and scurried away to wash up. He let Freddie’s chatter wash over his head as he helped him clear up.

He waited until Freddie was in the confines of his room before he knocked softly on Roger’s door.

“Fuck off, Freddie!”

“It’s not Freddie,” John whispered back through the door.

John was greeted by silence. It was long enough that he decided Roger was obviously still not in the mood to talk. He was just about to turn away, when the door was suddenly flung open.

Roger stared at him with a solemn expression as he leaned against the doorframe.

“Can I come in?”

Roger’s gaze moved towards Freddie’s door automatically. It was quiet.

“Best not. Freddie’s only next door.”

“So? We can still hang? It’s what we did before.”

Roger shrugged in response. “It’s different now.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Roger’s eyes narrowed at that. “For you, maybe. You might be able to go back to dating Miss Prim and pretend that nothing’s happened. But I can’t.”

John exhaled sharply in response. “Don’t be like that. You know that’s not what I’m doing. I’m meeting up with her to break it off, aren’t I?”

“So you say.”

John felt his frustration bubbling up inside of him again at Roger’s tone. “Come on, you’re better than this.”

“Well apparently I’m not. I’m a child, isn’t that what Freddie basically said?”

“You don’t have to prove him right,” John insisted. “I don’t want to have any more of this conversation out here in the hallway. So can we at least talk about this in the privacy of your bedroom? Like grown adults?”

Roger hesitated, his expression tight. His gaze flickered back towards Freddie’s room. John felt he had his answer.

He sighed heavily, forcing Roger’s gaze back to him.

“Do you know what? I’m too tired to do this with you right now, Roger. I’ll speak to you tomorrow instead. Maybe it’ll give you enough time to calm down enough to think rationally for once.”

That seemed to hit a nerve. Anger flared back up in his blue eyes again.

“Fine. Sorry if we can’t all be as level-headed as you so obviously are, John.”

John huffed as Roger slammed the door shut again. It was a low blow. Roger was good at dishing those out when he was so obviously angry and hurt.

John took a shaky breath and headed straight for his room to try to sleep off his frustrations.

o-o-o

“How was that?”

Brian leaned across to speak in the mic. “Much better, Deacy. You got it that time.”

John nodded, his forehead etched in concentration. “Sure you don’t want me to try again?”

Freddie gave him a reassuring smile as he leaned over the mic. “Think we’re ready to call it a night actually. Head back here and we’ll have a chat.”

John set his guitar aside carefully and headed for the control room. Brian and Freddie were talking over the control panel as he moved to sit opposite them on the sofa.

“Where’d the engineer go?”

“Out for a cigarette. We told him we’re nearly done here.” Freddie said whilst he watched John carefully. “Are you sure you’re alright? You still look a little peaky.”

“You not been feeling well?” Brian asked in concern. “You should have said, Deacy.”

John shook his head and offered up a weak smile. “I’m fine, honestly.”

“He’s barely eaten all day,” Freddie said with a frown. “You will tell us, wont you? If you think you’re coming down with something?”

“Yeah, last thing we need is you getting ill.” Brian agreed, before quickly speaking again, as Freddie turned to look at him. “And obviously it would be less worrying if you got yourself better before it became anything serious.”

“I know. But I feel fine. Just…pre-show nerves for that gig on Sunday, I think.”

They seemed to accept that. They knew what John was like for getting nervous.

“We were just saying, it seems vaguely pointless without Roger.”

John murmured in agreement with Brian.

“Don’t be so pessimistic. We had time to run both of your bits on _Doin Alright_.”

“Yeah, I know, but it just feels weird without him being here. Even if he does go on a rampage when somebody so much as breathes on his drum kit.” Brian said with a amused snort.

“Like you can talk, darling. You’re almost as protective about that guitar of yours.”

“Yeah well it’s sentimental, isn’t it?” Brian smiled. “Where did you say Roger was again anyway?”

“Out drinking. In a strop.”

Brian gave Freddie a wary look. “Why? What did you do this time?”

John suddenly dropped his gaze to the carpet, not wanting to get involved.

“Me? Why do you always assume it’s my fault?”

“Because I know you love winding him up just as much as he does with you.”

“Yes well, it’s him with the problem this time. Every time I so much as mention the V word, he loses his shit!”

Brian frowned in response. “V?”

“As in _Veronica_.”

“Oh right,” Brian said carefully. “Well maybe he’s just lonely. Or jealous.”

“Jealous of what exactly?”

“Of us?” Brian said as if it was obvious.

John raised his eyes slowly to see Freddie continuing to stare at him blankly. Brian sighed in response.

“Just think about it. I know Roger puts this whole front about not needing anybody, but that was before we all got girlfriends, wasn’t it? It used to just be Freddie in a relationship. Now there’s me, and John’s dating Veronica, so maybe deep down Roger wants to find someone to settle with too. It explains why he’s been so up and down lately.”

Freddie nodded. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll have a chat with him again.”

John was disappointed to see Roger hadn’t come home yet by the time they got back to the flat.

He waited up for a bit after Freddie headed for bed. He wanted to catch Roger alone. To try to reassure him again.

Roger had barely been at the house since their conversation a couple of days prior. When he had, he’d kept to his room.

John hated things being like they were.

It took him ages to fall asleep. It took him a few hours to drift off. Until he was eventually woken by a crash in the hallway.

He stumbled up from bed, rubbing his eyes on the way to poke his head around the doorway. There, he found Roger apologizing to the table in the hallway.

“Roger?”

John watched with bleary eyes as Roger turned, and almost fell into the table again. His eyes were wide and glazed over, and his skin was flushed.

His hair was wild, all windswept from having been outside. John had the urge to run his hands through it. Instead, he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his dressing gown. He noticed that Roger’s shirt was buttoned up in the wrong holes, and the fly of his jeans was undone.

“ _Johnnn_! There you are! Lovely John. God, you look sexy.” Roger hummed as his gaze raked over John. “All sleepy, and soft, and snuggly.”

John was torn between amusement and panic as he looked between Roger and Freddie’s doorway.

“You need to keep your voice down, Rog. Fred’s asleep.”

“So what?” Roger barked, anger burning in his eyes. “Why should I care? When he obviously doesn’t care about me or my feelings?”

He gave an angry huff, and whacked the table in an anger. Then he mumbled a groggy _ow_.

John gave a tired sigh in response. “How do you figure that one out?”

“Because he’s trying to take you away from me!” Roger whined. “He’s trying to encourage you to go out with that…with that… _floozy_ , when the truth of the matter is that I don’t want you to! Did you hear that _Freddie Mercury_? I’m not letting you take my Deacy—”

“Shh!”

The last thing John wanted was for him to wake Freddie. Not with how tense things had been lately.

Roger made a face as he leaned against the table. It banged against the wall under his weight.

“Fine. I’ll behave! But only if you dance with me, Deacy. I wanna’ dance. Just you and I.”

“You want to dance?”

“Yes!” Roger said in a huff. Then he stood straighter, his smile proud. “I’ve been practicing. Dancing. Had loads of practice tonight. Just for you, Deacs.”

“Oh well in that case—”

John rushed forwards as Roger suddenly stumbled, almost toppling over. Roger smiled as he gazed up at him. He wrapped his arms around his neck, and leaned his full weight against John.

“I knew you’d catch me, John. You’re my hero.”

“Uh-hum. Right. Let’s get you to bed, shall we?”

Roger’s gaze intensified at that. “Hmm, now you’re talking, lover-boy.”

John ducked his head, to try to hide his blush as he wrapped an arm around Roger’s waist and told him to lean into his side. Roger might have been drunk, but at least he was finally talking to him.

It was then he noticed the smell.

Roger smelt of sweat, vodka, his coconut shampoo, and faintly of…something else. Something fragrant, almost feminine. A floral scent.

John froze against him.

“Rog why…why can I smell perfume on you?”

“’Dunno. Can’t remember.”

“Alright. Lean on me, yeah?” John said, deciding that he probably wasn’t going to get much sense out of Roger tonight.

He was heavy. John tried to manoeuvre him the best he could towards his bedroom. Roger babbled incoherently under his breath the whole time. And sang loudly.

He struggled to pull back the duvet and lower Roger back against the bed. It didn’t help that Roger responded by wounding his arms further around his neck, to pull him back towards him.

“Hmm Deacy, stay with me.”

“I need to get you a glass of water—”

Roger pouted in response. “But I don’t want water. I just want _you_.”

John paused automatically, his head still against the crook of Roger’s shoulder. “Rog…you’re drunk—”

“So? I still know what I’m saying, about what I’m doing. Don’t you want to fuck me, Deacy?”

“Wait, _what_?” John asked in surprise, his voice a little shrill as he pulled back to look at him.

Roger smiled up at him sweetly, eyelids heavy.

“I’d let you, you know. I’ve never done it like that before, but I trust you. Or I could fuck you.”

“Erm…right…”

“So do you want to?”

“Urm…” John stammered, quickly looking away from the intensity of Roger’s gaze. “Look Rog, it doesn’t matter what I want or don’t want, you’re drunk and Freddie’s asleep. Now isn’t the right time to—”

“Yeah, yeah, say all you want. I know the real reason, John!”

John frowned as Roger’s hands tightened around his neck, his eyebrows furrowing in anger. “What?”

“You don’t want me! You want Veronica, don’t you? Tell me the truth, John.”

“Look, this isn’t the time to talk about this, Rog—”

Roger gave a sudden sob, his eyes watering. John watched anxiously.

“Everyone leaves me. In the end. You’ll do the same. You’re already pulling away from me so you can be with _her_.”

“Don’t be silly, that’s not true—”

“You’re lying! I might be drunk, but I’m not stupid, John. Maybe I am. I don’t know. That’s why I did that stupid thing tonight. Because I knew I was going to lose you anyway.”

John blinked in response. “What stupid thing?”

Roger shrugged. “’Dunno. Can’t remember.”

“Look, this is all just the drink talking. Let me get you a glass of water, and I’ll stay with you. Then in the morning if you still want to talk about it, we will. I promise—”

Roger sobbed again, his hands in John’s hair as a tear slipped down his face. John rushed to brush it away, not knowing what to do for the best.

“No please don’t go! _Please Deacy_! You won’t come back. Nobody does. No matter how much I try to please—”

“Listen to me, I will. I promise—”

“What can I do?” Roger asked desperately.

“What? You don’t have to do anything—”

“Tell me what I can do to make you want to stay. I can make you feel good. If you want. I’ll do anything you want, Deacy.”

John swallowed thickly at Roger’s words. He blinked away any moisture in his eyes as he evaluated everything Roger had just said.

Was this what Roger was like with everyone? On the nights where he’d had a few too many drinks, and went home with a girl? So eager and willing to please? Was he like that with all the girls he slept with?

John’s stomach turned at the thought.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to, Rog. I just want you to be happy. That’s all.” John insisted softly.

“I am happy. With you.”

John sighed again in response. “Come on, shove over for a minute.”

Roger shuffled further across the bed to let John sit down. Then he wound his arms around John, and nestled his head against his chest. John responded by bending to press a kiss to Roger’s forehead.

They stayed like that for a while.

When Roger started to get sleepy, John just managed to convince him to let him go and get some water. When he came back, he attempted to help Roger undress so that he was only in his underwear and ready to sleep.

Roger giggled loudly in response.

“Hmm Deacy, you trying to get me naked?”

John could only snort in response as he helped Roger pull his jeans down his legs.

“If I was, this wouldn’t be how I’d imagine it. Trust me.”

“Oh yeah? Would you _woo_ me first? Take me out to dinner.”

“Er…yeah, maybe. Something like that.” John said quietly. He focused on pulling his jeans off of his ankles and hoped Roger wouldn’t notice the way his cheeks heat up.

“You didn’t do that the first two times. You need to step it up a gear, John.”

“Oh do I now?” John asked in amusement. “Or you could try wooing me? Seems as though I’m the one undressing you like a child because you’ve come home too drunk.”

Roger just giggled again, as though this whole thing was amusing as he watched John leave the jeans on the floor.

“I’ve never wooed anyone before.”

John looked up at him through his eyelashes as he helped Roger undo the buttons of his shirt. “Seriously? Never?”

Roger gave an over dramatic shrug. “Never had to.”

“And they say you’re not a romantic.”

“I’d woo you. If you’d like me too. I’d try.”

John could only smile as he watched Roger throw his shirt to the floor.

“It wouldn’t take much. I’d be happy for a cooked meal every now and again. Then again, if you’re the one cooking it, maybe it would be safer to do it myself.”

John laughed at Roger’s change of expression.

“You cheeky git!”

“It’s the little things. Breakfast in bed, a bunch of flowers now and again. I guess I’ve never really had that. I’ve done it for people, but never really…got anything back.”

“Well I’d do it for you,” Roger smiled, moving over in bed and patting the space besides him. “Sleep with me?”

John frowned automatically. “What about Fred?”

“His friend’s opening the market. He’s not due in until later.”

That was all the encouragement John needed.

He dropped his dressing gown to the floor, and climbed into bed besides Roger. Who immediately curled up against his side. When he spoke next, the vibrations bounced off of John’s chest.

“I’d be happy with a few blowjobs here and there. Just so you know. Especially with your mouth.”

John snorted, but felt his face warm up again. “Good to know, Rog.”

“Uh-hum,” he murmured sleepily. “Just letting you know.”

John heard him give a loud yawn.

“Hmm…Deacs…play with my hair.”

John smiled against the top of his head, but felt himself obliging nevertheless. Roger's soft snores eventually lulled John to sleep.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGHHHHHH SO MUCH ANGST! Lol. So what do you think is this 'stupid thing' Roger has done? It's guaranteed to bite him on the arse sooner or later, that's for sure. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you thought in your comments, and give me a prediction of what you think will happen now.  
> I shall try and update as quickly as I can but I've nearly caught up in terms of how much I've written so far, but I'm hoping to put a short chapter up by next weekend.
> 
> As you all know, I had my date last Friday. It was the most amazing date of my life. There was no awkward silences, it felt really natural between us. And we may or may not have had a kiss at the end of it lol, which was just....wow aha. She is amazing! Honestly. She even likes queen, which I'm like mega pleased about. And doesn't think I'm too weird or annoying. She even thinks it's cute that I'm as much of a massive geek as I am lol. Despite being delayed in Basingstoke with her because of train delays for an extra three hours, it was all good because we was at the pub. I literally travelled home with the biggest smile on my face and felt like I was floating haha, whilst I texted all my friends to say how well it had gone. I can't wait to go out on another date with her, and see where this leads. I honestly think it could be something amazing and I just really wanted to share this with you all, as you've all been so amazingly supportive!  
> Also Queen's 'I'm Going Slightly Mad' came on in the pub we were at, and I was like omgggggg, trying not to react like too much of a geek lol. And she was like ooh this doesn't sound like queen, because she's not like a massive geek about queen like I am. And I was like oh yeah, it's on Innuendo, and it's a later track, blah blah blah...and I was like 'sorry I'm being a massive geek again, arent I?' She was just like 'Yeah, but it's cute' AHHHH! Lol. Anyway, thanks for reading all of that if you've got this far lol.  
> :) :) :) :)


	13. When Love Turns Sour, It Aint A Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger wakes up to one hell of a hangover, and tries to piece together exactly what he did the night before. He gets inot an argument with John, and quickly realises the sort of feelings he has for John...

John found himself face to face with Roger. Their legs were entwined, their noses virtually touching, and John’s arm was around his waist. Roger was fast asleep, his breath warm against John’s face.

The moonlight bathed across Roger’s features, giving him a gentle glow. His features were smooth, his expression calm. John wondered if it was arrogant to think it was because he was by his side…

John was woken by a kick to the back. He gave a muffled groan and rolled over.

Roger was squirming. His face was blotchy, forehead furrowed, skin clammy as he mumbled incoherently.

John blinked, sitting up and carefully reaching out. “I’m here, Rog.”

He moaned in response, turning to press his face into the pillow.

“It’s alright. You’re safe.”

“Hmm,” Roger whined softly. “ _Please_ no…I’ll behave.”

He suddenly stopped talking. Then he released a long drawn-out sob.

John moved close enough to brush away Roger’s sweaty hair as he turned his head again.

“It’s a nightmare. It’s not real, Rog. You’re okay.”

He pulled back slightly when Roger began to stir. He murmured sleepily, and John heard him say his name softly.

John responded by moving closer again, and tucking his hair behind his ear. “Yeah, I’m here. I’m with you, Rog.”

He hummed in response and nestled himself back against John’s side. John swallowed thickly as Roger rest his head against his chest.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Roger shook his head slowly. Instead, he reached for John’s hand. “Hmm…not tonight.”

John let himself be calmed by Roger’s breathing. Eventually, it grew heavier, and Roger’s soft snores lulled John back into a gradual sleep.

When John re-woke, there was sunlight streaming in from the window. It only seemed to highlight the cold and empty bed even more.

He could hear somebody retching, so John pulled back the duvet. He rubbed at his eyes and lingered in the bathroom doorway.

Freddie was holding back Roger’s hair back with one hand, and using the other to hold his nose. His expression was twisted as Roger’s head dropped further down the toilet.

“Fuck sake Rog. What the hell did you drink last night?”

Roger groaned weakly as he stopped being sick. His head rolled back and forth, his face as white as paper.

“Dunno. Anything and everything. Can’t remember.”

Freddie responded by shaking his head at him. “You’re lucky you didn’t choke on your own vomit, you bloody idiot! Why didn’t you wake me?”

“It’s fine,” Roger moaned softly, his head falling to rest his head against the cold porcelain. “’Had John.”

“Oh, right. I thought I heard his voice.”

“Hmm. Wasn’t sick then. Thank god.”

“Yes god forbid, Deacy sees you like this,” Freddie said sarcastically. “No. You just expect me to take care of you instead.”

Roger didn’t bother trying to lift his head. “Thanks Fred.”

“Anything I can do?” John asked softly from the doorway.

Roger gasped loudly. He lifted his head enough to look at him, his eyes unfocused. His skin was clammy, and his hands shook.

“ _Noooooo_! Look away John! I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Drama queen. He might as well get the whole shebang, given that he’s probably had a night of you dribbling and snoring on him too.”

Roger gave another weak groan. “I don’t dribble. And I barely snore.”

“Sorry Rog but you’re like a trombone, darling.” Freddie insisted. “At least after tonight, Deacy’s eyes will be well and truly opened.”

That seemed to only nauseate Roger further. His head dropped back against the urinal, and he was sick again. Once he finished, John and Freddie managed to carry him back to bed. Roger was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

John stood and stared at him, worry in his eyes. “Should we do anything?”

“Nah, he’ll be fine. He’s in the recovery position. There’s a bucket next to him, and a glass of water on the table. We’ll only be in the kitchen if he does need anything.”

John nodded, but didn’t move. Freddie sighed, and pulled him towards the doorway.

“Come on Deacs. You’ll stress yourself out more by standing there watching him like that.”

Roger ended up sleeping all day.

By the time that he did wake-up, John and Freddie were watching _Singing in the Rain_ in the living room. Freddie was sprawled out, his feet in John’s lap as he turned to look at Roger.

“Speak of the devil. We haven’t long finished talking about you. Were your ears burning?”

John watched Roger head into the room. He had Freddie’s spare dressing gown tied loosely around him, and was wearing black ankle socks. His hair was more dishevelled than ever, a mass of dirty blonde waves. But John was relieved to see he didn’t look so pale.

Roger smiled sleepily as he rubbed at his eyes. He plonked himself down next to John. “Maybe. Still feel like shit.”

“I’m not surprised, the hangover you had this morning.”

Roger murmured as he rested his head against John’s arm.

“How’s your head?” John asked worriedly.

“Better. How was the market, Fred?”

“Alright. Fairly quiet today.”

“Hmm. That’s alright then.”

“Do you want any dinner? We’ve had ours, but I left you some. It’s just chicken noodle soup, but it’s supposed to be good for hangovers. So Fred said anyway.” John smiled.

Roger’s stomach chose that moment to give a quiet gurgle in response. He gave a snort of amusement. “Yes please, Deacy.”

“Alright,” John smiled, tapping his leg with his hand before he rose from the sofa. “I’ll just go and warm it up.”

“You should make Rog do it. Punishment for making us both worry. Do you know, John’s been back and forth every half hour to make sure you were still breathing?”

Roger lifted his head to look up at John. “Really?”

“I just thought it was better to be safe.”

“And to make sure you didn’t throw up in your sleep,” Freddie added.

Roger’s expression changed. “I’m sorry. To both of you. For making you worry like that.”

“Don’t be silly. Just don’t bloody get like that again for a while, at least. _Please_. Especially after I’ve moved out. I know you’ll still have John, but I wouldn’t like the thought of not being there for you, Rog.”

“I know. Sorry Fred.” Roger lifted his head enough to smile at Freddie in response. Then he turned to look at John stood by the doorway. “Thank you for looking after me, Deacy.”

John dropped his gaze and shrugged, feeling his face grow warm under Roger’s attention. “Oh it’s…it was fine. I’ll go and sort your dinner.”

Roger smiled as John headed for the kitchen.

“So where did you go last night anyway? And who you were with again?” Freddie asked.

“Just some students I went to university with. Went to a few bars, did the rounds. That sort of thing. Can’t remember where I ended up.” Roger said with a frown.

“Bloody hell, Rog. You could have woken up anywhere.”

“I was fine. I remember going back to somebody’s flat. I think it was some girl’s—”

Roger suddenly stopped talking. His eyes widened, and his cheeks reddened, as if he’d just remembered something.

Freddie gave him a look in response. “What did you do?”

Roger shook his head. He suddenly looked pale again. When he spoke, his voice was small and anxious.

“Nothing…major. Just…actually, I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Not again!” Freddie sighed as Roger ran out of the room. Then he pulled a face at the sound of Roger retching from the bathroom.

John quickly popped his head around the doorway, eyes wide and worried as he looked at Freddie. “Rog being sick again?”

“Apparently so.”

John went back to the kitchen as Freddie went to go and check on Roger. Then John heard Freddie swear.

“Fuck sake’s, Rog. You’ve got sick all down my Egyptian cotton dressing gown!”

Roger spent almost an hour in the bathroom. John used the time to warm-up his soup on a low heat.

He came back out dressed in only a pair of pyjama bottoms, his hair still damp and limp against his shoulders. John swallowed heavily as his gaze slipped past his face. Then he noticed how red and patchy Roger’s skin was.

“How you feeling?”

“Alright, I guess.”

John watched him sink into a chair. He still looked pale and his hands shook slightly as he reached for the glass of water that John hadn’t long poured.

“Freddie’s in his room. Making a start on packing up his things.”

Roger gave a weak huff in response. “Not surprised. Amount of stuff he’s got.”

John nodded in agreement, still gazing at Roger worriedly. He focused on pouring Roger’s soup into a bowl as he spoke. “Rog…did anything… _bad_ happen last night?”

Roger looked up, his gaze firm. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…do you need to tell me anything? You just seem a little shaken-up. But you seem fine…physically. And I heard you talking to Fred earlier, and I just…I was worried.”

“I’m fine. Just a long night, that’s all.” Roger said vaguely, his gaze quickly dropping back to the table. “You know what it’s like when you’ve had too much to drink. And you end up doing stupid shit.”

“Yeah. I get it. Is that it then?”

“Is what it?”

“Is that what you did? Stupid shit?”

“That goes without saying. I’m always doing stupid shit. Story of my life, isn’t it?”

John gave a one-shouldered shrug as he set the bowl down in front of Roger. “Well…at least nobody can accuse you of being boring.”

“No. Just a total fuck-up instead,” Roger said quietly. His gaze fell to his lap, his expression hardening again. “Just like my useless father.”

“Hey,” John said softly, quickly realizing Roger wasn’t joking. “Don’t be silly. So you got a bit drunk. And threw up a little bit. At least you didn’t get it all over your bedroom. Or mine for that matter.”

Roger gave a little snort in response. “Or god forbid Fred’s. I’d never hear the end of it.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” John agreed with a small smile. “Look, the important thing is that you’re okay. Freddie was just as worried, you know? He puts on a front, but he really did think you choking on your own vomit was a possibility.”

Roger sniffed in response, his gaze still in his lap. When he spoke, his voice was raspy. “Sorry. I don’t deserve you both looking out for me. I know I don’t.”

“That’s not…you know I didn’t mean that as a dig, right?”

John shifted himself closer in his chair when Roger didn’t reply. Enough that he could press a hand to Roger’s leg.

“I just wanted you to know that despite Freddie’s teasing, he cares about you just as much.”

Roger nodded, sniffing again without looking up. “I know he does. And I’ll miss him not living with us anymore. I really will.”

“I know. I’ll miss him too.”

Roger looked up then, unshed tears still in his eyes. He bit his bottom lip, as if to stop them from falling. “John, I…I’m sorry. I’ve fucked-up.”

John frowned, worried again. “Look whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not that bad. Just talk to me.”

“Alright,” Roger said quietly, his expression careful as he continued looking at John. “Just promise me one thing. You won’t hate me. Or judge me. Or at least, you’ll try not to. Just know it was a mistake, and I couldn’t even remember doing it. Not until earlier. And that was only because I got this sort of flashback to this chick’s Beatles poster hanging on her bedroom wall…”

He trailed off, letting John work out the rest. John’s gaze fell to where his hand was, limp against Roger’s knee.

“John?”

“You should eat your soup. It’s getting cold.”

“I don’t give a shit about my soup.” Roger said before sighing loudly. “I’m more concerned about you. It didn’t mean anything. It was just some meaningless shag. I was upset, thinking you were going ahead with this bloody date. I know that’s no excuse. But we were both drinking loads, and I remember us doing these body shots back at hers, and then seeing this poster whilst we were in bed—”

John grit his teeth in response. His voice was slightly shrill as he pulled away abruptly. “ _Please_ stop talking.”

Roger watched him stand and turn away.

“You just said a minute ago that whatever it was—”

“I know, I know, but…I just…I don’t need to know the details. I get it. You slept with somebody else. Fine.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be turned away now like you can’t bear to look at me,” Roger said warily. “Look. I warned you I’d make mistakes. I warned you I’d fuck-up at some point—”

“Then I guess it’s fine. All is forgiven.” John said with a huff. He pressed his hands against the kitchen worktop, leaning on it for support. His back was still rigid as he remained turned away.

“None of this is _fine_ , I know that—”

“We can just pretend this whole thing never happened. Is that what you want me to say? Is that what you’re getting at?”

Roger blinked up at him uncertainly.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying! _Fuck_! I was jealous and angry. I know that doesn’t excuse me sleeping with somebody else, but all I wanted to do when you and Freddie kept talking about this stupid fucking date is lash out—”

“And lash out you did.”

“Yes, I know, and I’m sorry. But it didn’t mean anything!” Roger insisted again, his voice rising with panic as he stood, desperate to rectify the situation. “All it did was confirm how I felt about you. As soon as it was over, I went back to blabbering on about you.”

“Convenient how you remember that too.”

“I’ve said I’m sorry! _Please_ …John, don’t be angry with me!”

John sighed heavily in response, his expression pinched. “I’m not.”

“Then talk to me—”

“I guess I just didn’t expect you to react so…rashly. I assumed you’d come and talk to me if you were that upset. I’m just disappointed—”

Roger groaned. “That’s even worst! Please just talk to me. Let me explain—”

John pulled away as Roger stepped forwards to touch him. His expression was tight as he moved closer to the doorway.

“I don’t know what else you’ve got to explain. Unless you have anything else you need to tell me?”

“No, of course not. I just…I just think we should talk about this, so I can at least tell you why I did it—”

“You already have,” John said quietly. Then he sighed as he turned back to watch Roger warily. “Just…just answer me one thing. Did you know her? Or was she just another of your one-night stands?”

Roger fought not to winch at the way John worded that. He swayed on his feet as he watched John with wide eyes. “Does it matter?”

“To me, it does.”

Roger quickly looked away, chewing on his bottom lip as he tried to decide whether to tell the truth or not. He knew either way John would probably hate him.

“We went to the same university. So I guess I sort of—but that shouldn’t change anything, it doesn’t matter. She still means nothing to me, _I swear_ , John please—”

Roger quickly rushed to say as John suddenly turned and headed through the hallway. Roger was hot on his tail.

“Please don’t leave things like this! Just—”

“What the bloody hell is going on?” Freddie asked as he stepped out of his bedroom doorway.

John barely glanced his way. “ _Ask him_!”

Freddie rolled his eyes and stepped into the hallway to hold Roger back. “What did you do now, Rog?”

“Nothing! Just—fucking let me go, or I swear to god! I need to talk to John—”

Freddie shook his head, his expression calm as Roger fought against him. “Listen darling, I really don’t think John’s in any mood to talk to you right now so you’re better off—”

They were interrupted by John slamming the door shut behind him.

Roger growled in response, practically pinching at Freddie’s hands to try and get free.

“Get the fuck off of me, Freddie! I need to go after him!”

“No! Listen to me!” Freddie insisted firmly. “You need to give him time to cool off, otherwise you’re both only going to end up saying things you regret—”

“I don’t care! I need to fix what I did!”

“And you can, but just let him be, right—”

Roger growled again, and shoved against Freddie hard. “Don’t you bloody get it! I’m fucking in love with him!”

He suddenly stopped speaking, his eyes wide as the realisation hit him. He went limp against Freddie, his face pale, his expression uncertain, as he stared ahead unseeingly.

“Fuck…I… _fuck_. I actually love him.”

Freddie was torn between amusement and sympathy as he snorted. “No shit, Sherlock.”

Roger frowned at him in response. “Wait, what? Why aren’t you surprised?”

“Because you idiot boy, I’m not,” Freddie said lightly, moving back to look at him properly.

Roger looked down at his feet as he moved to lean against the door in the hallway. His expression changed. “How did you…realise we were… _you know_?”

“My bedrooms next to yours. Did you seriously think those paper thin walls would be enough to drown out the noise? You must have realised by now Rog that your voice is just a little on the shrill side dear,” Freddie said teasingly. “Especially after you’ve had a few.”

“Did you overhear us together the other night?”

Freddie hesitated, his expression neutral. “Yes.”

Roger bit his lip as soon as it started to wobble. He couldn’t quite hold back a sniffle. “So then why have you still been trying to set him and Veronica up?”

“Because I didn’t think you really had feelings for him. I just thought you two might have been experimenting or something. I’ve never seen John show any interest in men before now, and I thought you only had eyes for women. So I told myself it was none of my business. But then I heard you talking last night, and thought maybe it was more serious than I realised.”

Roger nodded once.

Freddie sighed as he watched Roger’s eyes grow watery. “C’mere silly.”

He pulled Roger against him, his arms around his neck. Roger weakly let his arms wrap around Freddie’s waist.

“I think you and me need a chat over a cup of tea. Preferably one with a large shot of whiskey.”

Roger murmured a soft agreement as he blinked back tears against Freddie’s shoulder.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Sorry that was such a short chapter, but I didn't want to catch up to where I've written to too much. Luckily, (or unluckily depending on your point of view) I should have more time on my hands to write more fan-fiction as I was made redundant for the foreseeable future due to this coronavirus.  
> Ahhhh!! What a week it's been!! It has been MAD. What is the world coming to? It's actually pretty scary, and I hope everyone who reads my fanfiction is keeping safe and is quarantining themselves for the time being.  
> So this week I've lost my job, I've accepted the fact that I won't see Sophie for the foreseeable, which absolutely sucks, as I miss her like crazy. :( And me and my Mum are basically house-bound, besides when she has to go to work, as she's still for her job for the moment.  
> I've kept myself sane by keeping running, given the fact that I can no longer go to the gym. If I didn't get out of the house to exercise, I literally think I'd go insane. And I've been watching Brian May on his Instagram stories. That man is a literal angel and is EXACTLY what the world needs right now. I've also been laughing at Roger Taylor/Sienna's Instagram posts, because they are beyond CUTE. If you don't follow either three of those, I seriously suggest you do.  
> Basically expecting my Queen + Adam Lambert gig in June to get postponed. As long as it doesn't get cancelled, I don't care. I've waited too long not to see them.  
> Anyway, I'd love to know how your weeks gone. So give the chapter a read and let me know your thoughts on the story too. Things can only get better for us, and I know I for one will not be taking anything for granted when this is finally all over.  
> Stay safe, and I shall update again in a few days time.


	14. Was It All Worth It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets out of the flat and bumps into a familiar face at the pub. Freddie offers up a sympathetic ear to Roger...

All John knew when he stepped out of the front door was that he had to get out. Away from the flat and away from Roger. Away from his apologetic eyes, and his tearful expression.

He needed a drink. One strong enough it could rid his mind of the images it conjured up when he thought about Roger being with somebody else.

He headed for the pub opposite their flat. He ordered a large vodka before he fully appreciated how busy it was. There were no tables free. No seats at the bar. He finished his drink and made his way back outside.

He walked. And walked.

The November breeze whipped about his face, turning his cheeks a rosy pink and making him sniffle.

He eventually found somewhere quiet enough that he could blend into the background.

That was until a familiar face walked in.

“John?”

He reluctantly looked up.

Veronica had just grabbed a table not far away from where he sat in the corner of the pub. She was with a group of girls. Her smile disappeared as she gave him a long look over. She turned to say something to her friends, before she headed over to his booth.

“You look terrible. No offence.”

She didn’t. She looked lovely.

She was wearing a floral dress and ankle boots. Her hair was loose, wavy and glossy as it fell past her slim shoulders. She was wearing the slightest bit of blusher, lipstick and mascara. The sparkle of her earrings caught John’s eye as she shuffled into the opposite side of his booth.

“Good to hear I look as wonderful as I feel.”

“That bad huh?” Veronica said lightly. “Well, first thing’s first. I need a drink.”

Her gaze lowered to John’s empty glass.

“Looks like you need one too. What are you drinking?”

“A er…double vodka. I’ll get them—”

“Nonsense. I’ll go to the bar. You can take a minute to…” she trailed off, as if searching for the right word as she climbed back out of the booth. “Arrange your thoughts.”

John offered a weak smile of gratitude.

It didn’t take her long to get served.

John watched a young male bartender head over to take her order. He bounced his leg softly against a loose floorboard, watching the man smile and give Veronica a long look before going to grab their drinks.

A group of men stood at the bar did a double take.

She seemed oblivious to both as she paid before heading back over to John. He felt oddly reassured by the soft clink of her boots against the floor tiles.

“University or band?”

He frowned as he watched her sit back down opposite. She smiled as she set down both of their drinks.

“I figured it had to be one of those. Unless it’s something more…serious.” She said carefully, her expression wary. “In which case, I hope it’s nothing too horrendous, and I understand if you’d rather not talk about it.”

John felt a tightening in his chest at her words. “It’s probably karma.”

“Karma?”

“Yeah. For being stupid enough to plan on breaking things off with you.”

Her gaze dropped, her expression calm as she lifted her glass. “Ah.”

John paused long enough to think over her tone and the lack of surprise on her face. “You don’t seem…surprised by that.”

“I’m not.”

She gave John a look as she noticed John continue to stare back at her blankly.

“We’ve not known each other long, but you’re fairly easy to read, John. Or at least, I think you are.” She admitted with a shrug. “I got the impression you wasn’t exactly into me. Especially after our phone call the other night.”

John gave a short nod, and looked back down as he fingered the panelling on his glass. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. At least you had the courtesy of waiting to do it to my face. I assume that’s why you didn’t say anything on the phone.”

“Basically.”

That only made John feel worst.

“I get the impression it’s not as simple as that. Am I right?”

“I guess it’s a little more…complicated.” John said carefully.

“These things usually are,” Veronica sighed. “Come on then. Who’s the lucky lady? Anyone I know?”

John looked back up at her in surprise. “I’m sorry?”

“I just assumed there was somebody else in the picture.” Veronica admitted as she raised her glass to take a sip again. Then she frowned. “Just please tell me it’s not some leggy blonde. Gorgeous, without trying too hard. Probably about six foot something. Probably wears a leather jacket, and shares your love of music. Or more accurately, a musician. Probably has a bit of fire about her. She might play an instrument, just like you. She might even be with the band. Or one of your first groupies. Maybe that’s how she caught your eye.”

John stared at her uncertainly, and Veronica gave a vague shrug as she stared down at her drink.

“I go to a lot of gigs. I see the hanger-on’s. The ones who get the most attention just for being themselves.”

John frowned guiltily in response. “That’s not…what this is about. You’re beautiful too, Veronica—”

She rolled her eyes in response. “Except you have to say that now that I’ve thrown myself my own pity party—”

“That’s not true at all.” John rushed to say. “You’re amazing. You’re kind, honest, funny, and you’re beautiful. And I wish I liked you like that. It’s just that…I—”

“It’s just that you don’t.” Veronica finished for him with a smile. “It’s okay. You can say it, John. We’ve only been on one date.”

John didn’t know what to say. So he apologized again. “I’m sorry.”

“Forget it,” Veronica insisted. She cleared her throat and sat up straighter. Then she painted on a smile. “So come on. You were telling me more about this mysterious woman of yours.”

“Well it’s not that much of a mystery, given that you’ve met them. You should probably know that it’s not a er…” John trailed off, glancing around the room to make sure nobody was listening or watching them. “It’s not a woman either.”

Veronica leaned forwards, and John looked up at her uncertainly. Her eyes grew wider as she whispered dramatically. “It’s a man? You’re _gay_?”

John immediately grew tense at her words. “No! I mean…maybe. I don’t know.”

John sighed, dropping his gaze to the table again. He fingered the wood panelling, desperate to avoid Veronica’s gaze as she watched him closely. He could feel his face growing warmer.

“So it’s obviously your first time being with the same sex then.”

John forced a small nod in response.

“Jesus John,” she sighed softly. “Your head must be spinning. Have you talked about this with someone at least? Or talked about this with the guy, even?”

“We’ve…briefly talked about it all, I guess. We’ve worked out we’re on the same page, at least.”

Veronica nodded, her expression neutral as John looked back up at her for a moment. “Okay…so have you done stuff?”

“Excuse me?”

Veronica rolled her eyes again as John looked back up at her.

“ _Please_ , I’m not a prude. Has it got physical or have you only talked about wanting to act on things so far? No judgements, I’m asking as a friend.”

“Err…yeah, we’ve done stuff.” John said, feeling his face grow warmer again.

Veronica nodded, a thoughtful look on her face. “And is it his first time too? With a bloke?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Well, at least I get it now.”

John stared back at her uncomprehendingly. “Get what?”

“ _You_ ,” she said with a sympathetic smile. “Being all stressed out at the market the other week. It’s no wonder when you’ve been dealing with this, as well as the pressures of the band and your degree on top of that. It must be a lot to process. For both of you, I’m sure.”

John frowned as he gave that some thought. He’d not considered it like that before.

Roger had been struggling—that was obvious. But he hadn’t thought about anything beyond that.

“But you’ve had girlfriends before, right?”

“A few.”

“So you could be into men and women. Does he know if he’s into both or just men?”

John blinked at her question. “I…I don’t really know.”

“No. It sounds like you’re in the same boat. Just as uncertain as each other.” She said softly. Then she smiled. “Well whatever happens, you know you can talk to me. Anytime. I feel like you kind of need a friend right now. The same goes to him actually, the guy you’re interested in. If he hasn’t got anyone to talk to, he can talk to me too. You said I’ve met him, right?”

“You have, yeah.”

“Hmm,” Veronica murmured her expression thoughtful. “It’s not Freddie, is it?”

John shook his head instantly. “What? No! It’s definitely not Freddie. Besides, he’s got a girlfriend.”

Veronica shrugged in response. “I just thought, because you two seemed close. I just presumed if you hadn’t talked to Freddie about this then maybe it was because he was the man in question.”

“No, it’s not him.” John said firmly. “Don’t get me wrong. Freddie’s amazing. And I love him. Just…not like that.”

“Gotcha,” Veronica smiled as she sipped on her drink. “Is it the tall one? He was pretty cute. Billy, or Bradley or something—”

“It’s Brian, and absolutely not.” John said, pulling a face instantly. “Again, he’s lovely, but I just don’t see him like that. Not to mention, he’s also got a girlfriend.”

She nodded, her expression thoughtful. “So is it someone from your band?”

John hesitated. He knew it wouldn’t take Veronica long to figure out who it was if he said yes.

He nodded, wiping his sweaty hands on the front of his jeans.

“ _No bloody way_! It’s not—”

“ _Shh_!” John hissed, quickly scanning the room again at Veronica’s shrill voice.

Luckily the only people close enough were Veronica’s table of friends, who were too busy chatting amongst themselves.

“ _Roger_? Seriously!”

“ _Shh_!” John hissed again. “Nobody knows…or maybe they do, I don’t know.” John groaned, pushing his hair away from his face in frustration. “I stormed out earlier after we had an argument. And Freddie happened to walk in on it.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Veronica said, her voice careful. “That is slightly complicated.”

“Slightly.”

“Well I feel like I should be given bonus points.”

John frowned at her in response. “For what?”

“For the accuracy of my description of your secret lover. A gorgeous, leggy blonde, who not only shares your love of music, but is a musician too. Only thing I didn’t get right was his height.”

John snorted in response. “I’ll tell him that. It’s no good telling him the other stuff. It’ll only inflate his ego more than necessary.”

Veronica laughed in response. “Didn’t I say it was somebody with a bit of fire too? I bet Roger’s got buckets of that.”

John sighed in response. “You have no idea.”

“Hence your argument tonight, I’m guessing. What was it about?”

He raised his glass to take a sip before he spoke. “He slept with somebody else.”

“ _Ouch_.”

“Yep,” John said, emphasising the _p_ as he put his glass back down.

“So are you properly together then?”

“Well…sort of. I mean we’ve agreed we want to actually be together. But that was before he heard me on the phone arranging to see you for our date.”

“That was stupid!”

John frowned again. “Hey!”

“Well it was,” Veronica said with a shrug. “Don’t think I’m condoning the fact that he went and slept with somebody else, but he probably did it because he thought you weren’t interested in him. This is all new for you both after all.”

“I know, I know,” John said reluctantly. “I just wished he’d have talked to me first. Freddie was at the flat when you called, so I didn’t get the chance to explain properly.”

“I get that. But didn’t you say Roger was a bit of a ladies man? Maybe he did it because he needed a bit of an ego boost.”

“He didn’t even remember doing it until the next morning, he was that drunk. He came back reeking of perfume, and barely able to stand.”

“There you go then,” Veronica said with a wave of her hand, as though that justified it. “It clearly sounds it was just a stupid mistake. I assume he regretted it.”

John nodded. “Yeah, he said he did. He tried to stop me leaving earlier, but I just…I couldn’t deal with it all, you know? I felt like I had to get out of there.”

“I can understand that,” Veronica gave a sympathetic smile as she leaned forwards to press a hand on top of John’s. “But I think that if this thing between you is as serious as it seems, then you should fight for what you’ve got. Everybody makes mistakes, and everybody deserves a second chance. You should at least hear him out properly.”

John nodded, watching the way Veronica’s thumb traced the back of his hand.

“Why do you still look so worried?”

“I’m…I don’t know. I guess I’m still trying to get my head around everything. The fact that I might actually be… _gay_.”

“It’s not a big deal. You’re still the same person, John.”

“I know, I know, it’s just…I’m just…”

“Just what?” Veronica asked softly.

John blinked, focusing on the way Veronica was still touching his hand, her thumb still rubbing soft circles into his skin comfortingly.

“I guess I’m just scared. About what it all means. I like Roger. Have done since I met him. But I’m not really good at letting anyone…close. Yet with him, I’ve kind of left myself a little more open than I would have liked.”

“Well that’s kind of the deal when you’re with someone else, isn’t it? To let them in, to risk being hurt.”

“I know, it’s just…it’s not me. I’ve always been a little more…careful in relationships,” John admitted with a vague shrug. “Stops myself from getting hurt, I guess.”

“And I get all that, I do,” Veronica said, squeezing his hand gently. “But letting people in is healthy. Yes, it’s scary, but if you don’t let anyone close, you’ll only end up hurting yourself more in the process.”

John nodded, his expression uncertain.

“You still look kind of…lost. Could you get away for a bit? Go home to your parents for the weekend or something. Maybe if you were to get out of the flat for a couple of days, it’ll give you a chance to clear your head, understand exactly what it is that you want to do about everything.”

John nodded again, contemplating her words. “Yeah that’s…that’s not actually a bad idea.”

o-o-o

“One cup of whiskey-laced tea, straight from the pot,” Freddie said as he finished pouring.

Roger said nothing. Instead he reached for his cup and raised it straight to his lips.

“Rog, that’ll be—”

“Jesus, that’s fucking hot!” Roger winched as he quickly put the cup back down again.

Freddie rolled his eyes in response. “I did try and warn you.”

Roger pouted in response, tucking his knees up to his chest, and resting his chin against the top of them.

“Shall I get the violins out?”

“What?”

“For this pity party, you’re throwing yourself.”

Roger gave a weak huff in response, and Freddie sighed wearily.

“You in no mood to dish out any fowl-mouthed comebacks today?”

“No.”

“Come on then. What happened?”

Roger responded by ducking his head so that only his forehead was visible above his knees. When he spoke, his voice was muffled by his legs. Freddie strained to hear him. “I fucked-up as usual. Like the idiot that I am.”

“Oh come on now dear, don’t be so melodramatic. I’m sure it isn’t that bad.”

“It is.”

“Try me. Tell me what happened.”

Roger hesitated. Freddie stared at him patiently.

“I slept with someone else.”

Freddie nodded. “That was silly.”

Roger’s head rose enough so that he could give Freddie an unimpressed look. “No shit, Fred. That’s why I’m an idiot.”

“When did it happen? Way before you two had your heart to heart I’m guessing, unless you’re an even bigger idiot than I gave you credit for.”

Roger’s face suddenly turned a little pink. “Actually, it was the same night.”

“Oh Rog, you stupid fucking—”

“I know, alright! I’m a fucking idiot! I was drunk! It’s no excuse, but I don’t even remember doing it. And now that I have, I’ve probably gone and fucking lost him forever!”

Roger ducked his head again. Freddie heard him sniff.

He sighed, moving closer still so that he was able to wrap an arm around Roger’s shoulders. “Look, I’m sure you haven’t lost him forever—”

Roger sniffed again, and when he spoke, his voice was raspy. “Yeah right! You saw his face, Fred! He hates me!”

“He doesn’t hate you, he just needs time, sweetie.”

“Easy for you to say,” Roger grumbled miserably.

“He’ll come around,” Freddie insisted. “In the meantime, why don’t we order a takeaway as you didn’t get to finish your soup earlier. I know it’s not the same as Deacy’s cooking, but—”

“I don’t want a takeaway, Fred,” Roger groaned. “I just want John to forgive me.”

“And he will. Just give him some space to clear his head.”

Freddie ignored Roger’s protests and ordered them a pizza. Roger eventually ate a slice before slumping back against the sofa to stare at Freddie.

“Seriously though, Fred. Why am I so shit at relationships?”

“Oh the melodrama, darling!” Freddie teased as he swiped another slice of pepperoni pizza. “How can you be shit at relationships when you’ve barely had any in the first place?”

“Exactly. And even those I manage to fuck-up.”

“There’s probably a reason for that.”

Roger stared at him curiously.

“They obviously weren’t the right person,” Freddie said as if it was obvious as he swallowed his mouthful of pizza. “The first few years of a relationship are supposed to be the honeymoon stage. So they say. So if you can barely get past a few months, then it’s probably because your heart was never in it in the first place.”

“I guess,” Roger agreed reluctantly, as he drew his arms around his knees. “So what’s my excuse this time?”

“I don’t know, dear. Believe it or not, but sometimes even I can’t work out the intricate mind of one Roger Taylor,” Freddie teased with an eyebrow raised. “Have you even had _the chat_ yet? About not seeing other people?”

Roger took a moment to think. Then he winched.

“Well we spoke about being together. But we didn’t get around to talking about that, no. When I heard that he’d arranged another date with Veronica, I just assumed he was keeping his options open. Figured I was better off doing something stupid and having him hate me now, rather than…let it get any further.”

“Before you had a chance to fall in love with him, you mean?”

“Basically.”

“But it’s happened anyway?”

“Basically.”

Freddie finished eating his pizza, and then wiped his hands on a serviette. Then he opened his arms wide and indicated with his head for Roger to move closer. Roger scooted across to his side, and Freddie’s arms wound around him. Then Freddie sighed against the top of Roger’s head.

“I don’t know Rog. What are we going to do with you?”

Roger gave a vague shrug in response.

“At least it makes sense now. How you’ve been lately. I think I’d have reacted the same way, given everything you’ve got going on.”

“I feel bad,” Roger confessed against Freddie’s shoulder quietly. “For how horrible I’ve been about Veronica. It was nothing personal. In fact, she seemed really nice, which made it all the more harder. It just made me want to scratch my own eyes out. Or hers.”

Freddie gave a snort in response. “You must have it bad. I’ve never seen you put up that much of a fight over a woman.”

Roger murmured in response.

“I’m sorry. For not being more supportive.”

Roger quickly pulled away to look at Freddie, a frown on his face. “Don’t be silly, Fred! How were you supposed to know?”

“By realising you wasn’t your usual self? I should have been there for you, I should have made more effort to find out what was wrong with you, instead of picking stupid fucking fights—”

“You’re not a mind-reader. I could have just as easily come and spoken to you. But I didn’t. I reacted the only way I knew how. By lashing out. That’s not your fault. It’s just the way it is.” Roger insisted quickly. “Besides, as far as the two of us knew, I was strictly into women.”

“Yes, you were.”

Those three words hung heavy in the air.

Freddie stared at Roger expectantly.

“I’ve looked. A handful of times over the years. Who doesn’t? The on-going craze is to look as if you could be either male or female. I used to put it down to that. A second glance to work out if they were a chick or not.”

Roger paused, taking a moment to bite his bottom lip. Then he took a shaky breath.

“Except it doesn’t explain the way I still found myself checking out their arse. And then I’d walk away, feeling practically disgusted with myself. I’d get drunk, and go searching for the nearest bit of skirt I could find. And then I’d fuck her until all those sorts of thoughts disappeared again.”

“Until the next time,” Freddie said knowingly.

Roger gave a small, timid nod.

“God, I wished you’d have talked to me. Bottling up those kinds of feelings isn’t healthy.”

“I guess I just got scared. About what it all meant. Surely you can understand that?” Roger asked with a sniff.

Freddie’s gaze softened. “Of course I can.”

“Anyway, I thought I had it all under control. Then in walked John.”

“Hang on,” Freddie asked in alarm as he sat up straighter. “Are you saying you’ve liked him from the beginning?”

“I don’t know…maybe,” Roger said with a groan. “All I knew was that I liked being around him. That’s why I got so defensive when you tried to tell me about being careful about leading him astray. We were having fun, and as far as I was concerned, it was none of your business.”

“Yes, you made that quite clear at the time, Rog.” Freddie said teasingly.

“Well now you know why,” Roger shrugged. “Anyway, eventually stuff happened between us, and I realised that I was only being like that because I didn’t want him to be with anyone else.”

“I’m sorry,” Freddie apologised again, his gaze sincere. “If I’d known sooner, I’d have never tried to set him up with Veronica. I shouldn’t have said all those horrible things the night he first went out with her either—”

“It’s fine, Fred, honestly. Besides, we both said things we regret. It was heat of the moment, that’s all.”

Freddie nodded, looking relieved to hear Roger say that.

“Well at least you’ve realised how serious this all is now. Before he could go on another date with Veronica. Or Christ, before he got engaged to the woman. Or got her pregnant. Which is something I could imagine you’d do. We all know you can be a little slow on the uptake at times, Rog.” Freddie said teasingly. He bumped his leg against Roger’s to let him know he was only joking.

Roger managed a small, weak smile. “I’m scared, Fred.”

“ _Oh_. I know you are, sweetie,” Freddie said softly, moving to rest a hand against Roger’s knee. “I imagine Deacy’s feeling the same way. This is all new for him too, isn’t it?”

“Well yeah…I guess.”

“Right. And look, he’ll soon realise you didn’t do any of this to hurt him. You said it yourself you were drunk. People make mistakes. He’ll realise that and he’ll forgive you, I’m sure of it. This is Deacy we’re talking about. He’ll come around.”

“I really hope you’re right,” Roger sighed as he stared at Freddie. “Thanks. By the way.”

Freddie’s eyebrows furrowed in response. “For what?”

“For listening. For understanding. For being my best friend. What else?”

“Don’t be silly! What are friends for? Besides, I thought you knew by now that you can always come to me to talk about this kind of stuff.” Freddie said softly. Then he clicked his tongue when he noticed the unshed tears in Roger’s eyes. “Come here, Rog.”

Roger sniffed as Freddie’s arms wound around him again. He hid his face in Freddie’s shoulder, desperate to hide his tears.

“What can I do, Fred? Tell me what I should do. What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

Freddie exhaled sharply in response. His breath fanned across the top of Roger’s head.

“How am I supposed to answer that? Only you know what you should do, Rog. But if it was me, I’d let him have some time to cool down first. and then I’d talk to him. Try explaining again about why you did it, and how you feel. And most importantly…”

Freddie pulled away enough to look at Roger properly, his expression firm, and fire in his eyes. “Fight for him.”

“Really? You think I should?”

“Yes! If you’re sure he’s what you really want.”

“Well yeah, but…” Roger tried, swallowing thickly. “Aren’t you worried about how this might all affect the band?”

“No! Fuck the band!” Freddie said, before he gave a mischievous laugh. “Obviously not literally. Although you’ve already fucked the bass player—”

“Freddie, stop!” Roger groaned in embarrassment.

“I’m just saying,” Freddie said innocently. “Maybe you secretly fancy a bit of the guitarist and the lead singer. I heard he’s quite the dish—”

Roger instantly pulled a face in response. “Not even if you or Brian were the last men on earth.”

“Right answer,” Freddie said with a smile. “I just had to check we were on the same page.”

“’Course you did, Fred,” Roger said with a roll of his eyes. Then he bit his lip as he stared down at his lap. “We erm…we’ve not actually…gone the whole way yet.”

“Well why not?”

Roger sighed, his face slightly pink as he avoided Freddie’s gaze. “I don’t know. Because it hasn’t happened yet? This is too weird, talking about this with you, Fred—”

“Nonsense! It’s only weird if you make it weird! Besides, I’ve had to endure years of you talking all about your escapades with women over the years, so why should now be any different?”

“I guess,” Roger met his gaze warily. “Well it’s just not…happened yet. It’s not like this thing between us has become much of a regular occurrence yet, you know?”

“Hasn’t it?” Freddie nodded, watching Roger closely. Then he spoke when it was obvious Roger wasn’t going to continue. “So? Come on then.”

Roger groaned in response. “Fuck. You want actual details, don’t you?”

“Obviously!”

“Fine,” Roger huffed reluctantly. He looked down at his lap, avoiding Freddie’s curious gaze. “So the first time, he gave me a hand-job, and then the second time, he sucked me off, and I gave him a hand-job. There. Happy?”

“Perfectly,” Freddie said, giving a wry laugh at the way Roger hid his face behind his hand for a moment. It was still perfectly obvious how red Roger’s face was. “Well, are you surprised? Of course I need details about my two best friends getting together! Which reminds me, I’m curious. They always say the quiet ones are the one you need to watch out for. And I’ve always imagined Deacy could be quite a generous lover—”

“Fucking hell, Fred, where the hell are you going with this?” Roger hissed. He dropped his hand to glare him accusingly.

“Alright, I’ll get to the point. What would you mark him out of ten on his ability to suck your cock?”

“ _No_! Fuck off Fred, there’s no way I’m answering that question!”

“Why the hell not darling?” Freddie whined. “You’ve never been prudish with the details before. I’ve listened to your problems, given you advice. And you can’t even satisfy my curious by answering whether Deacy—”

“No! So fucking drop it, I mean it!”

Freddie frowned in response. “Fine, spoilsport.”

Luckily, the phone started to ring. Roger leaned back against the sofa and gave a loud groan in response. His face was still a little pink and blotchy. “Thank Christ for that!”

“Don’t think that’s the end of this, Taylor,” Freddie insisted as he reluctantly rose off of the sofa.

“Of course not! Like I’d ever be that fucking lucky.”

“Just so you know,” Freddie said lightly as he lingered in the doorway. He looked back up at Roger, the slightest smile on his face. “I’m choosing to take your embarrassment and your refusal to answer the question as a sign that Deacy is in fact incredibly gifted at sucking your cock—”

“I swear to god, Fred!”

Freddie swerved from the doorway, his laughter echoing off of the hallway walls just as Roger moved to take his slipper off and threw it in his direction.

Freddie wasn’t on the phone for long.

Roger heard the sound of his feet moving closer, and turned to glare at the doorway. “Right. Listen Fred. I’m really grateful that you’ve given me advice on what to do about Deacy, but I’ve let you ask enough questions, so please promise me you won’t bring up anything else about my sex—”

Roger stopped talking as Freddie appeared in the doorway, the smile gone from his face. He stood automatically, worry on his face as he stepped closer to Freddie.

“Fred…what…what is it? Is it John? Is he okay? Has something happened to him?”

Freddie managed to shake his head once. “No. No. It was the hospital. In Leicester.”

Roger frowned, not understanding Freddie’s words. “Leicester?”

“Uh-hum. John’s Mum…she’s in hospital there.”

Roger’s eyes widened instantly at Freddie’s words. “What? _Fuck_! Is she okay?”

“Urm…I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell me. I’m not family, am I?”

Roger sighed, running a hand through his hair. “ _Shit_. And John doesn’t even know! We have to find him, we have to tell him—”

“I know, I know,” Freddie insisted quickly, stepping forwards and stopping Roger from walking past him. “But look, neither of us know where he is. I was thinking, why don’t I go out and look for him, and you stay here in case he comes back?”

Roger forced a nod in response. “Okay. Do I…can I do anything else?”

“No,” Freddie sighed. “Just…have the kettle on if he does come home. And maybe get out the whiskey again.”

Roger forced another nod, his gaze distant, his eyes still wide. Freddie sighed, stepping forwards and pulling him into another hug.

“It’ll be fine, Rog. Honestly. It’ll all be fine. We’ll find him.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was worth the wait! I hope you're all keeping safe out there too. Things are getting incredibly scary and I just feel grateful that you're all still wanting to read this, given everything that's going on. I've read all your incredible reviews and replied to them all too. Thank you so much. They're one of the only thing keeping me want to write at the moment. I'm so sorry that chapter was maybe a little depressing lol. I promise, if you stick with it for another couple of chapters, it'll all be worth it. There is going to be a happy ending, I swear. Thanks again. I'll probably be updating very soon, as I've got lots of spare time on my hand to write now. Stay safe, and try and have a good week. :)


	15. Forget All The Sadness, 'Cause Love Is All You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John comes home to find Roger waiting for him, with some not so good news. Freddie comes back and helps John pack to go home, and offers some wise and not exactly welcome advice. Whilst Roger realises living without John is going to be harder than he thought...

Roger paced the length of the living room. Every so often, his eyes would catch John’s duvet folded far too neatly at the end of the sofa. And then he’d stop. For a moment.

The sound of the front door had Roger pausing again. He waited, his eyes trained on the doorway. John appeared seconds later, looking slightly sheepish. Roger exhaled sharply in response.

“Fucking finally, John! Fred’s been searching the streets, looking—hang on, why are you so wet?”

“I went for a shower. Outside.”

Roger watched John push his hair back from his face, drops of water falling against his shirt. His face was damp and virtually as white as a sheet, his hair limp against the sides of his face and shoulders. Roger noticed the way John’s hands shook slightly.

“Are you mad? It’s the middle of fucking November! You could have caught your death, being caught out in that!”

“But I didn’t. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you really look bloody fine.”

Roger pulled his jumper over his head, and stepped forwards with it in his hand.

“I don’t need your jumper, I feel—”

“Look, just take it would you?”

John snatched it from his hands with a huff. Roger watched him pull it over his head closely. They were roughly the same size so it fit John almost as well as his own, apart from the sleeves coming up slightly short.

Roger watched John move to sit on the sofa, feeling relieved to see that he didn’t look like he was shivering quite as much.

“Do you think maybe you should take a shower actually—”

“I don’t want a shower. It’s late. I just want to go to bed.” John said firmly, pulling at his hair again with a weary sigh. “Sorry, it’s just…it’s been a long night.”

Roger nodded knowingly, still lingering by the doorway as he watched him. “’S fine. I understand.”

John turned his head to look at him properly, his gaze neutral. “I bumped into Veronica in the pub.”

Roger nodded curtly, biting his lip for a moment to stop himself lashing out. “Right.”

“I ended up telling her everything. I told her about you, and how I planned on breaking up with her.”

Roger’s gaze fell to the floor as he leaned back onto his toes. “Did you tell her what I did?”

“Yes. She gave me some advice. It made a lot of sense actually.”

“I bet it did,” Roger grumbled quietly.

It was loud enough for John to hear, but he chose to ignore it.

Roger was still looking at his feet, fighting an internal battle over wanting to hear what else John had to say, and needing to tell John about the earlier phone call. “Look, before we get into all of that. There’s something you should know. It’s why Freddie’s not here now.”

John inhaled deeply as Roger forced his gaze back up to find John frowning at him. “Hang on—did you say Freddie was looking for me?”

“Yeah he is. Only reason I’m not out there is because Freddie thought one of us should stay here in case you eventually turned up.”

“Why wouldn’t I? I was only having a couple of drinks at a pub.”

“Oh well that’s alright then,” Roger said in a huff, his frustrations getting the better of him. “Jesus, do you even get how worried we both were?”

John’s frown grew deeper, his expression guilty. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“Yeah well. We care about you. Freddie’ll probably be back in a bit anyway.”

John nodded, pursing his lips for a moment as he looked away again. “I just needed…some time alone. Away from the flat, away from—”

“ _Me_ ,” Roger finished for him.

“I was going to say away from the bickering actually, but…yeah, a little bit.”

Roger didn’t look surprised. If anything, he looked hurt, and it had John rushing to explain when he saw his face.

“I needed time to think. Clearly. Something I definitely can’t do when I’m around you. It’s not…I didn’t leave because I wanted to get away.”

“I know. I get it.” Roger said quietly, his gaze dropping to the floor. “We were just concerned about finding you. There was a phone call for you earlier.”

“For me? Who was it?”

“Err…I’ll just grab you a towel first. I’ll make some tea too. It’ll help you warm up quicker—”

John sighed again. “Roger, I don’t want tea—”

“It’ll only take a minute. And it’ll make me feel better.”

John eyed his back warily as Roger quickly headed out of the doorway. He grabbed a towel from the cupboard and handed it to John. Then he headed for the kitchen.

Roger took his time. He hoped Freddie would be back by the time he’d made the tea. He was better at dealing with these kind of situations. Eventually, Roger forced himself to move back into the living room.

The towel was on the table, and John’s hair was practically dry. Roger set the cups down, and finally met John’s eyes as he sat beside him on the sofa.

“Who was on the phone earlier?”

Roger paused, biting his lip as he took a moment to think of how to word it. In the end, he just said it. “So…basically, it’s your Mum. She’s in hospital.”

John stared back at him, his mouth falling open as he tried to process that. “What? But…she can’t be. I was only on the phone to her a couple of days ago.”

“I know it’s probably a…shock.” Roger said softly, struggling to think of the right words to say.

John looked away, his forehead furrowed, his expression tense, as he tried to process that. “Do you know what happened?”

“No, they wouldn’t say. Because we’re not family. But they asked for you to go down and see her.”

“ _They_? As in the doctors? Not her?”

“I…I think so. I don’t really know, John. It was Freddie who answered, and I think he was more concerned about coming and finding you so that you knew.”

John gave a weak nod in response. “I guess I need to…pack, head straight for the train station—”

Roger nodded. “Yes, but look, John. I think you should drink your tea first. At least gather your thoughts.”

“But I need to—”

“I’ll help you get all of that sorted in a minute. Of course I will. But Christ…just give yourself two minutes to process this, would you?”

Roger felt relieved when John finally forced a small nod and reached for his tea. His relief didn’t last long though.

Almost as soon as John had finished his tea, he was up from the sofa and grabbing his holdall out of the hallway cupboard. Roger followed him into his room, where John set it down on his bed and began to empty his contents from the wardrobe.

“Are you leaving straight away?”

“Obviously. I need to go and see her. Make sure she’s okay for myself.”

“And I get that. I do. But you’re still in shock—”

“Look, I’m okay. Really. I just need to get a few bits packed, and get myself on the next train home.” John said without stopping.

Roger watched from the doorway as John hastily pulled a pair of trousers off of a hanger and folded them into his bag.

“I thought you promised to help me pack anyway,” John asked, his tone clipped. “Not stood questioning what the best thing is to do in this situation.”

Roger frowned in response. “John, I’m not…I’m not telling you not to go home. I promised to help you get sorted, and I will. But in a minute. After you’ve given yourself time to—”

“To what?” John asked. His voice was quiet, but the frustration was still obvious by his tone. “To sit around fiddling with my thumbs? I haven’t got time to think, or to plan ahead, Roger. This is my Mum we’re talking about. Don’t you get it? This is important. I need to be with her.”

“I know, and I get that, but—”

“Do you? John asked as he tried to pull a t-shirt from the hanger. It wouldn’t budge. “You barely talk about your Mum, or any of your family for that matter. Let alone go and see them.”

Roger’s expression remained carefully guarded. “Yeah well…neither do you.”

“And that’s fine. But I don’t think you’re in any position to lecture me on what I should or shouldn’t be doing right now.”

“I’m not…I’m just trying to be a mate. At the very least.” Roger said carefully, a frown on his face. “John, listen—”

John gave a groan of frustration as he threw the hanger with the t-shirt onto the bed. Then he pulled at his hair with a long sigh. Roger stepped over to his side, and grabbed the hanger. He pulled on it hard enough that he finally managed to get the t-shirt off of it, before handing it to John, who folded it into his case with a quiet _thanks_.

John’s hands froze against the bad, his forehead creased as he stared into space. Roger reached across to press his hand against John’s shoulder, a little timidly.

“Look, I understand you’re scared. I do. But I’m sure it’ll be fine, John.”

John replied quietly, his hands still rigid. “You don’t know that though—”

“Okay, fine. You’re right. I don’t. But you don’t know that it won’t be fine either. Obviously the fact that you’re Mum’s in hospital is frightening, I get it. But they might literally only have been calling because she asked for you to be there.”

“Yeah maybe,” John said warily. He pursed his lips for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked back at Roger. Then his expression smoothed. “I’m sorry for snapping—”

“You don’t need to apologise. Besides, I probably deserved it anyway.”

John frowned. He caught Roger’s hand in his as he started to pull away, and Roger looked up at him expectantly, a soft, hopeful look in his eyes. “Yeah, about that. I think we’ll need to talk at some point, won’t we? About—”

They barely noticed the sound of the front door. Instead, it was Freddie’s relieved voice that had them pulling away from each other.

“Deacy, thank god!”

Roger barely had enough time to step away, before Freddie was stepping into the room and pulling John straight into a hug. John’s arms were loose around Freddie’s waist as he hugged him back. Freddie was drier than John when he’d got home, so he must have found shelter somewhere. He pulled away again, his expression tight with concern.

“Has Roger told you? About your Mum?”

John blinked, still looking slightly dazed. “Err…yeah, yeah, he did.”

“Okay,” Freddie said, still watching him closely. Then he noticed the bag on the bed. “Have you finished packing?”

“Nearly. I just need to bung a couple more things together.”

“Okay, well I’ll help. And then Brian’s going to give you a lift back to Leicester.”

“What?” John asked in shock, his eyes widening. “I can’t ask him to do that—”

“Well luckily for you, you don’t have to, because he’s already offered.” Freddie insisted. “He bumped into me whilst I was looking for you, and I explained the situation. Brian suggested coming back here to see if you’d made it home, and said he’d give you a lift, so that you don’t have to faff about getting the train.”

“But it’s like a two hour car journey out of his way. Are you sure he doesn’t mind?”

“Freddie just said so, didn’t he?” Roger insisted quickly. “It’ll save you money and it makes sense. That way, you can go straight to the hospital to see your Mum.”

“Exactly,” Freddie agreed. Then he turned to look at Roger. “On that note, can you run out and let Brian know we’re just finishing packing and then we’ll be down?”

Roger’s expression hardened in response. “Why can’t you—”

“Because I’ve already said I’ll help John pack. No offence Roger, but we all know that you can’t fold to save your life.”

Roger looked between them, before giving a stiff nod at Freddie’s teasing. He reluctantly headed out into the hallway to grab his jacket and go outside.

They packed everything John needed as quickly as they could. Once they were finished, Freddie did the zipper on his bag and turned to John expectantly.

“Right. Sure you’ve got everything?”

“Err…yeah, I think so.”

“Clean pants, check. A few spare change of clothes, check. Toothbrush, toothpaste, check. Pyjamas, check. What about your guitar? Do you think you’ll need that?”

“No, I’ll probably just leave that here for when I get back.”

Freddie nodded, but stopped John from picking up his bag. John stared at him, eyebrows furrowed in response. “What is it, Fred?”

“Me and Roger had a chat earlier. About you and him.”

John immediately tensed-up. “I’ve not exactly got time for this—”

“I’ll only be a minute,” Freddie insisted as he gently pried John’s hands away from the straps. He kept hold of his hands, his thumbs running over the back of them softly. John looked at him expectantly, his face slightly pink.

“Freddie, I really don’t feel comfortable talking about this with you right now—”

“I know you don’t like talking about personal things like this, but I just wanted to repeat what I said to Roger earlier. That I’m here for you. I just wanted to remind you both of that.” Freddie said sincerely. “Because I know he isn’t the only one dealing with all of this right now. You are too.”

John blinked, his expression still etched in confusion. “What do you mean, _dealing with this_?”

“Dealing with the fact that your gay, or…bisexual, or whatever. I’m guessing this is all just as new for you as it is for Rog. And…what I’m trying to say is that you can speak to me anytime. Because I understand the confusion you must be feeling. More than you can imagine.”

John nodded, knowing exactly what meant Freddie. But it wasn’t his place to say anything. Not unless Freddie wanted to talk about it. So he offered a small, tense smile instead. “Thanks, Fred. For being a mate. A best mate.”

Freddie instantly smiled in response, giving John’s hands a gentle squeeze. “Don’t be silly, you don’t need to thank me! What are friends for, hmm?”

John grabbed his bag and they both headed into the hallway. Freddie waited until they got to the front door to pause again, blocking the exit as he turned back. John frowned at him in response.

“Look, I just wanted to add. I know it’s not my place to get involved—”

“Freddie—”

“Consider it some friendly advice,” Freddie said carefully. “Your focus needs to be on going home and looking after your Mum. Nobody’s disputing that. But I don’t think you should make any rash decisions based on how you may or may not be feeling right now either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean with Roger. Take some time whilst you’re at home, and try and see it from his side.”

“His side?” John asked with raised eyebrows. “He slept with someone else.”

“He was lashing out. He was upset because of you going on that stupid date with Veronica.”

“That doesn’t condone it—”

“No maybe not, but look. Remember what I said a minute ago, about this all being new for both of you? It sounds to me like he’d convinced himself your heart wasn’t really in it, and so he acted out. Before you could hurt him, or you know, break his heart.”

“I’d have never done that. I was meeting Veronica to break up with her—”

“Yes, I know. I figured that one out for myself. But he made a mistake. And he’s paying for it now by thinking you hate him and that he’s lost you.”

“I don’t hate him,” John sighed, his bag limp in his arms as he stared at the floor. “I just wish he’d have talked to me, before he went off with somebody else.”

“He made a mistake, John. It happens with him occasionally. I thought you knew that by now.”

John said nothing at Freddie’s attempt to lighten the mood.

“I should have worked it out sooner. It seems so obvious looking back.”

John’s forehead creased, his eyes blank with confusion as he stared back at Freddie. “What does?”

“That you and him were a _thing_. I should never have tried to push you and Veronica together.”

“You were just being a good mate—”

“Yes, but meanwhile I was being a rubbish one to Roger,” Freddie said flatly, before quickly holding up a hand when John went to respond. “I’m not looking for flattery, I’m just making a point. I’ve never seen Roger like how he is with you. I can’t believe it took so long for me to realise he was behaving so differently.”

John stood straighter at that, worry in his expression. “What do you mean, _behaving so differently_?”

“He’s been angry more, there’s no disputing that. But that was obviously just jealousy and fear over losing you. But it’s the way he is with you that got me most surprised. Even when he was in a relationship, he was never settled, always looking for his next conquest. I used to think that just made him a bit of a dick, never being able to stay faithful to someone for longer than three minutes—”

“It doesn’t sound like he’s changed all that much—”

“No, but he has. Don’t you see?” Freddie insisted. “Look how angry he kept getting when I tried to set him up with Hannah. He used to constantly bring random women back after a night out. Can you even remember the last time he’s gone out just to shag about?”

“Yeah alright, I guess it’s been a while. What’s your point?”

“He’s happy. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

John sighed in response. “And you think it’s because of me? Like it’s that simple.”

“Of course it is! Look, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but he even said it earlier. That he loves you.”

John’s eyes roamed Freddie’s face, his mouth falling open slightly as he processed that. “Did he…did he really say that?”

“Yes. And he would never have said it unless he meant it. Roger doesn’t fall in love very easily. In fact, I’ve never heard him say it. That must mean something, John.”

“Fine, so he’s in love with me. But is that enough?”

Freddie stared at him in shock. “What more do you want from him, John?”

“No, I mean, is it enough for _him_? We’ve barely started and he’s already slept with somebody else, and yes, I know that it was just a mistake, and he was lashing out, you’ve already said. But how do I know that next time we have an argument, he won’t go off and do it again? Or he’ll eventually get bored of me like he has with everyone else?”

“Because you’re not like everyone else. You two are best friends for starters.”

John gave a weary sigh in response. “I just don’t know if I can risk…continuing things if I’m not sure I won’t get hurt again. I don’t…I’ve always struggled letting people close.”

“I know that dear. Don’t you think I’ve already realised that?” Freddie said softly, leaning closer to tuck John’s hair behind his ear. “But if you think like that, you’ll never find true happiness. For all you know, this could be the best thing to happen to the both of you.”

John forced a small nod in response, still not looking confident. Freddie knew there weren’t enough time to try to reassure him much more.

“You know whatever happens you’ll have both of us, right?” Freddie said softly.

John gave him a small smile in response. “Yeah. I do. Thanks, Freddie.”

“Come on. We’d better go, before Brian kills me for holding you up.”

They headed out the front door then. It was pitch black, and it had turned a little bitter outside.

“Oh I forgot to ask. Brian said it’ll be late before he drops you off and he asked me if he could stay at yours? Just for the night. Then he’ll head back first thing.”

“Yeah of course he can. He didn’t need to ask.”

“I didn’t think you’d mind, but you know what Brian’s like. He doesn’t like to feel he’s taking liberties.”

“Hardly. When he’s driving me all the way to Leicester out of the kindness of his heart.” John said with a small smile.

“Yes, but that’s Brian for you.” Freddie said with a fond roll of his eyes.

They headed to the car park, where Brian and Roger were leaning against the van. Roger had his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans and was shaking slightly from the cold, and Brian had his arms folded as he looked at Freddie and John.

“About time you two. What have you been doing?”

“Talking if you must know, Brian,” Freddie said carefully, staring at Roger purposely. Roger looked between John and Freddie warily.

“How you doing, Deacy?” Brian asked, a worried expression on his face.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Thank you for giving me a lift.”

Brian shrugged it off immediately as he stepped forwards to reach for John’s bag. “Don’t mention it, mate. I’m just glad I could help.”

Freddie smiled as he watched Brian load John’s bag into the back of the van. Then he reluctantly stepped closer to John, his smile slipping as he pulled him into a hug. “Don’t be a stranger, Deacy.”

John embraced his hug immediately, his head nestling itself against his shoulder. “Thanks for everything, Fred.”

“You’re talking like we’re never going to see you again, darling,” Freddie said softly, his arms tightening around John’s waist. “You’ll be back before you’re know it. And if not, I’ll come to Leicester and drag you back here myself.”

John gave a small laugh in response. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Good. Call as soon as you get to the hospital, Deacs. Let us we know you’ve both got there safe.”

John nodded as he reluctantly started to pull away. “Of course I will.”

Roger was still leaning against the van, watching them. Freddie noticed the way John was staring back at him uncertainly.

Freddie wondered over to Brian’s side. “Could I grab you for a second, Bri? I just wanted to run something past you about that gig the other night.”

Brian frowned at him in response as Freddie took his arm, trying to pull him away from where Roger and John was stood. “Freddie, I’m not sure this is the best time. Can it not wait—”

The rest was drowned out as Roger slowly stepped closer to John’s side. He cleared his throat, offering a nervous smile, his hands still in his pockets.

“Right. I guess this is it then. Take care of yourself, John.”

John blinked, staring back at Roger uncertainly. He could tell Roger was being guarded, careful.

“I’ll be back as soon as I know my Mum’s okay.”

Roger nodded, expression even. John could tell he didn’t believe him.

“Okay. Good luck with your Mum. She’ll be fine. I know she will.”

“I wish I had your faith,” John said. He eyed Roger uncertainly. “Bye for now then?”

“Yeah. Bye.”

John sighed, hating the distance between them. He stepped forwards, arms outstretched. “C’mere then.”

Roger stepped forwards, and letting John’s arms wound around his waist. John noticed just how tightly Roger was holding him. John ducked his head, nestling against Roger’s shoulder and subtlety breathing in his scent whilst he still could. Then he moved his head back up, his mouth at Roger’s ear so that he could whisper what he wanted to say without the risk of Freddie and Brian overhearing.

“I promise I’ll be back. Me and Freddie had a chat—”

“What about?” Roger asked, starting to try and pull away to look at John in confusion. John’s arms tightened around him.

“Just know that I don’t hate you and you haven’t lost me, so please don’t think that you have. Try not to dwell on it whilst I’m away. I’m not angry anymore, I’ve had time to calm down.”

Roger nodded against his shoulder, his voice quiet and gruffly. “I’m sorry for what I did. It didn’t mean anything—”

“I know, I know,” John said, reluctantly pulling away enough to look at him. “We’ll talk about it more when I’m back. I promise.”

What John wanted to do most was pull Roger back against him and kiss him, to reassure him in the only way he knew how. But Brian and Freddie were already walking over and so he reluctantly stepped away from him instead.

Freddie and Roger waved John and Brian off as they got into the van. Freddie hugged Roger to him as they eventually made their way back into the flat. Roger stood to the side of the kitchen, watching Freddie wondering around and looking a little lost.

Freddie sighed sadly as he turned to face him, a hand on his hip. “You’re really going to miss John, aren’t you?”

Roger could only nod, subtlety sniffing, his eyes starting to well up.

Freddie smiled sympathetically, opening his arms for Roger to step into. “C’mere sweetie. I think me and you could do with another glass or two of whiskey, hmm?”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Roger convinced that John's going to abandon him. :( But don't worry, I promise he isn't going to do that. Deacy will be back, and Dealor will be stronger than ever. (For the most part) Thank you for the incredible reviews!! They honestly mean the world to me. I actually got kind of emotional when I read the comments from you about how reading this is making these uncertain time easier for them. Obviously, we're all pretty much in the same boat, and it's a frightening time for everyone, so being able to write about my favourite couple and getting such love feedback makes my life so much more bearable. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. Obviously, everything going on is making me appreciate everything so much more than we did. It makes you realise how much of life you took for granted before.  
> Anyway, I hope you're all being safe out there and all enjoyed the next instalment, even if it was a little angsty.
> 
> Also, get your thinking caps on! I'm starting to think about what I can write about next. Me and @Hudsteith have been talking, and I'm thinking of doing a Modern day Dealor, with Frian being a couple. And maybe Roger and John not getting along in the beginning, until they inevitably realise they fancy each other haha.
> 
> That's just an idea at the moment. If you have any suggestions for Dealor fanfictions I'm all ears, as I desperately need to keep writing at times like these to keep myself sane.
> 
> Thanks again.  
> Have a good week and stay safe.


	16. How Can I forget These Beautiful Dreams That We Shared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger is finding it hard to cope without John there. Luckily, Freddie is always on hand to give some advice to his friend.

The next couple of weeks dragged past.

It was virtually December. The temperature outside had dropped radically, and the early mornings brought a bitter frost with it. It made waking up and getting out of bed just that little bit harder. Especially when it was only to head to the market.

Their flat was usually the first in their block to put the decorations up. But not this year.

Freddie suggested the idea once again whilst Roger watched him continue boxing up his things from the comfort of Freddie’s bed.

“I just don’t get see why we need to bother. John is in Leicester. You’re moving out in a matter of weeks. It’ll just be me here for Christmas at this rate,” Roger grumbled as he watched Freddie clearing out a drawer. “I might start drinking now, given that I fully intend on being as drunk as physically possible come Christmas day. It’ll be the only decent way of getting through this sodding holiday.”

“You usually love Christmas!”

“Not this year. Besides that’s easy for you to say, given your Christmas probably involves a fair amount of you and Mary shagging.”

“Not true actually,” Freddie disagreed lightly. “I was actually planning on spending the day with my parents and Kash. Mary’s heading home too. You’re welcome to stay at mine. Mum usually buys a fair amount of wine to have with our dinner. I thought you were heading back to Cornwall anyway?”

“I was considering it. But Clare’s bringing over her new boyfriend. So that’ll just be depressing.”

“Then it’s settled. You’re staying at mine. Mum and Dad always love seeing you.”

“I love seeing them. But Mum will expect me home.”

“That’s too bad,” Freddie smiled sympathetically. “Although your Mum is lovely, so hopefully she’ll be able to pull you out of this slump you’ve been in.”

Roger looked away, fiddling with the sequins on Freddie’s cushion, which was currently residing in his lap. “I’m not in a slump.”

Freddie stared at him disbelievingly, knowing Roger wouldn’t see it. “I know you’re disappointed that Deacy won’t be here to help put up the decorations. But I’m sure he wouldn’t mind us doing it without him, given that we don’t know how long he’ll be gone for—”

“Fred, no offence. But I honestly couldn’t give a flying fuck about putting up a few tacky Christmas decorations. Just do it yourself if you’re that bothered.”

“Or here’s a better idea. You could come and help me pack up the rest of this drawer like you promised.”

“I am helping,” Roger insisted as he continued to watch Freddie box up his things. “I’m keeping out of your way whilst you pack. That way you won’t want to kill me. I’ll even make you a cup of tea in a minute.”

“Oh, I see. Very helpful. And no, you can make mine a beer.”

“I’ll join you. It would be rude not to.”

Freddie smiled in response, turning back to look at Roger. He was still fiddling about with the sequin on Freddie’s cushion. “Any news from John?”

Roger looked at him from underneath his eyelashes. They both knew the last time there’d been word from John was when he’d let them know he got to Leicester safely. “No. But you must already know that.”

“He could have secretly written to you. A long letter detailing how much he yearns to be back by your side, kissing your soft lips, sharing your warm bed, and sucking your cock—”

“Fuck off, Freddie!”

Freddie laughed in response, and narrowly dodged the cushion Roger had just aimed at his head. “I’ll take that as a no. I’m surprised. I always imagined Deacy being the secret romantic of the group.”

Roger snorted in response. “Maybe he thought he’d leave that job up to you.”

“Best Mary’s ever got is a hand written note across the table at one of our gigs, telling her how much I can’t wait to shag her.”

“See. Romantic.”

They laughed in response. Before being interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing. They both turned their heads towards the doorway.

They moved at the same time. Both running for the hallway.

“Don’t be a dick! If it’s John calling, you know he’d prefer to talk to me. You’ll just end up waffling on to fill any awkward silences like you normally do!” Roger shouted as he rushed to catch up with him.

“Says you! You’ll probably make as many crude jokes as humanly possible to try and lighten the mood. At least I offer up a bit more intellectual conversation—”

“I reckon he’ll still have missed me more—”

“Hello?” Freddie snatched the phone off of the holder and held it up to his ear. His voice was slightly breathless from where he’d ran.

“Freddie!” Roger whined as he made it to Freddie’s side.

“H-hello? Is that you, Freddie?”

“Ahh yes, hello Deacy. Yes, it’s Freddie here. How are things?”

Roger glared at Freddie, mouthing the word _wanker_. Freddie jokingly gave him the finger in response.

“Yeah, things are okay thanks. I just wanted to ring and give you an update on my Mum.”

“Yes, of course. How is she?” Freddie asked, instantly serious.

Roger stood straighter, watching Freddie worriedly. Freddie kept his gaze on the wall as he waited for John’s reply.

“Yeah, she’s much better. It was touch and go for a bit. They err…” John paused to clear his throat. “They…thought she had cancer.”

Freddie took a sharp intake of breath at the word. “Oh that’s terrible! But she hasn’t, right?”

“No, no, thank god. They were a bit concerned after she collapsed at work. They ran some tests, and it turns out she had a non-cancerous cyst which they had to operate on. She’s being discharged tomorrow.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Yeah, yeah, it is. I’m going to stick around for a bit longer. She needs to rest at home for at least another couple of weeks before she even thinks about going back to work. So I want to make sure she does.”

“That’s understandable. Take as long as you need. We’ve got it all covered here.”

“Thank you, Freddie.”

He said nothing else, and Freddie used the time to fill the minor blip of silence. “I hope you’re looking after yourself. If I hear you’re not having three square meals a day, I’ll come up there myself and force-feed you, Deacy.”

Roger continued to watch Freddie closely, chewing on a nail absent-mindedly.

John gave a small, weak laugh in response. “I’m fine, Fred. Honestly. Though I’m in need of a good shave. Can’t say that’s been my top priority lately.”

“Well, make sure it is. Got to have you looking your best for our gig in a few weeks’ time, Deacs,” Freddie teased.

Roger mouthed _Can I talk to him_? as Freddie turned to look at him. He held up a finger in response.

“Will do. Wouldn’t want to give you any unnecessary trauma, Fred.”

“So I should think.”

“Erm…”

“Yes?”

“Did I…did I hear Roger’s voice a minute ago?”

“Yeah, he’s here. Did you want me to pass you over?”

“No, no—”

John said just as Roger made grabby hands for the phone. Freddie pulled back as much as the cord would allow in response. Roger froze, his expression hardening.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to him. Because god…I really do. I just think it’ll be easier to have that particular chat at home. Once everything’s sorted.”

“Okay. If you’re sure?”

Roger frowned in response. Freddie went back to staring at the wall, guilt niggling inside of him.

“No. Not really,” John sighed. “Could you just…tell him that I miss him.”

“Of course I will.”

“I know he’ll assume the worst. But I’m on the payphone at the hospital, I’ve only got a couple more minutes left, and there’s loads I want to say to him. If I hear his voice, I’m not going to want to go. It’s not the same…talking to him on the phone and not being able to see his face.”

“I get it, Deacs. I do. I’ll tell him everything you said, I promise.”

“Thanks, Fred,” John said softly. “Hopefully see you both soon then, yeah?”

“Yeah hopefully. We both miss you.”

“I miss you both too. Loads. Anyway, I’d better go. The nurse is just coming back from her rounds…bye then.”

“Yeah bye—”

“Wait, let me just-can, I just—”

Freddie swerved Roger’s attempts to grab the phone, barely managing to put it back on the holder before Roger swore loudly in response. “Freddie, you fucking dick! You knew I wanted to talk to him!”

Roger lashed out on instinct. He shoved Freddie away, so that he almost fell against the cupboard door. Then Roger headed straight for his room, Freddie hot on his tail.

“Look, I know you’re pissed off, but he didn’t want to speak to you on the phone. What was I supposed to do?”

“Maybe ignore him and pass me over anyway. It’s not like he could get angry with us, he’s halfway across the country!”

“No but he could have hung up! What good would that have done, huh?” Freddie asked as he followed him into his room. “I know you wanted to talk to him, but I was just trying to be a good friend—”

“What about being a good friend to me?” Roger shouted, kicking his bedside table in anger, the lamp wobbling on top of it in response. “ _Fuck_! You’ve known me longer, haven’t you?”

“Would you stop being such a hothead? Your Mum isn’t the one in hospital right now. He said he thought it would be easier to talk to you at home once everything’s sorted. I just think you need to give him a bit of space right now, to prioritise his Mum’s care—”

“Even when he rang that first night, he only spoke to you!”

“Yes, because he was only ringing quick to let us know he got there safe. Roger come on, you’re overthinking this.”

“Am I?” Roger huffed, slumping back against the bed. He stared down at his mismatched socks, his expression tight, anger in his eyes. “What is it exactly? Am I that annoying?”

Freddie rolled his eyes in response. “Now you’re just being silly.”

“Fine! Clingy then? Am I too clingy?”

“Again, no—”

“Well then what the fuck is it? Because there must be something wrong with me! Why else can I never convince anybody to stick around, huh?”

Freddie sighed, sympathy in his eyes. He watched Roger push his hair back from his face uncertainly, saw the unshed tears in his eyes, and the way he tried to sniff discreetly.

“Listen to me darling,” Freddie said softly as stepped forwards to sit next to him on the bed. “This isn’t about you. Or your insecurities. This is about John having enough on his plate, and having the curtesy of giving him enough space to deal with all of that right now.”

“How much more fucking space does he need? He’s been gone for over two bloody weeks.”

“And he’ll be back. He will. You just need to give him time.”

“But what if he comes back and he still hates me? What do I do then?”

“Oh come on now, I’m sure that won’t happen. Besides, he already told you he doesn’t hate you before he left,” Freddie said softly, pressing an arm around Roger’s tensed shoulders.

“Yeah, but he’ll have had time to think about it since then. Maybe he’s seen sense.”

“Oh come on. What’s with this pity party you’ve thrown yourself, hmm? None of those things are even true. The only reason none of your past relationships worked out is because they weren’t right for you. That doesn’t mean there’s a problem with you.”

Roger sniffed in response, still avoiding Freddie’s gaze.

“Maybe that used to be true. But I really like John, I let him in. More than I have with anyone else. Maybe it was enough to send him running. I mean what grown man still has fucking nightmares anyway?”

“Maybe the kind that was forced to spend his childhood trying to protect his mother and sister from his abusive father?”

Roger’s head darted upwards, his eyes widening as he looked at Freddie. He smiled in sympathy, giving Roger’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Just because I don’t mention your nightmares, doesn’t mean I don’t get the gist of what their about. Neither does it mean that I don’t care. I just know you find it hard to talk about. So I make you tea instead and sit with you whilst you calm down. But know if you do ever need to talk about it all then I’m here for you. Always.”

Roger gave a weak smile in response.

“You shouldn’t worry about John, you know? He’s not like all the rest of them.”

“That doesn’t mean he won’t still get fed up with my shit—”

“Stop it.”

“It’s true—”

“Keep talking like that Taylor, and I’ll kick your skinny arse, just watch me.”

“Try it, Mercury.”

Freddie smiled in response, glad that Roger wasn’t so far gone he couldn’t give the cheek back.

“You made a mistake. People make mistakes. It happens. But that doesn’t mean that you’re any less kind or loyal, practically to a fault at times. You’re a good friend, and you genuinely care about those around you. Just look at all the times you take care of the market for me if you know I’ve had a late night. Or bring me cups of tea in the morning whilst I struggle to wake up. Or look after me when I’m ill. And John for that matter.”

Roger gave a small smile in response.

“I gave you charcoaled tomato soup for dinner.”

“At least you tried,” Freddie smiled. “I mean, true. You can be bloody annoying at times, but—”

“Fragile ego here, Freddie.”

“That’ll be a first,” Freddie said with a raised eyebrow. “John told me to tell you he misses you, by the way.”

“Really?”

“Yes really!” Freddie smiled at the hope in Roger’s gaze. “He only had a couple of minutes left on the payphone, but he really did want to talk to you. He also said that there was loads he wanted to say to you, and that it wouldn’t be the same, hearing your voice and not being able to see your face. Does that not all sound like positive things, hmm?”

“Unless he plans on finishing with me. We all know John doesn’t like doing that on the phone.”

“Maybe he just wants to talk properly with you once this is all blown over. Don’t think so negatively all the time, Rog.”

“It’s easy for you to say. You’re not a total fuck-up.”

“Don’t be silly, neither are you darling,” Freddie insisted softly. “Come on, why don’t you help me finish packing-up that drawer and then we’ll have those beers.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're all keeping safe out there. I have to admit, I'm pretty terrified as I've got to go shopping with my Mum in Tesco tomorrow morning, and I've not been in like two weeks. It's just chaos there.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! I know it's a little short. I promise I'll update with a far longer chapter in the next few days. It'll all be worth it too, because Deacy comes back in the next one. Yaaaaaay, I'm so happy haha.  
> Also a lot of people see to be digging the Dealor fanfiction in the present for my next one to write, so I think I shall set to work on that very soon, as soon as I get this all written up. Which I have to say is very near, unfortunately. :( This story has been a massive part of my life and I've loved coming here and reading your incredible comments. I just hope you'll stay on board for my next one.
> 
> Anyway, take care everyone. Stay safe.


	17. And The Way You Touch, I Lose Control and Shiver Deep Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John arrives home to a VERY warm welcome...

It had been three weeks. Not that Roger had been keeping count or anything.

Three weeks since John had gone back to Leicester. Three weeks of Roger over-evaluating everything in his head.

Roger was growing sick of the flat. And the market. And the band rehearsals. Which were pointless without John there.

It seemed that Roger’s life only consisted of those three things.

He needed an escape.

Drinking usually proved a good outlet. Preferably somewhere loud, somewhere dark, and bustling. Somewhere he didn’t feel so depressed about the fact that he hadn’t seen or heard from John in almost a month.

“I think we should go out tonight.”

Freddie looked up from where he was doing stocktake. “Where do you fancy going? To that new pub near Carnaby Street. Although that might be a little expensive, come to think of it—”

“No, not to a bar. I mean out _out_. To a club.”

Freddie raised his eyebrows in response. “You mean you actually want to go dancing?”

“Do I hell,” Roger scoffed. “I want to get drunk. Somewhere with music loud enough to make my ears bleed, and an unlimited amount of vodka and chicks.”

Freddie instantly frowned. “Rog—”

“Oh don’t _Rog_ me. I don’t mean to shag. I just want to go somewhere crammed with beautiful people, where there’s easy access to alcohol.” Roger said, still leant against the counter as he watched Freddie, his hand resting against his chin. “Consider it your leaving party.”

“You make it sound like I’m moving to the other side of the world.”

“Might as well be.”

Freddie sighed, putting down his pen and turning to look at Roger properly. “Oh come now darling, not this again. I told you, I’ll be round every day. You’ll be so fed up of my visits that you’ll be putting the chain on just to try and keep me out.”

“I won’t. I’ll need your visits. Who else is going to check up on me, make sure I’m not doing any of my stupid shit?”

“John, of course. Luckily for you, he at least has a better grasp on his common sense.”

“That’s if he ever comes back.”

“Of course he will. It’ll just be a case of making sure his Mum’s settled before he leaves again. I bet you any money he’ll be back before Christmas.”

“I wish I had your faith.”

“Try me. Eat your own words. I bet you five pounds Deacy will be back within the next two weeks,” Freddie said, elbowing Roger softly in the ribs.

“Go on then. I could do with earning a few extra quid.”

“Good. I always enjoy proving you wrong.”

Roger watched him closely for a moment, almost surprised by the confidence in Freddie’s smile. “You’re so sure about this, aren’t you?”

“I am. But no backing out now, darling. A deal is a deal after all.”

They left the market not long after, as it had been quiet for most of the morning. Freddie went to grab a coffee and suggested they head back to the flat to play scrabble. Freddie used Roger’s competitiveness against him by pointing out how much he always enjoyed an opportunity to kick Roger’s arse. It made Roger become a little more lively.

“That’s a load of bollocks if ever I heard it! I’m way better at scrabble than you!”

It didn’t matter if Roger was right or wrong. What mattered was that it gave Freddie an opportunity to take his mind off of John, even if it was just for a little while. Freddie grinned, satisfied, as he went to grab his jacket from the peg. But it wasn’t there.

“Roger, where’s my jacket?”

“How do I know? Did you not take it with you?” Roger asked with a sigh as he finished cashing up.

“No. Remember I told you before I left that I wasn’t going to take it as the coffee place was only around the corner.”

Roger blinked in response. “Did you? What colour was it again?”

Freddie turned back at the uncertainty in Roger’s voice, his eyes narrowing in suspicion as he noticed how red Roger suddenly was.

“It was my brown mink coat.”

“Oh. That one.”

Freddie sighed wearily in response, his arms folded across his chest. “Yes that one. Where is it?”

“Well…” Roger said carefully, still avoiding Freddie’s accusing gaze. “I sort of forgot that it was yours. And we had that customer who came in just before you went off to get your coffee and well, the thing is, Fred. It was an easy mistake to make, and I didn’t do it on purpose. So please don’t be annoyed with me, but—”

“Get to the point, Rog!”

“I kind of sold your jacket,” Roger finally said, turning to look at Freddie guiltily.

“Seriously! How could you forget that was my jacket? I wear it all the bloody time!”

“I know, but I wasn’t thinking, was I? He just really liked it, and I spotted a chance to make him pay double for what it was worth, just like you taught me. If it helps, he’s only just left. If you run after him now, I’m sure you could catch him up—”

Before Roger had even finished speaking, Freddie had put down his coffee and ran out of the stall.

Luckily, Freddie managed to explain the situation and brought the man back to the stall so that he could give him his money. Roger apologised profusely, and finally Freddie seemed to forgive him on their way home.

“Hmm, you can buy me a drink tonight to make up for it,” Freddie relented with a smile as he wrapped his jacket around him tighter.

“Deal. At least you managed to get it back off of him.”

“I know. I don’t think he was very happy about it though,” Freddie said casually. “But I love this jacket. Mary got it for me from Biba ages ago.”

Roger took his time showering and choosing something nice to wear. He still managed to be ready before Freddie, who spent at least half hour fiddling about with his hair, and changing outfits several times.

Eventually, Roger virtually dragged him from the flat.

“I don’t get what the rush is. It’s still so early! At this rate, we’ll be the only ones there.”

“We won’t. It’s always packed where we’re going,” Roger insisted, shutting the front door behind them. “Anyway it’s better to be early. That way we won’t have to pay to get in.”

“Trust you to care about that.”

Roger shrugged in response. “Obviously. Both of us have barely graduated, Freddie. We haven’t got money to waste on entrance fees.”

The club was only a ten minute walk.

Roger was right. It was already busy.

There was a queue of people all crowding around the bar, desperate to get enough drink inside of them before they headed to the dancefloor.

It took them a while to get served.

Eventually, a female bartender headed over. She was a pretty blonde, curiosity in her eyes as she gave Roger a long look over. He responded by leaning over to order their drinks, and pulling back just as quickly. Freddie said nothing the whole time Roger paid, and she came back with their drinks.

Only when she turned away to serve somebody else did Freddie raise his eyebrows at Roger in surprise. He stared back blankly.

“What?”

Freddie leaned closer to his ear. “She was pretty.”

“So what?”

“So she was checking you out.”

“Was she? I didn’t notice.”

Freddie laughed in response, his surprise obvious as he raised his glass to take a sip. He leant his elbow against Roger’s shoulder, still close by his ear. “It’s finally happened. My best friend really is in love.”

“Fuck off, Freddie! It’s no biggie. I told you already that I’m not here to shag. I’m here to get pissed, hang out with you, and have a good night. Don’t overthink shit all the time.”

“I think that’s your way of saying you really are going to miss me,” Freddie teased, leaning close enough to kiss him on the cheek.

Roger made a face in response, playfully pushing him away and making Freddie laugh harder.

“Get off, Fred! I still have a reputation to uphold, you know!”

“Darling, that ship has well and truly sailed.”

They stayed talking at the bar, buying drink after drink. Eventually, Freddie managed to drag Roger onto the dancefloor. Roger with his inhibitions lowered, let him.

They danced like they were back at the flat, like nobody was watching. It was all loose-limbed and silly. They laughed at themselves, all of their worries forgotten about for a little while.

They were both sweating when they finally headed back off the dancefloor. They headed straight for the exit so that they could have some fresh air.

They were still laughing between themselves as they leaned against the brick wall, sharing a cigarette.

“Seriously though, Fred,” Roger moaned softly, as he wiped his clammy face with the back of his sleeve. He’d only just managed to catch his breath back. “You wonder why I don’t dance? It’s fucking knackering!”

“Oh what’s wrong with you? You sound like an old man, Taylor!” Freddie teased. He lifted the cigarette back to his lips, jokingly reaching out to pat Roger’s stomach through his top. “You’ll have to think about getting fitter than that if you want to keep up with Deacy. You’ve seen him dance. The man’s relentless!”

Roger smirked in response as he took the cigarette back. “Nobody can out-dance, Deacy. There’s no question. But I can assure you that I’m more than capable of keeping up with him in other physical ways.”

Freddie groaned in response. “Yes, I know. Unfortunately. My bedroom is only next doors to yours, remember?”

“You should feel privileged at the chance to hear the master at work. I’ll even give you a few tips if you like. To use on Mary—”

“I’m good thanks, blondie,” Freddie quickly insisted with a winch. “Besides, I’ve never had complaints from her, I’ll have you know.”

“Not to your face anyway—”

“Take that back, you arsehole!” Freddie shouted in outrage. He playfully pushed Roger away, and Roger almost stumbled over his feet, he was laughing so hard.

They stayed for a little longer, getting more drinks and dancing a little more.

Eventually, they stumbled back outside, their arms looped around each other’s shoulders, and still laughing about the silliest of things as they made a beeline for the nearest takeaway place. They brought a portion of chips to share and slowly made their way back home. They chewed quietly, digging their forks into one chip at a time. It was only as they put the wrapper into a nearby bin and crossed the road back to their flat that they started speaking again.

“I’m going to miss this. Doing shit like this with you.”

“For the last time, _Roggie_ ,” Freddie rolled his eyes, stepping close enough to wrap an arm around Roger’s shoulder so that he could pull him to him again. “I’ll be back. Everyday. We can still go out whenever you want, Mary won’t mind. I can always sleep on the sofa. Or you could sleepover at ours. Your my best friend, Roger. I’m not just going to stop hanging out with you. Or Deacy for that matter. Nothing needs to change just because I’m moving in with Mary.”

Roger looked up at him with a grin, letting one hand rest against Freddie’s waist. “Good! Because I like how it is now. The four of us, in it together.”

“Yes! Conquering the music industry one track at a time.”

Roger pulled away so that he could accept Freddie’s high five. “Hell yeah we are, Fred!”

They made their way back home, singing loudly and staggering to the front door. Freddie fumbled with his key as Roger stood behind him, shivering from the cold. The two of them hadn’t noticed it as much when they’d been walking back, still a little tipsy from all the alcohol they’d consumed.

Roger’s teeth were beginning to chatter. He held his hands up to his mouth and breathed between them, trying to warm himself up. Then he groaned in annoyance.

“Come on Fred! Seriously, how long does it take to unlock the bloody door?”

Freddie’s hands were shaking as he bundled the key in the lock. “Easy for you to say, when you’re stood there doing nothing. I can barely feel my hands, you ungrateful git!”

“Give it here then. I’ve got a better grip than you.”

Freddie snickered childishly in response. “That’s not what I’ve heard—yes, got it!”

“Finally!”

Freddie pulled the key back out of the lock and opened the door wide enough to head inside. Then he turned back and bowed at Roger. “Please, after you good sir.”

“So I should think, seems as though you very almost turned us into literal ice sculptures.”

“Yeah well, you sold my jacket.”

“You got it back, didn’t you?”

“No thanks to you.”

Roger glowered at him as he took his jacket off. Freddie shut the door behind them, raising his eyebrows expectantly at Roger.

“You’re a dick, Freddie.”

“You were only saying how much you were going to miss me five minutes ago, blondie.”

“Yeah well, I’ve had a change of heart.” Roger teased. But then he laughed, unable to keep a serious face for any longer. “Do you want a beer? Or a large whiskey?”

“Let’s go for a whiskey. It’ll help warm us up.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Roger left Freddie to finish hanging up his jacket and headed straight for the kitchen. He poured them both a large glass, humming quietly to himself as he did.

Maybe that was why he didn’t hear the soft click of the door, or the quiet padding of feet along the hallway.

“I’ll have one of them too, please.”

Roger let out a squeal, the bottle of whiskey almost slipping from his grasp. He carefully put it back down, resting a hand over his racing heart and taking a long, calming breath as he turned towards the doorway.

“Fucking hell, John! Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack?”

“ _Ooh, is John here_?” Freddie’s voice shouted from further along the hallway.

“In here, Fred!” John called over his shoulder, before he turned back, giving Roger a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me coming. I’m not exactly light-footed at the best of times.”

Roger didn’t respond straight away. Instead he took a moment to drink in the sight of John.

He looked good. Way better than good.

There was no sign of the beard that Freddie had said he’d grown. He was fresh-faced and even prettier than Roger remembered. His long fluffy hair cascaded past his broad shoulders, and Roger noticed idly that he was wearing the sweater Roger had given him the night he’d left.

The edges of John’s eyes crinkled as he smiled, taking Roger in with the same fondness.

Roger swallowed thickly, a heavy feeling settling of him. He itched to move closer, to run his hands through John’s hair, to kiss him with all the need that had been gradually building inside of Roger over the last few weeks.

“I err…I shaved the beard off this morning,” John said shyly. “Freddie made it clear he wouldn’t be a fan. Thought it was probably safer to get rid of.”

Roger blinked, trying to remember how to speak again. “Yeah that was probably err…probably best.”

John bit his bottom lip, fighting another smile. “I’ll be honest. I was more concerned about whether you’d like it or not. I did let it get a little unruly for a bit.”

“I always think you look gorgeous.”

Roger had spoken on instinct. But it was worth it to see John’s blinding smile again.

“Deacy! We missed you!”

John gave a quiet laugh as Freddie suddenly bounded up behind him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, and resting his head at his neck.

“I missed you both too.”

Freddie murmured in response, kissing John on the cheek before he pulled away and stepped into the kitchen to look at John properly. “I see you shaved your beard off. Well done.”

“Yes, just as promised. I didn’t want to be accused of giving you any unnecessary trauma,” John teased as he watched Freddie twirl around the kitchen with a smile.

“So I should think, Deacy!” Freddie grinned, before noticing Roger had poured two glasses of whiskey. “You doing another one for John?”

“Err…yeah, I’ll just grab another glass.”

They sat at the kitchen table for ages.

Roger sat back, quietly watching the two of them. Freddie asked lots of questions. John filled them in on his Mum’s condition. She was doing much better. John’s sister had taken off a couple of weeks at work in order to look after her. It meant that John could leave without having to worry about her struggling on her own.

Once Freddie had finished his whiskey, he gave a long yawn and stood. He smiled and said about turning in, ruffling Roger’s hair and giving John a quick hug as he bid them a good night. Then he squeezed John’s shoulder gently as he pulled away.

“So glad you’re back home, Deacy dear.”

“It’s lovely to be back, Fred,” John said with a fond smile.

“Night boys.”

“Night Fred,” Roger and John said in unison.

It was suddenly too quiet after Freddie’s door clicked shut.

Roger cleared his throat, feeling John’s heavy gaze as he went to stand. “One more before we turn in?”

“Err yeah, go on then.”

Roger grabbed both of their glasses, feeling sure he’d turned slightly pink as he kept his back to John. He took his time pouring, unsure of how to break the ice. Luckily, John did that for him.

“So what have I missed? Anything interesting happen whilst I was away?”

“No, not really. Same shit, different day,” Roger said lightly.

“Sounds about right,” John said with a nervous laugh.

“Freddie did manage to sell those god awful trousers the other day. To some pensioner for way more than they were worth. He was dead posh though, so probably thought he was getting a bargain.”

As soon as he’d said it, Roger winched. He probably sounded so boring. That was all he ever seemed to talk about now.

“Bet Freddie was pleased.”

“He was. Until I sold his mink jacket.”

“You didn’t?” John said, laughing again as he imagined it. He knew how much that jacket meant to Freddie.

“I did. But in all fairness, it was an accident. I mean, we get loads of those jackets coming into the stall. And he did get it back. Had to chase through the streets so that he could give the poor bloke a refund.”

“Pity I missed that,” John said with a smile, as Roger passed him his drink. He watched Roger lean back against the worktop, still stood, as he raised his glass to his lips. “Where’d you go tonight anyway?”

“Oh, just to some club around the corner from here.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“It was alright. Freddie even managed to talk me into having a dance.”

John snorted in response. “Blimey, you were drunk.”

“I was a bit,” Roger admitted sheepishly. “I’m practically sober now, though.”

“You didn’t pull then?”

Roger instantly looked up at him, his gaze hardening, accusation in his eyes.

“Is that your way of subtlety asking whether I fucked anyone else whilst you were gone? I didn’t. But if you don’t believe me, feel free to go and bloody ask Freddie—”

“Of course I believe you. Sorry, that was…it was a stupid thing to say. I don’t know why I said that.”

“Well you can’t obviously trust me—”

“No, no, I do. Of course I trust you. I just thought…” John trailed off with a sigh, pushing his hair back from his face. “It’s been three weeks. Which granted, isn’t very long. But I would never expect you to just sit around waiting. Especially when I didn’t even know myself when I was going to make it back to you.”

Roger barely reacted, focusing on swirling the golden amber liquid around in his glass. John continued watching him closely.

“I missed you.”

Roger didn’t look up. “Yeah, you said.”

“I know, but…I missed you more than Freddie. Obviously. I couldn’t get you out of my head the whole time I was away.”

Roger focused on his glass, trying not to give anything away. His heart seemed to soar, and the butterflies inside of him fluttered more intensely. “Yeah, yeah, bet you say that to all the girls, Deacy.”

“Nah, just the pretty ones.”

“I guess I should count myself lucky then,” Roger said evenly. “But yeah. I err…I missed you too.”

That was an understatement. It was taking everything inside of Roger not to bound forwards into his arms.

John snorted dismissively in response. “Yeah, I can tell. Really feeling the love, right now.”

“Well what do you expect? You were asking me if I’d pulled two minutes ago.”

“I was just checking to see if we were still on the same page.”

Roger looked up at him through his eyelashes, staring straight into John’s lovely grey eyes. He took a moment longer to respond, his mouth suddenly dry. “You could have just asked.”

“Okay. So are we?”

Roger had had enough. He didn’t want to play games. He didn’t want to waste any more time talking. He just wanted John.

He turned to put his glass on the worktop, before he flounced forwards. John barely had enough time to put his glass back down as Roger jumped in his lap with a grin. John’s arms wound around him automatically, steadying him further as John blinked up at him in surprise.

“Does that answer your question?”

“If the question is: _is Roger still a heavy lump_ , then yes—”

“Twat!” Roger huffed unimpressed, whacking John’s shoulder lightly, before letting his arms wound around his neck. “If you’re going to carry on acting like a dick, I won’t do what I’ve waited three weeks to do.”

John’s laughter quickly subsided, curiosity in his eyes as he gazed back at Roger. “What, hit me?”

Roger rolled his eyes at John’s weird sense of humour. “Yes John, I’ve been waiting three weeks just to hit you.”

There was still amusement in John’s eyes as his hand slipped under the back of Roger’s t-shirt, burning against his skin. “I knew it—”

His words were cut off by Roger’s lips, urgent and needy on his.

John groaned quietly, the sound vibrating deliciously against Roger, who shivered in response, his arms tightening around his neck. They were so caught up in each other that they didn’t hear Freddie’s bedroom door open and close. Or hear the sound of his feet padding softly against the carpet as he headed towards the kitchen.

He made a noise of protest as he caught sight of them nestled together in the kitchen chair.

“I swear to god I’ll sue the both of you for unlawful emotional damage if this is the kind of soppy shit that I have to put up with from now on,” Freddie complained.

Roger reluctantly pulled away to glare at Freddie, watching him tread through the kitchen to grab a glass of water. “Now you know how it feels. You were sickeningly loved-up with Mary when you two first started going out.”

“I think that’s just your mind playing tricks on you, Rog. We all know I have a heart of glass.” Freddie teased as he turned to look at them. “Can you at least move this to your own rooms? I don’t want to think of the two of you _fucking_ at the kitchen table every time I sit down to eat my cornflakes.”

Roger responded by climbing back out of John’s lap, and taking his hand. He looked pointedly at Freddie. “You know what? That’s actually not a bad idea. At least we’ll actually get a bit of peace in my room.”

John happily let Roger lead him away with a smile, ignoring Freddie giving him a pointed look. “Can you at least wait until I’m asleep before you two start shagging? And make sure you use protection!”

Roger pulled John through his bedroom doorway with a gentle tug, shouted _fuck you, Freddie_ , and quickly shut the door. Then he pushed John back against it, cutting off his laughter with another long kiss.

John sighed softly as Roger’s lips left his, trailing a path down from his jaw to his throat.

“You have no idea how much I’ve thought about being back here, being with you like this. These last three weeks have felt like the longest of my life.”

Roger responded by moving his lips back to his. John groaned at the feel of Roger’s tongue in his mouth, his hand’s delving into the back of his hair. Only then did Roger move away again, stumbling backwards, a glint in his eyes as he pulled John with him.

“I reckon we’ve got some making up to do then.”

Miraculously, they made it to the bed.

John’s body followed Roger’s body blindly, virtually falling on top of him. They broke away to share a laugh, before their lips collided again, rough and urgent, their hands quickly wondering down each other’s bodies.

Roger tugged at John’s jumper impatiently, and John pulled away just to throw it to the floor.

John shivered as Roger’s hands dipped under the back of his jeans, tracing his skin lightly, as John’s tongue moved alongside Roger’s.

Roger whined loudly as John suddenly pulled away, despite Roger’s hands tightening against his skin. John smiled in response, cradling Roger’s face in his hands like it was something precious.

“I need to say something. But I know you’ll hate me for pressing pause for a minute.”

“So don’t say anything.”

“Yeah, but…” John sighed, his voice wavering as Roger leaned sat up, and leaned forwards to kiss along the base of his throat. “I…I think we need to talk first. _Ahh…_ About…you know…err…where we’re both at, before we err…get into any of this.”

“You sure that’s what you want, Deacy?” Roger asked gruffly against John’s skin. He smiled as he sucked on his pulse point, hearing the way John gasped. “You said it yourself it’s felt like the longest three weeks of your life.”

He carried on pressing kisses against John’s neck and throat…and used John’s hesitation to his advantage. John made a small noise of surprise as Roger tackled him, pinning him to the middle of the bed and quickly clambering on top with a sly smile.

He took a moment, appreciating the sight of John. His face was flushed, his lips full and pink, his eyes wide, an intensity in them that stole Roger’s breath away. His hair was fanned out across the pillow, and he reminded Roger of a debauched angel, too beautiful for him to resist. They’d barely started and already, it felt as if he virtually ached for John.

“I reckon your cock will be crying out for some TLC by now.”

He bent to press more kisses into John’s neck, enjoying the way he shuddered beneath him. Roger’s hands wondered down to John’s jeans. He undid the button and the zipper, and pulled on the front of them enough that he could get to his underwear. Then he slipped his hand into the front of them, and softly began to stroke John’s already aching cock.

John moaned loudly in response, his hands scrunched against the duvet…and then Roger stopped.

He slipped John’s cock back into his underwear and pulled away. John stared up at him accusingly.

“Actually maybe you’re right, John,” Roger agreed, the slightest smile on his face. “Maybe we should talk first. There’s plenty of time for me to give you a handy later.”

John exhaled slowly, his breath shaky as he watched Roger sit back against his thighs, his expression growing smugger by the second. “Rog?”

“Yes, Deacy?”

“If you don’t put your hand, mouth…whatever, around my cock in the next thirty seconds, I promise you now that I’ll never give you a blowjob again—”

That seemed to do the trick.

Before he’d even finished speaking, Roger had pulled his jeans and underwear halfway down John’s legs, spat into his hand, and had it around John’s cock in no time.

John fell back against the bed with a groan, his hands tightening at Roger’s waist.

Watching John only made Roger want him more. The way John moaned his name, his hands clinging to Roger’s waist, his forehead creased, his teeth digging into his bottom lip to try and stop himself being too loud…

It was almost painful, the way Roger’s cock was straining against the confines of his underwear. So he moved, trying to discreetly rub himself against John’s thigh as he continued stroking John.

John’s breath hitched as Roger’s thumb playfully swatted against the tip, and then groaned Roger’s name again as his pace quickened.

Roger moaned in response, arching against John’s leg with more purpose.

John’s gaze was sincere…then curious as it moved past Roger’s face, across his shirt, and to where Roger was rutting more and more desperately against his thigh. John sat up without a second thought, and reached forwards to undo Roger’s jeans.

Roger gave a quiet groan as he reluctantly withdrew from John’s lap, climbing off of the bed and shoving his jeans and underwear down his legs as fast as he could. John watched him, using their moment of separation to do the same.

They both threw their discarded clothes on the floor without another thought, and Roger immediately climbed back into John’s lap. His hands cradled John’s face, pulling him forwards into another searing kiss, his lips desperate against his.

John responded by reaching in between Roger’s legs, and taking him in his hand, using the pre-come at the head to slide over his cock. Roger pulled away to rest his head against John’s shoulder, and gave a loud, drawn-out moan in response as he moved to stroke John again.

John sat up, moving close enough to tuck a strand of hair gently behind Roger’s ear, his gaze heavy and clouded with desire as he watched him.

“You close?” John asked, voice rough and groggy.

“Uh-huh,” Roger moaned, thrusting forwards into John’s hand a little more desperately. “ _Fuck_ John…come with me, love.”

John shivered at the nickname, pulling him back in for a sloppy kiss. He groaned as Roger bit his lip playfully, his thumb swiping the end of John’s cock again. It was enough to send him over the edge. Roger didn’t take long to follow, stilling in John’s hand with a cry.

They took a moment to catch their breaths, Roger’s forehead resting at John’s shoulder. John’s hand loose against the back of his hair.

“Fuck,” Roger said groggily, pressing a kiss into John’s skin. “God, you’re amazing, you know that?”

John gave a shaky laugh as Roger pulled away enough to look at him. “Says you. I see you’ve been practising your technique since I’ve been away.”

“Well, I had to keep on top of my game. Given I’m the best handy you’ve had.”

Roger gave a quiet chuckle as he reluctantly pulled away. He laid next to John and reached over to get them both a tissue.

John took it, but hesitated as he drew his hand up to his face. He met Roger’s curious gaze as he slowly raised his fingers to his lips and sucked on them, giving Roger a show.

Roger groaned in response, discarding his tissue without another thought and pulling him back in for another kiss, practically whining as he tasted himself in John’s mouth, against his tongue. John griped the back of Roger’s hair, using his other hand to pull Roger’s body back against him.

“ _Fucking hell_ , John. Do you have any idea how hot that was? God, I can’t wait to have your mouth around my cock again…”

John smiled as he watched Roger pull away again, a dreamy look crossing his features. “Been imagining that a lot, have you?”

Roger snorted in response. “All the time. What do you expect when you do shit like that? Sucking on your fingers like it’s your favourite flavour lollipop. Gives a guy ideas, you know.”

“Well that was the intention.”

Roger narrowed his eyes at him in response. “Deacy, you little tease. Freddie was right. It’s always the quiet ones you wanna’ watch out for.”

“Yeah well. Thought you deserved at least a little teasing.”

Roger’s smile slipped slightly at John’s words. “What, given what an arsehole I’ve been?”

“I weren’t even thinking like that. If anything, it was my attempt at giving you a show. Get you thinking about me sucking your cock.” John rushed to say. Then he frowned. “See this why we need to talk. Bet you spent most of these three weeks beating yourself up about everything, even though I told you not to.”

Roger gave a half-hearted shrug. “A bit.”

John sighed heavily. “Well don’t waste any more time thinking about it. You’re allowed to make mistakes, just like anyone else. You heard me talking to Veronica, assumed the worst and lashed out. That doesn’t mean you should spend the next however long punishing yourself for it.”

Roger nodded, his expression still disbelieving.

“That actually reminds me. You remember me briefly mentioning about bumping into Veronica the night I left?”

Roger nodded, his expression careful.

“She was out with her friends, and she caught me looking all…” John trailed off with a vague wave of his hand. “Anyway, we had a chat, like I said we did. I told her there was someone else and that it was someone in the band, and she…well she figured out the rest.”

“And then you went and told her what I did.”

“Yes, but not out of spite,” John insisted quickly, his arm still loose around Roger’s waist. “She realised we’d had an argument, and asked what it was about. So I…I told her.”

Roger huffed in response. “Bet she loved that. Given how I’ve been acting.”

“She didn’t actually,” John said carefully. “In fact given how much I’ve messed her about, I thought she reacted pretty incredibly.”

“Oh really? Well then why don’t you go and shag her instead—”

“Hey, hang on!” John said as Roger suddenly pulled away. He watched the rigidness of Roger’s back as he stood. “Why would you say that? Given what we just did? Given how eager I was to see you—”

“I don’t know John, maybe because it sounds like you’d rather be with her!”

John gave an angry huff in response. “That’s not what I’m saying! God, why do you to this? Jump to the wrong conclusion the minute anything good starts to happen to you.”

“Because I’m not stupid, that’s why!” Roger said in a temper as he reached for his briefs from the floor and put them on. “Because I know better! Nothing good ever bloody lasts, no matter how hard you try to hold on to it!”

His words hung in the air as he shoved a hand through the top of his hair, suddenly looking uncomfortable as he turned back to look at John. “Not to me anyway.”

“Listen to me, Rog. _Please_ ,” John said carefully, shuffling over so that he was sat at the edge of the bed, closer to him. “You’re not going to lose me, okay? I promise. You need to get that out of your head. I’m here, I want to be with you. This is new. For both of us. But you’ve got to trust me if we have any chance of working.”

Roger blinked, voice small as he gazed back at John uncertainly. “I do trust you.”

“Really? Because it doesn’t sound like it.”

“What do you expect? When Veronica’s lurking in the background like she is—”

“Can you actually hear yourself, Roger? She’s not lurking anywhere! We bumped into each other, and we spent all of the time talking about you!” John said, letting his frustration get the better of him. He grabbed his underwear and put them back on. Then he sat back against the bed, watching Roger pace the length of the room, winding himself up more and more.

“Look, I’ll even tell you what I said, shall I? I told her me and you had had a chat about wanting to be together, and that you heard me arrange a date with her on the phone. Which she basically called me stupid for. Said you probably thought I wasn’t interested in you anymore. Anyway, she said I should give you another chance, and to fight for what I’ve got. If it was that serious between us. So why the fuck would she say something like that if she was _lurking in the background_?”

That got Roger’s attention. He stopped pacing, looking back at John uncertainly. “What did you say?”

“That it was serious. Or at least it could be.”

Roger nodded, saying nothing.

“This is the part where you’re supposed to say _I think that too_. So…why do you still look so angsty?”

“Because!” Roger huffed, struggling not to show his frustration. “It sounds as if she basically said everything I tried to that night, only better worded given the fact that I was terrified I was going to lose you, and the difference is that you actually listened to her. But you didn’t listen to me. Barely even gave me a chance to explain.”

“Only because I’d had time to calm down. It’s nothing personal. In fact, it was harder to listen to coming from you.”

“Why?”

John groaned in response. “Because I hate even the thought of you being with anybody else! I always have. I was angry that night, and you talking about it was only making me feel worst. That’s why I had to get out of the flat. I didn’t want to end up saying something I regretted.”

Roger bit his lip, his expression firm. “I suppose I get all that. That’s why I reacted so rashly when I heard you on the phone. And I thought if I’d lost you anyway, I might as well go and do something stupid. I was drunk, and the minute she laid it on me, I saw it as my chance to forget about how much all of that hurt. At least for a bit.”

“I know. And I know you felt guilty about what you did. But then obviously, my Mum was in hospital, and it all kind of got…”

“Yeah,” Roger agreed when John trailed off. “But now you’re back.”

“Now I’m back.”

They gazed back at each other, both quiet for a moment. Until eventually John broke that by speaking. “C’mere Rog.”

Roger briefly hesitated, before he slowly moved back over to John’s side. John tugged on his arm, until Roger practically fell into his lap, his arms wounding around his neck to steady himself. The two laughed quietly as John looked at Roger, his expression soft.

“I’m here, aren’t I? With you. Because I want to be.”

“Good. ‘s what I want too.”

“Good,” John said with a smile. “So now that Freddie knows…can I stay in here with you or are you kicking me out?”

“Like I’d ever do that,” Roger huffed, his fingers massaging the back of John’s scalp pleasantly. John hummed in response.

“Not when I give such good head, anyway.”

“Exactly. I might feel differently if you start to lose your technique, but until then.”

“You cheeky little—”

Roger’s loud laughter replaced whatever insult John had been about to say. Instead, he found himself laughing along, enjoying the sound of Roger’s joy.

John stood to swap his boxers for a pair of his pyjama bottoms as Roger pulled back the duvet, about to tuck himself in. His eyes widened as he spotted John’s shirt, grabbing it quickly to chuck in his bedside table before John could notice.

Except he did.

“Is that my t-shirt?”

Roger feigned ignorance as John stepped over to his side and grabbed it from Roger’s hands before he could stop him.

“Oh…I don’t know. Is it?”

John’s eyebrows furrowed in response. “You must know it is? You’ve seen me wear it enough times around the house.”

“Alright, so it’s your t-shirt. What’s the big deal?” Roger asked with a huff, climbing into bed and trying to ignore the way John was looking at him.

“Well…it’s not, it’s just…what’s it doing in your bed?”

“I don’t know, do I? God, maybe I wore it to bed a couple of times. It’s a comfy t-shirt! Christ, am I going to get the third degree about wearing your shit every time I do it, John?” Roger complained grumpily, quickly turning over in bed and hoping John didn’t notice the way his face had suddenly turned slightly pink.

John said nothing for ages, moving instead to turn out the light.

Roger could make out John’s shadow as he moved to the other side of the bed and climbed in. He stayed to his side of the bed, his stubbornness stopping him from curling against John’s side.

John gave in first, craving the warmth of Roger’s body. His arm wound itself around Roger’s waist as he said goodnight. Roger let himself relax besides John, his hand against his heart.

“Night, Deacs.”

“I think it’s cute by the way.”

Roger’s eyes snapped back open, staring at the far wall. “What’s cute?”

“You—wearing my shirt in bed. Or sleeping with it, or whatever. It’s sweet. Just proves you really did miss me after all.”

Roger sighed heavily in response. “John, I didn’t sleep with it, I honestly don’t know how it got there—”

“Of course not. The obvious explanation would be that it fell from the wardrobe by its own accord and landed straight in your bed,” John said sarcastically. His arms tightened around Roger’s waist and Roger felt John’s lips at the top of his head. “You don’t need to get so stroppy about everything. I know you don’t like anyone seeing you vulnerable, but it was a compliment. If you must know, I carried around a picture of you whilst I was away. In my wallet.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, the one Freddie took of us, ages ago. We were having a smoke outside that pub, after our gig—”

“You are joking?” Roger’s voice suddenly went slightly high pitched in surprise. “That’s a fucking horrible picture! I look like I’m bloody stoned, and you…well, actually, you look really nice. You’ve got that goofy smile on your face that you get—”

“ _Goofy smile_? What a compliment!”

“I meant in a good way!” Roger said quickly, moving his head so that he could look up at John in the dark. He could just make out his features. “Because it’s your goofy smile. And in that picture you’re looking at me, like…like, I don’t know. Like I’m this amazing person.”

“You are an amazing person,” John responded instantly, his voice soft. “But you’re right. You do look stoned in that picture.”

“You’re a wanker, John!”

John laughed in response.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t look beautiful. You always do. It’s like…sometimes, I’ll look at you. And it’s like…you literally take my breath away—”

Roger responded by kissing him deeply. He was eager to show how much he meant to him, how much he’d missed him. He kissed him like he’d never get the opportunity to again, letting all the emotions swirling up inside of him takeover as he cradled John’s face between his hands.

Eventually, they fell asleep side by side, pressed against each other, nose to nose, their legs entwined.

Roger slept better than he had in a long while.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AWWW, yay John's back home!! :) I'm so happy that he is. I think I'm about four or five chapters near to the end now, so I've started writing my next story. Basically, it's a modern Dealor. Frian are engaged and about to get married. Roger is Brian's friend, and John is Freddie's friend, so they need to get on for the sake of their friends. But Roger bullied John at school. (for reasons which will become clear) It'll be a bit like a Hate to Lovers kind of theme, and will be a little bit angsty, but it will have a happy ending. What do you think?
> 
> I hope you're all keeping safe. I'm going out to help Mum clean somebody's house tomorrow. There's only me and her, so there'll be nobody there, so it's safe. Then we're going shopping to Aldi, which I've heard isn't so chaotic as Tesco. If it is, I'll stay in the car lol. This whole thing just stresses me out too much.
> 
> Anyway, I'll try and update by the weekend. Stay safe everyone and have a good week! :)


	18. My Lips Search For Your Lips, I'm Hungry For Your Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger overhears Freddie and John talking, and plans a surprise for John...

John slumped against the sofa and stared at the television. It was too early for anything to actually be on, so he focused on the blank screen until he was feeling a little calmer. Then he debated reaching for a book, but didn’t have the energy to get back up.

“Can’t sleep?”

John turned his head. Freddie was stood in the doorway, his dressing gown tied loosely around himself, his hair still in curlers. John shook his head.

“Me neither. Though, for once it wasn’t because of you two lovebirds.”

John gave him a warning look. Freddie smiled innocently as he moved to sit next to him on the sofa. “You know I’m only teasing. I’m glad the two of you seem so happy.”

“Why can’t you sleep?”

“I think I’m just a bit restless, going over everything that I need to do before I move out.”

“There can’t be that much left, can there?”

“I’ve just got to finish packing. But you know how that bores me.”

John chuckled quietly at the expression on Freddie’s face. “Well look, you know me and Roger will help organise anything if you need us to, Fred.”

“I’m sure Roger would be only too happy about you volunteering his name for that, dear,” Freddie said dryly. Then he eyed John curiously. “How comes you’re awake anyway? You didn’t say.”

John shifted, giving a small shrug in response. “I was just…going over everything in my head. That’s all.”

Freddie nodded disbelievingly. “Do you fancy a cup of cocoa? Might help us get back to sleep.”

“Err…yeah. Please.”

By the time that Freddie headed back in, John had his feet up on the sofa and was dozing on the arm. He smiled sleepily as he sat up, and Freddie passed him his cup. Freddie sat on the other end of the sofa, moving John’s feet and putting them back in his lap again.

“Was Roger having another nightmare? I usually hear him if it’s bad.”

“No, he’s fine. In fact, he’s slept pretty soundly the last two nights.”

Freddie smiled, his gaze soft as he stared at John. “We all know why that is.”

“Do we?”

“It’s because you’re back.”

“I’m not sure it’s quite that simple, Fred,” John said, unconvinced. He sipped on his drink, eyeing Freddie warily. “What was he like whilst I was away anyway?”

“Do you mean _did he mope because you weren’t here,_ or _did he have nightmares_?”

John winched a little in response, forcing the word out. “Both.”

But Freddie hesitated. John wiggled his feet impatiently in his lap. “Fred—”

Freddie sighed. “Alright fine, just don’t tell him I said anything. Otherwise, he’ll only get in a mood.”

“I promise not to tell him.”

“He had a few rough nights. Woke himself up once or twice, he was screaming that much.”

John frowned as a horrible, sinking feeling settled inside of him. Guilt plagued at him at having been away, at not having been there for Roger. “Fuck, that’s…that’s horrible.”

“He does seem to settle himself a little easier with you around. At least that’s something.”

“How was he…in himself? Did he… _mope_?”

Freddie pursed his lips, choosing his next words carefully. “He was…okay. He had a tiny blip after you called and didn’t talk to him.”

“I thought he would. I probably should have just had done with it and spoke to him, but I thought it’d be easier to talk properly when I got home.”

“I know, Deacy,” Freddie said softly. “I did tell him that.”

John nodded. “Anything else I should be aware of? I notice the decorations haven’t gone up yet.”

“I’ve been fighting a losing battle with that one. Roger didn’t see the point. With me moving out, and you being in Leicester.”

“Maybe he’ll be more up for doing it now. If I try to encourage him.”

“I should think so,” Freddie said with a smile. “He really missed you, John.”

John frowned guiltily. “I know. I missed him too.”

“I know you did, sweetie. Anyone can see that by how happy you were to see him,” Freddie said. “Anyway, I’ve let us get distracted. You were about to tell me what was keeping you up before I went to make us a cup of cocoa. So how about it.”

“I was just…thinking.”

“About what?”

John looked down at his feet, his cup forgotten in his hands. “It’s not a big deal. It’s just…it’ll be ten years tomorrow. Since Dad died.”

“Oh John, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.” Freddie said softly, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“Well, it’s not like I talk about it, so why would you?”

“Did you want to do anything? What do you normally do?”

“Mum visits the grave and sits with him for a bit, but she does that regardless. I used to take these car toy models. It was silly, but that was his thing. Cars. It’s where I get it from.”

“It’s not silly at all. It’s quite sweet actually.”

“I never really liked visiting the grave. Especially when it was the anniversary of when it happened, or his birth—” John cut himself off with a shaky sigh. “Anyway, I usually keep busy. Try not to think about it.”

“Okay. Well me and Roger could always help with that. We could see a movie, all three of us. Or play scrabble. Go shopping. Anything you want, Deacy.”

“Thanks Fred. I think I’d rather just…take it as it comes. Maybe go for a walk if it’s nice. Don’t make it a big deal, you know?”

“Fair enough. But if you change your mind, you know where we are, sweetie.”

Roger loitered on the edge of the hallway, the door obstructing his view. He frowned as he listened in.

It hadn’t taken long for him to wake. He’d quickly grown accustomed to having John in his bed. He’d tiptoed through the hallway in search of him, only to hear Freddie and him talking. It made Roger want to do something nice, something to distract him from his grief, at least for a little while.

o-o-o

John closed the front door quietly and leaned against it. He caught his expression in the mirror, and winched slightly. There were bags under his eyes, and his dark hair seemed unusually lifeless. What he wanted was a hot shower and an early night. And Roger. Being close to him always made him feel safe and secure. Happy. No matter what was on his mind. His university classes had flown by unnoticed. Instead John had let himself fester over what day it was.

He could hear quiet voices from somewhere in the flat. He hung his jacket up and followed them into the kitchen.

The blinds were closed, shutting out the cold, December sunset. There were tealights scattered across the worktops. The table was covered in a white cloth, and a pillar candle was nestled in a glass vase in the middle.

Roger and Freddie were huddled by the stove, talking quietly.

“What’s with the mood lightning, Fred?”

Freddie gave a quiet gasp of shock, and Roger jumped, the pan almost falling from his hands as he continued to distribute beef stroganoff onto two plates.

“This was all Roger’s idea, can you believe? Wanted to do something nice.”

John offered a weak smile, noticing the way Roger was focusing on what he was doing, his face slightly pink.

“He even managed to cook a half-decent meal.”

“That was mostly due to your help,” Roger said. “He didn’t want to run the risk of me almost burning the kitchen down again.”

“Probably best,” John teased. He noticed Freddie had his jacket on. “You not staying then?”

“Roger’s made it quite clear that I’ve made myself useful, and I’m now to fuck off out of the way.” Freddie sniffed as he reached to steal a piece of beef from one of the plates. Roger slapped his hand away with a sigh.

“You’re such a little shit, Fred! Ignore him! He’s happy to leave. He told me himself that Mary’s invited him round for a romantic night in.”

“Yes, I can’t wait,” Freddie said once he’d swallowed the beef. He rolled his eyes as he turned back to look at John. “I’m cooking us a meal whilst she finishes packing. Then I’m hoping that she’ll pay me back by making sweet love to me well into the night.”

Roger pretend to gag in response. “ _Way_ too much information, Freddie.”

“I second that,” John said, making a face.

Roger grinned at him from over his shoulder. Freddie snorted in response.

“Like you two are any better. Not to mention incredibly _loud_. I love you both, but I won’t miss hearing you two every night.”

John sighed in response, having had this same lecture the night before. “We’re not _that_ bad.”

“Even if we were, you should consider it karma. For all the times I’ve had to listen to you and Mary having make-up sex through the years.”

“Doesn’t count.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s make-up sex.”

“Then you should give us the same leeway!” Roger huffed as he moved to set down the pan. “I hadn’t seen him in over three weeks, and we’d left things…well, you know. Although technically, it was more make-up handies than sex, but even still—”

John groaned in response. “Seriously?”

Roger stared back at him blankly. “What?”

“You moan at Freddie for giving too much information, and then you go and say that!”

“Oh darling, that’s nothing compared to some of the gossip we’ve shared regarding your sex life.”

John’s eyes widened at the smirk on Freddie’s face as he moved to loiter in the doorway, besides him. “ _Please_ tell me he’s joking!”

“Of course he is. He’s bloody winding you up, John—”

“I’m not!”

“Fuck off Freddie, if you’re going!”

Freddie laughed as Roger narrowed his eyes at him threateningly, before moving to wrap an arm around John’s shoulder, his face suddenly serious. “How did your first day back go? Was it alright?”

“Yeah, it was fine. They were really good about me taking time off to look after Mum.”

“Good,” Freddie smiled. “Well, enjoy your cosy night in, boys.”

Roger smiled uncertainly at John as Freddie traipsed back through the hallway. “Beer?”

“Yes please.”

Roger went to open the fridge and grabbed two bottles as John remained in the doorway. “So…you alright?”

“Good, you?”

“Good,” Roger said as he grabbed the bottle opener from the drawer. “Ignore him. Freddie was doing it on purpose. Being a dick. Hardly anything was mentioned.”

“When you say _hardly_ anything…”

“I might have told him that you’d given me a blowjob and a handy, and I’d given you one. But only to shut him up.”

“Perfect, now I feel loads better. So basically the entirety of our sex life then—”

“Relax, would you?” Roger sighed as he set the two bottles on the table. “He kept fishing for details so I had to tell him something. Trust me, it could have been way worst. He even asked me to rate your blowjob technique, which I refused to answer by the way,” Roger added quickly at the look on John’s face.

“Come on, you know what Freddie’s like. A nosy bastard. Even if his heart’s usually in the right place.”

John gave a small nod, looking slightly more relieved as he finally stepped further into the kitchen. Roger grabbed their plates and set them down on the table.

“I made this as Freddie mentioned it used to be your favourite, when you lived back at home.”

John smiled, a warm feeling spreading through him at the thought of Roger making such an effort for him. “It still is. Haven’t had it in ages though.”

“I can’t promise it’ll be as good as your Mum makes it, but just know that the thought was there and me and Fred tried.”

“I’m sure it will be. It’s just a nice surprise to come home and not have to think about what to cook.”

“That’s what we thought. My back-up if this failed was a takeaway from round the corner.” Roger admitted with a grin as he reached for his beer to take a sip.

John smiled as he reached for his fork and twirled the pasta around it. “So…I’m curious. What would you have said? If Freddie had managed to convince you into saying more.”

Roger snorted as he set down his beer again. “Oh so now _you’re_ fishing for details.”

“Yeah, but given that it’s about me, I feel like I’m allowed.”

“I don’t really know. I’d have to think about it.”

“Okay…well, we have time for you to do that now.”

Roger rolled his eyes as he finished taking his first bite of food, giving a groan of annoyance. “Bloody hell, John. You’re almost as bad as Freddie!”

John gave a small smile, continuing to watch Roger. He sighed in response. He could never resist anything John wanted, especially not whilst he was looking at him like that.

“Fine. I guess I’d have said what I’ve already told you. That your amazing, particularly at giving head. And that I love all of it. Everything we do. It feels incredible, being intimate like that with you,” Roger admitted as he twirled the pasta around on his fork. His face was slightly pink. “Except, I’d have probably you know…said it a little more embarrassedly.”

“I feel the same way,” John said softly, his smile widening instantly in response. “Although I only ever remember telling me how much you couldn’t wait for me to suck your cock again,” John said casually, and Roger almost choked on his mouthful of pasta. “I don’t remember you offering an evaluation of my technique.”

“ _Evaluation of your technique_?” Roger repeated with a surprised laugh as he grabbed his bottle of beer to water down his pasta. “ _Ooh keep talking, Deacy_. You know how much it turns me on when you talk all methodically. Almost as much as I love you talking dirty.”

John watched Roger take a sip as he talked. “Noted. I’ll remember that the next time I want to seduce you.”

Roger spluttered, almost spitting out his beer. He put the bottle down and coughed, looking up at John with tears in his eyes. John stared back innocently.

“Fucking hell, John! You did that on purpose!”

John just shrugged, a mischievous look in his eyes as he sipped on his beer. “Maybe.”

They made idle chat as they ate. Roger asked questions about John’s day, and John asked how the market was. Roger carefully skirted any talk of John’s father. Once they finished, John grabbed their plates and headed over to the sink.

“I’ll do that. You can go and put your feet up if you want? I’ll bring you in another beer.”

“It’s fine. Besides you cooked. So I should wash up.” John said as he ran the water and waited for it to heat up.

“I know, but that was the point. I wanted tonight to be about you.”

“Why? What have you done wrong?”

“What? Nothing, I just wanted to make you feel special—” Roger cut himself off, narrowing his eyes at John’s grin. “You’re a git, you know that! Can’t I just do something nice, without expecting anything from it?”

“Of course you can, I’m winding you up!”

John quickly reached out and grabbed Roger’s hand, pulling him back before he could storm off in a mood. Roger pouted up at him as John wrapped his arms around his neck, drawing him close enough to press a quick kiss to the end of his nose.

“It’s sweet. That you’ve gone to all this trouble just for me. But just think of it like this. The quicker we wash and wipe up, the quicker we can go and do something else,” John said softly. Then he smiled, a glint in his eyes. “In fact, I’m sure I can think of a few ways of thanking you for going to all this effort properly—”

“Deal! This lot will be cleared up before you can say _jiffy_ ,” Roger said quickly, and John laughed at his sudden eagerness to get it done.

“I was thinking too,” Roger smiled as he started to dry the first lot of cutlery with a tea towel. “Freddie mentioned about not being bothered about sorting out the decorations. As him and Mary will probably do it properly when they move in together. So I was wondering if you wanted to sort the tree tonight too. I know how much you love doing it.”

Roger had been hoping John would be back in time to do it. He’d mentioned it being one of his favourite pastimes as a teenager.

“Yeah alright…if you’re sure he won’t mind?”

“Nah, he won’t. He’s already decorated the wreath for the front door, so he’s all good.”

They spent ages doing it after they’d cleared up. Roger grabbed them both another couple of beers and let John lead the arrangements.

Roger hung tinsel around the curtain rails and the couple of paintings they had hanging on the walls, and he put the star on top of the tree. It looked pretty by the time they’d finished. A mass of green, red and gold, with bright, pretty fairy lights sticking out against the branches.

Roger went to grab them both another beer and came back to find John’s hands kneading his shoulders.

“What’s up? You got a bit of pain?”

“It’s just twinging a bit, that’s all. I used my lunch hour to practise the bass. I didn’t do any the whole time I was away, so my shoulder’s feel a bit tight now.”

“Want me to give you a massage? It is one of my known skills after all.”

John watched Roger set aside their beers with a smile. “Alright.”

“Budge up a bit then.”

Roger sat on his knees behind him on the sofa. He began to rub deep circles into his shoulders.

It felt good, really good. John closed his eyes, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth, as he enjoyed the feeling of Roger’s hands.

“Is it…am I being hard enough?”

John hummed in response, his voice gruff. “I can err…I can handle harder.”

Roger raised an eyebrow in response. “I bet you can, Deacy.”

He could practically feel the heat of John’s blush as he sighed softly. “Rog—”

“How was I supposed to resist not making that sound dirtier than it already did?”

John said nothing as Roger’s hands pressed firmer, before he suddenly stopped. “If you want, I can give you a proper massage? Do it on my bed, with your shirt off. It’ll be easier if I can get to your skin.”

John snorted in response. “Any excuse to get me naked, huh?”

“Obviously,” Roger teased back with a smile. “I am a red-blooded male after all.”

John gave a quiet laugh in response. “Err…okay. Go on then.”

Roger chuckled in response as he quickly stood up. “That took a lot of convincing.”

“I’m a red-blooded male too. I’ll never say no to having your hands on me. Or…anything else for that matter.” John confessed shyly.

“Noted. I’ll remember that the next time I want to seduce you,” Roger teased, repeating John’s earlier words. Then he turned back, holding out a hand to stop John from walking any further. “Actually…stay here for a minute. I just need to go and sort something out first.”

John rolled his eyes in response. “If it’s to tidy your room, I really don’t see the point at this stage. Not when I’ve already seen how messy you are.”

“No, that’s not—hey, just because we aren’t all freakily tidy like you are,” Roger said in self- defence. “Anyway, no. That’s not why I need you to wait here. Just…trust me, alright?”

John frowned but nodded anyway. “Alright.”

Roger stepped forwards to give him a quick kiss before practically running from the room. John watched him with a fond smile, before he moved to sit on the arm of the sofa as he grabbed his beer. Roger walked back and forth along the hallway. He had something in his hands, but moved too quick for John to see what it was. Finally, he headed back into the living room, a small smile on his face.

“Right. Done.”

“Should I be nervous?”

Roger’s smile widened as he grabbed his beer and lead John through the hallway. “No, you should be grateful. I’ve never made half as much effort to woo a bird, Deacy.”

“Ahh, I see. That’s what this is. Your attempt to _woo_ me.”

“I’m always attempting that. I just thought I’d try doing it a little more romantically.”

John snickered in response. “You? Romantic—”

He suddenly stopped speaking as they got to Roger’s room.

The lights were off, the curtains drawn. Roger had brought in the tealights from the kitchen, scattering them around his room. Soft music played in the background. It took John a moment to realise it was his _Marvin Gaye_ LP.

“Careful. If you look anymore surprised you might have to eat your own words.” Roger teased as he put his bottle down on the bedside table. He looked back at John expectantly. “Right. Get to it then.”

“Is that you’re way of telling me to take my top off.”

“Yes. In fact, you might as well take your jeans off too. Otherwise they’ll be scratchy against my legs.”

“Aww poor baby.”

“Hey, I don’t have to give you a massage. I’m doing it out of the kindness of my heart.”

“That’ll be a first.”

“You cheeky git! Right for that—” Roger said, laughing at John’s surprised squeak as he moved to slap John playfully on the bum.

“Where do you want me then?” John asked as he put his bottle of beer down on the other bedside table.

Roger raised his eyebrows as he watched him pull his shirt up over his head. “That’s a loaded question. The middle of the bed will do just nicely. On your front.”

“Yes sir,” John winked across at Roger as he undid his jeans, and pulled them down his legs.

“Now there’s an idea for roleplay. You as the naughty student who needs to be punished, me as the hot teacher you can’t stop thinking about—”

“God, you’re relentless.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Deacy.”

John smiled as he left his clothes on the floor and climbed onto the bed. Roger took his jeans off too and reached for the bottle of lube from his bedside drawer. Then he got onto the bed and perched himself lightly on John’s thighs. He squeezed a generous amount into his hands before he started to rub it against John’s skin. John jerked in response, and Roger stopped instantly. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, just…a bit cold, that’s all.”

Roger smiled in relief. “That’ll be Freddie’s lube. I stole his bottle earlier as I’ve run out of mine.”

“Oh yeah? Hoping to get lucky, were you?” John teased, his face slightly muffled by the pillow.

“Always. When it comes to you,” he said as he went back to massaging John’s back.

“You can go harder than that. If you want.”

“Noted,” Roger said with a smile. He left no part of John’s back neglected, but paid close attention to his shoulders, as he massaged circles across his skin. John sighed pleasantly in response. “Good?”

“Uh-hum,” John practically moaned under his breath. Roger’s cock twitched at the sound.

John gave a snort from underneath him. “Rog?”

“Yeah?”

“Is that the lube or are you just happy to see me?”

Roger laughed in response, not expecting John to say something so direct. John’s body shook from a chuckle, the sound soft and quiet. “Guilty as charged.”

John said nothing as he finished massaging his back. He sat up as Roger went to grab him a towel, so that his bed wouldn’t smell of lube. John used the towel to dry his back as Roger pulled his own t-shirt over his head, and dropped it to the floor. He caught John staring, and gave an unusually timid smile. “What are you looking at, Deacs?”

“ _You_ ,” John replied unashamedly. “Come here.”

Roger raised an eyebrow as John discarded the towel onto the floor. John tugged him forwards by his hand, pulling him back onto the bed and into his lap.

He liked the way John was looking at him. like he was special. Like he… _loved_ him. Roger swallowed thickly at the thought, wanting more than anything for that to be true. Roger bit his lip, feeling John’s cock against his own through his underwear. “Is that the lube or are you just happy to see me, Deacy?”

John smiled softly as he repeated Roger’s earlier words back to him. “Guilty as charged.”

Roger leaned forwards, smashing his lips against his. John’s arms wound around his waist, pressing him tighter against him. Roger’s hands dove into John’s hair. Their kisses grew rougher, their breaths mingling, and their tongues meeting.

Roger gasped in surprise as John suddenly thrust upwards, arching against Roger. The sudden rush of pleasure made Roger’s cock harden in interest.

John felt lightheaded as Roger began to move against his lap, his tongue moving against John’s in the most dizzying way.

His fingers toyed with the edges of Roger’s underwear. Then he started to tug them past his thighs. Roger pulled away with a muffled groan, shuffling down the bed and sliding them down his legs, before throwing them over his shoulder to the floor. John smiled in response as he crawled back into his lap into John’s lap, and kissed him eagerly.

John cradled Roger’s face in his hands, kissing him slowly but firmly, as Roger’s hands began to tug at John’s underwear. He lifted his bum so that he could take them off. Roger dropped them to the floor with the rest of his clothes before he reached for the bottle of lube.

Once they had some, Roger all but chucked it back onto the bedside table and slipped his hand in between John’s thighs. John moaned, his hands frozen for a moment, as he enjoyed the feel of Roger’s touch. Then he reached forwards and took Roger’s cock in his hand, enjoying the way Roger shivered in response, his teeth digging against his bottom lip.

John used his other hand to brush Roger’s hair back from his face, needing to see his expression, his eyes, which had quickly grown darker. Roger responded by tilting his head forwards. Their kisses were harder, desperate, their tongues crashing together.

Roger gave a long moan as John lightly bit his lip. He pulled back to trail kisses against John’s jaw and down to the base of his throat. Then he whined softly as John’s hand tugged softly against Roger’s hair, like he knew he liked.

“ _Deacy_. Christ, I want you so bad.”

John’s mind was clouded, his thoughts muddled as Roger swiped at the head of his cock once, twice, and then stroking the length of him slowly, but firmly. He didn’t have the capacity to fully comprehend Roger’s words at that point, not as he suddenly sucked on a spot against John’s neck, making him gasp.

“You… _hmm_ …have me.”

Roger’s hair tickled his skin as he shook his head. He pulled back to look at him, his eyes dilated, his skin lightly flushed, his blonde hair slightly wayward. John swallowed thickly, a heavy feeling sweeping up inside of him as Roger continued to stroke his cock. His gaze combined with the sluggish pleasure John was feeling, had him biting his lip, holding back another drawn-out moan.

“Not just like that. I want to… _god_ , I want to fuck you so bad. Can I?”

He asked so quietly, so unusually uncertain. John shivered at the mere thought of Roger being inside of him like that. He sat up and tugged Roger back in softly for another kiss. He pulled away enough to whisper against his lips.

“That was a yes, by the way.”

Roger gave a small, quiet laugh in response as he pulled away to look at John properly. His eyes were wide, his gaze uncertain. “You sure?”

“You gonna’ make me ask for it? Beg for it even?”

Roger gave a small smirk in response. “Well, I bet you’d look incredible on your knees.”

John rolled his eyes, a small smile on his lips as he suddenly reached forwards to touch Roger’s cock again. Roger moaned loudly as John moved his head so that his lips were at his ear.

“I want you, all of you. More than anything. Will you fuck me?”

John’s quiet request, his voice rough and lined with longing seemed to do something to Roger. He thrust more firmly into John’s warm hand, he kissed John roughly, his tongue sweeping against his again.

His hands lowered to John’s shoulders, softly pushing him backwards against the bed. Roger’s lips followed his hand down his body, tracing his skin softly.

John gasped as Roger swirled his tongue against one of his nipples, before moving to the other one. He paused just underneath his belly button, before pressing more open-mouthed kisses towards his hip, before biting down playfully. John’s hands tugged at Roger’s hair softly.

“ _Rog_ ,” John sighed, his voice thick. “Don’t tease.”

Roger smiled against his skin, letting his mouth move lower. He pressed kisses at the inside of his thighs, using his hand to steady his cock. Then Roger suddenly leaned forwards and took him in his mouth.

John moaned loudly in response, his hands delving deeper into his hair. Roger hummed in response, the sound vibrating against John’s cock. He groaned, arching up automatically into Roger’s mouth. Roger blinked in surprise, pulling back slightly. He didn’t know what he was doing, or if he was any good. But the sounds that John was making reassured him. He could only fit a third of him into his mouth without wanting to gag, but John didn’t seem to mind.

Roger pulled back every so often to swirl his tongue against him, before hollowing out his cheeks and taking more. Every so often, he’d press the flat of his tongue against him, teasing the tip with it.

“ _Fuck!_ Rog. Come on.”

Roger pulled off with a quiet pop and smiled at John knowingly. He used the back of his hand to wipe at his mouth and quickly wrapped it back around John’s cock as he talked, his voice rough. “Want something, Deacy?”

John’s eyes narrowed, his eyebrows furrowing, and a frown beginning to pull at his lips. “Don’t be an arse. You’ve already made me beg.”

“Hmm, and you did so, so prettily too.”

“Fuck you. I swear to god, I’ll never have sex with you ever again if you don’t fucking get on with it in the next thirty seconds.”

Roger thought it best not to mention that the more times John threatened him with a lack of sex, the less Roger was likely to believe him. It definitely wasn’t worth the risk. Instead, he removed his hand and gave a smug smile. “Consider me told.”

“Good. About fucking time.”

He gave a small snort of laughter at John’s obvious sexual frustration, pleased to know that John was as eager as he was.

Roger grabbed for the bottle of lube again, squeezing more into his hand and smoothing it over his fingers. He sat himself in between John’s thighs and looked up at him, seeking reassurance. John responded by parting his legs wider, so that Roger could nestle himself closer.

“We’ll…go slow, at first. Let you get used to it.”

It was new for both of them.

As much as Roger wanted to give into the urge to fuck into John straight away, he knew he needed to go easy at first.

John gave a small smile and reached for his hand. “Don’t look so worried. I won’t break. You can be a little rougher, if you want to.”

“I know, I just…I want it to be good. That’s all. For both of us.”

“And it will be,” John assured him confidently, guiding Roger’s hand towards himself. “We’re a team. You and me. We’ll learn together—”

He suddenly cut himself off with a sharp inhale as Roger began to press a finger inside of him. John’s eyebrows knit together, and Roger automatically leaned forwards to press a kiss in between them.

It slowly became a little easier.

John relaxed as Roger slowly began to guide his finger in and out. He gently added a second, and a third, and eventually a fourth.

By which point, John was grinding down against his hand, his head thrashing against the pillow, his moans loud and desperate. Roger’s mouth went dry at the sight of him as he pulled back and wiped his fingers against the inside of his leg carelessly, leaving a small, cold patch of skin.

He reached for a condom and more lube, using a hand to steady himself against the headboard. He groaned as he rolled it onto himself and coated it in lube.

John watched him as he did, curiosity in his gaze, and something else, something more intense that had Roger leaning forwards once more to give him a quick, searing kiss.

He gently pried John’s thighs further apart, hoisting them up to his waist, and focused on aligning himself with John. Then he took a moment to appreciate how wrecked John already looked.

His hair was wild and fanned across the pillow, his face a gorgeous shade of pink, his eyes aglow with love and want. Roger took a shaky breath as John raised his eyebrows in question.

“You look gorgeous, you know? Like this. It might be a little easier to do it with you on your stomach, but it would be the worst kind of tragedy not to see your face as I fuck into you.”

“Do you prattle on as much as this to all the birds you’ve shagged?” John teased, using the balls of his feet to drag Roger closer impatiently. “Because if you do, it’s a wonder you have time for—”

He broke off with a gasp as Roger suddenly thrust forwards, using John’s distractedness to his advantage. He tried to be gentle, moving until he was fully seated inside of him and allowing John some time to get accustomed to the feel of him.

Roger’s gaze flickered over the tightness of John’s expression, the way his eyes were squeezed closed, his teeth grit together, and his forehead creased. He softly brushed away a strand of hair stuck to John’s forehead, tucking it back behind his ear.

“You alright?”

John murmured, his eyes still closed, his hands gripping Roger’s shoulders. “Just give me a minute.”

“Of course,” Roger said instantly, ducking his head to press a kiss against the tip of his nose. “If it helps, you feel fucking amazing already. It’s taking everything in me not to move.”

Slowly, John’s expression soothed, his breath shallow, and his arms loosening around Roger’s neck. “Okay. Okay, you can move.”

“Sure?”

John hummed in response.

Roger kept his eyes on his face, watching for any sign of discomfort as he pulled back, and slowly thrust into him. John began to move, meeting his movements more firmer each time.

It didn’t take too long to find a rhythm, to move in sync.

The pace began to build, with Roger fucking into him a little harder, and groaning at the feel of John, so tight and warm around him.

“Fucking hell… _John_ … you feel incredible. _Christ_ , you’re so…tight.”

John’s moaned in response, his fingertips digging into the back of Roger’s scalp. It stung, but in a good way. The kind of way that had Roger moving a little quicker, his control beginning to slip.

Roger had never felt pleasure like it. it was intoxicating, his every sense overwhelmed by John.

He threw his head back and moaned loudly, the sound echoing against the walls as Roger drove into him deeper, with more purpose. Roger hummed softly as John’s feet dug into his lower back, anchoring Roger to him further.

At some point, John’s hands lowered from his hair and began to lightly scratch against the skin of his back. Roger groaned out his name in response.

John turned his head, his mouth at his ear, his breath tickling Roger’s skin as he whispered breathlessly and husky.

“ _Fuck_ , don’t hold back, Rog. I can tell that that you are still.” He used one hand to grip the back of Roger’s head, bringing his mouth as close as he could to his ear. “Come on. Fuck me harder, faster. _Oh god…_ uhnn…make me come on your cock.”

He shuddered at John’s words, so unexpectedly filthy coming from him. The desperation to his tone, the way he already sounded so wrecked instantly made Roger speed up. He used his hands to grip John’s legs, pushing them further apart, and slamming back into him roughly.

John gasped out his name in response, meeting each of Roger’s thrusts eagerly.

Roger didn’t think he’d last much longer. It was all too much. Being so intimately entwined like this with him. Being inside of him, as close as he could physically be, was better than anything he’d ever experienced. Even the thrill of performing live, the buzz of the crowd, the energy shared with the band couldn’t compete to the intimacy he shared with John in that moment.

“ _Hmmm_ , you close?”

Roger nodded against his neck, barely conscious of anything but the intense pleasure building up inside of him, as he drove into John more determinedly. The headboard slammed back against the wall each time. Neither of them noticed, far too caught up in each other.

“Switch.”

“ _Uhhh_?” Roger said, his voice as groggy as his mind suddenly felt.

John met Roger’s curious gaze, a lazy smile spreading across his face as he stopped moving, his hands pushing at Roger’s shoulders softly.

“Switch places with me. I’ve got an idea.”

Roger still couldn’t quite compute what he was saying fast enough as John pushed him away. Roger laid besides him, leaning against the headboard, and watched John with furrowed eyebrows. John smiled, his eyes dark, a look of concentration on his face as he moved to straddle his lap. He gave Roger a coy look from underneath his eyelashes as he took Roger’s cock in one hand, and dropped himself back onto him.

Roger’s breath lodged itself in his throat, and any thought he’d had disappeared immediately at the sight of John beginning to move up and down his cock.

John was an incredible vision.

His fluffy hair wild about his shoulders, his skin pink, his expression tight with concentration, and his breath shallow. He used a hand to steady himself against the headboard, and began to bounce faster.

Roger was mesmerised for a moment.

He loved the way John wasn’t scared of taking control.

Roger blinked, breaking himself out of his reverie, and began to move in time with John again. He gave a long moan as John sped up, dropping onto Roger more forcefully.

John had never felt anything so intense. He felt powerful, confident. He liked knowing he’d surprised Roger with this newfound boldness.

That pleasure only intensified as Roger spat into his hand and began to stroke John’s cock in time with their movements. John threw his head back and moaned loudly in response. He was incredibly loud and if he liked something, and Roger loved it.

He suddenly lurched forwards, the column of John’s throat too irresistible. John cries grew louder as Roger bit softly at his skin, and then used his mouth to suck and lick at that same spot.

“ _Fuck_! Yes…oh god, yes…Rog, I’m—”

“ _Uh-huh_. I know baby,” Roger said softly, his voice husky and breathless. John shivered in response, a moan slipping out at the pet-name.

Roger sat up so that they were virtually chest to chest. John’s other hand gripped Roger’s shoulder, needing something steady to hold onto as he grew closer to his orgasm. Roger watched him, drank the sight of John in, grinding desperately against his lap, and virtually wailing from the intensity of it all. His hand pressed more firmly against John’s cock, urging him closer and closer. “Come on. Come for me, love.”

John’s head rolled backwards again, his fingertips digging into Roger’s skin, and virtually screaming Roger’s name as he came in his hand. The sensation of John tightening around his cock and the image of John letting go with Roger’s name on his tongue was enough. It had Roger thrusting upwards a couple more times before his orgasm overtook him. He groaned John’s name into the planes of his shoulder as they both stilled.

They clung to each other, both as breathless. Roger’s pressed a kiss against John’s shoulder as John pushed his sweaty hair back from his face.

John eventually lifted himself from Roger’s lap, letting Roger grab a tissue from the table. John winched a little as he collapsed against the bed, and Roger smiled as he threw the condom in the bin next to the bed and turned back to stare at John.

“ _Fucking hell_ , Deacs! You’re a dark horse, aren’t you?”

John smiled shyly in response, pleased he’d managed to create that reaction. “I may have picked up a few tips in my time. Not that you can talk. God, I nearly came then and there the first time you sped-up.”

“Almost misfire, did you?”

“Almost _what_?” John said with a surprised laugh.

Roger smiled in response. “You never heard of that? My mates used to say that all the time. I was going to mention it when you actually misfired, but then I thought I’d better not—”

“Right decision,” John said with a slight shake of his head. Then he groaned. “Christ, you had to bring that back up, didn’t you?”

“I’m only teasing,” Roger said quickly. “Besides, you made up for it by giving me one hell of a handy if I recall. I could have come instantly the first time you put your hand on my cock.”

John smiled in response, and Roger took that to mean he was forgiven.

“God, seriously though. Why didn’t we do that sooner?”

“We could have. If it wasn’t for you being such a stubborn git.” John teased. “Although, I probably didn’t help. Ahh well. Plenty of time to make up for all of those missed opportunities.”

“Damn right there is.”

“It really was… _something_ , wasn’t it?”

“Easily the best shag I’ve had. We make a good team, love,” Roger said coolly. John chuckled warmly, as Roger gave him a worried once over. “How are you feeling?”

“Yeah okay,” John said evenly. Then he winched. “Hmm…maybe a little sticky. And slightly sore. But in a good way. If that makes sense?”

“The kind of soreness where you’ve just been thoroughly fucked?”

“That’s the one,” John grinned as he sat up. “Having said that, I might just grab a quick shower.”

“Oh yeah?” Roger said, wiggling his eyebrows as he watched John walk around the other side of the bed. John laughed in response. Roger loved the way John wondered around Roger’s bedroom naked. His cock twitched in interest at the sight.

“Need a hand? I’ll happily give you a rub down, Deacs.”

John turned back in the doorway and gave Roger a smile. “Only if I’m allowed to give you one too.”

Roger jumped out of bed as quickly as his legs would let him. He followed the sound of John’s laughter, feeling giddy with excitement as they headed for the bathroom.

They stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. They took their time, their hands eagerly roaming each other’s bodies. Every so often they would kiss slow and long, distracting themselves for a little while. And then afterwards, they headed back into Roger’s room.

John grabbed a pair of pyjama bottoms from the drawer and watched Roger move to switch on the lamp.

“Rog?”

“Hmm?”

“What was…tonight all about?” John asked, watching Roger lean against the headboard as John put on the pyjama bottoms. “Not that it wasn’t a nice surprise. Coming home to a cooked meal, and you know…candles all about the place.”

John knew it couldn’t have been because Roger had been trying to woo him. John had mentioned how he’d be happy to come home to a cooked meal, or get breakfast in bed, or be brought a bunch of flowers now and again as nobody had ever done that for him. But he’d said it whilst Roger had been drunk.

“Freddie told me what you said whilst you were away. That night I was drunk. He overheard us talking. And then…you came back and I wanted to do something nice, to surprise you. I just wasn’t sure what, until this morning when I asked for Freddie’s help.”

“Oh,” John said, with a smile. He joined Roger in bed, pushing his damp hair back from his face. “Consider me surprised.”

Roger smiled in response. “There was another reason.”

John looked at him expectantly.

“Two reasons actually.”

“Go on.”

“I also did it because I knew I needed to d something to prove how much you meant to be. Something to make you realise that I’m in this for the long haul too, despite any stupid mistakes I might make—”

“I do realise that, Rog,” John said quickly, his voice soft.

“Okay, but what I did—”

“Please don’t tell me you’re still beating yourself up over this.”

“I just wanted you to know that you mean everything to me. The girl I slept with…she means nothing. I don’t want anyone else. I just wanted you to feel as special as you always make me feel.”

John smiled in response. “Okay. So what was the other reason?”

“I heard you and Freddie talking last night.”

John’s smile quickly dropped and his eyes widened. Roger laid closer to him and gave him an encouraging smile. “I wasn’t eavesdropping, I swear. I just…I was restless. Without you sleeping next to me. So I got up and came searching for you.”

“What bit did you hear?” John asked carefully.

“About your Dad, and how it’s been ten years since…well you know.” Roger said softly. “And I heard you say you wasn’t sure what you wanted to do, so I thought I’d treat you instead.”

“Presumably you heard me say that I didn’t want it to be a big deal, either? And that I would have preferred just to keep busy.” John said with a sigh, sitting up rather suddenly.

Decorating the tree and being with Roger had helped John to forget. Just for a little while. But now with Roger had brought it up, those feelings of sadness and helplessness bubbled up to the surface again. He also felt guilty. For letting himself forget, for letting himself be happy for a little while.

Roger frowned warily, knowing this was a sensitive subject.

“Well that’s what we did, isn’t it? We kept busy. I didn’t mention it, because I didn’t want you to feel any pressure to talk about it. But I also wanted you to know that I overheard so that you at least had the option to discuss it if you wanted to.”

John nodded, saying nothing as he remained sat up. He’d spent years burying all his grief. He was frightened if he was to suddenly start talking about it, it would overwhelm him again.

“I wasn’t trying to pry, John. Honestly. I know this is a touchy subject.” Roger said carefully. “I did all this because I genuinely wanted you to feel special. And I’ll happily make you breakfast in bed and buy you flowers if that’s all it takes. I’ll even try not to be so messy. You can always make it up to me by giving me a few blowjobs every now and again. I’ll never say no to that.”

John sighed in response, finally relaxing back against the headboard. “Look…Rog. I don’t expect you to go out of your way to do all of that. Not for me.”

“I know, but that’s exactly why I want to.”

John said nothing, fidgeting with his hands, and avoiding Roger’s gaze for a long moment. Then he finally laid back against the bed. “Dad used to do all that. Always forgot their anniversary, but he was constantly buying Mum flowers.”

“That’s sweet,” Roger smiled. “How long was your Mum and Dad married for?”

John hesitated as Roger moved closer, resting his head against his chest. He thought perhaps if John didn’t have to look at him whilst he spoke, it’d somehow make it easier. “Twelve years. They were childhood sweethearts.”

“And who asked who out? Do you know?”

“Dad. Mum was too shy. It still took him a while to work up the courage. Then they were engaged within a couple of months.”

“Blimey, he didn’t mess about did he? I reckon you must get that from him, Deacy.”

John smiled in response. It wasn’t as overwhelming as he thought it’d be. Talking about his Dad to Roger.

“I wish my parents story was half as romantic as yours. My Dad was a wanker. Through and through.”

“Do you know if he’s still around?” John asked carefully.

“As far as I know.”

“Was he…” John hesitated, trying to work out how to ask his next question sensitively. “Was he violent often?”

Overhearing Roger’s nightmares made it obvious that his father was violent. To Roger, his sister, and his mother.

“Fairly. He picked on my Mum and my sister to begin with. Started out with the weakest like the coward he is.” Roger said quietly. “As I got older, I started getting braver. Started sticking up for them. He hated that. Started directed most of their beatings onto me instead.”

John took a shaky breath in response. “You’re right. He was a wanker.”

Roger murmured in agreement. “Anyway, eventually Mum got out. Got a job down in Cornwall.”

“At least you all managed to escape,” John said softly against the top of his head.

“It wasn’t easy. He still followed us down there. Kept coming round the house. The neighbours called the police one night after they heard shouting. I was working at this corner shop, trying to help Mum out. They turned up just in time. Mum had spent years asking for their help. Finally, they let her divorce him and slapped a ban on him, stopping from coming near us.”

John nodded lightly. “Thank god for that.”

“You’ve probably realised this already. That my nightmares get worst when I’m stressed or upset. They’re mostly about Mum. About all the…the times I weren’t able to help her.” Roger admitted, his voice suddenly cracking. He sniffed, drawing himself closer against John’s side. “He used to lock my bedroom. From the outside.”

John swallowed thickly in response. “What an absolute arsehole.”

“He locked Claire’s too, when she got a bit older. That way, he had free reign. Without the kids getting in the way.” Roger said, snorting bleakly. “Eventually, I taught myself how to pick it. That was when he started getting more violent towards me. Didn’t like me using my initiative, see.”

“He still can’t go near you, right?” John asked.

Roger having to deal with any of that again made him feel sick. His arm wound tighter around Roger, pulling him against him.

“No, he’s not supposed to. Doesn’t stop him trying every now and again. He’s approached Mum in the past, but luckily she had enough sense to run to the nearest shop and get them to call the police. Funnily enough the arsehole didn’t stay around long after that.” Roger said. Then he huffed. “Let him try and approach me, I say. I’d be only too happy to pay back all those beatings he gave me.”

John knew that was Roger’s way of putting on a front. The slight shake in his voice gave him away. He said nothing, pressing a kiss to Roger’s head, and wishing more than anything that he could do something to soothe the pain of those memories.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was worth the wait! Thank you all to your absolutely incredible reviews. It honestly makes me so happy reading them. This chapter was quite a bit longer, hence why it's taken me a while to get it uploaded. I've started writing my new story. I've got about sixty pages already lol. So I'm well onto my way of getting that uploaded once this is finished. But in the meantime, I plan on ending this with Dealor happy and content, and overcoming any last obstacles that might stand in their way.  
> Anyway, keep safe out there, and I shall update as soon as possible. I'm currently filling my time by baking, attempting to learn the guitar, playing board games with my Mum, watching the Harry Potter movies and Dealor fanfiction. A good use of my time, I feel lol.


	19. Fight From The Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band play a gig. Roger bumps into a familiar face, which doesn't go down too well with John. Nerves are tested, when a fight breaks out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THERE IS SLIGHTLY GRAPHIC LANGUAGE, FIGHTING AHEAD
> 
> There is also homophobic language. I have put the whole of the text that might be offensive in italic, so you know when to look out for it, should you choose to skip those parts.
> 
> I realise this is an extremely difficult subject and one that needs to be handled carefully, so I hope that I've done that. I myself have received a lot of homophobic abuse, so I used that to draw on their opinions. Let me know your thoughts once you've read it anyway!

There was a buzz of excitement in the air as the band stepped onto the stage and launched straight into _Liar_.

The album was complete and ready for release.

They were all feeling good and were hopeful about the future of the band.

John hopped onto the drum riser. Roger looked up as he hit his drumsticks against the cymbals, giving John a wink. He smiled shyly in response and turned back, launching straight into his solo.

The vibrations from the audience cheering and clapping made the stage shake as the band did their final bows, thanking them and waving before they headed off backstage.

It only consisted of a couple of dressing rooms. The other one was being used by the band going on after them. They headed inside theirs, all collapsing into chairs.

“Good show again tonight, guys.” Brian said lightly as he reached for his towel. He wiped his sweaty face, carefully pushing his hair back from his face.

Roger nodded in agreement, still slightly breathless as he wiped at his face and neck with his own towel. Playing the drums could sometimes mean he took a little longer to recover.

“Yeah it was,” Freddie agreed lightly as he grabbed for his own towel. “Think it was a good idea to finish on _KYA_. The audience was eating out of the palm of our hand.”

Brian smiled at him in response. “You would say that. Given it was your idea.”

“Oh yes, it was, wasn’t it?” Freddie teased, pretending to look surprised. Then he turned to grin at John. “You were on fire tonight too, Deacy. The audience loved your solo in _Liar_.”

“Yeah, they did,” Roger agreed quickly, his voice still slightly raspy. He cleared his throat, his towel still around his neck. “I thought it was his best one yet.”

“Your drumming wasn’t too bad either, blondie.”

“Careful. That almost sounded like a compliment, Fred,” Roger smiled, standing up to grab a make-up wipe off of Freddie. He was shirtless. He’d discarded his t-shirt after the second or third song. “I think we should go out. Have a few drinks. Celebrate the album being ready for release.”

“That’s tempting fate, isn’t it?” Brian asked warily.

“How?”

“It’s not even happened yet. The studios still need to find a record company willing to release it.”

“Yeah, but they will. You should try having more faith in us, Brian!” Roger insisted, before suddenly sitting back in his chair and having a mild coughing fit.

John watched him with a frown, worry in his eyes. “Steady on, Rog.”

“Yes quite,” Freddie agreed quickly as he grabbed a make-up wipe for himself. “I know you like to think your indestructible, but you know how exhausting the drums can be. Take it easy for a bit.”

“Oh relax, I’m fine. Just needed a minute to sit down, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well we’ll make sure that you do,” Brian insisted.

Roger rolled his eyes in response as John passed him a bottle of water.

They headed for the pub next door.

There was barely enough room to squeeze through to the bar. But it was a Saturday night, and every pub in London was sure to be just as busy. Most people recognised them from their gig. Almost every person stopped them to talk.

“Right. What we drinking then?”

Freddie smiled at Roger in response. “Is that your way of offering to get a round in, Roggie darling?”

“Not if you start calling me that again, it isn’t.”

“I’m only teasing!” Freddie grinned. He wrapped an arm around Roger’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. Roger made a face and wiped it away. “I’ll have a double vodka tonic.”

“Alright, two double vodka and tonics for me and you. What about you two?” Roger asked, looking pointedly at Brian and John.

“I’ll have a beer.”

“Yeah, and for me please.” John smiled sheepishly.

Roger rolled his eyes in response. “Just a beer? At least say we’re getting shots too?”

“Not for me just yet.” Brian said, before shrugging at the look Roger was giving him. “What? Chrissie’s going to be here in a bit, so I’d better pace myself. She doesn’t like it when I get too drunk.”

“Talk about whipped,” Roger whined in response, before he looked at Freddie expectantly. “At least tell me you’re not going to let the side down, Fred.”

“Yeah go on, I’ll have a shot with you.”

Roger grinned in response, before turning back towards the bar and putting his hand up to get the attention of one of the bartenders.

A group of women saw his gesture and turned to look at him. One of them did a double take, her gaze lingering on Roger’s back.

“Rog, is that you?”

Roger turned at the sound of his name, his eyes widening when he realised who it was.

“D-Dominique? Fuck! What are you doing here?”

“We was at your gig earlier! We just thought we’d have a drink in here before we hit a club later.”

She immediately stepped forwards and pulled Roger into a hug, her arms wounding around his neck. He took a moment to react, but hugged her back, before he quickly pulled away again.

John watched them both, curiously.

There was a hint of a French accent, and she had to shout a bit over the music.

She was very pretty. She had long, dark glossy hair. She had warm, brown eyes, and naturally tanned skin. She had striking features, and a smile which lit up her face as she stared back at Roger. She wore a mini black dress which accentuated her long, slim legs, a leather jacket and a pair of dainty ankle boots.

“Oh cool, what did you think of the band?” Roger asked curiously, his hands still against the sleeves of her jacket.

“Yeah, you were really good. I love some of the new songs you played.”

“We’re hoping if all goes well, we’ll have an album out soon enough.”

Her smile widened at his words. “That’s amazing! Wow! I’m so pleased for you, Rog. It’s about time you guys managed to get an album deal.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’ll be—”

Freddie subtly elbowed Roger in the back. He turned, his forehead creased. Freddie moved his eyes towards John and back. Roger’s expression instantly smoothed over and he stepped away from Dominique quickly.

“Dom, you remember Freddie, right?”

“Yeah of course! Hello again, Freddie. You sounded amazing tonight! You’ve definitely gotten even better since I last saw you play.”

“Oh you are a darling!” Freddie smiled, clearly pleased with her compliment. She moved to give him a hug, and John noticed vaguely it didn’t last half as long as it had with Roger. Then Freddie stepped back, giving her a glance over. “I love your dress. Oh, and your suede boots are gorgeous! If only I had smaller feet, I’d have loved to borrow them.”

Dominique giggled in response. “Thanks Fred! I love your shirt! I’m glad to see you’ve still got the same wonderful style.”

“Thank you! I keep trying to give Roger tips, but he won’t listen—”

Roger rolled his eyes in response. “Don’t encourage him.”

Dominique gave a little wave as she looked at Brian. “Hey Brian! Nice to see you again.”

He smiled back politely. “Hello again Dom! Yes, lovely to see you too.”

Roger seemed a little pink in the face as he looked back at John. “And this is erm…John, our bass player. And… _yeah_.”

“Nice to meet you John!”

John offered a smile in response, hoping it didn’t look too false. He cleared his throat, leaning forwards a little. “You too. So are you and Roger friends, I take it?”

He noticed Freddie turn his head to look at him from the corner of his eyes. Dominique gave a little laugh as she shared a look with Roger, who looked more than a little uncomfortable as she replied. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

John looked between them, a sinking feeling settling itself somewhere deep inside of him.

Roger watched him pull away, but said nothing as the bartender headed over to serve them.

“Anything else?” The bartender shouted over the music, once Roger had finished ordering.

Roger shook his head. “Err no, I don’t think—”

“Yeah, I’ll have one of those shots too.”

Roger turned to John in surprise, but he’d already looked away, his expression even.

Brian looked between them with furrowed eyebrows. “I thought you didn’t want one?”

“Changed my mind.”

Brian looked even more confused at that, and Freddie cleared his throat loudly in response and quickly passed Brian his bottle of beer. “I think this is yours, Bri.”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks, Fred.” Brian replied uncertainly.

Roger handed out shots for him, Freddie, Dominique, and John. “Right, let’s all down these first—”

John didn’t wait, downing his in one. Roger watched him, mouth slightly open, as John grabbed his bottle of beer and leaned in to shout over the music. “I’m going for a cigarette!”

“Already?” Brian asked in surprise.

John didn’t smoke quite as much as Freddie and Roger. When they went out, he usually waited for a bit first.

Freddie immediately downed his shot and grabbed his glass. “I’ll come with—”

“No!” John shouted back, his expression slightly rigid. “I want some time on my own.”

Freddie frowned as John headed through the crowds of people without another word, and Roger turned back and clinked his shot glass against Dominique’s before they both downed theirs too.

Dominique excused herself to go to the bathroom, and Brian looked between Freddie and Roger expectantly. “What’s up with Deacy?”

“How should I know?” Roger shouted back far too quickly.

“Did either of you upset him—”

“You have such faith in us, Brian,” Freddie said lightly. “Maybe he just weren’t feeling very well.”

“But he seemed fine earlier—”

“Yeah, but you know how he gets. He spends most of the day fretting when we’ve got a gig, barely eating, and then when it’s all over, it takes him a bit of time for his nerves to go away again.”

Brian nodded, looking between them slightly disbelievingly. “I don’t think he should be out there on his own. I know he said he didn’t want company, but maybe I should go and see if he’s okay—”

“It’s okay, Roger can go.” Freddie said, grabbing Brian’s arm to stop him from heading away.

Brian gave Freddie a look, obviously confused. But Freddie was looking at Roger, watching the way he forced a small nod, his grip against the bar tight enough to turn his knuckles white.

“Yeah, I’ll go. I wanted a cigarette anyway.”

He downed his drink and pushed his way through the crowds of people without saying anything else, his expression tight.

It took Roger a minute to find him. There was a group gathered outside the front. He headed past them, and found John in the edge of the alleyway, leaning against the wall.

“What the fuck was all that about?”

John said nothing as he drew his cigarette up to his lips and took a long inhale, his gaze drawn to the entrance of the alleyway.

Roger raised his eyebrows in response, gesturing impatiently with his arms. “Hello? Earth to John? What’s the fucking problem?”

John turned his head as he lowered his arm, giving Roger one of his famously cold stares. “Friend of yours is she?”

“Yeah, we’re friends. So what?” Roger huffed, patting his jacket to try and find his cigarettes. “Is that the deal now? You going to run off in a jealous rage every time we bump into one of my ex’s?”

“Ahh, so she is an ex. And are you that close with all your ex’s? I suppose you’ve got a fair few, haven’t you?”

Roger stopped searching for his cigarettes and stared at John in shock, his mouth slightly parted. “Fucking seriously? We were just being friendly. We’ve not seen each other since the end of university…sort of.”

“Sort of?” John repeated dangerously quiet, his cigarette limp in his hands as he watched Roger pull out his cigarettes from the inside pocket of his jacket.

Roger didn’t meet his eyes as he lit it, taking a long inhale, before he leaned back against the opposite wall. He stared at his feet as he replied, his face slightly pink. “Yeah, we err…ran into each other the other week.”

“I knew it!”

“ _Shh_ , not so loud!” Roger hissed carefully, as John raised his voice. He tilted his head, peering round the edge of the alleyway nervously.

“She was the one you slept with, wasn’t she? You didn’t say she was an ex. You said you just went to university together.” John accused, anger etched across his features. “You’re a fucking liar, Roger—”

“No, hang on. Just listen would you. It’s not like that!” Roger rushed to say, panic in his voice as John turned to head out of the alleyway. Roger reacted on instinct, grabbing his arm and tugging him back. John shrugged him off, but didn’t attempt to move any further away. “I knew if I told you that she was an ex, you’d react like this—”

“Oh, so you thought it’d be more fun for me to find out like this, did you?”

“I didn’t know she would turn up here tonight, did I?”

“Well she has. And she clearly still fancies you!”

“Don’t be so fucking ridiculous! And even if she does, it shouldn’t matter! Because I told you already, I don’t fucking want her! I want you!”

John stared at him, hurt in his eyes, his cigarette still burning away in his hand. “How do I know there isn’t more that you’re not telling me?”

“ _Seriously_?” Roger asked incredulously, bringing his cigarette back up to his lips and taking a long inhale. “How can you ask that after everything I told you the other night? After what we _did_? I even said I’m in this for the long haul, and you’re still questioning my fucking feelings!”

John shook his head, quickly realising he’d made a mistake. “No, I’m not, I wouldn’t. I’m just—”

“Just what, John? Look, I get it! I understand why you have your doubts, because I shouldn’t have slept with her! And yes, maybe I should have been honest from the beginning, but you didn’t want to talk about it, remember? You were the one to storm out of the flat before I could explain myself properly.”

John looked away guiltily. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I just…I saw your face when she made that comment about being friends, and I put two and two together.”

“Yeah well,” Roger huffed in frustration, stomping out his cigarette with his foot. “It seems that just like everyone else, you jumped straight to the worst conclusion of me, right?”

John’s eyes widened in response. “No, no, I just—”

“Thing is, you said I’ve got to start trusting you, but you’re a fucking hypocrite when it’s obvious that you don’t trust me!”

“No, no, I do—”

Roger shook his head, turning for the exit of the alleyway. John put out his cigarette with his foot, and desperately tried to catch up with him.

“Rog, Roger, wait, please,” John begged, stepping in front of him and pushing him back. “I’m sorry. I am. I just…I thought the worst when I saw the way you were together, that’s all. It’s only because I’m frightened of losing you. I mean, look at her! She’s gorgeous. So why the hell would you want to stay with me when you could be with her instead?”

Roger stared at him in bewilderment. “Because I’ve told you. I want to be with you. Are you really that blind, John? Just look at you! You’re stunning! I mean…you’re funny, kind, you’re a great mate. You’re just…you’re amazing, you know! Not to mention you’ve got a cracking arse.”

John gave a small smile in response. “Are you always checking out my arse?”

“Yes,” Roger said with no ounce of embarrassment. “You’re my best friend John, and you mean everything to me. So you don’t have to worry. Because…well, I’ve never felt like this before.”

John gazed back at him, relief in his eyes. “Neither have I.”

“Right then,” Roger said simply. He stepped closer, cradling John’s hand with one hand. “I’m here, aren’t I? Because I want to be. I’m not in there with her. I’m out here, reassuring you.”

He tilted his head, wanting to prove his words.

John sighed, his hands coming to rest at Roger’s waist as they kissed. Roger’s mouth moved over his sweetly, softly, trying to reassure him. He smiled as he pulled back, John’s lips chasing his. He kissed John once more, quickly, a swell of emotions bubbling up inside of him at John’s soft expression.

Roger swallowed thickly, knowing it was the right time. He should have told him before John had left for Leicester. “John, I…I think I love—”

_“Oy, you two!”_

_Roger pulled away first, his forehead creased with confusion as he saw the four men. They were all staring at them. They were stood too far away for Roger to make out much of their appearance. He could just see their leathers underneath the dim streetlight, and their gelled-back hair._

_“Yeah, you two,” One of the others shouted. “You pair of fags!”_

_John immediately tensed, his blood running cold. He was only too glad that he had his back to them. His hands moved upwards to Roger’s arms, trying to stop him from moving any further out of his shadow._

_Roger tilted his head to getter look at them from around John’s shoulder, and raised his eyebrows in question. “What did you just call us?”_

_“You heard us,” a third voice spoke up. “People like you make our skin crawl. Fucking faggots like you two.”_

_“Fucking say that to my face—”_

_“Rog, Rog, no,” John said quickly, his hands gripping both of Roger’s arms through his jacket, desperately trying to hold him back. He could see the fire burning in his eyes, the rage swirling inside of him, and he understood it, felt it himself. But there was more of them, and he knew it wasn’t worth it. “Don’t. Leave it.”_

_They must have heard him say it, despite how softly John had spoken, as seconds later, they were laughing. “Yeah, listen to your boyfriend, Rog. Or don’t. We’d love a good excuse to put you in hospital.”_

_“Rog,” John said again more desperately, his voice shaking. “Please. Can we just go back inside?”_

_Roger looked at him, seeing the way John’s eyes were wide with fear, his hands still clutching at his arms. He gave a short nod in response._

_He let John pull him away, trying to ignore the way they were looking at them. Then he looked up at the sound of their loud, boisterous laughter._

_John stared at him, seeing the anger growing in Roger’s expression. “Ignore them. They’re idiots. They’re not worth it.”_

_“That’s it, run back inside like the bunch of fairies you are. I’m sure your boyfriend will reward you for good behaviour later. We all know how much you lot love taking it up the arse!”_

_For some reason that hit a nerve._

_Roger fought against John’s hold, his jacket almost falling off of his shoulders, he tugged so hard. John gasped as he turned back and began to make his way over towards them._

_“Roger!”_

_He ignored John, his hands already shaking, the adrenaline kicking in. They watched him come to a stop in front of them, amusement in their eyes._

_They were obviously rockers. The four of them were all much taller, but Roger wasn’t scared. If anything, he felt boldened. It was like he wanted to poke at them, to see how they’d respond._

_“So. I’m here. Still brave enough to repeat the load of bollocks that just came out of your mouths?”_

_As he said that, he could see the outline of John’s shadow as he came and stood next to him._

_One of them snickered as he looked between them. “Aww, I think it’s really sweet that you need your boyfriend to back you up. I’m guessing he’s the one with the set of balls?”_

_“Bet you’d like to find out, wouldn’t you? Is that what this is? You all hiding out in that closet of yours? They usually say the ones most homophobic, are secretly gay themselves.”_

_“Why you little cunt! Think you’re really brave—”_

_“Please don’t do this,” John cut through their voices, gently pulling on Roger’s arm. Roger shrugged him off again. He huffed in frustration, panic in his eyes. “This isn’t the answer, Roger! Please can we walk away whilst we still can?”_

_“I’d listen to your boyfriend, Roger.” One of them smirked._

_“Yeah, before we break every last bone in that pretty little body of yours, you ponce!”_

_Roger shook his head, his eyes narrowing in disgust. “Big words from big men. Bet you think you’re so hard, don’t you? Picking on people like me, people like us, who are doing nothing wrong being together! It’s not illegal anymore, so what the fuck is your problem exactly?”_

_“Other than the fact that it’s immoral?” One of them said, his face twisted with disgust._

_“Immoral? I bet you couldn’t even spell the word, you bunch of twats!”_

_One of them stepped forwards a threatening look in his eyes, and John immediately pushed harder against Roger, his expression wild and desperate. “Roger, please! Stop this!”_

_“Just go back inside John, you don’t have to involve yourself in this, I’ll be fine!”_

_John stared at him as if he’d suddenly grown two heads. “Are you fucking insane? I’m not leaving you to deal with this on your own. So please, don’t put me in this position!”_

_“God you two make me sick. I’d go back inside if I were you. Before we break your boyfriend’s legs too.”_

_“Rog—”_

_“You fucking dare so much as breathe on him, and I’ll kill you,” Roger warned, voice dangerously low._

_“I wouldn’t risk getting so emotional if I were you. We’d hate to make you cry, end up ruining all that beautiful make-up you put on earlier.”_

_Roger frowned, taken aback by that last comment._

_“That’s right lover boy, we were at your queer show tonight! Bet you do each other’s make-up don’t you? Bet you sit around braiding each other’s hair too. Obviously that’s before you all bum each other.”_

_“Shut the fuck up!” Roger warned as they all started laughing again. “You’re only jealous because no amount of make-up is ever gonna’ make you lot look any better! Maybe that’s why you’re so fucking jealous. Because you can’t get a self-respecting woman or man to want to shag any of you ugly fuckers!”_

_“Fucking stop it!” John begged, his eyes widening as he tugged at Roger harder, desperately trying to push him back inside. “Can we leave now—”_

_But it was too late._

_“Rog!”_

_John shouted out as the four of them suddenly ran forwards. Two of them grabbed hold of Roger, dragging him away. The other two grabbed John._

_John fought back. But they were stronger, as they shoved him back against the wall. One of them pinned his arms down, and the other stepped on the toes of his boots so that he couldn’t kick out. John bit his lip, stopping a noise of pain at the pressure of their heavy feet._

_Roger gave as good as he could get, kicking out as they dragged him back by the arms, his eyes wide as he stared at John. “John!”_

_They slammed him back against the wall, their laughter ringing out at his concern._

_“I wouldn’t worry too much about lover boy. It’s your pretty face we want to fuck up.”_

_That made John fight harder, clawing at their wrists, desperately trying to raise his legs. But their feet were too heavy to budge. “No! Leave him alone!”_

_John made a noise of protest as one of them took hold of his chin, gripping it by his fat fingers, and forcing him to look at them instead. “Oh shut up pretty boy, before we change our mind, and decide to smash your face in too!”_

_“Fucking get off of him—”_

_Up until then, Roger had just about managed to block any blows that came his way. But it was the sound of them threatening John that had his attention slipping, long enough for one of them to drive his arm forwards, straight into Roger’s stomach, so that he doubled over in pain._

_“Stop it!”_

_John cried out, using all the energy he had in him to fight back. But it wasn’t enough, and he let out a growl of frustration and fear, as one of them pushed Roger’s body back upright, holding Roger’s shoulders, and the other guy raised his fist and punched Roger in the face._

_John could only watch at the way Roger’s head lolled back as they lay into him. John was breathless, exhausted from trying to break free. He bit his lip to hold back a sob, wondering how tonight had gone from the band being happy to…this._

_The front doors suddenly opened, and Freddie, Brian and Dominique sprinted outside when they saw John._

_“Oh my god!” Dominique screamed when she saw Roger._

_“Get off of him!” Freddie shouted, running over and clawing at the two men who had hold of Roger. One of them let go enough to push him away roughly. But Freddie wouldn’t give up, aiming a kick straight towards their crotches, his fingers pinching their skin, until they let go of Roger._

_Brian meanwhile had gone to John’s aid._

_“Whatever the problem is, you don’t need to do this. Come on, let him go!” Brian said as he tried to gently tried to put himself in between them and John._

_“Stay out of this mate!”_

_“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Brian said, managing to drag them off of John enough for Brian to slip in between and shield John’s body with his. Brian turned his head a little, keeping his gaze on the two men. “You alright?”_

_Before John could reply, Dominique rushed back outside, with a group of people from inside._

_It was all a blur from there._

_They managed to separate everyone before things escalated any further._

_John was pleased to see one of the men had been hit by Roger. His nose was bleeding, a bruise already appearing just below his right eye._

_Without another thought, John virtually shoved past Brian and stumbled over to Roger. Dominique and Freddie were with him, their hands on both his shoulders, asking if he was alright. Roger gave the tiniest nod, his eyes widening as John stood in front of him._

_“John, fuck…are you alright? Did they hit you?”_

_Roger shrugged Freddie and Dominque’s off and stepped forwards to take hold of John’s chin carefully, Roger’s eyes roaming his features. If John didn’t feel so sick, so utterly terrified and disgusted at Roger’s injuries, he might have laughed._

_Roger’s face was swollen, there were already bruises starting to appear, there was blood gushing from his nose and several cuts along his cheeks._

_At first, John felt anger. Anger at Roger being hurt like that._

_“Seriously? Am I alright? Are you fucking kidding me, right now?”_

_Roger went to frown in response, and then winched. “John—”_

_He gasped as John pushed him back enough to make him stumble. “You’re a fucking idiot! Why did you do that for?”_

_Freddie automatically moved forwards, worry on his face. “John, I really don’t think now’s the time to—”_

_Then John felt relief. Relief it wasn’t any worst._

_John stepped forwards, carefully wrapping his arms around Roger’s waist, and burying his face against his shoulder._

_Roger sighed softly, his arms sliding around John’s neck, and moving his mouth to his ear. “I’m fine, John. Honestly—”_

_“You could have been killed. One wrong punch was all it would have took. You should have let it go—”_

_“I know, I know, I’m sorry—”_

_“Let what go?” Freddie asked, looking between them as they pulled back. Their arms still around each other._

_“Did they say something to you, Rog?” Dominique asked with a frown, stepping closer to him again._

_Roger shook his head in response. “Just started on us, that’s all. Started calling us—”_

_Brian meanwhile was talking to the four guys, trying to work out what had happened. “—still don’t get what your problem is with our friends? What have they done to evoke such anger?”_

_One of them stepped forwards, his expression cold and angry. But the group of men who Dominique had come out with were still in the middle of them, keeping them at arm’s length._

_“Their your friends? So you’re the pufters from earlier?”_

_“What?” Brian asked in shock. “Hang on—none of us are gay. We’re in a band together, that’s all.”_

_“Yes, we know, we saw you on stage. Bunch of fags if I ever saw them—”_

_“I don’t know what your problem is dear!” Freddie shouted out as he glared at them._

_“Other than the fact that people like you lot shouldn’t exist? It’s disgusting!” One of them shouted back, his face twisted with disgust as he looked back at Brian. “I’d be careful if I were you mate. Your friends will be trying it on with you next.”_

_“Oh relax! You four are perfectly safe if that’s what you’re so worried about. They’d have more taste than to try it on with ugly great brutes like yourself!”_

_There was chaos again as the four of them tried to storm forwards and get to them, but they were just about held back._

_“You lot make me sick! Just look at the two of them all over each other!”_

That made several people’s heads turn, looking straight at Roger and John. They were both stood close, John’s hands still around Roger’s waist, Roger’s hands against his arm.

Brian frowned in response.

“But they’re not even gay! Not that it would matter if they were. But we’re all like that, touchy. We’re friends, we’re in a band together. That doesn’t mean we want to fuck each other—”

“Oh get with the programme, Brian,” Freddie groaned out, rolling his eyes to the sky and back. “John and Roger are together, alright, so what—”

“Freddie!” Roger and John both shouted, to which Freddie groaned in response, waving his hand between them.

“Oh come on! Like it isn’t already so fucking obvious! Except at this rate you could stand here snogging, and Brian would still be oblivious.”

Brian blinked at them, shock obvious in his eyes. “But—”

“Look, the important thing is,” Freddie interrupted with a sigh. “They’re gay, so what? It should make no bloody different to your life, so why don’t you be on your way, and take your outdated, shitty little views with you.”

One of them glared at Freddie in response. “ _You’ll all pay for this—_ ”

“What are you going to do? Beat them up again? It won’t change the fact that they both like men, and it certainly won’t change the fact that you’re probably so far back in that closet of yours that you might as well be in Narnia—”

“Yes! That’s basically what I said!” Roger agreed quickly. “The four of them are blatantly in denial about their own fucking fragile masculinity, that they feel the need to pick a fight on the likes of us—”

The four of them all tried to push through to get to Roger. Luckily, they were held back again, and Roger responded by blowing them a kiss.

John pulled away and whacked his shoulder in response. “Stop it!”

“What?”

“Stop winding them up! You’ve already had the shit beaten out of you, or do you want more, is that what this is?”

“Oh come on, we’re fine! Besides, they’re being held back now—”

“That isn’t the point!” He shouted, stepping further away when Roger tried to reach for him.

Roger frowned in response. “John—”

“No! I told you to leave it, I told you to walk back inside with me and ignore them, but you wouldn’t!”

Freddie looked between them uneasily. “Yes but to be fair, it sounds like they were stirring the pot, trying to get a reaction from the two of you—”

“Exactly—”

“Yes, but Roger didn’t have to react! I practically begged him to let it go! Because I knew there was four of them, and only two of us. And now look at you!”

John blinked rapidly, his breath uneven, as he bit his lip to try and stop his tears from falling.

“Yes, but I’ll be fine. It’s just a couple of cuts and bruises, John. I couldn’t just go back inside and ignore what they were saying—”

“Yes, you could! You don’t have to take on every ignorant bully in the world! Not when it means you getting hurt like this. Nor should I be expected to stand there and watch, when I couldn’t fucking do anything about it—”

He turned, his breath catching in his throat, a small sob escaping, as he began to walk off. Roger, eyes wide with panic, automatically went to follow him.

“John, John, wait—”

“I’ll go.” Freddie said carefully, looking at Dominique expectantly. “Look after him?”

She nodded instantly, pulling Roger back softly. “Yeah, of course—”

“But I need to speak to John—”

“I’ll talk to him! Just give him a minute to calm down.” Freddie insisted, quickly running after John.

By the time he caught up, John was already halfway down the alleyway, his breath shallow and loud, as he paced back and forth a few steps. Freddie could see his shoulders shaking underneath the dim streetlight.

Freddie cleared his throat and spoke softly, not wanting to frighten him. “John? John, sweetie, I know—”

He froze as John suddenly gave an angry growl and launched his fist at the wall. Then he yelped, stumbling back against the opposite side of the alleyway.

Freddie instantly ran to his side, holding up his shaking hand, and seeing the way it was already grazed and bleeding. He gave John a look from underneath his eyelashes. “That was silly, wasn’t it? Now both of you are fucking injured.”

“I…I don’t care!” He managed to gasp out, his words shaky, and his face wet with tears. “Th-th-they c-could h-have…th-they-R-R-Roger… _fuck_!” John shouted out when he couldn’t manage to stammer out the words.

Freddie nodded, not needing him to say anything else. “I know darling, I know.”

He pulled John into a hug, and gently brushed his hair back from his face.

“You’re both okay, alright? I know it was frightening, but you’re both going to be okay.”

John said nothing, ducking his head against Freddie’s shoulder, and giving himself over to all of the emotions he was feeling.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope nobody found that chapter too distressing. My poor boys! :(   
> If anyone needs an explanation about why Roger got so angry about them calling them those slurs, I think they reminded him of his father, and all the kinds of things his Dad used to say to him. Obviously, there's still a lot of anger inside of Roger about everything, and he's not yet found an easy way to deal with it. Anyway, I hope despite all the angst, you enjoyed it. I promise that the next chapter is much fluffier and happy. Well, compared to this one it is haha.
> 
> Anyway, sorry I took so long to update. I've been heavily obsessed with writing my new story. I've written 150 pages in just over two weeks!! Crazy haha. Let me know what you thought, and I hope everybody is keeping safe out there. :)


	20. You Come To Me, Soothe My Troubled Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and John get back to the flat and deal with the repercussions of Roger getting into a fight...

The only sound in the van on the drive back to theirs was of Brian drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. Freddie was sat in the front, staring out of the window. Roger didn’t attempt to shotgun the front seat. Instead, he climbed into the back to sit beside John and Dominique without a word.

Dominique headed for the kitchen and offered to make everyone tea.

Freddie and Brian padded back and forth, sorting out John and Roger’s injuries. Then Freddie headed out the room to go and help Dominique. Brian watched Roger winch discreetly from under the ice wrapped in a tea towel against the bruise underneath his eyes.

“You can take some ibuprofen for the pain.”

“Nah, I’m fine.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Suit yourself. At least clean your cuts and change the bandages daily. Stop them getting infected.”

Roger sighed in response. “Yes, Doctor May.”

“Yes, that’s it. Keep making jokes. We’ll see if you still find it funny when Freddie sees through his threat of killing you for having a black eye at our gig next week.”

“Oh come on, it’ll go down by then with the help of this. And if not, make-up will cover it up.”

Brian huffed as he stood up. “Let’s hope for your sake, you’re right.”

Roger watched Brian leave the room, before turning to look at John, curled up on the armchair. His chest restricted almost painfully as his gaze fell upon the ice pack tied to John’s knuckles. He was grateful John’s eyes didn’t look quite so red or puffy, at least. Roger still despised the fact that he’d not said two words since he got into the back of the van with him.

“How’s your hand?”

“Better than yours, I imagine,” John said carefully, looking up at him from underneath his eyelashes. “Or your face.”

“Nah, I can barely feel either. The ice has numbed them that much.”

“Thank god for small mercies,” John replied dryly, flexing his fingers carefully.

Freddie headed back into the living room and plunged them back into silence as he set down a tray full of cups.

In the end, Roger had to escape.

Combined with John’s silent treatment, Brian giving him the third degree, and Freddie being a mother hen, he had to get out.

He went outside and had a cigarette.

Dominique joined him less than a minute later. Roger watched her head towards him, his jacket in her hands, her heels clicking against the stony path.

“Are you trying to catch pneumonia now, Rog? It’s freezing out here.”

“I barely noticed it,” he grumbled, but reluctantly took it off her. She watched him put it on with an uncertain smile.

“How are you feeling?”

“Thoroughly lectured.”

Her smile quickly disappeared again. “They’re only being like that because they care.”

“But it was my choice to go and confront them. I get that I was a twat and should have walked away. But you know me. Stubborn as a mule.”

“That you are,” Dominique said softly. “That reminds me of that fight you got into outside that Burlesque club.”

“Oh yeah. Those guys tried putting their hands on your arse. I didn’t stand for that.”

“No, you didn’t. I seem to remember me repaying you in kind afterwards. Once I was finished telling you off for not walking away,” Dominique said lightly. “Nothing changes, huh?”

“Nope. Still the same old idiot.”

“I don’t know about that. Your taste in men’s definitely improved.”

It was Dominique’s admission to liking both that gave Roger the confidence to admit that he occasionally looked at men too, even if he hadn’t acted on it before John. But only to her. And then eventually to John and Freddie.

A knot of jealousy welled up inside of Roger at her words. “Hands off. I saw him first!”

“I’m just saying,” Dominique said innocently, raising her hands in mock surrender. “You were right though. That night you were drunk. He is very pretty, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is. And he’s off limits. So. Hands. And. Eyes. Off.”

“Fair enough, spoilsport.”

Roger huffed in response, sitting back against the brick wall on the edge of the car park, and looking over at where Brian’s van was parked up.

“I’m only teasing. John seems nice. Maybe a little shy, but you can tell he thinks a lot of you.”

Roger couldn’t quite hold back his smile. “Do you think?”

“Absolutely. Does he know about…everything with you?”

Roger avoided her eyes as he stomped out his cigarette. “Err…yeah, yeah, he does.”

“That’s good then,” she said softly. “And have you said you love each other yet?”

Roger shook his head, kicking a stone softly with his shoe. “Not yet. I do though. Nearly told him tonight actually. Before it all kicked off.”

“You should have done! What are you waiting for? He obviously feels the same way about you.”

Roger swallowed thickly, distracting himself by fiddling with his lighter. “I’m not sure about that. Not after tonight.”

“He’s just angry,” she said instantly, watching him carefully. “I can’t say I blame him. I’d feel the same way if I was him.”

“I know, I know,” Roger sighed.

“Don’t be afraid of saying it. Not when you’re so good together,” she told him softly, placing a hand against his shoulder.

Brian offered to give Dominique a lift home not long after. Freddie saw them to the door, and then headed back into the living room. John was still sat quietly in the armchair, and Roger was chewing on a nail, a nervous look in his eyes.

“I’m off to bed, I think. Leave you two to _talk_.” Freddie said pointedly, before heading for his room.

Roger sighed, sitting forwards on the sofa and looking at John pointedly. “Do you want a whiskey? Might help with the pain.”

John shook his head, his voice quiet. “No thanks.”

“Suit yourself. I’m having one.”

Roger knew that drink wasn’t the answer. But his face ached, his hand was sore, and John was barely talking. He went to pour himself one in the kitchen, conscious of the sound of John moving about next door. By the time he walked back in, John was pulling up the sofa bed. The glass almost slipped from Roger’s grasp.

“What are you doing?”

John didn’t turn back. Instead, he reached for the spare duvet and pillows down by the side of the sofa. “What does it look like?”

“Hang on—you’re not sleeping with me, in my room?”

“It certainly seems that way.”

Roger swallowed thickly, the whiskey in his hand forgotten about. The thought of not having John besides him made the knot of discomfort tighten painfully somewhere inside off him. He’d grown used to him being there, of having comfort from him after a nightmare. The thought of not having that made it almost impossible to blink away his tears.

“John _please_ …can’t we at least talk about this?”

“What’s there to talk about?”

Roger sighed, quickly moving to shut the living room door. He put his glass down, watching John settle his duvet on top of the sofa bed. “Look, I know I’ve upset you. I was stupid for what I did. But I couldn’t just walk by and let them talk about us like that.”

“Why not? What does it matter so much to you what they think?” John huffed as he finished laying down his pillows. “You’re always going to get people like that. So they called us a few stupid slurs. They’re homophobes. That’s how they think. You think you aggravating them enough into attacking you is going to make them change? It doesn’t work like that, Roger!”

“I wasn’t aggravating them, I was sticking up for us!”

“No, you were just trying to get a reaction!” John argued back, struggling to keep his cool. “Why don’t you be honest for once in your life, and tell me why opinions from people like that clearly matter so much to you?”

Roger frowned in response. “I don’t know—”

“Yes, you do!” John said, suddenly turning. His expression was tight, his eyes dark with anger. Roger looked away instantly, fiddling with his hands, the panic inside of him rising further. “So try again. Just admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“You know what.”

Roger gave a huff of frustration. “No, I don’t, John—”

“Yes, you do!” John snapped. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a deep, calming breath. “You’re never going to be truly happy unless you learn not to give a shit what people like that think. Like what like your…father thinks.”

Roger immediately tensed, turning his back and moving to open the door. “I’m done listening to this.”

“Oh no, you don’t!”

“John!” Roger shouted in shock as John pushed the door closed again.

“We need to talk about this. Because I don’t ever want to be put in that situation again!”

“And you won’t—”

“No, I mean it, Roger!” John shouted back. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped away to pace the length of the living room. “I grew up with enough tough guys at school who thought anything could be solved with using their fists.”

“Yeah, but come on, you know I’m not like that!”

“No, but they are. You can’t win with people like that! You know I hate confrontations or fighting! I shouldn’t have been made to feel cornered like that. It’s not fair!”

“Nobody asked you to stick around! I told you to go back inside, I’d have handled it.”

“Oh really?” John asked disbelievingly. “How?”

Roger shrugged defensively. “I don’t know. I’d have thought of something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, John, alright! The point is this is who I am! I told you before we got together. If I think somebody’s in the wrong, I fucking tell them so.”

Roger was starting to grow dizzy watching John pace. He wished he’d stand still, just for a moment.

“Yes, because that’s really the priority here, isn’t it? You maintaining your poxy integrity! Never mind if you’d have ended up in bloody hospital, or god forbid worst. You’re just lucky Dominique had the sense to get help, before anything else worst could happen. Then you’d have really paid for your stupidity!”

Roger groaned, his temper getting the better of him as he kicked the sofa. “This is bullshit! I didn’t even start the fight!”

“No, but you wound them up! You knew exactly what to say to make them throw the first punch.” John suddenly stopped to turn to look at him. Roger struggled not to wilt under his gaze. “When are you going to realise that there are consequences for the stupid fucking things you do—”

Roger snapped. John’s words hit home, and he didn’t like it. Not coming from him.

“If I’m that fucking bad John, then why the fuck are you even with me?”

“Because I love you!”

“Well—hang, on what?”

Roger paused, his mouth dropping open slightly. John sighed in response, pushing his hair back from his face as he moved to slump into the armchair. “Oh come on! I didn’t exactly plan on telling you like that, but it’s not like it isn’t already so obvious.”

“Not to me, it’s not,” Roger said carefully. John rolled his eyes in response.

“Well it surely is to everyone else. I’ve never felt like this before. Neither have I ever felt as helpless. All I wanted to do was protect you. I mean fuck…I’d have taken that beating if it meant you not getting hurt. Which is why I’m serious when I said that I can’t handle seeing that again,” John said quietly, his voice shaky.

“Alright, I get it, John,” Roger said more softly.

John looked up at him through his eyelashes, his gaze questioning. “But do you, Roger?”

“Yes. I promise.”

Roger forced his feet forwards. John watched him warily as he plonked himself in John’s lap, his feet dangling over the arm. He wrapped his arms around John’s neck to steady himself.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t care what people like that think. I’ve wasted too many years doing that. Neither is it healthy. So I’m going to try. And you know…get over my insecurities,” Roger said, tucking a few strands of hair behind John’s ear softly, his thumb gently brushing his chin as he gazed at him. “For you. Because I love you too, John.”

“I don’t want you to do it for me. Not really.” John said, pulling away before Roger could lean forwards and kiss him. “Because more than anything, I think it needs to be for yourself.”

“Can it not be for both of us? I’m sick of letting myself dwell about the past. I want to focus on the future. _Our_ future. With Queen and with us.”

“Me too.”

John leaned forwards, kissing Roger softly. They stayed like that for a while, their arms around each other, sharing sweet kisses and soft sighs. Then eventually John pulled back enough to speak, his breath warm against Roger’s face.

“I’m still angry at you.”

Roger smiled against his lips, moving forwards to kiss him again. “Noted.”

“I mean it.”

“I believe you. But I’m just saying,” Roger said as he leaned back to smile at John. “I have been beaten up tonight—”

“Yes, because of your own stubborn refusal to walk away from a fight—”

“Details, details,” Roger said with a wave of his hand, ignoring John’s weary sigh at that. “All I’m saying is if that doesn’t entitle me to some free TLC, then I don’t know what does.”

“You must be joking,” John said evenly, as Roger waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“A blowjob then?”

“You should be so lucky.”

“A handy?”

“No chance.”

“Come on, at least an intense snogging session on my bed, where I can grope that fine arse of yours.”

John pretended to at least think about that. Then he shook his head and smiled. “No.”

“Fine. You drive a hard bargain, Deacy.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Roger frowned, settling back against his lap, and snuggling closer gainst him. John was still watching him closely, an intense look in his eyes. “Stop it.”

Roger gave him a look of confusion, his expression still sad. “Stop what?”

“That.”

“What?”

“Looking all cute and making me want to kiss you again. I’m supposed to be angry with you, remember.”

Roger huffed in response. “I’m not looking all anything. This is my pissed off face.”

“Hmm, a likely story.”

Roger couldn’t quite hide his smile. He gave John his best puppy dog eyes, playing on it a little bit. “Having said that, you could. Kiss me again. If the temptations too irresistible for you.”

“Even though I’m supposed to be angry with you?”

“You could always be angry with me and kiss me at the same time,” Roger suggested innocently with a shrug. “You could angrily kiss me. Show me what for.”

“Now there’s an idea.”

Roger wasn’t sure who lurched forwards first.

He sighed softly as one of John’s hands delved into the back of his hair as he kissed him roughly. His tongue slid against his, before biting Roger’s tongue softly. Roger made a sound at the back of his throat in response, his hands tightening around John’s neck. Then John’s other hand lowered to Roger’s arse, and slapped it through his jeans.

Roger pulled away to gasp dramatically. “John! Who gave you permission to slap my arse?”

“I did,” John said with a smile. “That’s payback for all the times you’ve stared at mine.”

“Hmm, I do love your arse to be fair,” Roger replied a little dreamily, as he played with John’s hair. “Just like you love me.”

“Nah, I don’t.”

“Lies!” Roger insisted as he leaned forwards again to kiss John once more. “it’s too late. You’ve already admitted it. Out loud.”

“Yeah well…fuck you.”

Roger giggled helplessly, giving him another kiss. “Yes, you may.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you too,” Roger grinned, leaning up to kiss the end of John’s nose. “Now can we please put an end to this madness of you not sharing a bed with me?”

“On second thoughts, I think I quite like the idea of sleeping on the sofa. Much more comfy. You fidget too much in your sleep.”

“Like you can talk! You hog the duvet!” Roger accused, scandalised.

John huffed in response. “Why do you care? You never need it anyway. You’re a virtual hot water bottle!”

“I’m definitely not when I’ve woken up freezing, at three am to find you with all the bloody duvet pooled high around you!”

“You should wear pyjamas to bed like me then, shouldn’t you? Anyway, this is a moot argument. Because you can have as much of the duvet as you want tonight.”

“Deacy!” Roger whined, pouting up at John again. “Don’t be a dick. Don’t make me beg.”

“But I like it when you beg,” John teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he suddenly leaned forwards to whisper in Roger’s ear.

Roger groaned when John used his mouth to suck on the lobe. “It’s quite the vision. You using that pretty mouth of yours to beg. It might just be enough to convince me to take you to bed right now.”

Roger shuddered at the huskiness of John’s voice. He didn’t need to say anything else. It already made Roger want to do whatever it took to get that to happen.

He stood and moved onto his knees in John’s lap. Then he began to softly grind against him, enjoying the way John’s eyes fluttered closed in response, his hands tightening against Roger’s hips.

“Come to bed, Deacy. _Please_. I’ll make it worth your while.”

Roger felt a smidge of satisfaction when John began to thrust up against him, his voice thick with longing. “Yeah. How?”

“I’ll suck you off. Or I’ll fuck you. Or…you can fuck me. If you want,” Roger suggested, totally unembarrassed by how needy his voice was. He was still moving against his lap, desperately seeking that friction. It wasn’t enough, but it would do. For now.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. I want you to. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. You fucking me with your cock.”

Roger moaned as John used his hands to keep Roger in place and ground up against him more firmer.

“Yeah?” John asked, his voice husky, as he tucked a strand of hair behind Roger’s ear. “What else have you been thinking about? Tell me about it baby.”

Roger whined loudly in response. He was already hard as he began to grind against John a little more desperately.

“Hmm, _fuck_ John. I’ve thought about you holding me down whilst you pound me into the mattress. Or bouncing on your cock until you come inside of me. Or err… _fuck_ , sucking you off, making you scream my name—”

John groaned in response, smashing his lips back against Roger’s. He tucked Roger’s legs further around his waist and suddenly stood. Roger squealed in surprise, his arms tightening around John’s neck. He barely managed to open the door as Roger kissed him again. John smiled against his lips, virtually running for Roger’s room. He kicked the door closed, and carefully set Roger on the bed. Roger rushed to pull him down on top of him.

They barely managed to take things slow.

Their hands roamed, eagerly stripping each other of their clothing. And then John’s lips replaced his hands, kissing down Roger’s body, to rest in between his thighs.

Roger gasped, his hands delving into his hair as John took him in his mouth. John moaned against him and bursts of pleasure shot up and down Roger’s body.

John tried to remember everything that Roger had liked him doing before, but it was a little difficult with Roger’s hands tugging almost painfully against his scalp, and him shouting out his name in a way that had John hardening rapidly in his underwear.

He pulled back with a smile, looking up at Roger from underneath his eyelashes. “Shh Rog, not so loud!”

Roger’s eyes narrowed in response, fully intending to tell him what he thought of such a request. But then John’s mouth moved back around him again, and Roger was quickly moaning again.

John was even better at this than Roger remembered. It all made Roger’s head spin. He was so on edge already.

He hollowed out his cheeks as he took more of him into his mouth, using his hand to stroke the rest of him. John watched him, enjoying the way Roger’s head arched back against the pillow, the flush of his face, and the way his eyelids were heavy, his gaze enough to make John shiver.

John eventually pulled away, a smile on his face as he took in how wrecked Roger already looked.

Roger licked his lips as he watched John reach for the lube.

He took his time stretching Roger. He bent his fingers, lightly tracing his prostate over and over again until eventually Roger was grinding desperately against his hand, practically wailing as he begged John to fuck him.

It hurt to begin with.

John took it slowly, pushing in further and letting Roger grow accustomed to him. He paused once he was fully inside, pressing tender kisses into Roger’s neck and throat.

“You okay?” John asked softly, as he felt Roger gradually start to relax. He tucked a strand of hair behind Roger’s ear and pulled back to look at him.

Roger nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, you feel good, real good. You can move. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

John was still gentle. To begin with.

But then Roger began to arch upwards more forcefully, his voice shaky and high-pitched as he begged for John to go faster in his ear.

John complied instantly, hissing as Roger’s fingernails dug into the skin of his back. It made his control start to slip, as he rocked into him a little firmer.

They seemed to move in perfect unity, just like with everything they did together. Roger gave and John took, and vice versa.

It was perfect. It was everything they could ever want. Being this close to each other. Being this intimate with each other.

It was almost overwhelming.

John didn’t think he’d ever get enough.

With his hand stroking Roger’s cock, keeping to the rhythm of John fucking into him. With Roger, being so tight and warm against him, his hands on his body, his mouth at his ear. It was the sweetest haze of pleasure.

John changed the angle, already so on edge, as he chased his impending orgasm. Roger’s legs tightened around his waist in response, his hands pressing against his back, urging him deepener.

“Yes John, yes! Just like that. _Fuck_!”

John hummed in response, dropping his head to press soft bites against Roger’s skin. He changed the rhythm, his hips jerking forwards more desperately. His hand sped up around Roger, and Roger moaned loudly in response, his head falling back against the pillow.

Roger gave one last cry and stilled in John’s hand, and John arched forwards a couple more times, moaning Roger’s name as he went.

They lay entwined for a while, both just as unwilling to move away from each other.

The only time they did was to clean off.

And then Roger was slipping back into bed, eagerly shuffling closer to John’s side. He let the beating of John’s heart soothe him, losing himself in the sensation of John’s hand in his hair.

Roger suddenly realised he’d be content to spend every night like this, nestled in John’s arms. Safe, warm, and happy.

 _Loved_.

Roger’s leg slipped in between John’s, his eyelids growing heavier by the second. “I love you, John.”

John tucked Roger’s hair behind his ear again and whispered it softly back against his head, just as Roger’s eyes slipped closed.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why is Roger so cute? :)
> 
> Hopefully the fluff in the second part of this chapter made up for all of the angst and drama of the last chapter and a half. I hope. I love how Roger had a little epiphany whilst he was laid next to John in bed, with him realising that he was happy, safe, and loved. Like it probably took him a moment to realise what those kinds of feelings were considering he'd barely ever felt like that before. :(
> 
> Sorry, I promise I'm not trying to drown you with feels, like I have myself lol. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know your thoughts and feelings!
> 
> Hope you're all doing okay. And as Brian usually say: 'stay safe out there folks.'
> 
> :)
> 
> Edit: Also thanks to @hudsteith for the inspirational fluff in the middle 💗


	21. When Plans Go Wrong, You Turn Out The Light. But Inside Of Your Mind, You Put Up A Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Queen head to Cornwall for a couple of gigs, and John finally meets Roger's Mum...

It was a week before Christmas, and the band had crammed themselves into the van to head down to Cornwall for a couple of weekend gigs. Roger’s Mum had secured them ages ago. She was their most enthusiastic supporter.

They headed straight to hers.

John climbed out of the van last, wiping his clammy hands over the front of his jeans.

His mother lived in a small, stony cottage situated a couple of minutes from Truro’s city centre. There was a wooden table and two chairs outside. The door was blue, and a red and gold wreath was hung over the front of it.

John let his eyes linger on the house, distracted for a moment.

“John? You coming?”

Roger looked back at him with raised eyebrows. John nodded, and caught up with them as Roger reached out to tap the door knocker.

John wasn’t sure what he was expecting when the woman opened the door.

She was petite, dressed in a slimming black dress and kitten heels. Her short hair was styled into a curly blonde bob. John noticed she had the same bright eyes and contagious smile as Roger.

“Oh, there’s my boy!”

“Hello Mum.”

She stepped forwards to quickly pull him into a hug. He patted his hands against her back softly. She eventually pulled back with a slight frown, her hands cradling his face as her gaze flickered over him.

“Thank god those bruises of yours are nearly healed.” She clicked her tongue and lightly whacked his shoulder. “What was you thinking of? Fighting boys like that. You should have walked away. What have I told you about letting that anger of yours get the better of you, hmm?”

“Yeah well, I was defending myself, weren’t I? Freddie told you what they were calling us, just because they’d seen our show. They were being arseholes, Mum—”

“Language, Roger!”

“But they were! I couldn’t just walk past and ignore it.”

“Why couldn’t you? I know you like to think you can change the world by tackling all those ignorant-minded individuals, but sometimes people are what they are. Not everyone is capable of change, Roger.”

Roger’s voice was too quiet when he replied. “Yes. I already know that, Mum.”

Her expression softened instantly, her thumb swiping over his cheek. “I know you do, sweetheart.”

She tilted her head to look past Roger then. “Lovely to see you boys again.”

“Lovely to see you again, Winnie,” Freddie smiled.

“I think I’ve got you three to thank for pulling them off of Roger like you did. I’m so relieved he’s got friends like you boys looking out for him.”

“Mum, stop it. You’re embarrassing me,” Roger groaned. “Can we get inside now? It’s bloody freezing out here.”

“Only if you stop using language like that, young man. You’re not too old for a clip around the ear, you know?” She said as she moved aside and opened the door wider. But even as she said that, she pat his cheek softly with a smile, making it clear there was no actual intention behind her words.

John noticed Roger was pink in the face as they took their coats and shoes off by the front door.

The corridor was barely big enough to fit them all. Brian’s hair brushed against the top of the door frame as he stepped inside. It had a couple of basic things. A bookshelf with a telephone on top, and a couple of framed photos, as well as one or two hung on the wall.

John stared as he stood aside to let them go past. Roger looked at him expectantly.

“Coming?”

John murmured in response, following them through to the kitchen. That was just as small, with a little table to the side, and worktops shaped to the room in an _L_ -shape. They sat down and watched Winnie fill the kettle and put it on the stove, before she turned back, her eyes suddenly trained on John.

“I’ve not had the chance to meet you yet. You’re John, right? The bass player.”

 _The bass player_.

That’s exactly what John was. Not _the boyfriend_. Because Roger hadn’t come out to his Mum yet. Given the circumstances, John could understand why.

He smiled uncertainly, clearing his throat as Roger’s gaze flickered back to his. He said the first thing that came to his head, internally winching as he said it. “Yes, that’s right. You erm…you have a lovely house, Mrs Taylor.”

She smiled back in response. “Please. Call me Winnie. Everybody does. Besides, I’ve heard so much about you that I feel as if I already know you.”

John noticed Roger’s gaze was trained down against the butterfly-printed table cloth. His cheeks were a little pink as he opened his mouth to speak. “What’s for dinner, Mum?”

“Honestly, you’ve been here two seconds and you’re already asking about food,” Winnie said with a roll of her eyes as she reached for five cups. “I thought we could have _Shepherd’s Pie_ as it’s so cold out, and as it’s your favourite. Obviously I’ve done you a separate one, as I remembered you’re vegetarian, Brian.”

“Thanks Winnie, that’s really kind of you.”

Roger smiled in response. “Thanks Mum.”

“Which reminds me. I hope you lads have finally learnt to start eating a bit better now.” Her eyes flickered back towards John. “My son maybe gifted at drumming, but a cook he is most certainly not. I tried to teach him a little bit before he left home for university of course, but he could barely manage to boil an egg without—”

“ _Mum_!” Roger sighed, hiding his face behind his hands.

“What? It’s nothing your friend won’t already know given that he lives under the same roof as you. I just don’t want people thinking I sent you off defenceless.”

“Yes, and like I’ve already told you several times on the phone. John usually cooks. So you don’t need to keep worrying about whether I’m going to starve to death.”

“Well thank god for your bandmate, that’s all I can say,” Winnie said lightly. John shuffled in his chair at her pointed look in his direction. “I tried to send him money when I could, you know? Just a few bob each week in an envelope, but then Roger got a job at the market with Freddie and insisted he could pay his own way.”

“That’s our Roger,” Freddie said with a smirk.

“Stubborn as a mule,” Brian agreed lightly.

“He’s always been like it. Practised those drums of his virtually night and day. Ended up with no end of calluses.” She said as she flitted around the kitchen. Then she turned back to look at them with pursed lips. “Let’s see if I remember this right. One sugar and a fair amount of milk for Freddie and no sugar and a dash of milk for Brian. And what about you, John? How do you like your tea?”

“Oh err, no sugar and just a little milk please.”

She smiled and went to take the kettle back off the stove as soon as it started to boil.

“You forgot to ask me! Your _son_. You know, the one you’ve just spent five minutes yakking about.”

Winnie sighed at Roger’s whine. “ _One_ , don’t be so rude. _Two_ , go on then. What is it this time?”

John smiled knowingly. Roger was constantly changing his mind about how he took his tea. Sometimes, John swore he did it just to be aggravating.

“I’ll have my usual dash of milk, and one and three seventh sugars please.”

“ _One and three seventh sugars_? Roger, don’t be so absurd. That isn’t a thing!”

“It is!” Roger said loudly in response.

“It is, apparently,” Freddie added with a snort. “He’s started asking for it over the last week or two, hasn’t he John?”

John hummed in response, watching Brian quickly open his mouth to say that he was only doing it to be annoying, given that Roger never actually asked for it when they went out.

“How can I ask for it when we go out? People will think I’m mad!” Roger argued back.

“No more than usual then,” Brian grinned.

“Right. Make a decision, Roger. One sugar or two, or none at all?” Winnie asked, one hand pressed against her hip.

Roger frowned in response. “Fine. Two sugars, please.”

“Better,” Winnie said as she carried on making their tea.

“Can I just say,” Freddie said conversationally as Winnie cut them all a slice of her bread pudding to have with their tea. “How lovely you’re looking, Winnie? Doesn’t she, Roger? She’s got a real glow about her.”

“Has she?” Roger gave him a look as he picked up his cake to take a bite. Winnie stuffed a fork into his hand instead.

Freddie subtly kicked him under the table, and Roger made a quiet noise of protest before his eyes widened in realisation. “ _Oh_. Yeah. You look practically…radiant, Mum.”

“Do I indeed?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. “Come on then Freddie, what are you boys after?”

“It’s nothing really,” Brian hastily added as he finished chewing his mouthful of cake. “But we were wondering if we could sleep here for the three nights? Obviously, we don’t mind kipping on the sofa or wherever, it would just save us a bit of money paying for a hotel or bed and breakfast.”

“Of course! Like you boys needed to ask,” Winnie hastily agreed. “It might be a bit of a tight squeeze mind, but Roger’s got his bedroom. Two of you could share in Clare’s old room. And one can have the sofa.”

“Sounds perfect. Thank you, Winnie.” Freddie smiled gratefully.

“And that way, I can make sure you all get a few decent meals down you too.”

Roger rolled his eyes around a mouthful of food. “Mum, how many times—”

“Yes, yes, I know. John cooks. But I’m your Mum. Which means it’s practically my job to still worry about you like I do,” she said softly as she set down her fork. She turned to look at John. “Did you learn to cook yourself then, John?”

John blinked uncertainly as he finished eating. “Oh err…in a way. Mum taught me the basics. But she worked a lot, so I figured out the rest by myself.”

“What sort of things did you learn to cook?”

“It was mostly just Shepherd’s Pie, Spaghetti Bolognaise, casseroles, stuff like that. Things that could be cooked in batches and frozen, ready for the week ahead.”

She smiled in response. “That sounds very organised. You should take note, Rog.”

“A minute ago, you were moaning that I couldn’t even boil an egg,” Roger insisted, immediately falling back into easy conversation with his Mum.

John’s gaze flickered between them with a smile.

o-o-o

After they finished eating, Freddie helped Brian wash and wipe-up and John and Roger grabbed their overnight bag from the back of the van.

“I erm…I just wanted to say something before we head back in. Because I know you already told your Mum when you went back home.” Roger said offhandedly as he locked the van back up again. “But I’ve not really spoken to Mum lately, and I just thought that this is the kind of thing that needs to be done face to face, rather than on the phone.”

John quickly shook his head. “You don’t need to explain, Rog.”

“I know, it’s just…I’m not saying I think she’d mind. I mean obviously she doesn’t know Freddie’s been with blokes either, but I don’t think she’ll care. We once went on holiday to Butlins and met a guy who was gay. Mum got on really well with him actually.” Roger said as he trailed besides John back towards the cottage. “But then Dad sort of overheard him talking about it, and got us moved to a different part of the camp site. Didn’t want to be seen with _someone like that_ apparently.”

John frowned in response. “Don’t rush yourself into this. Tell her when you’re ready.”

Roger nodded in response. “I am. I think. I want her to know about you. At least that way, she’ll know you as more than just _our bassist_.”

“Only do it if you’re sure though. There’s no going back once you’ve said it.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t think I should?”

John sighed in response, stopping just outside the front door and turning to look at Roger. “I’m not saying anything. It’s your decision at the end of the day. I just think you should only do it if you know in yourself it’s the right time. I was lucky. Mum was more concerned about me bottling all those feelings up more than anything else.”

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed in response. “And what? You’re saying that you think Mum will judge me for being like this?”

“No, of course not. Just sometimes, people find it easier than others to accept it. That doesn’t mean she’d ever love you any less.”

Roger huffed in response. “Right well. Thanks for the encouragement, John.”

“Roger, I didn’t mean—”

“What are you two doing loitering out here?” Freddie said with a teasing smile as he opened the door, with a cigarette in his hand.

“Nothing. Waiting for the poxy _92 bus_ , what does it look like?”

“What’s up with you now?” Freddie sighed as Roger pushed past him in the doorway.

John quickly slipped past him before Freddie could turn back and ask him instead…but then he hesitated in the hallway as Roger took his things upstairs to his room.

The photos caught his eye again.

The ones on the bookshelf were of a blonde girl in plaits, smiling at the camera in a grey, pinafore dress. Next to that was obviously of a photo of a younger Roger, his hair the neatest John had ever seen it. It was combed back, a cheeky grin on his face. He was wearing a blazer and tie.

There was four pictures hung from the walls.

One was of a chubby toddler, sat on top of a football in a garden.

Another was of Roger sat behind his drums, tapping away at the cymbals. His hair was longer, growing over his ears, a look of concentration on his face.

“That was two weeks after I brought him his first drum kit.”

John jumped, stepping back quickly as Winifred wondered out from the kitchen with a smile. “S-sorry, I was being nosy—”

“Nonsense, I love it when people look at those pictures. That’s why they’re there.”

John offered an uncertain smile back. “How…old was he there?”

“Only twelve,” she said, moving over to his side. “He played the banjo first, and then a bit of the guitar, and then not long after he formed his second or third band, he tried drumming. He seemed to get the hang of that a little quicker. He was always a bit…too impatient to take the time to get better at the other two.”

“Did you always encourage his music?”

“Yes. I did. Or at least, I tried. His father didn’t exactly approve of me doing so,” she said, her smile slipping a little. “Anyway, I’ll bring down the photo albums for you to look at in a bit if you like?”

John’s curiosity instantly got the better of him. “Yeah, that’ll be nice.”

Winnie made them more cake and tea and sat around in the living room, passing round a couple of photo albums. Roger groaned as he finally headed downstairs to see what they were up to.

“ _Mum_! Why have you got the photo albums out? You show them every time we come here!”

“You should see it as a compliment. I like showing off photos of you and Clare,” she said softly as he lingered in the doorway. John noticed he had his jacket one. “Besides, John hasn’t been here before and he wanted to see them.”

Roger turned to glare at John conspiringly. “Did he now?”

“Oh, I don’t know what you’re so worried about, Roger!” Freddie teased.

“Yeah exactly. You don’t look any worse than you do in those pictures in that hallway. Not with those haircuts of yours.” Brian added with a grin.

“Like you’re one to talk with your god awful fucking hair May.”

“Language!” Winnie quickly warned.

Brian grinned in response. “I keep telling you, Rog. I was born with this hair.”

“Knowing you, that’s probably true, May,” Freddie teased. Then he looked across at Roger expectantly. “You planning on going somewhere?”

“Yeah, I’m going outside to have a cigarette.”

“Yes do that. Maybe you’ll be in a better mood by the time you come back in,” Winnie said lightly as she passed John the first photo album to flick through. Then she sighed as he slammed the front door shut behind him.

There was lots of Roger and his sister through the years. A few of Winnie, and a few of the three of them together. There was even a handful of Roger, Freddie and Brian. But none of his father.

There was one that looked to be more recent. It was of Freddie, Brian, and Roger, and somebody else John didn’t recognise. His eyes lingered on Roger’s face, on the look he was giving the camera. It was one that frequently took John’s breath away and made him feel like there was about a hundred butterflies fluttering inside of him.

Freddie noticed John’s gaze and leaned over to smile. “That one was only taken last year. That one was our fifth bassist. He only lasted two weeks.”

John smiled vaguely as he looked back up and noticed Brian had disappeared into the hallway and grabbed his coat. Seconds later, he stepped outside and closed the door quietly behind him.

Brian shoved his hands in his coat pocket and headed over to where Roger was sat at the outdoor table. “Alright?”

Roger looked up at him as he took a long inhale of his cigarette. “Yeah, I’m alright. You thinking of starting smoking?”

“As if,” Brian snorted, sitting down on the edge of the seat opposite Roger. “Just thought you might have wanted company.”

“Considerate as always, May,” Roger teased as he flicked the ash to the edge of the garden. “So you’ve not just come out here to give me one of your heart-warming speeches then?”

“Heart-warming? I’m touched, Rog.”

Roger’s eyes narrowed, and Brian sighed in response.

“Fine. I was just wondering why you hadn’t told your Mum about John yet.”

Roger instantly tensed. “It’s none of your business, Brian.”

“I’m only asking so that I know whether you intend on keeping it a secret. That way, I won’t end up slipping up and saying something.”

“Just think before you speak. It’s not exactly hard, Brian.”

“So you’re really not going to tell her—”

“I don’t bloody know, do I? For your information, I haven’t decided yet,” Roger sighed. “I don’t even know what to say. It’s not like I can just go marching back in there and announce that I’m gay.”

Roger paused, his cigarette hovering in his hand as he realised it was the first time he’d said it out-loud. At least in front of Brian, it was.

“You could do that. Or you could try being less dramatic for a change. Sit her down, and have a normal conversation with her.” Brian said softly.

“Oh really? And how would that go? Get her talking about what’s been going on in Coronation Street and just casually drop in the fact that, _oh by way Mum, I’m gay. Oh, and you know John, the bassist? Yeah well, we’ve also been seeing each other so there’s that_.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it all planned.”

Roger sighed, turning away to flick his cigarette away again. “It’s not that simple, Brian. John doesn’t think it’s a good idea either.”

Brian frowned in response. “Did he say that?”

“Not in so many words,” Roger said carefully, his gaze on the floor. “He just said that he thinks I should wait until I definitely feel ready to tell her. And to be careful. Not everyone’s Mum is as accepting as his.”

“I don’t think your Mum will mind though, will she? You’ve said yourself before she’s never cared about anyone…whose like that.”

Roger looked up at him from underneath his eyelashes. “Do you care?”

“Like you even need to ask. You’re still _you_. Like I said that night. It doesn’t matter to me what you are.”

Roger nodded, releasing the breath he’d spent the last thirty seconds holding.

“I mean, I might have felt differently about that if you were admitting to being a mass murderer or that you liked jazz or something.”

Roger grinned in response. “I’d definitely rather be the former.”

“Seriously though,” Brian said, his smile slipping. “Have you always known? Have you at least had Freddie and John to help you accept it?”

Roger finally got it. Brian was more concerned that Roger had been bottling it up. He felt a pang of guilt for thinking the worst, when Brian had always proven himself to be such a good friend.

“I guess I’ve looked at men once or twice through the years.”

“But you never acted on it?”

“No. Or at least, I never let myself. I’d go and chase a bird instead, try and put it to the back of my mind, you know?”

“But then you met John?”

“Yeah. It was different. He moved in with us so soon after we met him, and then when I started to feel something for him, it was like…there was no escape. So I had to face up to it.”

Brian nodded, his expression even. “I guess that makes sense.”

“Maybe I just need to stop giving a fuck about what any of it means or what people might say. I mean, we’re _Queen_. The whole point was that we didn’t care what people thought of us, right?”

“Right,” Brian agreed quickly. “Exactly. Just…be yourself and the rest of it will fall into place.”

Roger scoffed in response as he stomped his cigarette out with his foot. “You make it sound so simple.”

“It is. Or at least it could be. You’re Roger Taylor. When have you given a shit about what anyone else has thought about you before?”

Roger gave a small smile in response a he moved to stand. “You coming back inside—”

“I think you should tell your Mum.”

Roger turned back to look at him with wide eyes.

“John’s only just met her. He doesn’t know her like the three of us do. She loves you, Roger. I think she’ll be more concerned with the fact that you might not have felt like you could talk to her about this.”

Roger eyed him warily. “It’s easy for you to say that. You’re not the one who’s gay.”

“Maybe. But I genuinely believe that what your Mum would want more than anything is for you to be happy.”

Roger still didn’t look that convinced. Brian sighed, standing and pressing his hand to Roger’s shoulder. “Just…don’t overthink it so much. Not everyone is like those tossers from the other week.”

Roger gave a small nod in response.

“Come on. Let’s get back inside. It’s fucking freezing.”

Roger followed him back in wordlessly.

o-o-o

John offered to sleep on the sofa.

There was no way that Brian would have been able to fit on the sofa, and Freddie had a thing about people seeing him with his curlers in.

Freddie beat him to the bathroom, so John loitered downstairs until he finally heard the pull of the chain and the sound of the door opening. Freddie offered him a smile as he tip-toed back to his room.

“Night Deacy.”

“Night Fred,” John whispered back as he padded quietly down to the bathroom. He took a little longer brushing his teeth, too busy thinking about the gigs they had over the course of the next couple of days.

By the time he came out, he could already hear the wailing.

John didn’t give himself to think or hesitate. He followed the sound straight towards the first door next to the bathroom, and stepped inside.

The moonlight flooded in from his window, paving Roger’s body in an ethereal glow as he withered against the bed. The duvet was pooled around his waist, his hands fisted against the sheets.

John stepped nearer, calling Roger’s name softly so as to not distress him any further.

His eyebrows were furrowed, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth, and his fringe stuck to his skin as he sobbed loudly.

“Roger!” John whispered more urgently, using a hand to gently shake him. Only this time John’s voice only seemed to make him sob harder. “ _Shh_. You’re okay. You’re safe. Nobody can hurt you, Rog.”

“ _J..ohn_.”

John hummed in response, brushing Roger’s sweaty hair back softly. “That’s it, that’s right baby. I’m here.”

“ _D-don’t g-go_.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Rog.”

“ _D-don’t l-l-leave me_.”

John sighed as Roger nestled closer. John’s hands automatically tangled in Roger’s hair. “I’ll stay here with you.”

“ _J-John_ ,” Roger moaned again, his voice slightly muffled by John’s pyjama bottoms.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s just a bad dream.” John cooed as he softly stroked Roger’s hair.

Every so often, he’d start crying and stammering again. John could feel his tears through the cotton as he hushed him over and over again, his hands dancing against his scalp to try and sooth him.

“ _I…I…I s-sorry. P-p-please don-don’t hate m-me. I…I l-l-love you. I..I d-do a-any-th-thing—_ ”

“Shh, I don’t want you to do anything, Rog. You don’t need to do anything. It’s just a nightmare. It’s not real. Just focus on my voice, okay?”

John’s insides twisted as Roger cried out over and over again, calling his name every so often. John let his lips move over his forehead when he wasn’t fidgeting, whispering words of love against his skin.

Eventually Roger grew quieter and his breathing evened out.

By which point, John knew he should go. But he couldn’t.

Roger was practically half on top of John, his hands scrunched against the front of his pyjama top, his head on his chest. It wasn’t the most comfiest position for John, but he was too scared to move and risk disturbing Roger again. So he left his hand in his hair, his chin against the top of Roger’s head, and let his eyelids drift closed.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked that chapter! Poor Roger. :(
> 
> For some reason, people seem to think that this story is finished? It isn't quite. I've got another two of three chapters to go and then that will be it. So for those still invested in the story, keep going with it, and I hope you're still enjoying it as much as I am writing it.  
> Having said that, I can't wait for you to all read 'Let Your Heart Rule Your Head' which will be the next fanfiction to be uploaded, and is a modern take on Dealor.
> 
> Stay safe everyone!


	22. Stand Up For Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger finally takes the plunge and tells his Mum the truth.

John blinked heavily as he took a moment to work out where he was. There was no longer a weight pressed against his chest. He raised his head to squint in the morning sun as he looked around the room.

Roger’s bedroom was considerably tidier than he’d expect it to be.

He had pictures of various singers, such as Elvis, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, and Led Zeppelin.

His overnight bag was to the side of the room, in front of his wardrobe.

There was a bookshelf in the corner which was crammed with far more vinyl than books, and on top was a vinyl player, ready and waiting.

He was just considering sneaking back out when the bedroom door opened. John quickly prepared to throw the duvet over his head…and then sighed in relief when he saw it was just Roger.

Roger gave an adorably sleepy smile as he shut the bedroom door behind him. “Morning gorgeous. Fancy seeing you here.”

John blinked in response, watching him wonder round to the other side of the bed. He noticed Roger was only wearing a pair of loose-fitted pyjama bottoms. He suddenly couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away as Roger slipped back into bed.

“Where…where was you?” John managed to say as Roger drew himself closer to him. Then gasped quietly at how cold his chest was.

“Just the toilet. Needed a piss.”

John snorted in response. “Charming.”

“You did ask, Deacy,” Roger snorted, tucking himself against John’s side and giving a long yawn. His breath was warm against John’s chest.

“Anyone else up?” John asked, automatically playing with his hair. Roger mewled in response.

“Hmm…just me, I think.”

“Do you think I should go? Before anyone realises I’m not downstairs?”

“ _Noooo_ ,” Roger whined, holding onto John tighter, his voice sleepy. “Stay for a bit. Sleep with me.”

“I thought I already did that.”

“You know what I mean. It’s still early.”

John couldn’t find the energy to protest any further.

Both of them drifted in and out of sleep, until eventually, the sound of Freddie and Brian’s muffled voices from next door woke them up again.

John went back to playing with his hair, his eyes on the ceiling. Roger traced uneven circles around John’s hipbone, his breath raising goose bumps against John’s skin.

“Rog?”

Roger hummed in response.

“Can you remember what that dream was about last night? You were just so upset. And you…mentioned my name. A couple of times.”

Roger immediately seemed to tense in his arms. “ _Oh_ …it was silly, really. Sorry if I got you worried.”

“Tell me about it then. It sounded different from your other nightmares.”

“Well yeah, I guess it was. Because it was about you.”

“So…what happened?”

Roger sighed in response, his voice quiet. “I just…dreamt that you ended up leaving me. I did something stupid…like I always do. Only this time, it was enough to drive you away for good. And no matter how much I begged you to come back, you wouldn’t.”

John swallowed thickly in response. His chest felt tight, as he tried to take that in.

“I told you it was silly.”

“God, that’s…that’s awful. You know I’d never do that, right?” John said thickly, going back to running his hand through his hair. He caught a knot, and carefully tried not to pull on it further. “We’re a team. Me and you. Whatever happens from now on, we face it together.”

Roger suddenly pulled away to sit up, looking down at John with furrowed eyebrows. “Do you really mean that?”

John’s expression softened as he reached out to tuck his hair back from his face. Roger shivered as his fingers brushed over his skin. “Of course I do. I love you, Rog.”

Roger sighed, tugging his hand towards his lips to kiss the back of it. John’s heart raced at the way Roger was looking at him as he said those three words back to him.

John leaned forwards without another thought, cradling his face in his hands, his lips crashing against Roger’s eagerly. Want churned up inside of John at the feel of Roger’s tongue, hot and urgent against his.

Roger made a noise in the back of his throat as John’s hands wondered past his waist to tug his pyjama bottoms down his hips. Roger wiggled out of them and broke away to throw them over his shoulder, before eagerly climbing into John’s lap.

It was John’s most favourite thing in the world. Being so intimately connected with Roger.

Their hands were linked against the rumpled sheets, Roger’s teeth at his shoulder to stop himself being too loud, as John rocked into him.

It was sweet, slow, and intense.

Being together like this was the sweetest taste of pleasure. It was exhilarating and addictive.

John was sure he’d never get enough. He didn’t ever want to be apart from Roger again.

Roger moaned into the shell of his ear, arching more desperately against him. John shuddered in response, his hand speeding up around Roger. He bit his lip so hard that he almost drew blood as he thrust into Roger a few more times and eventually stilled inside of him. Roger soon followed, his hand in John’s hair, and his lips against his skin.

They caught their breath, both reluctant to pull themselves apart.

Eventually, Roger could no longer hold his weight off of John without fear of crushing him, so he collapsed against the other side of the bed. John sat up enough to fling the condom in the bin, and then just as quickly settled back against the bed with a smile.

“I feel like we get better at that every time,” John said lightly, still slightly breathless.

Roger huffed in response. “Is that you’re way of saying it’s been shit before?”

“Don’t be stupid,” John said instantly, rolling onto his side to face Roger. “Maybe it’s different for me, because I’ve not had feelings for anyone else that I’ve slept with, but I just love it. Being that close to you. And each time we are together like that, I’ll think to myself _it can’t possibly get any better than this_ , and then…it just does. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough. I’m already thinking of how much I want to do it again.”

Roger’s eyes darkened in response. “Oh yeah? Well, there’s no time like the present, Deacy—”

John giggled as Roger leaned forwards to kiss his neck, his hand trailing past his stomach dangerously. John quickly pushed it away lightly.

“Don’t! I reckon I’ve already overstayed my welcome as it is. If you’re Mum finds out I’ve been with you all night, I have a feeling it’ll be more than my life’s worth.”

“Nah. It’s just me she likes to threaten to murder and maim. She’s a pussycat with everyone else,” Roger said as he pulled back with a smile. “Besides, I could just make up some story about how I lured you into my room like a siren at sea and you couldn’t resist.”

A swell of jealousy rose at Roger’s words. “Oh yeah? Done that a lot, have you?”

“Hardly. Not at home anyway. I was always too worried about the consequences of getting caught.” Roger said as he fiddled with the ends of John’s hair. It made John feel all tingly as he continued to watch him.

“I get what you mean though, about it being so good. God, the energy I have to use just to focus on something else. Like reciting our lyrics, or going through the process of setting up the drums before a show in my head. Anything to starve off coming straight away. Especially with your marvellous cock, Deacy.”

John flushed in response.

He usually thought about the football results, or how he really needed to make time to rewire Roger’s lamp to stop it flickering so damn incessantly. And if that didn’t work, then he’d think back to the time he really did come too early, and how embarrassed he felt, and that usually did the trick.

“Good to know you find my cock so marvellous.”

“Hmm, not to mention gorgeous. Just like the rest of you. I love having my mouth around that thing.”

John opened his mouth to make some smart comment at Roger’s filthy remarks, ignoring the fact that his cock twitched again in interest. But then Roger’s lips landed back on his skin, and all his thoughts went out the window.

“Now you were…saying…something…about how…much you…want me again?” Roger said between kisses, his hand tracing the line of hair leading past John’s chest.

“W…was I?” John swallowed thickly, blinking heavily as Roger pulled back to smile at him. It was long enough for John to be able to think a little more rationally. His voice was still a little gruff as he added; “If I stay here any longer, I really will be caught.”

“Ohh, do you have to sneak out, John?” Roger whined.

One of his legs slipped in between John’s, as if frightened that John would immediately flee from his room.

“I could just tell her the truth. That I still get bad dreams and you sleeping besides me comforts me. We don’t have to tell her that we’re together if you still think it’s too soon.”

“I didn’t say it was too soon,” John sighed. “It’s just that it’s a big thing, isn’t it? Coming out to your family. Mum was okay, but then she at least had her suspicions. I’d never even had a girlfriend before I started university.”

“I just think now is the right time. Even Bri said he thinks I should tell her.”

John’s eyebrows furrowed in response. “When did you talk to Brian about it?”

“Last night,” Roger shrugged. “When we was outside. We had a chat about…me being gay and whatnot. I think it was his way of telling me that it didn’t matter. Not to him. He still sees me in the same way. And by that logic, you too.”

John nodded. “Okay. That’s good.”

“Yeah. Anyway, he said that what she’d probably want more than anything is for me to be happy. And…I think he’s right.”

“So tell her,” John said softly. “It sounds to me like you’re more ready than even I was.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And that’s even after I’d had the whole three weeks to think about what I wanted to say,” John hummed. “I should have been more encouraging last night, I’m sorry. You’re Mum obviously really loves you. So, if you’re sure you’re ready, then I think you should tell her.”

o-o-o

In the end, Roger didn’t have to broach the conversation very hard.

Brian and John left the house to finish taking the band’s equipment to the hall they were performing in. Freddie was still in the shower. Roger and Winifred were catching up in the kitchen.

Roger knew it was the right time. He picked up his bottle of beer and thought about what he wanted to say.

_Mum, I have something to tell you. I’m gay and John and I are a couple._

If he said it like that, there’d be no need for explanations. It would be over and done with in one sentence and his Mum would be free to draw her own conclusions from there.

He opened his mouth, but Winifred got there first.

“John seems nice.”

Roger blinked back in surprise. “Yeah, he is.”

She nodded. “I heard him sneak into your bedroom. Does he do that a lot?”

“Erm…well…not the sneaking around. But we have started sharing a bed more often. I still get those bad dreams occasionally. John seems to be the only thing that manages to calm me down. Not that I can remember about what sort of state I’m in once I’ve woken up properly. But having him around helps me feel a little more…comforted, I guess. I should have said. But I thought I’d be alright given we’re only staying for a few nights.”

“I didn’t realise your nightmares were still that bad,” Winnie said, her expression rigid. “At least, you have John now.”

Roger murmured, watching her pick up her glass of wine to take a sip. He took a deep breath and forced himself to speak. “About that. There’s something you should know. About me and John.”

“I think I can probably guess where this is going.”

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You can?”

She smiled in response. “I know I’m getting older, but I like to think that I’m not quite senile yet.”

That only seemed to confuse Roger even more. “I don’t understand what you mean, Mum.”

“Come on, Rog. You’ve just admitted that the two of you share a bed. I also heard you last night, and so I got up to go and check on you. That was when I heard John’s voice, and it didn’t take long to realise that the two of you have more than a strictly platonic friendship.”

Roger stared down at his pink sparkly converses. “So you’ll know it’s serious then. Between me and him.”

“I did get that impression,” Winifred said softly. “He obviously cares about you. It seems like he’s good for you too.”

Roger nodded quickly. “Yeah, he is.”

“Then that’s good.”

“Yeah,” Roger said carefully. “So now you know.”

Winifred nodded, continuing to watch him closely. “And John makes you happy, yes?”

“Yes,” Roger sighed immediately. “So if you’re hoping that this is going to turn out to be some sort of phase and I might eventually go back to liking girls, then—”

“Talk about putting words in my mouth!” Winifred interrupted quickly. “There’s no need to get so hot-headed! I was only asking a question.”

Roger frowned guiltily in response. “Fine. Go ahead.”

“What I was _going_ to say is that I needed to hear you say it. That you were happy and safe. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and Clare. I’d never demoralise your relationship by suggesting it was just a phase. I thought you knew me better than that, Roger.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I guess I’m still a little…temperamental about it. I almost assume people will think it’s not genuine or be against it. That’s the real reason those boys started on us. They saw me and John together and started calling us all those stupid insults. Me being me stood up to them.”

“And got punched in the face for your troubles.”

“Yeah well. It’s like I told John. I couldn’t walk past when they were talking about us like that. I’d have done the same for anyone.”

She sighed in response. “Trust me, I know. Your trouble is that you’re too stubborn. If you see an injustice in the world, you feel like you have to right it.”

“Nothing wrong with that.”

Her expression softened in response. “No, there’s not. I love that you’re so passionate about things. But you also need to remember to tread carefully, Roger. Boys like that are no good. They could have had a knife on them for all you know. Then what would have happened? I dread to think!”

Roger huffed in response. “You sound like John.”

“Good! I’m glad one of you is sensible. Maybe you’ll start to listen to him in future.” She said with a shake of her head. Then she leaned over the table, pressing her hand over the top of his. “I mean it though. Please be careful, Roger. Your friends aren’t always going to be around to help you.”

Roger forced a small nod as she pulled away.

“Having said that, I’m glad that you’ve got them. You’ll need genuine friends like that when your band starts to gain more followers.”

Roger smiled in response. Winifred always spoke like it was inevitable that _Queen_ would become a hit. She’d always had faith that he’d make it big. And that meant the world to Roger.

“Thanks Mum.”

She smiled back in response, squeezing his hand softly before she slowly pulled away.

o-o-o

John’s gaze darted around the room as he headed out of the toilet. He’d only been gone for less than five minutes, and the others had still been queuing at the bar. Now there was no sign of them.

He shuffled his way through the crowds, mumbling quiet _excuse me’s_ and apologies when he bumped into anyone.

Brian’s head appeared through the front doorway, and he gave a relieved smile when he saw John stood about ten feet away. “Ahh there you are, John. Come on, we’re all sat outside.”

John followed Brian to find Roger and Freddie sat with a couple of guys. Roger looked up at him with a smile.

“Ahh, there he is. Were your ears burning by any chance?” Freddie teased.

John offered a shy smile back as he headed over to their table.

“John,” Roger said, nodding over to the two guys sat to the right of him. “This is Adam and Jamie. I went to school with them, and we were in a band together.”

Adam had short, dark hair and wore black-rimmed glasses. He was wearing a leather jacket and jeans, a cigarette hanging between his fingers. Jamie had longer, dark blonde curls, and was wearing a denim jacket and velvet trousers.

“Adam, Jamie, this is John, our erm…bassist.”

“Nice to meet you John,” Jamie said with a smile.

“Yeah likewise,” John said politely as he sat down on the other side of Roger. Roger immediately wrapped an arm around the back of his chair.

“Great show tonight, by the way. We were just talking about the time Roger was so nervous for his first gig that he ended up throwing up half the night. Now look at him! Practically a rock and roll superstar.” Adam said with a smile.

“Well, he certainly thinks he is,” Freddie teased as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“Fuck off, Fred!” Roger said with no real bite. “You two tell everyone that bloody story! You really meant it when you said you weren’t going to let me live it down, didn’t you?”

“Obviously,” Jamie teased as he reached out to take a sip of his beer. “If it helps, I tell everyone about the time Adam froze up on stage and forget the chords to our song.”

Roger groaned in response. “God that was a fucking nightmare! I was ready to kill him!”

“I know, I remember!” Adam laughed.

“What instrument do you play then, Jamie?” Brian asked politely.

“Does my mouth count?”

“Well, it’s big enough,” Roger joked. “He used to be lead singer. He was pretty good too.”

“Not as good as me darling, I hope.” Freddie cut-in lightly.

Roger smiled in response. “That goes without saying, Fred.”

They sat with them for a while, catching up with everything. It was nice, seeing Roger with his childhood friends. Every so often, Roger’s fingers would trace John’s back subtly through his jacket, letting him know he was still there, and John would shiver in response, subtly drawing himself closer.

Eventually they headed back to Winifred’s in the van, the hiss of the radio breaking up the silence. Alice Cooper had just started to play when Roger leaned towards John’s ear.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“Sorry if that bothered you earlier. Me not introducing you as my boyfriend. I just thought it’d be a bit strange. I’ve not seen them in almost four years, and I’m not sure I’m quite ready for everyone to know just yet.”

“It’s fine. I don’t think absolutely everybody has to know anyway,” John said softly. “But I understand. I would never expect you to tell people until you’re ready. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“I know, it’s just…I’m only really bothered about my family knowing.”

“Yeah, same here,” John said with a smile.

“Cool,” Roger said, feeling relieved to hear him say that. “Anyway, Mum said you can sleep with me again if you want?”

John nodded, his gaze moving across Roger’s face. “You talked to her then?”

“Yep, I did,” Roger said proudly, looking down at where his hand was resting against John’s leg, hidden by the dim glare of the streetlights flickering in from outside. “She said she’s cool with it. Reckon she quite likes you actually. She heard you talking to me last night whilst I was having a bad dream. Said she reckoned you were quite good for me.”

John smiled in response. “Did she really? Sounds to me like your Mum speaks a lot of sense.”

“Yeah, I reckon she does,” Roger agreed softly, leaning back in to press his chin against the crook of his shoulder. “Anyway, I told her how I still sometimes get bad dreams. And just as I was about to leave the house, she said that you were welcome to stay in my room for the rest of the time we were here.”

“That’s very…understanding of her.”

“I should have just told her the truth last, then you wouldn’t have needed to sneak in to my room. I should have known she wouldn’t care. Mum’s never been like that.”

“Well at least you have now. That must be a weight off? Her knowing.”

“Yeah, yeah, it is,” Roger smiled. “I told her the real reason I got into that fight too. She agreed with you. About how I should have walked away.”

“Well, I hate to say I told you so, but—”

“Yeah, yeah, but you will. I know,” Roger grinned, cutting off John’s laughter by tilting his head forwards and pressing his lips to his.

o-o-o

“Sure you’ve got everything? Toothbrush, all the clothes you want to take back with you, razor, shaving gel—”

“Yes, yes, yes, Mum. I promise I have everything. For the last time,” Roger groaned in response as they finished loading the van.

“I’m just making sure. You and Clare were forever leaving things behind when we went on holiday.”

“That was when I was like ten years old, Mum! I’m a grown adult now!”

“I’m just making sure,” Winifred said with a smile, patting his cheeks softly with her hand. “Not that it really matters if you do. You’ll be back down again next week for Christmas.”

“Exactly.”

Roger leaned against the side of the van and watched his Mum step forwards to hug Freddie and Brian goodbye. He smiled as she did the same to John. Then she squeezed his shoulders softly. “Look after him.”

If Freddie or Brian had said something so soft, Roger would have expected John to reply with some sort of sarcastic comment. But his expression was serious as he pulled away to nod. “Of course.”

Then she turned back to look at Roger. “That goes to you too.”

She stepped over to Roger’s side and pulled him into a hug. She leaned close enough to whisper into his ear. “Let yourself be happy. Don’t do anything stupid out of fear of letting him get too close, alright?”

Roger nodded against her shoulder, watching her pull away with a smile. “Now, I’ve given Freddie some Victoria sponge to hold onto in the front. And I tucked away some more Bourbon’s in the front of your case.”

“We live in London, Mum. Not Antarctica. There are still shops where I can get a few biscuits, you know?”

“Yeah, I know, I know, but I just thought you could have a pack to be getting on with that’s all.”

“Thanks Mum.”

She pursed her lips for a moment, blinking at Roger uncertainly. Then she stepped forwards again to throw her arms around him. Roger groaned against her shoulder.

“Mum, I’m only back next week!”

“I know, it’s just, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. It feels like you’ve only just got here and you’re leaving already,” she sniffed against his shirt.

“I know. But I’m back for the week. So we can have a proper catch-up then, okay? And Clare will be here too. It’ll just be like the Christmases before we left home. Me, you and her, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect,” she said, forcing a small smile and discreetly wiping her eyes as she pulled away. She watched Freddie and Brian get into the front of the van, and John climb into the back. “You know Clare’s bringing her new boyfriend, don’t you?”

Roger rolled his eyes in response. “How could I forget? Don’t worry, I’ll be on my best behaviour. No swearing, I promise.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say,” she smiled. “I know John will probably have already made plans with his family, but if…if he hasn’t, then…he’s more than welcome to come down to visit again.”

“Oh,” Roger said, blinking in surprise. “Thanks Mum, that’s erm…that’s really cool of you. But he’s already said about heading home to go and see his Mum and sister. You remember I was saying his Mum’s not been very well lately.”

“Oh yeah, of course. I completely forgot. Well, the thought was there. Maybe see you both again soon though? The two of you are always welcome together.”

Roger smiled, relieved to hear his Mum say that. “Yeah, I’d erm…I’d like that a lot.”

“Good. Me too.” She leaned forwards to kiss him on his cheek, her eyes glassy again. She tucked his hair behind his ear softly before she pulled away again. “I’m so proud of you, Roger. For always being as strong as you are. And for accepting who you are too. I love you.”

Roger bit the edge of his lip and swallowed back the swell in his throat. “Yeah erm…love you too, Mum. See you next week.”

“Bye sweetheart.”

She stood outside of her drive, waving until the van was completely out of sight. Roger drummed his hands against his lap, feeling John’s gaze as he reached for Roger’s hand.

“You weren’t joking. Your Mum really is incredible.”

“Right?” Roger agreed, clearing his throat awkwardly, and blinking away any last tears. “Everything she’s gone through, and she’s still more concerned about her children’s happiness.”

“That’s part of being a Mum, I guess. I thought it was lovely of her to invite me for Christmas. We should definitely make the effort and come back to see her more.”

Roger turned to look at him in response. “You mean that?”

“Yeah, of course. She obviously misses you just as much as you do with her, Rog. And I’d like to get to know her a bit more. Now that she knows about us.”

Roger shook his head slowly, his gaze flickering over John’s expression. “You’re honestly the best boyfriend in the world, you know that?”

“Well, I try,” John grinned.

Roger leaned forwards and kissed him softly, wanting to show how much all of him saying that meant.

“I just…I really hope someday she gets to meet someone like you. Someone who’ll look after her, someone who’ll treat her right, and make her happy. She deserves that more than anyone.”

He turned his head, resting it against John’s shoulder. John leaned down to kiss Roger’s forehead. “I’m sure she will, Rog. I’m sure she will.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god! One more chapter to go!!! WAHHHHHHH! :(  
> I'm so sad!! I have honestly loved writing this story so much, and I can only thank you all for those that have continued to follow it right up until the end,
> 
> Once I've uploaded the last chapter, I shall upload the next fanfiction I've been writing. I'll tell you more about it in the notes on the next chapter for anyone interested in hearing more about it, but it's a modern Dealor. :)
> 
> Take care everyone!


	23. Love Me Like There's No Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Roger get a letter through the post from the studio...

_Six Months Later_ …

John’s heart felt like it was suddenly in his mouth as he stared at the envelope in his hands. Soft sizzling drifted through the flat as John shuffled towards the kitchen. The smell of bacon made his stomach growl, despite the knot of worry tightening inside of him.

“I could have gotten that. Given that I promised you breakfast in bed.” Roger said softly from the stove.

John said nothing as he watched him turn over four rashers of bacon. Instead, he dropped the envelope onto the kitchen table. Roger turned back, his gaze lowering from John’s face.

“Anything interesting?”

“There’s a letter from the studio.”

“ _Fuck_. Really?”

John murmured in response. Roger moved to rest the frying pan to the back hob and turn the stove completely off.

“Should we open it now? Get it over with.”

John considered that with pursed lips. Then he gave a small nod and lifted the letter back up again with shaky hands. Roger watched him from his side as he bit a fingernail. John flipped it over and tore at the opening. Then he pulled out the letter and began to read it in his head.

Only certain sentences seemed to linger in his brain.

_We have been unsuccessful in finding a record company willing to release the band’s album…_

_With all of that in mind, Trident Studios have decided to release it ourselves…_

_It gives us great pleasure to announce that the album with officially be released on the 13 th July this year, in a licensing contract with EMI…_

“I can’t believe it,” John whispered in shock.

“What?” Roger shouted a little too loudly. He frowned in response. “Oh god, it’s bad news isn’t it? They’re not going to release the album! But that’s not fair! We all worked so bloody hard on that. They can’t just—”

“—Rog—”

“—give up on us now. What are we going to do? Have we even got any legal merit on—”

“—Roger—”

“—this? Given that they’ve messed us about for the last six months. It’s not right, Deacy! I won’t stand for it, and—”

“—God, shut up for a minute, will you?”

Roger was so shocked that he actually stopped talking, his mouth quickly clamping shut again.

“They’re going to release the album. They’ve managed to secure a deal with EMI.”

Roger’s eyes immediately widened in response. “Really? You’re sure?”

“Pretty sure, given that it’s here in black and white,” John said with a small smile. “Here, take a look yourself.”

Roger took the letter, and began to skim it. Then he looked back over it again…and again. Until he finally set it back down with a smile.

“Oh my god. It’s actually happening. We’re finally releasing an album.”

John watched him fondly in response. “I know. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“It’s bloody amazing, is what it is! We’re going to become rock stars!” Roger said, his smile widening into a grin. “See, I told you all those months ago that we’d make it big.”

“Woah, woah, hang on. It’s just an album, Roger,” John said carefully, not wanting to sound as if he was pissing on Roger’s chips, even though he guessed that technically he kind of… _was_.

“ _Just_ an album?” Roger repeated incredulously.

John sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want to get too carried away until it really happens. Something could still go wrong—I’m sure that it won’t, but I’d rather think rationally for now. Just to be on the safe side.”

Roger huffed sourly in response, pulling away to cross his arms over his chest. “Try not to sound too fucking impressed, will you Deacs? It’s only what we’ve been waiting for, for the last five years—”

“I’m not trying to be a downer—”

“—Yet, that’s exactly what you’re being.”

“Look, the studio know what they’re doing, and the letter sounds promising, so I’m sure everything will go smoothly. But you know me. I just worry, that’s all.”

“I know. I get that, Deacy,” Roger said quietly. “Can understand myself given that this is everything we’ve wanted to happen. But could you take a timeout for just five minutes and actually let yourself get excited with me about this? It’s a big deal. Not everyone manages to get a bloody record deal, do they?”

“I know. You’re right,” he said carefully. Then he gave Roger a small smile. “It is pretty exciting though, isn’t it? To think we’ll actually have our album out. I’m surprise Freddie’s not rang you yet.”

Roger immediately smiled back in response. “I know, I was thinking the same thing—”

As if on cue, the phone started ringing.

“Okay, how did he do that?”

Roger’s smile widened at John’s words. “The git must have heard us talking about him.”

John snorted in response. “Knowing Freddie, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Roger gave a small laugh as he stepped round him to head into the hallway. “I’d better answer it.”

John positioned himself in the doorway and watched Roger practically skip towards the phone.

“Hello, is that you Freddie? Yeah we know—yeah—I can’t believe it either, it’s fucking amazing isn’t it? Definitely—yeah, I was thinking we should celebrate too!”

John rolled his eyes as he watched Roger practically bouncing on the spot. _Any excuse_ , John thought fondly.

“Yes, maybe to that new bar in town—me and John have been talking about going there for ages—exactly, we’ve got the perfect excuse now—Perfect! I’ll go and get my best glad rags on—yeah alright, see you then, Fred. Bye!”

John smiled as he watched Roger put the phone down. “What’s the plan then?”

“We’re going to meet Brian and Freddie at that new bar in town at about seven. That way, we’ll have a good few hours to try out the drinks on the cocktail menu.”

“Okay cool, sounds good.”

Roger smiled back before he headed back over to John’s side to wrap his arms around John’s neck and kiss him, long and slow. John was a little dazed by the time that Roger pulled back to stare at him with wide, blue eyes.

“What was that for?”

“Do I need a reason?”

John beamed back at him, his arms wounding around Roger’s waist easily. “No, you definitely don’t.”

“Right answer.”

He pulled away and took John’s hand to gently tug him through the hallway.

“Where are we going?”

“To start as we mean to go on. We’ve got the whole day to ourselves before we meet them later. I thought maybe we begin celebrating in our own way first. Preferably with a little less clothes.”

“I won’t argue with that.”

“Right answer again, Deacy. That’s two for two. Reckon you’re due for an award for that.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” John teased back, his voice growing rougher as Roger pushed him through the doorway of their bedroom.

They took it slow, neither of them in any rush to be anywhere. They snuggled together in between, whispering words of love against each other’s lips as they caught their breath.

John smiled against the top of Roger’s head. He couldn’t remember a time he’d been happier.

Roger dozed against John’s neck every now and again. He hadn’t had a nightmare in over five months.

Whatever happened now, they had each other. It was more than enough.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that was such a short chapter to finish on, but I hope it was worth it! I always planned on having Roger and John finally happy together at the end of this. With John happy and secure with Roger, and with Roger trusting and safe with John at last, so I hope that was all worth that! I shall be really sad to leave this story behind as I've honestly loved writing this story so much. I started this way before isolation and it has been one of the main things keeping me going. But I feel like it was definitely time.
> 
> If you liked that and would like to read more of my work, I shall upload the first chapter of 'Let Your Heart Rule Your Head' first thing tomorrow morning hopefully, due to Archive Of Our Own not letting me create new works presently due to the maintenance thing being done on here. :( It's a modern spin on Dealor, and deals with a lot of hard-hitting stuff like homophobia and bullying, but I promise it'll be worth a read, if not to enjoy a sassy John and an adorable, Roger.
> 
> Anyway take care guys and thank you all so much for your wonderful support with this story. I honestly couldn't have done it without you. :)
> 
> EDIT: I might be convinced to write one more chapter for anyone who really would like to see anything else added in this story. If anyone can think of something they feel like I've missed out on, or there's something they'd have liked to seen, let me know, and I'll consider writing one more chapter around it.


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